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  • Title: The Merry Wives of Windsor (Modern, Folio)
  • Editor: Helen Ostovich
  • Markup editor: Maxwell Terpstra
  • Coordinating editor: Janelle Jenstad

    • Copyright Helen Ostovich. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: William Shakespeare
    Editor: Helen Ostovich
    Not Peer Reviewed

    The Merry Wives of Windsor (Modern, Folio)

    [1.4]
    Enter Mistress Quickly [and] Simple.
    400Quickly
    What, John Rugby!
    [Enter Rugby.]
    I pray thee go to the casement and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor Caius, coming. If he do, i'faith, and find anybody in the house, here will be an old abusing of God's patience and the king's English.
    405Rugby
    I'll go watch.
    Quickly
    Go, and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.
    [Exit Rugby.]
    An honest, willing, kind fellow as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale, nor no breed-410bate. His worst fault is that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that way. But nobody but has his fault. But let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?
    Simple
    Ay, for fault of a better.
    415Quickly
    And Master Slender's your master?
    Simple
    Ay, forsooth.
    Quickly
    Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring-knife?
    Simple
    No, forsooth. He hath but a little wee face with 420a little yellow beard, a cane-coloured beard.
    Quickly
    A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
    Simple
    Ay, forsooth, but he is as tall a man of his hands as any is between this and his head. He hath fought with a warrener.
    425Quickly
    How say you? Oh, I should remember him. Does he not hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?
    [She mimics the walking style.]
    Simple
    Yes, indeed, does he!
    Quickly
    Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune. Tell Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your 430master. Anne is a good girl, and I wish ---
    [Rugby calls within.]
    Rugby
    Out, alas! Here comes my master.
    Quickly
    We shall all be shent! Run in here, good young man, go into this closet. He will not stay long. – What, John Rugby? John! What, John, I say!
    [Enter Rugby.]
    Go, John, go in435quire for my master. I doubt he be not well, that he comes not home. [Singing]
    And down, down, adown'a (etc.)
    [Enter Caius.]
    Caius
    Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys. Pray you go and vetch me in my closet une boȋte verte : a box, a green-a box: tu entends vat I speak? A green-440a box.
    [Exit Rugby.]
    Quickly
    Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you. [Aside]
    I am glad he went not in himself. If he had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad.
    Caius
    Fi, fi, fi, fi! Ma foi, il fait fort [lourdaud or élourdi]! Je m'en vais à la 445cour – la grande affaire.
    Quickly
    [Showing a box] Is it this, sir?
    Caius
    Oui, mets-la à ma pochette, dépêche, quickly! Vere is dat knave Rugby?
    Quickly
    [Calling] What, John Rugby! John?
    [Enter Rugby]
    450Rugby
    Here, sir.
    Caius
    You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby! Come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.
    Rugby
    'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.
    455Caius
    By my trot! I tarry too long, 'od's-me, qu'ai-je oublié? Dere is some simples in my closet dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.
    Quickly
    [Aside] Ay me, he'll find the young man there, and be mad.
    Caius
    Oh, diable, diable, vat is in my closet?
    [Caius pulls Simple out of the closet.]
    460Vilenie, larron! Rugby, my rapier.
    Quickly
    Good master, be content.
    Caius
    Wherefore shall I be content-a?
    Quickly
    The young man is an honest man.
    Caius
    What shall de honest man do in my closet? Dere 465is no honest man dat shall come in my closet.
    Quickly
    I beseech you be not so phlegmatic! Hear the truth of it. He came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.
    Caius
    Vell.
    470Simple
    Ay, forsooth, to desire her to –
    Quickly
    [To Simple] Peace, I pray you.
    Caius
    [To Quickly] Peace-a your tongue! [To Simple] Speak-a your tale.
    Simple
    To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my ma475 ster in the way of marriage.
    Quickly
    This is all, indeed-la! But I'll ne'er put my finger in the fire, an't need not.
    Caius
    Sir Hugh send-a you? – Rugby, baille me some paper. [To Simple] Tarry you a little-a while.
    [Caius goes aside to write a letter.]
    480Quickly
    I am glad he is so quiet. If he had been throughly moved, you should have heard him so loud, and so melancholy, but notwithstanding, man, I'll do you your master what good I can, and the very yea and the no is, the French Doctor, my master – I may call him my master, 485look you, for I keep his house, and I wash, ring, brew, bake, scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself –
    Simple
    'Tis a great charge to come under one body's hand.
    490Quickly
    Are you avised o'that? You shall find it a great charge – and to be up early and down late, but notwithstanding, to tell you in your ear, I would have no words of it – my master himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page – but, notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind. That's 495neither here nor there.
    Caius
    [To Simple] You, jack'nape', give-a this letter to Sir Hugh. By gar, it is a shallenge. I will cut his troat in de Park, and I will teach a scurvy jackanape' priest to meddle or make – you may be gone. It is not good 500you tarry here. By gar I will cut all his two stones! By gar, he shall not have a stone to throw at his dog!
    [Exit Simple.]
    Quickly
    Alas: he speaks but for his friend.
    Caius
    It is no matter-a ver dat. Do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I vill 505kill de jack-priest, and I have appointed mine host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I will myself have Anne Page.
    Quickly
    Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We must give folks leave to prate. What the goodyear!
    510Caius
    Rugby, come to the court with me. – [To Quickly] By gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door. – Follow my heels, Rugby.
    [Exeunt Caius and Rugby, with Quickly calling after them.]
    Quickly
    You shall have An – fool's head of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that. Never a woman in Wind515sor knows more of Anne's mind than I do, nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven.
    [Voice within.]
    Fenton
    Who's within there, ho?
    Quickly
    Who's there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you.
    [Enter Fenton.]
    520Fenton
    How now, good woman, how dost thou?
    Quickly
    The better that it pleases your good worship to ask!
    Fenton
    What news? How does pretty Mistress Anne?
    Quickly
    In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and 525gentle, and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way, I praise heaven for it.
    Fenton
    Shall I do any good, thinkst thou? Shall I not lose my suit?
    Quickly
    Troth, sir, all is in his hands above. But not530withstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book she loves you. Have not your worship a wart above your eye?
    Fenton
    Yes, marry, have I. What of that?
    Quickly
    Well, thereby hangs a tale. Good faith, it is such 535another Nan – but, I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread – we had an hour's talk of that wart. I shall never laugh but in that maid's company! But indeed she is given too much to allicholy and musing. But for you – well – go to --
    540Fenton
    Well: I shall see her today. Hold, there's money for thee. Let me have thy voice in my behalf. If thou seest her before me, commend me ---
    Quickly
    Will I? I'faith, that we will. And I will tell your worship more of the wart the next time we have 545confidence, and of other wooers.
    Fenton
    Well, farewell, I am in great haste now.
    Quickly
    Farewell to your worship.
    [Exit Fenton.]
    Truly an honest gentleman, but Anne loves hiim not, for I know Anne's mind as well as another does. Out upon't, what have I 550forgot? Exit.
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