Peer Reviewed
- Edition: Troilus and Cressida
Troilus and Cressida (Modern)
- Texts of this edition
- Contextual materials
- Facsimiles
2869.1[5.1]
I'll heat his blood with Greekish wine tonight,
Here comes Thersites.
Enter Thersites.
How now, thou core of envy?
Why, thou picture of what thou seem'st, 2878and idol of idiot-worshippers, here's a letter for thee.
From whence, fragment?
Why, thou full dish of fool, from Troy.
5.1.9.1[Thersites hands him the letter, Achilles reads.]
Who keeps the tent now?
The surgeon's box or the patient's wound.
Well said, adversity, and what need these tricks?
Prithee, be silent, boy. I profit not by thy talk. 2885Thou art thought to be Achilles' male varlet.
Male varlet, you rogue? What's that?
Why, his masculine whore. Now the rotten 2888diseases of the south, guts-griping ruptures, catarrhs, 2889loads o'gravel i'th'back, lethargies, cold palsies, and 2890the like, take and take again such preposterous discoveries.2891
Why, thou damnable box of envy, thou, 2893what meanest thou to curse thus?
Do I curse thee?
Why, no, you ruinous butt, you whoreson 2896indistinguishable cur.
No? Why art thou then exasperate, thou idle, 2898immaterial skein of sleaved-silk; thou green sarsenet 2899flap for a sore eye; thou tassel of a prodigal's purse, thou? 2900Ah, how the poor world is pestered with such waterflies, 2901diminutives of nature.
Out, gall.
Finch-egg.
My sweet Patroclus, I am thwarted quite
5.1.32.1Exit [with Patroclus].
With too much blood and too little brain, these 2916two may run mad, but if with too much brain and too 2917little blood they do, I'll be a curer of madmen. Here's 2918Agamemnon, an honest fellow enough, and one that loves 2919quails, but he has not so much brain as earwax, and 2920the goodly transformation of Jupiter there, his brother, 2921the bull -- the primitive statue and oblique memorial of 2922cuckolds, a thrifty shoeing-horn in a chain, hanging at 2923his brother's leg -- to what form but that he is should 2924wit larded with malice and malice forced with wit turn 2925him to? To an ass were nothing; he is both ass and 2926ox. To an ox were nothing; he is both ox and ass. 2927To be a dog, a mule, a cat, a fitchew, a toad, a lizard, 2928an owl, a puttock, or a herring without a roe, 2929I would not care, but to be Menelaus, I would conspire 2930against destiny. Ask me not what I would be if I were 2931not Thersites, for I care not to be the louse of a lazar 2932so I were not Menelaus. -- Hey-day, spirits and fires.
5.1.33.12933Enter Hector, [Troilus], Ajax, Agamemnon, [Menelaus], Ulysses, Nestor, 2934Diomed with lights.
We go wrong; we go wrong.
2936Ajax
No, yonder 'tis --
5.1.35There, where we see the light.
2937Hector
I trouble you.
No, not a whit.
2940Ulysses
Here comes himself to guide you.
Welcome, brave Hector; welcome, princes all.
So now, fair prince of Troy, I bid good night.
Thanks, and good night to the Greeks' general.
Good night, my lord.
2946Hector
Good night, sweet lord Menelaus.
Sweet draft. "Sweet" quotha? Sweet sink. 2948Sweet? Sure.
Good night and welcome, both at once, to those 2950that go or tarry.
Good night.
5.1.44.1[Exeunt Agamemnon and Menelaus.]
Old Nestor tarries, and you too, Diomed,
I cannot, lord. I have important business,
Give me your hand.
[To Troilus] Follow his torch; he goes to Calchas' tent.
2959Troilus
[To Ulysses] Sweet sir, you honor me.
5.1.51.1[Troilus and Ulysses follow Diomed.]
[To Diomed] And so, good night.
2961Achilles
Come, come, enter my tent.
5.1.52.1Exeunt [all except Thersites].
[Aside] That same Diomed's a false-hearted rogue, a 2963most unjust knave; I will no more trust him when he 2964leers, than I will a serpent when he hisses. He will spend 2965his mouth and promise like Brabbler the hound, but when 2966he performs, astronomers foretell it, that it is prodigious; 2967there will come some change; the sun borrows 2968of the moon when Diomed keeps his word. I will rather 2969leave to see Hector than not to dog him. They say 2970he keeps a Trojan drab, and uses the traitor 2971Calchas his tent. I'll after.-- Nothing but lechery. All 2972incontinent varlets.
5.1.53.1Exit.