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  • Title: Two Noble Kinsmen (Quarto, 1634)

    • Copyright Internet Shakespeare Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-proift purposes; for all other uses contact the Coordinating Editor.
    Author: William Shakespeare
    Not Peer Reviewed

    Two Noble Kinsmen (Quarto, 1634)

    Scaena 6. Enter a Schoole master 4. Countrymen: and
    Baum. 2. or 3 wenches, with a Taborer.
    Sch Fy, fy, what tediosity, & disensanity is here among ye?
    have my Rudiments bin labourd so long with ye? milkd unto
    1600ye, and by a figure even the very plumbroth & marrow of
    my understanding laid upon ye? and do you still cry where,
    and how, & wherfore? you most course freeze capacities, ye
    jave Iudgements, have I saide thus let be, and there let be,
    and then let be, and no man understand mee, proh deum,
    1605medius fidius, ye are all dunces: For why here stand I.
    Here the Duke comes, there are you close in the Thicket; the
    Duke appeares, I meete him and unto him I utter learned
    things, and many figures, he heares, and nods, and hums, and
    then cries rare, and I goe forward, at length I fling my Cap
    1610up; marke there; then do you as once did Meleager, and the
    Bore break comly out before him: like true lovers, cast your
    selves in a Body decently, and sweetly, by a figure trace, and
    turne Boyes.
    1. And sweetly we will doe it Master Gerrold.
    16152. Draw up the Company, Where's the Taborour.
    3. Why Timothy.
    Tab. Here my mad boyes, have at ye.
    Sch. But I say where's their women?
    4. Here's Friz and Maudline.
    16202. And little Luce with the white legs, and bouncing(Barbery.
    1. And freckeled Nel; that never faild her Master.
    Sch. Wher be your Ribands maids? swym with your Bodies
    And carry it sweetly, and deliverly
    And now and then a fauour, and a friske.
    1625Nel. Let us alone Sir.
    Sch. Wher's the rest o'th Musicke.
    3. Dispersd as you commanded.
    Sch. Couple then
    And see what's wanting; wher's the Bavian?
    1630My friend, carry your taile without offence
    Or scandall to the Ladies; and be sure
    You tumble with audacity, and manhood,
    G2 And
    The Two Noble Kinsmen.
    And when you barke doe it with judgement.
    Bau. Yes Sir.
    1635Sch. Quo usque taudem. Here is a woman wanting
    4. We may goe whistle: all the fat's i'th fire.
    Sch. We have,
    As learned Authours utter, washd a Tile,
    We have beene fatuus, and laboured vainely.
    16402. This is that scornefull peece, that scurvy hilding
    That gave her promise faithfully, she would be here,
    Cicely the Sempsters daughter:
    The next gloves that I give her shall be dog skin;
    Nay and she faile me once, you can tell Arcas
    1645She swore by wine, and bread, she would not breake.
    Sch. An Eele and woman,
    A learned Poet sayes: unles by'th taile
    And with thy teeth thou hold, will either faile,
    In manners this was false position
    16501. A fire ill take her; do's she flinch now?
    3. What
    Shall we determine Sir?
    Sch. Nothing,
    Our busines is become a nullity
    1655Yea, and a woefull, and a pittious nullity.
    4. Now when the credite of our Towne lay on it,
    Now to be frampall, now to pisse o'th nettle,
    Goe thy waies, ile remember thee, ile fit thee,
    Enter Iaylors daughter.
    1660
    The George alow, came from the South, from
    Daughter.
    The coast of Barbary a.
    And there he met with brave gallants of war
    By one, by two, by three, a
    1665 Well haild, well haild, you jolly gallants,
    Chaire and
    stooles out.
    And whither now are you bound a
    O let me have your company till come to the sound a
    There was three fooles, fell out about an howlet
    The one sed it was an owle
    1670The other he sed nay,
    The third he sed it was a hawke, and her bels wer cut away.
    3. Ther's
    The Two Noble Kinsmen.
    3. Ther's a dainty mad woman Mr. comes i'th Nick as
    mad as a march hare: if wee can get her daunce, wee are
    made againe: I warrant her, shee'l doe the rarest gambols.
    16751. A mad woman? we are made Boyes.
