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- Edition: Twelfth Night
Twelfth Night (Modern)
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15203.4
[To the audience] I have sent after him; he says he'll come.
3.4.5[To Maria] Where's Malvolio? He is sad and civil,
He's coming, madam, 1529but in very strange manner. He is sure possessed, madam.
Why, what's the matter? Does he rave?
No, madam, he does nothing but smile. Your 1532ladyship were best to have some guard about you if he 1533come, for sure the man is tainted in's wits.
Go call him hither.
[Maria starts to exit.]
1536[To the audience] I am as mad as he,
1538How now, Malvolio!
Sweet lady, ho, ho!
Smil'st thou? I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.
Sad, lady? I could be sad. 1542This does make some obstruction in the blood, 1543this cross-gartering; but what of that? 1544If it please the eye of one, it is with me as the very true 1545sonnet is, [Singing] "Please one, and please all."
3.4.15.1 [He kisses his hand to her repeatedly.]
Why, how dost thou, man? 1547What is the matter with thee?
Not black in my mind, though yellow in my 1549legs. [Holding up letter] It did come to his hands, and commands shall 1550be executed. I think we do know the sweet roman 1551hand.
Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?
To bed! [Singing] "Ay, sweetheart, and I'll come to thee."
God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so, and 1555kiss thy hand so oft?
How do you, Malvolio?
[To Maria, scornfully] At your request? 1558Yes, nightingales answer daws!
Why appear you with this ridiculous 1560boldness before my lady?
[To Olivia] "Be not afraid of greatness": 'twas well writ.
What mean'st thou by that, Malvolio?
"Some are born great--"
Ha?
"--some achieve greatness--"
What say'st thou?
"--and some have greatness thrust upon them."
Heaven restore thee!
"Remember who commended thy yellow 1570stockings--"
Thy yellow stockings?
"--and wished to see thee cross-gartered."
Cross-gartered?
"Go to, thou art made, if thou desir'st to be so--"
Am I made?
"--if not, let me see thee a servant still."
[To the audience] Why, this is very midsummer madness.
Madam, the young gentleman of the Count 1580Orsino's is returned; I could hardly entreat him back. He 1581attends your ladyship's pleasure.
I'll come to him. [Exit Servant.] 1583Good Maria, let this fellow be looked to. Where's my 1584cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a special care 1585of him; I would not have him miscarry for the half of 1586my dowry.
Oh ho, do you come near me now? [To the audience] No worse 1588man than Sir Toby to look to me! This concurs 1589directly with the letter. She sends him on purpose, that I may 1590appear stubborn to him; for she incites me to that in 1591the letter. "Cast thy humble slough," says she, "be 1592opposite with a kinsman, surly with servants, let thy tongue 1593tang with arguments of state, put thyself into the 1594trick of singularity"; and consequently sets down the 1595manner how: as, a sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow 1596tongue, in the habit of some sir of note, and so forth. 1597I have limed her, but it is Jove's doing, and Jove make me 1598thankful. And when she went away now, "Let this 1599fellow be looked to." "Fellow!" Not Malvolio, nor after my 1600degree, but "fellow." Why, everything adheres together, 1601that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no 1602obstacle, no incredulous or unsafe circumstance--what 1603can be said? Nothing that can be can come between 1604me and the full prospect of my hopes. Well Jove, not I, 1605is the doer of this, and he is to be thanked.
[Pretending not to see Malvolio] Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all 1608the devils of hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself 1609possessed him, yet I'll speak to him.
Here he is, here he is. [To Malvolio] How is't with you, sir? 1611How is't with you, man?
Go off, I discard you. Let me enjoy my private. 1613Go off!
[To Sir Toby and Fabian, aloud, to be overheard] Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! 1615Did not I tell you? Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have 1616a care of him.
[Aside]Ah ha! Does she so?
[To them, aloud] Go to, go to. Peace, peace, we must deal 1619gently with him. Let me alone. [Approaching Malvolio] How do you, Malvolio? 1620How is't with you? What, man, defy the devil; consider, 1621he's an enemy to mankind.
Do you know what you say?
[To them, aloud] La you, an you speak ill of the devil, how 1624he takes it at heart! Pray God he be not bewitched!
[To them, aloud] Carry his water to th'wise woman.
[To them, aloud] Marry, and it shall be done tomorrow morning 1627if I live. My lady would not lose him for more than I'll 1628say.
How now, mistress?
[To them, aloud] Oh Lord!
[To them, aloud] Prithee hold thy peace, this is not the way. Do 1632you not see you move him? Let me alone with him.
[To them, aloud] No way but gentleness; gently, gently. The fiend 1634is rough, and will not be roughly used.
[Approaching Malvolio]Why, how now, my bawcock? How dost thou, chuck?
Sir!
Ay, biddy, come with me. What, man, 'tis not for 1638gravity to play at cherry-pit with Satan. Hang him, foul 1639collier!
