Internet Shakespeare Editions

About this text

  • Title: Twelfth Night (Folio 1, 1623)
  • Editors: David Carnegie, Mark Houlahan
  • ISBN: 978-1-55058-372-4

    Copyright Internet Shakespeare Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-proift purposes; for all other uses contact the Coordinating Editor.
    Author: William Shakespeare
    Editors: David Carnegie, Mark Houlahan
    Peer Reviewed

    Twelfth Night (Folio 1, 1623)

    1015Scena Quinta.
    Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.
    To. Come thy wayes Signior Fabian.
    Fab. Nay Ile come: if I loose a scruple of this sport,
    let me be boyl'd to death with Melancholly.
    1020To. Wouldst thou not be glad to haue the niggard-
    ly Rascally sheepe-biter, come by some notable shame?
    Fa. I would exult man: you know he brought me out
    o'fauour with my Lady, about a Beare-baiting heere.
    To. To anger him wee'l haue the Beare againe, and
    1025we will foole him blacke and blew, shall we not sir An-
    An. And we do not, it is pittie of our liues.
    Enter Maria.
    To. Heere comes the little villaine: How now my
    1030Mettle of India?
    Mar. Get ye all three into the box tree: Maluolio's
    comming downe this walke, he has beene yonder i'the
    Sunne practising behauiour to his own shadow this halfe
    houre: obserue him for the loue of Mockerie: for I know
    1035this Letter wil make a contemplatiue Ideot of him. Close
    in the name of ieasting, lye thou there: for heere comes
    the Trowt, that must be caught with tickling. Exit
    Enter Maluolio.
    Mal. 'Tis but Fortune, all is fortune. Maria once
    1040told me she did affect me, and I haue heard her self come
    thus neere, that should shee fancie, it should bee one of
    my complection. Besides she vses me with a more ex-
    alted respect, then any one else that followes her. What
    should I thinke on't?
    1045To. Heere's an ouer-weening rogue.
    Fa. Oh peace: Contemplation makes a rare Turkey
    Cocke of him, how he iets vnder his aduanc'd plumes.
    And. Slight I could so beate the Rogue.
    To. Peace I say.
    1050Mal. To be Count Maluolio.
    To. Ah Rogue.
    An. Pistoll him, pistoll him.
    To. Peace, peace.
    Mal. There is example for't: The Lady of the Stra-
    1055chy, married the yeoman of the wardrobe.
    An. Fie on him Iezabel.
    Fa. O peace, now he's deepely in: looke how imagi-
    nation blowes him.
    Mal. Hauing beene three moneths married to her,
    1060sitting in my state.
    To. O for a stone-bow to hit him in the eye.
    Mal. Calling my Officers about me, in my branch'd
    Veluet gowne: hauing come from a day bedde, where I
    haue left Oliuia sleeping.
    1065To. Fire and Brimstone.
    Fa. O peace, peace.
    Mal. And then to haue the humor of state: and after
    a demure trauaile of regard: telling them I knowe my
    place, as I would they should doe theirs: to aske for my
    1070kinsman Toby.
    To. Boltes and shackles.
    Fa. Oh peace, peace, peace, now, now.
    Mal. Seauen of my people with an obedient start,
    make out for him: I frowne the while, and perchance
    1075winde vp my watch, or play with my some rich Iewell:
    Toby approaches; curtsies there to me.
    To. Shall this fellow liue?
    Fa. Though our silence be drawne from vs with cars,
    yet peace.
    1080Mal. I extend my hand to him thus: quenching my
    familiar smile with an austere regard of controll.
    To. And do's not Toby take you a blow o'the lippes,
    Mal. Saying, Cosine Toby, my Fortunes hauing cast
    1085me on your Neece, giue me this prerogatiue of speech.
    To. What, what?
    Mal. You must amend your drunkennesse.
    To. Out scab.
    Fab. Nay patience, or we breake the sinewes of our
    Mal. Besides you waste the treasure of your time,
    with a foolish knight.
    And. That's mee I warrant you.
    Mal. One sir Andrew.
    1095And. I knew 'twas I, for many do call mee foole.
    Mal. What employment haue we heere?
    Fa. Now is the Woodcocke neere the gin.
    To. Oh peace, and the spirit of humors intimate rea-
    ding aloud to him.
    1100Mal. By my life this is my Ladies hand: these bee her
    very C's, her V's, and her T's, and thus makes shee her
    great P's. It is in contempt of question her hand.
    An. Her C's, her V's, and her T's: why that?
    Mal. To the vnknowne belou'd, this, and my good Wishes:
    1105Her very Phrases: By your leaue wax. Soft, and the im-
    pressure her Lucrece, with which she vses to seale: tis my
    Lady: To whom should this be?
    Fab. This winnes him, Liuer and all.
    264 Twelfe Night, or, What you will.
    Mal. Ioue knowes I loue, but who, Lips do not mooue, no
    1110man must know. No man must know. What followes?
    The numbers alter'd: No man must know,
    If this should be thee Maluolio?
    To. Marrie hang thee brocke.
