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Troilus and Cressida (Modern)
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154.1[1.2]
155Enter Cressida and her man [Alexander].
Who were those went by?
157Alexander
Queen Hecuba and Helen.
And whither go they?
159Alexander
Up to the eastern tower,
169Cressida
What was his cause of anger?
The noise goes this: 171There is among the Greeks
174Cressida
Good, and what of him?
They say he is a very man per se and stands alone.
So do all men, unless they are drunk, sick, or 177have no legs.
This man, lady, hath robbed many beasts of their 179particular additions: he is as valiant as the lion, churlish 180as the bear, slow as the elephant; a man into whom 181nature hath so crowded humors that his valor is crushed 182into folly, his folly sauced with discretion. There is no 183man hath a virtue that he hath not a glimpse of, nor 184any man an attaint, but he carries some stain of it. He is 185melancholy without cause, and merry against the hair; 186he hath the joints of every thing, but everything so 187out of joint, that he is a gouty Briareus, many hands 188and no use, or purblinded Argus, all eyes and no sight.
But how should this man that makes me smile 190make Hector angry?
They say he yesterday coped Hector in the 192battle and struck him down, the disdain and shame 193whereof hath ever since kept Hector fasting and waking.
Who comes here?
Madam, your uncle Pandarus.
Hector's a gallant man.
As may be in the world, lady.
What's that? What's that?
Good morrow, uncle Pandarus.
Good morrow, cousin Cressid. What do you talk 202of? -- Good morrow, Alexander. -- How do you, cousin? When 203were you at Ilium?
This morning, uncle.
What were you talking of when I came? Was 206Hector armed and gone ere ye came to Ilium? Helen was 207not up? Was she?
Hector was gone, but Helen was not up?
E'en so; Hector was stirring early.
That were we talking of, and of his anger.
Was he angry?
[Motioning to Alexander] So he says here.
True, he was so; I know the cause too. He'll lay 214about him today, I can tell them that, and there's Troilus 215will not come far behind him. Let them take heed of 216Troilus; I can tell them that too.
What, is he angry too?
Who, Troilus?
O Jupiter, there's no comparison.
What, not between Troilus and Hector? Do you 222know a man if you see him?
Ay, if I ever saw him before and knew him.
Well, I say Troilus is Troilus.
Then you say as I say, 226for I am sure he is not Hector.
No, nor Hector is not Troilus -- in some degrees.
'Tis just to each of them; he is himself.
Himself? Alas, poor Troilus, I would he were.
So he is.
Condition I had gone barefoot to India.
He is not Hector.
Himself? No, he's not himself; would a were 234himself. -- Well, the gods are above; time must friend or 235end. Well, Troilus, well, I would my heart were in her 236body; no, Hector is not a better man than Troilus.
Excuse me.
He is elder.
Pardon me, pardon me.
Th'other's not come to't; you shall tell me 241another tale when th'other's come to't. Hector shall not 242have his will this year.
He shall not need it if he have his own.
Nor his qualities.
No matter.
Nor his beauty.
'Twould not become him; his own's better.
You have no judgment, niece; Helen herself 249swore th'other day, that Troilus for a brown favor (for 250so 'tis, I must confess) -- not brown neither --
No, but brown.
Faith, to say truth, brown and not brown.
To say the truth, true and not true.
She praised his complexion above Paris'.
Why, Paris hath color enough.
So he has.
Then Troilus should have too much, if she praised 258him above. His complexion is higher than his. He having 259color enough, and the other, higher, is too flaming a 260praise for a good complexion. I had as lief Helen's 261golden tongue had commended Troilus for a copper nose.
I swear to you, 263I think Helen loves him better than Paris.
Then she's a merry Greek indeed.
Nay, I am sure she does; she came to him th'other 266day into the compassed window, and, you know, he has not 267past three or four hairs on his chin.
Indeed, a tapster's arithmetic may soon 269bring his particulars therein to a total.
Why, he is very young, and yet will he within 271three pound lift as much as his brother Hector.
Is he so young a man, and so old a lifter?
But to prove to you that Helen loves him: she 274came and puts me her white hand to his cloven chin --
Juno have mercy. How came it cloven?
Why, you know 'tis dimpled. 277I think his smiling becomes him better than any man 278in all Phrygia.
Oh, he smiles valiantly.
Does he not?
O yes, an 'twere a cloud in autumn.
Why, go to then. But to prove to you that Helen 283loves Troilus --
Troilus will stand to the 285proof, if you'll prove it so.
Troilus? Why, he esteems her no more than I 287esteem an addle egg.
If you love an addle egg as well as you love an 289idle head, you would eat chickens i'th'shell.
I cannot choose but laugh to think how she 291tickled his chin. Indeed, she has a marvelous white hand, I must 292needs confess.
Without the rack.
And she takes upon her to spy a white hair on 295his chin.
Alas, poor chin. Many a wart is richer.
But there was such laughing; queen Hecuba 298laughed that her eyes ran o'er.
With millstones?
And Cassandra laughed --
But there was more temperate fire under the pot 302of her eyes. Did her eyes run o'er too?
And Hector laughed.
At what was all this laughing?
Marry, at the white hair that Helen spied on 306Troilus's chin.
An't had been a green hair, I should have 308laughed too.
They laughed not so much at the hair as at his 310pretty answer.
