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  • Title: The Merry Wives of Windsor (Modern, Quarto)
  • Editor: Helen Ostovich
  • Markup editor: Janelle Jenstad
  • Coordinating editor: Janelle Jenstad

  • Copyright Helen Ostovich. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Editor: Helen Ostovich
    Not Peer Reviewed

    The Merry Wives of Windsor (Modern, Quarto)

    [Scene 5]
    Enter Mistress Page, reading of552.1 a letter.
    Mistress Page
    Mistress Page, I love you. Ask me no reason,557.1 Because they're impossible to allege. You're fair, and I am fat. You love sack; so do I. As I am sure I have no mind but to love,562.1 So I know you have no heart but to grant. A soldier doth not use many words, where 'a knows a letter may serve for a sentence. I love you, and so I leave you. Yours, Sir John Falstaff.
    562.5 Now Jesu bless me, am I metamorphized? I think I know not myself. Why, what i' God's name doth this man see in me, that thus he shoots at my honesty? Well, but that I know my own heart, I should scarcely persuade myself I were562.10 hand. Why, what an unreasonable woolsack is this? He was never twice in my company, and if then I thought I gave such assurance with my eyes, I'd pull them out. They should never see more holy days. Well, I shall trust fat men the worse while I live for his sake. O God, that I knew how to be revenged of577.1 him! But in good time, here's Mistress Ford.
    Enter Mistress Ford.
    Mistress Ford
    How now, Mistress Page, are you reading love letters? How do you, woman?
    577.5 Mistress Page
    O woman, I am I know not what: in love up to the hard ears. I was never in such a case in my life.
    Mistress Ford
    In love? Now, in the name of God, with whom?
    577.10 Mistress Page
    With one that swears he loves me, and I must not choose but do the like again. I prithee look on that letter.
    [She gives her letter to Mistress Ford, who glances at it and pulls out another letter.]
    Mistress Ford
    I'll match your letter just with the like,614.1 line for line, word for word. Only the name of Mistress Page and Mistress Ford disagrees. Do me the kindness to look upon this.
    Mistress Page
    Why, this is right my letter. Oh, most notorious villain! Why, what a bladder of iniquity is this? Let's be revenged whatsoe'er we do.
    636.1 Mistress Ford
    Revenged? If we live, we'll be revenged! O Lord, if my husband should see this letter, i'faith, this would even give edge to his jealousy.
    642.1 Enter Ford, Page, Pistol, and Nym.
    Mistress Page
    [Aside to Mistress Page] See where our husbands are.645 Mine's as far from jealousy as I am from wronging him.
    [They continue to talk apart from the men.]
    645.1 Pistol
    Ford, the words I speak are forced:
    Beware, take heed, for Falstaff loves thy wife.
    653.1 When Pistol lies, do this!
    [He mimes a violent death blow against himself.]
    Ford
    Why, sir, my wife is not young.
    655 Pistol
    He woos both young and old, both rich and poor.
    None comes amiss. I say he loves thy wife.
    656.1 Fair warning did I give. Take heed,
    665 For summer comes, and cuckoo birds appear.-- [To Page]
    665.1 Page, believe him what he says. -- [He salutes.] Away, sir Corporal Nym!
    Exit Pistol.
    Sir, the humor of it is, he loves your wife.670 I should ha' borne the humor letter to her. I speak and I avouch 'tis true. My name is Nym.675 Farewell. I love not the humor of bread and cheese,675.1 and there's the humor of it.
    Exit Nym.
    Page
    "The humor of it," quoth you! Here's a fellow frights humor out of his wits.
    [The wives come forward to greet their husbands.]
    Mistress Page
    How now, sweetheart, how dost thou?
    687.1 Enter Mistress Quickly [unseen at first].
    [To Ford] How now, man? -- How do you, Mistress Ford?
    Mistress Ford
    Well, I thank you, good Master Page. -- How now, husband, how chance thou art so melancholy?
    Ford
    Melancholy? I am not melancholy.690 Go, get you in, go.
    Mistress Ford
    [Aside to Mistress Page, looking at Mistress Quickly] God save me, see who yonder is. We'll set her a-work in this business.
    Mistress Page
    [Aside to Mistress Ford] Oh, she'll serve excellent. -- [To Mistress Quickly] Now you come to see my daughter Anne, I am sure.
    Quickly
    Ay, forsooth, that is my coming.
    700 Mistress Page
    Come, go in with me. Come, Mistress Ford.
    700.1 Mistress Ford
    I follow you, Mistress Page.
    Exeunt Mistress Ford, Mistress Page, and [Mistress] Quickly.
    Ford
    Master Page, did you hear what these fellows said?
    Page
    Yes, Master Ford, what of that, sir?
    705 Ford
    Do you think it is true that they told us?
    No, by my troth, do I not. I rather take them to be paltry lying knaves, such as rather speaks of envy, than of any certain they have705.5 of anything. And for the knight, perhaps he hath spoke merrily, as the fashion of fat men are, but should he love my wife, i'faith, I'd turn her loose to him, and what he got more of her705.10 than ill looks and shrewd words, why, let me bear the penalty of it.
    Ford
    Nay, I do not mistrust my wife; yet I'd be loath to turn them together. A man may be too confident.
    719.1 Enter Host and [Justice] Shallow [trailing behind].
    Page
    Here comes my ramping host of the Garter. There's either liquor in his head, or money in his purse, that he looks so merrily. -- [Greeting him] Now, mine host?
    Host
    God bless you, my bully rooks, God bless you. -- [Calling to Shallow] Cavaliero Justice, I say.
    Shallow
    At hand, mine host, at hand. -- Master Ford, god den to you.728.1 -- God den an' twenty, good Master Page.730 I tell you, sir, we have sport in hand.
    Host
    Tell him, Cavaliero Justice, tell him, bully rook.
    735 Ford
    [Nodding the Host aside] Mine host o'the Garter.
    What says my bully rook?
    Ford
    A word with you, sir.
    Ford and the host talk [aside].
    Shallow
    [To Page] Hark you, sir, I'll tell you what the sport shall be: Doctor Caius and Sir Hugh are to fight. My merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons, and hath appointed them contrary places. Hark in your ear.
    [Shallow and Page talk aside.]
    Host
    Hast thou no suit against my knight, my guest, my cavaliero?
    Ford
    None, I protest. But tell him my name is Brook, only for a jest.
    Host
    My hand, bully. [They shake hands.] Thou shalt have egress and regress, and thy name shall be Brook. Said I well, bully Hector?
    Shallow
    I tell you what, Master Page, I believe740 the doctor is no jester. He'll lay it on,740.1 for though we be justices, and doctors, and churchmen, yet we are the sons of women, Master Page.
    True, Master Shallow.
    740.5 Shallow
    It will be found so, Master Page.
    Master Shallow, you yourself have been a great fighter, though now a man of peace.
    Shallow
    Master Page, I have seen the day that young tall fellows with their stroke and their passado757.1 I have made them trudge, Master Page.755 Ah, 'tis the heart, the heart doth all! I have seen the day, with my two-hand sword, I would 'a' made you four tall fencers skipped like rats.
    Host
    Here, boys, shall we wag, shall we wag?
    760 Shallow
    Ha' with you, mine host.
    Exeunt Host and Shallow.
    Come, Master Ford, shall we to dinner? I know these fellows sticks in your mind.
    No, in good sadness. not in mine.765 [Aside] Yet for all this, I'll try it further.765.1 I will not leave it so. [To Page] Come, Master Page, shall we to dinner?
    With all my heart, sir. I'll follow you.
    Exeunt.