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- Edition: As You Like It
As You Like It (Modern)
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I pray thee, Rosalind, sweet my coz, be merry.
Dear Celia, I show more mirth than I am mistress of; 173and would you yet I were merrier? Unless you 174could teach me to forget a banished father, you must not 175learn me how to remember any extraordinary 176pleasure.
Herein I see thou lov'st me not with the full 178weight that I love thee. If my uncle, thy banished father, 179had banished thy uncle, the Duke my father, so thou 180hadst been still with me, I could have taught my love 181to take thy father for mine; so wouldst thou, if the truth 182of thy love to me were so righteously tempered as mine 183is to thee.
Well, I will forget the condition of my estate, 185to rejoice in yours.
You know my father hath no child but I, nor 187none is like to have; and, truly, when he dies thou shalt 188be his heir, for what he hath taken away from thy father 189perforce I will render thee again in affection. By 190mine honor, I will; and when I break that oath, let me 191turn monster. Therefore, my sweet Rose, my dear Rose, 192be merry.
From henceforth I will, coz, and devise sports. 194Let me see, what think you of falling in love?
Marry, I prithee, do, to make sport withal; but 196love no man in good earnest, nor no further in sport neither 197than with safety of a pure blush thou mayst in honor 198come off again.
What shall be our sport, then?
Let us sit and mock the good housewife Fortune 201from her wheel, that her gifts may henceforth be 202bestowed equally.
I would we could do so, for her benefits are 204mightily misplaced, and the bountiful blind woman 205doth most mistake in her gifts to women.
'Tis true, for those that she makes fair she scarce 207makes honest, and those that she makes honest she makes 208very ill-favoredly.
Nay, now thou goest from Fortune's office to Nature's: 210Fortune reigns in gifts of the world, not in the 211lineaments of Nature.
212Enter [Touchstone the] Clown.
No? When Nature hath made a fair creature, 214may she not by Fortune fall into the fire? Though Nature 215hath given us wit to flout at Fortune, hath not Fortune 216sent in this fool to cut off the argument?
Indeed, there is Fortune too hard for Nature, when 218Fortune makes Nature's natural the cutter-off of Nature's wit.219
Peradventure this is not Fortune's work neither, 221but Nature's, who perceiveth our natural wits too dull 222to reason of such goddesses, and hath sent this natural for 223our whetstone; for always the dullness of the fool is 224the whetstone of the wits. -- How now, wit, whither wander you?225
Mistress, you must come away to your father.
Were you made the messenger?
No, by mine honor, but I was bid to come for you.
Where learned you that oath, fool?
Of a certain knight that swore by his honor 231they were good pancakes, and swore by his honor the 232mustard was naught. Now I'll stand to it, the pancakes 233were naught and the mustard was good, and yet was 234not the knight forsworn.
How prove you that, in the great heap of your 236knowledge?
Ay, marry, now unmuzzle your wisdom.
Stand you both forth now. Stroke your chins, 239and swear by your beards that I am a knave.
By our beards, if we had them, thou art.
By my knavery, if I had it, then I were; but if 242you swear by that that is not, you are not forsworn. No 243more was this knight, swearing by his honor, for he never 244had any; or if he had, he had sworn it away before 245ever he saw those pancakes or that mustard.
Prithee, who is't that thou mean'st?
One that old Frederick, your father, loves.
My father's love is enough to honor him. Enough, 249speak no more of him; you'll be whipped for taxation one 250of these days.
The more pity that fools may not speak wisely252what wise men do foolishly.
By my troth, thou sayest true; for since the little 254wit that fools have was silenced, the little foolery that 255wise men have makes a great show. Here comes Monsieur 256Le Beau.
257Enter Le Beau.
With his mouth full of news.
Which he will put on us as pigeons feed their 260young.
Then shall we be news-crammed.
All the better; we shall be the more marketable. -- 263Bonjour, Monsieur Le Beau. What's the news?
Fair princess, 265you have lost much good sport.
Sport? Of what color?
What color, madam? How shall I answer 268you?
As wit and fortune will.
Or as the Destinies decrees.
Well said. That was laid on with a trowel.
Nay, if I keep not my rank --
Thou loosest thy old smell.
You amaze me, ladies. I would have told 275you of good wrestling, which you have lost the sight of.
Yet tell us the manner of the wrestling.
I will tell you the beginning, and, if it please 278Your Ladyships, you may see the end, for the best is yet to do, 279and here, where you are, they are coming to 280perform it.
Well, the beginning, that is dead and buried.
There comes an old man and his three sons --
I could match this beginning with an old tale.
Three proper young men, of excellent growth 285and presence.
