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- Edition: The Merry Wives of Windsor
The Merry Wives of Windsor (Modern, Folio)
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The Merry Wives of Windsor
1[1.1]
5Shallow
6Sir Hugh, persuade me not. I will make a Star 7Chamber matter of it. If he were twenty Sir 8John Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, 9esquire.
10Slender
In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and coram.
11Shallow
Ay, Cousin Slender, and custalorum.
12Slender
Ay, and ratolorum too; and a gentleman born, 13master parson, who writes himself armigero in any 14bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation – armigero!
15Shallow
Ay, that I do, and have done any time these three 16hundred years.
17Slender
All his successors gone before him hath done't, 18and all his ancestors that come after him may. They 19may give the dozen white luces in their coat.
20Shallow
It is an old coat.
21Evans
The dozen white louses do become an old 22coat well. It agrees well passant. It is a familiar beast to 23man, and signifies love.
24Shallow
The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old 25coat.
26Slender
I may quarter, coz.
27Shallow
You may, by marrying.
28Evans
It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
29Shallow
Not a whit.
30Evans
Yes, py'r lady, if he has a quarter of your coat, 31there is but three skirts for yourself, in my simple con32jectures, but that is all one. If Sir John Falstaff have 33committed disparagements unto you, I am of the church 34and will be glad to do my benevolence to make atone35ments and compromises between you.
36Shallow
The council shall hear it: it is a riot.
37Evans
It is not meet the council hear a riot. There 38is no fear of Got in a riot. The council, look you, 39shall desire to hear the fear of Got and not to hear a 40riot. Take your 'visaments in that.
41Shallow
Ha, o'my life, if I were young again, the sword 42should end it!
43Evans
It is petter that friends is the sword and end 44it, and there is also another device in my prain, which 45peradventure prings goot discretions with it. There is 46Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page, 47which is pretty virginity.
48Slender
Mistress Anne Page -- she has brown hair and 49speaks small like a woman?
50Evans
It is that fery person for all the 'orld, as just as 51you will desire, and seven hundred pounds of moneys, 52and gold, and silver is her grandsire upon his death's 53 bed (Got deliver to a joyful resurrections) give, when 54she is able to overtake seventeen years old. It were a 55goot motion, if we leave our pribbles and prabbles, and 56desire a marriage between Master Abraham and Mistress 57Anne Page.
58Slender
Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred 59pound?
60Evans
Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.
61Slender
I know the young gentlewoman. She has good 62gifts.
63Evans
Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is 64goot gifts.
65Shallow
Well, let us see honest Master Page. -- Is Falstaff there?
66Evans
Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar, as I 67do despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not 68true: the knight Sir John is there, and I beseech you be 69ruled by your well-willers. I will peat the door for Master 70Page. [He knocks and calls out.]
What ho! Got pless your house here!
71Page
[Voice off-stage]
Who's there?
[Enter Master Page.]
72Evans
Here is Got's plessing and your friend, and Ju73stice Shallow, and here young Master Slender, that perad74ventures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to 75your likings.
76Page
I am glad to see your worships well. I 77thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.
78Shallow
Master Page, I am glad to see you. Much good 79do it your good heart! I wished your venison better; it 80was ill killed -- How doth good Mistress Page? -- and I thank 81you always with my heart, la, with my heart.
82Page
Sir, I thank you.
83Shallow
Sir, I thank you, by yea and no I do.
84Page
I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
85Slender
How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard 86say he was outrun on Cotsall.
87Page
It could not be judged, sir.
88Slender
You'll not confess, you'll not confess!
89Shallow
That he will not. 'Tis your fault, 'tis your fault! 90'Tis a good dog.
91Page
A cur, sir.
92Shallow
Sir, he's a good dog and a fair dog. Can there 93be more said? He is good and fair. -- Is Sir John Falstaff 94here?
95Page
Sir, he is within, and I would I could do a 96good office between you.
97Evans
It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
98Shallow
He hath wronged me, Master Page.
