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- Edition: Twelfth Night
Twelfth Night (Modern)
- Introduction
- Texts of this edition
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6982.3
Approach, Sir Andrew. Not to be abed after 701midnight, is to be up betimes; and diluculo surgere, thou 702know'st.
Nay, by my troth, I know not; but I know to 704be up late is to be up late.
A false conclusion. I hate it as an unfilled can. 706To be up after midnight, and to go to bed then, is early; 707so that to go to bed after midnight, is to go to bed 708betimes. Does not our life consist of the four 709elements?
Faith, so they say, but I think it rather consists 711of eating and drinking.
Th'art a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink. 713[Calling] Marian, I say, a stoup of wine!
Here comes the fool, i'faith.
How now, my hearts! Did you never see the 717picture of "We Three"?
Welcome, ass. Now let's have a catch.
By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. I 720had rather than forty shillings I had such a leg, and so 721sweet a breath to sing, as the fool has. In sooth, thou wast 722in very gracious fooling last night, when thou spok'st of 723Pigrogromitus, of the Vapians passing the equinoctial of 724Queubus. 'Twas very good, i'faith. I sent thee sixpence 725for thy leman--hadst it?
I did impeticos thy gratillity: for Malvolio's nose 727is no whipstock, my lady has a white hand, and the 728Myrmidons are no bottle-ale houses.
Excellent! Why, this is the best fooling, when 730all is done. Now a song!
[To Clown, giving money] Come on, there is sixpence for you. Let's have 732a song.
[Giving sixpence] There's a testril of me too. If one knight give a--
Would you have a love song, or a song of good 735life?
A love song, a love song.
Ay, ay. I care not for good life.
1O mistress mine, where are you roaming?
Excellent good, i'faith.
Good, good.
2What is love? 'Tis not hereafter,
A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.
A contagious breath.
Very sweet and contagious, i'faith.
To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion. 757But shall we make the welkin dance indeed? Shall we 758rouse the night-owl in a catch that will draw three 759souls out of one weaver? Shall we do that?
An you love me, let's do't! I am dog at a 761catch.
By'r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.
Most certain. Let our catch be "Thou Knave."
"Hold thy peace, thou knave," knight? I shall be 765constrained in't to call thee knave, knight.
'Tis not the first time I have constrained one to 767call me knave. Begin, fool. It begins, [Singing] "Hold thy peace."
I shall never begin if I hold my peace.
Good, i'faith! Come, begin.
2.3.41.1Catch sung.
What a caterwauling do you keep here! If 772my lady have not called up her steward Malvolio, and 773bid him turn you out of doors, never trust me.
My lady's a Cathayan, we are politicians, Malvolio's 775a Peg-a-Ramsay, and [Singing] "Three merry men be we"! Am not I 776consanguineous? Am I not of her blood? Tilly-vally, 777lady! [Singing] "There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady"!
Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling.
Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, and so 780do I too. He does it with a better grace, but I do it more 781natural.
[Singing] "O'the twelfth day of December--"
For the love o'god, peace!
My masters, are you mad! Or what are you? 786Have you no wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble 787like tinkers at this time of night? Do ye make an 788alehouse of my lady's house, that ye squeak out your 789coziers' catches without any mitigation or remorse of voice? 790Is there no respect of place, persons, nor time in you?
We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!
Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady 793bade me tell you that, though she harbors you as her 794kinsman, she's nothing allied to your disorders. If you can 795separate yourself and your misdemeanors, you are 796welcome to the house. If not, an it would please you to take 797leave of her, she is very willing to bid you farewell.
[Singing] [To Maria] "Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone."
Nay, good Sir Toby.
[Singing] [Indicating Sir Toby] "His eyes do show his days are almost done."
Is't even so?
[Singing] "But I will never die."
[Singing] Sir Toby, there you lie.
This is much credit to you.
[Singing] [Indicating Malvolio] "Shall I bid him go?"
[Singing] "What an if you do?"
[Singing]
"Shall I bid him go, and spare not?"
[Singing]
"O no, no, no, no, you dare not!"
[To Malvolio] Out o'tune, sir? Ye lie! Art any more than a 810steward? Dost thou think because thou art virtuous there 811shall be no more cakes and ale?
Yes, by Saint Anne, and ginger shall be hot i'th'813mouth too.
Th'art i'th'right. [To Malvolio] Go, sir, rub your chain with 815crumbs. A stoup of wine, Maria!
Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady's favor 817at anything more than contempt, you would not give 818means for this uncivil rule. She shall know of it, by this 819hand.
2.3.65.1Exit.
Go shake your ears!
'Twere as good a deed as to drink when a man's 822a-hungry, to challenge him the field, and then to break 823promise with him, and make a fool of him.
Do't, knight. I'll write thee a challenge; or I'll 825deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth.
Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for tonight. Since 827the youth of the count's was today with my lady, she is 828much out of quiet. For Monsieur Malvolio, let me alone 829with him. If I do not gull him into a nayword, and make 830him a common recreation, do not think I have wit 831enough to lie straight in my bed. I know I can do it.
Possess us, possess us, tell us something of him.
Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of puritan.
Oh, if I thought that, I'd beat him like a dog!
What, for being a puritan? Thy exquisite reason, 836dear knight?
I have no exquisite reason for't, but I have reason 838good enough.
The devil a puritan that he is, or anything 840constantly but a time-pleaser, an affectioned ass, that 841cons state without book, and utters it by great swaths. 842The best persuaded of himself, so crammed, as he thinks, 843with excellencies, that it is his grounds of faith that all 844that look on him love him; and on that vice in him will 845my revenge find notable cause to work.
What wilt thou do?
I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of 848love, wherein by the color of his beard, the shape of his 849leg, the manner of his gait, the expressure of his eye, 850forehead, and complexion, he shall find himself most 851feelingly personated. I can write very like my lady 852your niece; on a forgotten matter we can hardly make 853distinction of our hands.
Excellent, I smell a device.
I have't in my nose too.
He shall think by the letters that thou wilt drop 857that they come from my niece, and that she's in love 858with him.
My purpose is indeed a horse of that color.
And your horse now would make him an ass.
Ass, I doubt not.
Oh, 'twill be admirable!
Sport royal, I warrant you. I know my 864physic will work with him. I will plant you two, and let 865the fool make a third, where he shall find the letter. 866Observe his construction of it. For this night, to bed, and 867dream on the event. Farewell.
2.3.85.1Exit.
Good night, Penthesilea!
Before me, she's a good wench.
She's a beagle true bred, and one that adores me. 871What o'that?
I was adored once, too.
Let's to bed, knight. Thou hadst need send for 874more money.
If I cannot recover your niece, I am a foul way 876out.
Send for money, knight. If thou hast her not i'th'878end, call me cut.
If I do not, never trust me, take it how you will.
Come, come, I'll go burn some sack; 'tis too late 881to go to bed now. Come, knight, come, knight.
2.3.94.1Exeunt.