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- Edition: Twelfth Night
Twelfth Night (Modern)
- Introduction
- Texts of this edition
- Facsimiles
19844.2
Nay, I prithee put on this gown, and this beard; 1987make him believe thou art Sir Topaz the curate. Do it 1988quickly. I'll call Sir Toby the whilst.
4.2.1.1[Exit.]
[To the audience] Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself 1990in't, and I would I were the first that ever dissembled in 1991such a gown. I am not tall enough to become the 1992function well, nor lean enough to be thought a good 1993student; but to be said an honest man and a good 1994housekeeper goes as fairly as to say a careful man and a great 1995scholar.
Jove bless thee, Master Parson.
Bonos dies, Sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prague, 1999that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece 2000of King Gorboduc, "That that is, is"; so I, being Master Parson, 2001am Master Parson; for what is "that" but "that," and "is" but "is"?
To him, Sir Topaz!
[In the voice of Sir Topaz] What ho, I say. Peace in this prison.
[To the audience or Maria] The knave counterfeits well: a good knave.
[Within] Who calls there?
Sir Topaz the curate, who comes to visit 2008Malvolio the lunatic.
[Within] Sir Topaz, Sir Topaz, good Sir Topaz, go to my 2010lady.
Out, hyperbolical fiend! How vexest thou this 2012man! Talkest thou nothing but of ladies?
[Aside to Clown] Well said, Master Parson!
[Within] Sir Topaz, never was man thus wronged. Good 2015Sir Topaz, do not think I am mad: they have laid me 2016here in hideous darkness.
Fie, thou dishonest Satan! I call thee by the 2018most modest terms-- [Including the audience] for I am one of those gentle ones 2019that will use the devil himself with courtesy--say'st thou 2020that house is dark?
[Within] As hell, Sir Topaz.
Why, it hath bay windows transparent as 2023barricadoes, and the clerestories toward the south-north are 2024as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of 2025obstruction?
[Within] I am not mad, Sir Topaz; I say to you this house is 2027dark.
Madman, thou errest. I say there is no darkness 2029but ignorance, in which thou art more puzzled than the 2030Egyptians in their fog.
[Within] I say this house is as dark as ignorance, though2032ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say there was 2033never man thus abused. I am no more mad than you are. 2034Make the trial of it in any constant question.
What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning 2036wildfowl?
[Within] That the soul of our grandam might haply 2038inhabit a bird.
What think'st thou of his opinion?
[Within] I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve 2041his opinion.
Fare thee well. Remain thou still in darkness.2043Thou shalt hold th'opinion of Pythagoras ere I will allow 2044of thy wits, and fear to kill a woodcock lest thou 2045dispossess the soul of thy grandam. [Moving away] Fare thee well.
[Within] Sir Topaz, Sir Topaz!
My most exquisite Sir Topaz!
Nay, I am for all waters.
Thou mightst have done this without thy beard 2050and gown; he sees thee not.
[To Clown] To him in thine own voice, and bring me word 2052how thou find'st him. I would we were well rid of this 2053knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would 2054he were, for I am now so far in offence with my niece, 2055that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the 2056upshot. Come by and by to my chamber.
[Singing]
[Within] Fool!
My lady is unkind, perdie.
[Within] Fool!
Alas, why is she so?
[Within] Fool, I say!
She loves another--
4.2.39Who calls, ha?
[Within] Good fool, as ever thou wilt deserve well at 2066my hand, help me to a candle, and pen, ink, and paper. 2067As I am a gentleman, I will live to be thankful to thee 2068for't.
Master Malvolio?
[Within] Ay, good fool.
Alas, sir, how fell you besides your five wits?
[Within] Fool, there was never man so notoriously 2073abused. I am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art.
But as well? Then you are mad indeed, if you be 2075no better in your wits than a fool.
[Within] They have here propertied me: keep me in 2077darkness, send ministers to me, asses, and do all they 2078can to face me out of my wits.
Advise you what you say, the minister is here. 2080[Speaking as Sir Topaz] Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore. 2081Endeavour thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain bibble 2082babble.
[Within] Sir Topaz!
[As Sir Topaz] Maintain no words with him, good fellow. 2085[Speaking as himself] Who I, sir? Not I, sir! God buy you, good Sir Topaz. [As Sir Topaz] 2086Marry, amen. [As himself] I will, sir, I will.
[Within] Fool! Fool! Fool, I say!
Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am shent 2089for speaking to you.
[Within] Good fool, help me to some light, and some 2091paper; I tell thee I am as well in my wits as any man in 2092Illyria.
Well-a-day that you were, sir.
[Within] By this hand, I am! Good fool, some ink, 2095paper, and light; and convey what I will set down to my 2096lady. It shall advantage thee more than ever the 2097bearing of letter did.
I will help you to't. But tell me true, are you not 2099mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit?
[Within] Believe me, I am not, I tell thee true.
Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman till I see his brains! 2102I will fetch you light, and paper, and ink.
[Within] Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree. 2104I prithee, be gone!
4.2.59.1[Singing]
4.2.65.1Exit.