99Page
Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
100Shallow
If it be confessed, it is not redressed. Is not that 101so, Master Page? He hath wronged me, indeed he hath, at a 102word he hath. Believe me, Robert Shallow, esquire, saith 103he is wronged.
104Page
Here comes Sir John.
[Enter Falstaff, with Bardolph, Pistol, and Nym.]
105Falstaff
Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to 106the king?
107Shallow
Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my 108deer, and broke open my lodge.
109Falstaff
But not kissed your keeper's daughter?
110Shallow
Tut, a pin! This shall be answered.
111Falstaff
I will answer it straight: I have done all this. 112That is now answered.
113Shallow
The council shall know this.
114Falstaff
'Twere better for you if it were known in coun115sel. You'll be laughed at.
116Evans
Pauca verba, Sir John, good worts.
117Falstaff
"Good worts"? Good cabbage! -- Slender, I broke 118your head. What matter have you against me?
119Slender
Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you, 120and against your coney-catching rascals, Bardolph, Nym, 121and Pistol.
122Bardolph
You Banbury cheese!
123Slender
Ay, it is no matter.
124Pistol
How now, Mephostophilus?
125Slender
Ay, it is no matter.
126Nym
Slice, I say, pauca, pauca. Slice, that's my humor.
127Slender
Where's Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?
128Evans
Peace, I pray you! Now let us understand. There 129is three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that is, 130Master Page (fidelicet Master Page), and there is myself 131(fidelicet myself), and the three party is (lastly and fi132nally) mine host of the Garter.
133Page
We three to hear it and end it between them.
134Evans
Fery goot, I will make a prief of it in my 135notebook, and we will afterwards 'ork upon the cause 136with as great discreetly as we can.
137Falstaff
Pistol.
138Pistol
He hears with ears.
139Evans
The tevil and his tam! What phrase is this? 140"He hears with ear"? Why, it is affectations!
141Falstaff
Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse?
142Slender
Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might 143never come in mine own great chamber again else, of 144seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward sho145vel-boards, that cost me two shilling and twopence a 146piece of Yed Miller, by these gloves.
147Falstaff
Is this true, Pistol?
148Evans
No, it is false, if it is a pickpurse.
149Pistol
Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! – Sir John and 150master mine,
Word of denial! Froth 152and scum, thou liest!
153Slender
[Pointing to Nym] By these gloves, then 'twas he.
154Nym
Be advised, sir, and pass good humors. I will 155say "marry trap" with you, if you run the nuthooks hu156mor on me; that is the very note of it.
157Slender
By this hat, then he in the red face had it, for 158though I cannot remember what I did when you made 159me drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
160Falstaff
What say you, Scarlet and John?
161Bardolph
Why, sir, for my part, I say the gentleman had 162drunk himself out of his five sentences.
163Evans
It is "his five senses" -- fie, what the ignorance is!
164Bardolph
And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered, and 165so conclusions passed the careers.
166Slender
Ay, you spake in Latin then too, but 'tis no mat167ter. I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again, but in honest, 168civil, godly company, for this trick! If I be drunk, I'll 169be drunk with those that have the fear of God and not 170with drunken knaves.
171Evans
So Got 'udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
172Falstaff
You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen, 173you hear it.
[Enter Anne Page with wine.]
174Page
Nay, daughter, carry the wine in, we'll 175drink within.
176Slender
Oh, heaven! This is Mistress Anne Page.
[Exit Anne Page with wine.]
[Enter Mistress Ford and Mistress Page.]
177Page
How now, Mistress Ford?
178Falstaff
Mistress Ford, by my troth you are very well met. 179By your leave, good mistress.
180Page
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. -- Come, 181we have a hot venison pasty to dinner. Come, gentle182men, I hope we shall drink down all unkindness.
[Exeunt all except Shallow, Slender, and Evans.]
183Slender
I had rather than forty shillings I had my book 184of Songs and Sonnets here.
[Enter Simple.]
How now, Simple, where 185have you been? I must wait on myself, must I? You 186have not the book of riddles about you, have you?
187Simple
Book of riddles? Why, did you not lend it to 188Alice Shortcake upon Allhallowmas last, a fortnight a189fore Michaelmas?