With bills on their necks: "Be it known unto 287all men by these presents --"
The eldest of the three wrestled with Charles, 289the Duke's wrestler, which Charles in a moment threw 290him and broke three of his ribs, that there is little 291hope of life in him. So he served the second, and so the 292third. Yonder they lie, the poor old man their father 293making such pitiful dole over them that all the beholders 294take his part with weeping.
Alas!
But what is the sport, monsieur, that the ladies 297have lost?
Why, this that I speak of.
Thus men may grow wiser every day. It is the 300first time that ever I heard breaking of ribs was sport 301for ladies.
Or I, I promise thee.
But is there any else longs to see this broken music 304in his sides? Is there yet another dotes upon 305rib-breaking? -- Shall we see this wrestling, cousin?
1.2.58306Le BeauYou must, if you stay here, for here is the 307place appointed for the wrestling, and they are ready to 308perform it.
Yonder, sure, they are coming. Let us now stay 310and see it.
Come on. Since the youth will not be entreated, 314his own peril on his forwardness.
[To Le Beau]
Is yonder the man?
Even he, madam.
Alas, he is too young; yet he looks successfully.
How now, daughter and cousin? 319Are you crept hither to see the wrestling?
Ay, my liege, so please you give us leave.
You will take little delight in it, I can tell you, 322there is such odds in the man. In pity of the challenger's 323 youth I would fain dissuade him, but he will not 324be entreated. Speak to him, ladies; see if you can 325move him.
Call him hither, good Monsieur Le Beau.
Do so. I'll not be by.
[Duke Frederick stands aside.]
[To Orlando]
Monsieur the Challenger, the Princess calls 329for you.
[Approaching Rosalind and Celia]
I attend them with all respect and duty.
Young man, have you challenged Charles the 332wrestler?
No, fair princess, he is the general challenger. 334I come but in, as others do, to try with him the strength 335of my youth.
Young gentleman, your spirits are too bold for 337your years. You have seen cruel proof of this man's 338strength. If you saw yourself with your eyes, or knew 339yourself with your judgment, the fear of your adventure 340would counsel you to a more equal enterprise. We 341pray you, for your own sake, to embrace your own safety 342 and give over this attempt.
Do, young sir. Your reputation shall not therefore 344be misprized. We will make it our suit to the Duke that 345the wrestling might not go forward.
I beseech you, punish me not with your hard 347thoughts, wherein I confess me much guilty to deny 348so fair and excellent ladies anything. But let your 349fair eyes and gentle wishes go with me to my trial, 350wherein if I be foiled, there is but one shamed that was 351never gracious; if killed, but one dead that is willing to 352be so. I shall do my friends no wrong, for I have none to 353lament me; the world no injury, for in it I have nothing. 354Only in the world I fill up a place, which may be better 355supplied when I have made it empty.
The little strength that I have, I would it were 357with you.
And mine, to eke out hers.
Fare you well. Pray heaven I be deceived in you!
Your heart's desires be with you!
Come, where is this young gallant that is so 362desirous to lie with his mother earth?
Ready, sir, but his will hath in it a more modest 364working.
You shall try but one fall.
No, I warrant Your Grace you shall not entreat 367him to a second, that have so mightily persuaded him 368from a first.
You mean to mock me after; you should not 370have mocked me before. But come your ways.
Now, Hercules be thy speed, young man!
I would I were invisible, to catch the strong fellow 373by the leg.
[Orlando and Charles] wrestle.
Oh, excellent young man!
If I had a thunderbolt in mine eye, I can tell who 376should down.
[Charles is thrown.] Shout.
No more, no more.
Yes, I beseech Your Grace. I am not yet 379well breathed.
How dost thou, Charles?
381Le Beau
He cannot speak, my lord.
Bear him away.
[Charles is carried out.]
What is thy name, young man?
Orlando, my liege, the youngest son of Sir Rowland 385de Boys.
I would thou hadst been son to some man else.
393Exit Duke [with train, and Le Beau. Rosalind and Celia remain, standing apart from Orlando].
[To Rosalind]
Were I my father, coz, would I do this?
[Talking to himself]
I am more proud to be Sir Rowland's son,
[To Celia]
My father loved Sir Rowland as his soul,
403Celia
Gentle cousin,
410Rosalind
Gentleman,
[Giving him a chain from her neck]
[To Celia]
Ay. Fare you well, fair gentleman.
[Rosalind and Celia start to leave.]
[Aside]
Can I not say "I thank you"? My better parts
[To Celia]
He calls us back. My pride fell with my fortunes;
Will you go, coz?
Have with you. -- Fare you well.
Exit [with Celia].
What passion hangs these weights upon my tongue?
426Enter Le Beau.
Good sir, I do in friendship counsel you
I thank you, sir. And pray you tell me this:
Neither his daughter, if we judge by manners,
I rest much bounden to you. Fare you well.
[Exit Le Beau.]
Exit.