[To them, aloud] Get him to say his prayers, good Sir Toby, get 1641him to pray.
My prayers, minx!
[To them, aloud] No, I warrant you, he will not hear of 1644godliness.
Go hang yourselves all! You are idle, shallow 1646things; I am not of your element. You shall know more 1647hereafter.
3.4.63.1 Exit.
[Laughing] Is't possible?
[Including the audience] If this were played upon a stage now, I could 1650condemn it as an improbable fiction!
His very genius hath taken the infection of the 1652device, man.
Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air, 1654and taint.
Why, we shall make him mad indeed.
The house will be the quieter.
Come, we'll have him in a dark room and bound. 1658My niece is already in the belief that he's mad. We may 1659carry it thus for our pleasure, and his penance, till our 1660very pastime, tired out of breath, prompt us to have mercy 1661on him; at which time we will bring the device to the bar 1662and crown thee for a finder of madmen.
3.4.71But see, but see!
More matter for a May morning!
Here's the challenge, read it. I warrant there's 1666vinegar and pepper in't.
[Taking the challenge] Is't so saucy?
Ay, is't, I warrant him! Do but read.
Give me. [Taking the challenge and reading] 1670
"Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a scurvy fellow."
[To Sir Andrew] Good, and valiant.
[Reading]
"Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call 1673thee so, for I will show thee no reason for't."
[To Sir Andrew] A good note: that keeps you from the blow of the law.
[Reading]
Very brief, and to exceeding good sense--[Aside] less.
[Reading]
"I will waylay thee going home, where if it be thy chance 1680to kill me--"
Good.
[Reading]
"--thou kill'st me like a rogue and a villain."
[To Sir Andrew] Still you keep o'th'windy side of the law. Good.
[Reading]
"Fare thee well, and God have mercy upon one of our 1685souls. He may have mercy upon mine, but my hope is better, 1686and so look to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy 1687sworn enemy,
3.4.87 Andrew Aguecheek."
If this letter move him not, his legs cannot. 1689I'll giv't him.
You may have very fit occasion for't; he is now 1691in some commerce with my lady, and will by and by 1692depart.
Go, Sir Andrew; scout me for him at the corner 1694of the orchard like a bum-baily. So soon as ever thou 1695see'st him, draw. And as thou draw'st, swear horrible; for 1696it comes to pass oft that a terrible oath with a 1697swaggering accent, sharply twanged off, gives manhood more 1698approbation than ever proof itself would have earned 1699him. Away!
Nay, let me alone for swearing.
3.4.91.1Exit.
Now will not I deliver his letter; for the 1702behavior of the young gentleman gives him out to be of good 1703capacity and breeding. His employment between his 1704lord and my niece confirms no less. Therefore this 1705letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed no terror 1706in the youth; he will find it comes from a clodpoll. 1707But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth, 1708set upon Aguecheek a notable report of valor, and drive 1709the gentleman (as I know his youth will aptly receive it) 1710into a most hideous opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and 1711impetuosity. This will so fright them both that they will 1712kill one another by the look, like cockatrices.
Here he comes with your niece; give them way 1715till he take leave, and presently after him.
I will meditate the while upon some horrid message 1717for a challenge.
3.4.94.1[Exeunt Sir Toby, Fabian and Maria.]
I have said too much unto a heart of stone,
With the same havior that your passion bears
Here, wear this jewel for me, 'tis my picture--
Nothing but this: your true love for my master.
How with mine honor may I give him that
1733Viola
I will acquit you.
Well, come again tomorrow. Fare thee well,
3.4.111.1[Exit Olivia.]
Gentleman, god save thee.
And you, sir.
That defense thou hast, betake thee to't. Of what 1740nature the wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not; 1741but thy interceptor, full of despite, bloody as the 1742hunter, attends thee at the orchard-end. Dismount thy tuck, 1743be yare in thy preparation, for thy assailant is quick, 1744skilful, and deadly.
You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any 1746quarrel to me. My remembrance is very free and clear from 1747any image of offence done to any man.
You'll find it otherwise, I assure you. Therefore, if 1749you hold your life at any price, betake you to your guard; 1750for your opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill, 1751and wrath can furnish man withal.
I pray you, sir, what is he?
He is knight, dubbed with unhatched rapier and 1754on carpet consideration, but he is a devil in private brawl. 1755Souls and bodies hath he divorced three, and his 1756incensement at this moment is so implacable that satisfaction 1757can be none but by pangs of death and sepulcher. "Hob, 1758nob" is his word: giv't or take't.
I will return again into the house, and desire 1760some conduct of the lady. I am no fighter. I have heard 1761of some kind of men that put quarrels purposely on 1762others to taste their valor; belike this is a man of that 1763quirk.
3.4.119.1[As Viola starts to exit, Sir Toby blocks her way.]