190Shallow
Come, coz, come, coz, we stay for you. A word 191with you, coz. Marry, this, coz: there is as 'twere a ten192der, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh here. 193Do you understand me?
194Slender
Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so, 195I shall do that that is reason.
196Shallow
Nay, but understand me.
197Slender
So I do, sir.
198Evans
Give ear to his motions. Master Slender, I will 199description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.
200Slender
Nay, I will do as my Cousin Shallow says. I 201pray you pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his coun202try, simple though I stand here.
203Evans
But that is not the question. The question is 204concerning your marriage.
205Shallow
Ay, there's the point, sir.
206Evans
Marry, is it, the very point of it, to Mistress Anne Page.
207Slender
Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any rea208sonable demands.
209Evans
But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command 210to know that of your mouth, or of your lips, for divers 211philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the mouth. 212Therefore, precisely, can you carry your good will to the maid?
213Shallow
Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
214Slender
I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that 215would do reason.
216Evans
Nay, Got's lords and his ladies, you must speak 217possitable, if you can carry her your desires towards her.
218Shallow
That you must. 219Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?
220Slender
I will do a greater thing than that, upon your 221request, cousin, in any reason.
222Shallow
Nay conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz. 223What I do is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the 224maid?
225Slender
I will marry her, sir, at your request, but if 226there be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven 227may decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we 228are married and have more occasion to know one ano229ther. I hope upon familiarity will grow more content, 230but if you say marry her, I will marry her. That I am freely 231dissolved, and dissolutely.
232Evans
It is a fery discretion answer, save the faul' is in 233the 'ord "dissolutely"; the 'ord is, according to our mea234ning, "resolutely". -- His meaning is good.
235Shallow
Ay, I think my cousin meant well.
236Slender
Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!
[Enter Anne Page.]
237Shallow
Here comes fair Mistress Anne. -- Would I were 238young for your sake, Mistress Anne.
239Anne
The dinner is on the table. My father desires 240your worships' company.
241Shallow
I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.
242Evans
'Od's plessed will, I will not be absence at the grace.
[Exeunt Shallow and Evans.]
243Anne
Will't please your worship to come in, sir?
244Slender
No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily. I am very well.
245Anne
The dinner attends you, sir.
246Slender
I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. -- [To Simple] Go, 247sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my Cousin 248Shallow.
[Exit Simple.]
[To Anne] A justice of peace sometime may be beholding 249 to his friend for a man. I keep but three men and a 250boy yet, till my mother be dead. But what though? Yet 251I live like a poor gentleman born.
252Anne
I may not go in without your worship. They 253will not sit till you come.
254Slender
I'faith, I'll eat nothing. I thank you as much as 255though I did.
256Anne
I pray you, sir. walk in.
257Slender
I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised 258my shin th'other day with playing at sword and dag259ger with a master of fence -- three venies for a dish of 260stewed prunes – and, by my troth, I cannot abide the smell 261of hot meat since. Why do your dogs bark so? Be 262there bears i'th' town?
263Anne
I think there are, sir. I heard them talked of.
264Slender
I love the sport well, but I shall as soon quarrel 265at it as any man in England. You are afraid if you see the 266bear loose, are you not?
267Anne
Ay, indeed, sir.
268Slender
That's meat and drink to me now. I have seen 269Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by the 270chain, but, I warrant you, the women have so cried 271and shrieked at it that it passed. But women, indeed, cannot 272abide 'em; they are very ill-favored rough things.
[Enter Page.]
273Page
Come, gentle Master Slender, come. We stay for you.
274Slender
I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.
275Page
By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir. 276Come, come.
277Slender
Nay, pray you lead the way.
278Page
Come on, sir.
279Slender
Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.
280Anne
Not I, sir. Pray you keep on.
281Slender
Truly I will not go first, truly, la! I will not 282do you that wrong.
283Anne
I pray you, sir.
284Slender
I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome. You 285do yourself wrong, indeed, la!
Exeunt [first Slender, then Anne and Page following].