    Sch. And are you mad good woman?
    Daugh. I would be sorry else,
    Give me your hand.
    Sch. Why?
    1680Daugh. I can tell your fortune.
    You are a foole: tell ten, I have pozd him: Buz
    Friend you must eate no white bread, if you doe
    Your teeth will bleede extreamely, shall we dance ho?
    I know you, y'ar a Tinker: Sirha Tinker
    1685Stop no more holes, but what you should.
    Sch. Dij boni. A Tinker Damzell?
    Daug, Or a Conjurer: raise me a devill now, and let him(play
    Quipassa, o'th bels and bones.
    Sch, Goe take her, aud fluently perswade her to a peace:
    1690Et opus exegi, quod nec Iouis ira, nec ignis.
    Strike up, and leade her in.
    2, Come Laste, lets trip it.
    Daugh. Ile leade. (Winde Hornes:
    3. Doe, doe.
    1695Sch. Perswasively, and cunningly: away boyes,
    Ex. all but Schoolemaster.
    I heare the hornes: give me some
    Meditation, and marke your Cue;
    Pallas inspire me.
    1700Enter Thes. Pir. Hip. Emil. Arcite: and traine.
    Thes. This way the Stag tooke.
    Sch. Stay, and edifie.
    Thes. What have we here?
    Per. Some Countrey sport, upon my life Sir.
    1705Per. Well Sir, goe forward, we will edifie.
    Ladies sit downe, wee'l stay it.
    Sch. Thou doughtie Duke all haile: all haile sweet (Ladies.
    Thes. This is a cold beginning.
    Sch. If you but favour; our Country pastime made is,
    G3 We
    The Two Noble Kinsmen.
    1710We are a few of those collected here
    That ruder Tongues distinguish villager,
    And to say veritie, and not to fable;
    We are a merry rout, or else a rable
    Or company, or by a figure, Choris
    1715That fore thy dignitie will dance a Morris.
    And I that am the rectifier of all
    By title Pedagogus, that let fall
    The Birch upon the breeches of the small ones,
    And humble with a Ferula the tall ones,
    1720Doe here present this Machine, or this frame,
    And daintie Duke, whose doughtie dismall fame
    From Dis to Dedalus, from post to pillar
    Is blowne abroad; helpe me thy poore well willer,
    And with thy twinckling eyes, looke right and straight
    1725Vpon this mighty Morr---of mickle waight
    Is---now comes in, which being glewd together
    Makes Morris, and the cause that we came hether.
    The body of our sport of no small study
    I first appeare, though rude, and raw, and muddy,
    1730To speake before thy noble grace, this tenner:
    At whose great feete I offer up my penner.
    The next the Lord of May, and Lady bright,
    The Chambermaid, and Servingman by night
    That seeke out silent hanging: Then mine Host
    1735And his fat Spowse, that welcomes to their cost
    The gauled Traveller, and with a beckning
    Informes the Tapster to inflame the reckning:
    Then the beast eating Clowne, and next the foole,
    The Bavian with long tayle, and eke long toole,
    1740Cum multis aliijs that make a dance,
    Say I, and all shall presently advance.
    Thes. I, I by any meanes, deere Domine.
    Per. Produce. Musicke Dance.
    Intrate filij, Come forth, and foot it,
    Knocke for
    Schoole. Enter
    The Dance.
    1745Ladies, if we have beene merry
    And have pleasd thee with a derry,
    And a derry, and a downe
    Say
    The Two Noble Kinsmen.
    Say the Schoolemaster's no Clowne:
    Duke, if we have pleasd three too
    1750And have done as good Boyes should doe,
    Give us but a tree or twaine
    For a Maypole, and againe
    Ere another yeare run out,
    Wee'l make thee laugh and all this rout.
    1755Thes. Take 20. Domine; how does my sweet heart.
    Hip. Never so pleasd Sir.
    Emil. Twas an excellent dance, and for a preface
    I never heard a better.
    Thes. Schoolemaster, I thanke yon, One see'em all re-(warded.
    1760Per. And heer's something to paint your Pole withall.
    Thes. Now to our sports againe.
    Sch. May the Stag thou huntst stand long,
    And thy dogs be swift and strong:
    May they kill him without lets,
    1765And the Ladies eate his dowsets: Come we are all made.
    Winde Hornes.
    Dij Deaeq; omnes, ye have danc'd rarely wenches. Exeunt.
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