Sir, no. His indignation derives itself out of a 1765very competent injury; therefore get you on, and give him 1766his desire. Back you shall not to the house, unless you 1767undertake that with me which with as much safety you 1768might answer him. Therefore on, or strip your sword 1769stark naked; for meddle you must, that's certain, or 1770forswear to wear iron about you.
[To the audience] This is as uncivil as strange. [To Sir Toby] I beseech you, do 1772me this courteous office, as to know of the knight what 1773my offence to him is. It is something of my negligence, 1774nothing of my purpose.
I will do so. [To Fabian] Signor Fabian, stay you by this 1776gentleman till my return.
3.4.122.1Exit [Sir] Toby.
Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?
I know the knight is incensed against you, even to 1779a mortal arbitrament, but nothing of the circumstance 1780more.
I beseech you, what manner of man is he?
Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him 1783by his form, as you are like to find him in the proof of 1784his valor. He is indeed, sir, the most skilful, bloody, and 1785fatal opposite that you could possibly have found in any 1786part of Illyria. Will you walk towards him? [Viola hesitates.] I will make 1787your peace with him, if I can.
I shall be much bound to you for't. I am one 1789that had rather go with sir priest than sir knight; I care 1790not who knows so much of my mettle.
Why, man, he's a very devil, I have not seen such 1793a virago. I had a pass with him, rapier, scabbard, and all, 1794and he gives me the stuck in with such a mortal motion 1795that it is inevitable; and on the answer, he pays you as 1796surely as your feet hits the ground they step on. They 1797say he has been fencer to the Sophy.
Pox on't, I'll not meddle with him!
Ay, but he will not now be pacified; [Pointing towards Viola and Fabian] 1800Fabian can scarce hold him yonder.
Plague on't, an I thought he had been valiant, 1802and so cunning in fence, I'd have seen him damned ere 1803I'd have challenged him. Let him let the matter slip, and 1804I'll give him my horse, gray Capilet.
I'll make the motion. Stand here, make a good 1806show on't; this shall end without the perdition of souls. 1807[Aside] Marry, I'll ride your horse as well as I ride you.
3.4.1331809[To Fabian] I have his horse to take up the quarrel. I have persuaded 1810him the youth's a devil.
[Indicating Viola] He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants and 1812looks pale, as if a bear were at his heels.
[To Viola] There's no remedy, sir; he will fight with you for's 1814oath sake. Marry, he hath better bethought him of his 1815quarrel, and he finds that now scarce to be worth 1816talking of. Therefore draw, for the supportance of his vow; 1817he protests he will not hurt you.
[To the audience] Pray God defend me! A little thing would make 1819me tell them how much I lack of a man.
[To Viola] Give ground if you see him furious.
Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy, the 1822gentleman will for his honor's sake have one bout with you. 1823He cannot by the duello avoid it. But he has promised 1824me, as he is a gentleman and a soldier, he will not hurt 1825you. [To them both] Come on, to't.
Pray God he keep his oath!
[To Sir Andrew] I do assure you, 'tis against my will.
[To Sir Andrew, drawing] Put up your sword! If this young gentleman
You, sir? Why, what are you?
One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more
[Drawing ] Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.
O good Sir Toby, hold! Here come the officers.
[To Antonio] I'll be with you anon.
3.4.149.1[They sheathe their swords.]
[To Sir Andrew] Pray sir, put your sword up, if you please.
Marry, will I, sir; [Sheathing his sword] and for that I promised you, I'll 1841be as good as my word. He will bear you easily, and 1842reins well.
[To Second Officer] This is the man; do thy office.
Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit
3.4.155Of Count Orsino.
You do mistake me, sir.
No, sir, no jot. I know your favor well,
I must obey. [To Viola] This comes with seeking you;
Come, sir, away.
I must entreat of you some of that money.
What money, sir?
[Rejecting them] Will you deny me now?
I know of none,
O heavens themselves!
Come, sir, I pray you go.
Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
What's that to us? The time goes by. Away!
But O, how vile an idol proves this god!
The man grows mad; away with him. [To Antonio] 1892Come, come, sir!
Lead me on.
3.4.205.1Exit [Antonio guarded by Officers].
[To the audience] Methinks his words do from such passion fly
Come hither, knight, come hither, Fabian. We'll 1899whisper o'er a couplet or two of most sage saws.
3.4.210.1[They stand apart.]
[To the audience] He named Sebastian! I my brother know
3.4.216.1[Exit.]
A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward 1907than a hare. His dishonesty appears in leaving his friend 1908here in necessity, and denying him; and for his 1909cowardship, ask Fabian.
A coward, a most devout coward, religious in 1911it.
'Slid, I'll after him again, and beat him.
Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.
An I do not--
3.4.221.1[Exit following Viola.]
Come, let's see the event.
I dare lay any money 'twill be nothing yet.