    Mal. I may command where I adore, but silence like a Lu-
    1115cresse knife:
    With bloodlesse stroke my heart doth gore, M.O.A.I. doth
    sway my life.
    Fa. A fustian riddle.
    To. Excellent Wench, say I.
    1120Mal. M.O.A.I. doth sway my life. Nay but first
    let me see, let me see, let me see.
    Fab. What dish a poyson has she drest him?
    To. And with what wing the stallion checkes at it?
    Mal. I may command, where I adore: Why shee may
    1125command me: I serue her, she is my Ladie. Why this is
    euident to any formall capacitie. There is no obstruction
    in this, and the end: What should that Alphabeticall po-
    sition portend, if I could make that resemble something
    in me? Softly, M.O.A.I.
    1130To. O I, make vp that, he is now at a cold sent.
    Fab. Sowter will cry vpon't for all this, though it bee
    as ranke as a Fox.
    Mal. M. Maluolio, M. why that begins my name.
    Fab. Did not I say he would worke it out, the Curre
    1135is excellent at faults.
    Mal. M. But then there is no consonancy in the sequell
    that suffers vnder probation: A. should follow, but O.
    Fa. And O shall end, I hope.
    1140To. I, or Ile cudgell him, and make him cry O.
    Mal. And then I. comes behind.
    Fa. I, and you had any eye behinde you, you might
    see more detraction at your heeles, then Fortunes before
    1145Mal. M,O,A,I. This simulation is not as the former:
    and yet to crush this a little, it would bow to mee, for e-
    uery one of these Letters are in my name. Soft, here fol-
    lowes prose: If this fall into thy hand, reuolue. In my stars
    I am aboue thee, but be not affraid of greatnesse: Some
    1150are become great, some atcheeues greatnesse, and some
    haue greatnesse thrust vppon em. Thy fates open theyr
    hands, let thy blood and spirit embrace them, and to in-
    vre thy selfe to what thou art like to be: cast thy humble
    slough, and appeare fresh. Be opposite with a kinsman,
    1155surly with seruants: Let thy tongue tang arguments of
    state; put thy selfe into the tricke of singularitie. Shee
    thus aduises thee, that sighes for thee. Remember who
    commended thy yellow stockings, and wish'd to see thee
    euer crosse garter'd: I say remember, goe too, thou art
    1160made if thou desir'st to be so: If not, let me see thee a ste-
    ward still, the fellow of seruants, and not woorthie to
    touch Fortunes fingers Farewell, Shee that would alter
    seruices with thee, tht fortunate vnhappy daylight and
    champian discouers not more: This is open, I will bee
    1165proud, I will reade politicke Authours, I will baffle Sir
    Toby, I will wash off grosse acquaintance, I will be point
    deuise, the very man. I do not now foole my selfe, to let
    imagination iade mee; for euery reason excites to this,
    that my Lady loues me. She did commend my yellow
    1170stockings of late, shee did praise my legge being crosse-
    garter'd, and in this she manifests her selfe to my loue, &
    with a kinde of iniunction driues mee to these habites of
    her liking. I thanke my starres, I am happy: I will bee
    strange, stout, in yellow stockings, and crosse Garter'd,
    1175euen with the swiftnesse of putting on. Ioue, and my
    starres be praised. Heere is yet a postscript. Thou canst
    not choose but know who I am. If thou entertainst my loue, let
    it appeare in thy smiling, thy smiles become thee well. There-
    fore in my presence still smile, deero my sweete, I prethee. Ioue
    1180I thanke thee, I will smile, I wil do euery thing that thou
    wilt haue me. Exit
    Fab. I will not giue my part of this sport for a pensi-
    on of thousands to be paid from the Sophy.
    To. I could marry this wench for this deuice.
    1185An. So could I too.
    To. And aske no other dowry with her, but such ano-
    ther iest.
    Enter Maria.
    An. Nor I neither.
    1190Fab. Heere comes my noble gull catcher.
    To. Wilt thou set thy foote o'my necke.
    An. Or o'mine either?
    To. Shall I play my freedome at tray-trip, and becom
    thy bondslaue?
    1195An. Ifaith, or I either?
    Tob. Why, thou hast put him in such a dreame, that
    when the image of it leaues him, he must run mad.
    Ma. Nay but say true, do's it worke vpon him?
    To. Like Aqua vite with a Midwife.
    1200Mar. If you will then see the fruites of the sport, mark
    his first approach before my Lady: hee will come to her
    in yellow stockings, and 'tis a colour she abhorres, and
    crosse garter'd, a fashion shee detests: and hee will smile
    vpon her, which will now be so vnsuteable to her dispo-
    1205sition, being addicted to a melancholly, as shee is, that it
    cannot but turn him into a notable contempt: if you wil
    see it follow me.
    To. To the gates of Tartar, thou most excellent diuell
    of wit.
    1210And. Ile make one too. Exeunt.
    Finis Actus secundus