What was his answer?
Quoth she, "Here's but two and fifty hairs on 313your chin, and one of them is white."
This is her question.
That's true; make no question of that. "Two and 316fifty hairs," quoth he, "and one white; that white hair is 317my father, and all the rest are his sons." "Jupiter," quoth 318she, "which of these hairs is Paris, my husband?" "The 319forked one," quoth he; "pluck't out and give it him." But there 320was such laughing, and Helen so blushed, and Paris so 321chafed, and all the rest so laughed, that it passed.
So let it now, 323for it has been a great while going by.
Well, cousin, 325I told you a thing yesterday; think on't.
So I do.
I'll be sworn 'tis true; he will weep you 328an 'twere a man born in April.
1.2.103.1[Sound a retreat.]
And I'll spring up in his tears, an'twere a nettle 330against May.
Hark, they are coming from the field. Shall we 332stand up here and see them as they pass toward Ilium? 333Good niece, do, sweet niece Cressida.
At your pleasure.
Here, here, here's an excellent place; here we 336may see most bravely. I'll tell you them all by their names 337as they pass by, but mark Troilus above the rest.
Speak not so loud.
That's Aeneas. Is not that a brave man? He's one 341of the flowers of Troy, I can tell you. But mark Troilus. You 342shall see anon.
Who's that?
That's Antenor. He has a shrewd wit, I can tell 346you, and he's a man good enough; he's one 347o'th'soundest judgments in Troy whosoever, and a proper man of 348person. When comes Troilus? I'll show you Troilus anon. 349If he see me, you shall see him nod at me.
Will he give you the nod?
You shall see.
If he do, the rich shall have more.
That's Hector; that, that, look you, that: there's a fellow. Go 355thy way, Hector. There's a brave man, niece. 356O brave Hector. Look how he looks. There's a 357countenance. Is't not a brave man?
O brave man.
Is a not? It does a man's heart good. Look you 360what hacks are on his helmet. Look you yonder. Do you 361see? Look you there. There's no jesting; there's laying on; tak't 362off who will, as they say; there be hacks.
Be those with swords?
Swords, anything, he cares not; an the devil 366come to him, it's all one; by God's lid, it does one's heart 367good. Yonder comes Paris. Yonder comes Paris. Look 368ye yonder, niece. Is't not a gallant man too, is't not? Why, 369this is brave now: who said he came hurt home today? 370He's not hurt. Why, this will do Helen's heart good 371now, ha? Would I could see Troilus now; you shall 372see Troilus anon.
Who's that?
That's Helenus. I marvel where Troilus is. That's 376Helenus. -- I think he went not forth today. -- That's 377Helenus.
Can Helenus fight, uncle?
Helenus? No. Yes, he'll fight indifferent well. I 380marvel where Troilus is. Hark, do you not hear the 381people cry "Troilus"? -- Helenus is a priest.
What sneaking fellow comes yonder?
Where? Yonder? That's Deiphobus. -- 'Tis 385Troilus. There's a man, niece, hem? Brave Troilus, the prince 386of chivalry.
Peace, for shame, peace.
Mark him, [Pointing toward another Trojan warrior] not him. O brave Troilus. Look 389well upon him, niece; look you how his sword is 390bloodied, and his helm more hacked than Hector's, and how he 391looks, and how he goes. O admirable youth. 392He ne'er saw three and twenty. Go thy way, Troilus, go thy way. 393Had I a sister were a grace, or a daughter a goddess, he 394should take his choice. O admirable man. Paris? Paris 395is dirt to him, and, I warrant Helen, to change, 396would give money to boot.
Here come more.
Asses, fools, dolts; chaff and bran, chaff and 400bran; porridge after meat. I could live and 401die i'th'eyes of Troilus. Ne'er look; ne'er look; the eagles are gone. 402Crows and daws, crows and daws. I had rather be 403such a man as Troilus than Agamemnon and all Greece.
There is among the Greeks Achilles, a better 405man than Troilus.
Achilles? A drayman, a porter, a very camel.
Well, well.
"Well, well?" Why, have you any discretion? Have 409you any eyes? Do you know what a man is? Is not birth, 410beauty, good shape, discourse, manhood, learning, 411gentleness, virtue, youth, liberality, and so forth, the spice 412and salt that seasons a man?
Ay, a minced man, and then to be baked with no date 414in the pie, for then the man's date's out.
You are such another woman; one knows not 416at what ward you lie.
Upon my back, to defend my belly; upon my 418wit, to defend my wiles; upon my secrecy, to defend 419mine honesty; my mask, to defend my beauty, and you 420to defend all these; and all these wards I lie at, at a 421thousand watches.
Say one of your watches.
Nay, I'll watch you for that, and that's one of 424the chiefest of them too. If I cannot ward what I would 425not have hit, I can watch you for telling how I took the 426blow, unless it swell past hiding, and then it's past 427watching.
You are such another.
Sir, my lord would instantly speak with you.
Where?
At your own house.
Good boy, tell him I come.
1.2.143.1[Exit Troilus's Boy.]
Adieu, uncle.
I'll be with you, niece, by and by.
To bring, uncle?
Ay, a token from Troilus.
By the same token, you are a bawd.
1.2.149.1Exit Pandarus.
1.2.163.1Exit [Cressida with Alexander, attending].