Twelfth Night (Folio 1, 1623)

 1984Scoena Secunda. 
 1985Enter Maria and Clowne.
 1986Mar. Nay, I prethee put on this gown, & this beard,
 1987make him beleeue thou art sir Topas the Curate, doe it
 1988quickly. Ile call sir Toby the whilst.
 1989Clo. Well, Ile put it on, and I will dissemble my selfe
 1990in't, and I would I were the first that euer dissembled in
 such
  Twelfe Night, or, What you will. 271
 1991in such a gowne. I am not tall enough to become the
 1992function well, nor leane enough to bee thought a good
 1993Studient: but to be said an honest man and a good hous-
 1994keeper goes as fairely, as to say, a carefull man, & a great
 1995scholler. The Competitors enter.
 1996Enter Toby.
 1997To. Ioue blesse thee M. Parson.
 1998Clo. Bonos dies sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prage
 1999that neuer saw pen and inke, very wittily sayd to a Neece
 2000of King Gorbodacke, that that is, is: so I being M. Parson,
 2001am M. Parson; for what is that, but that? and is, but is?
 2002To. To him sir Topas.
 2003Clow. What hoa, I say, Peace in this prison.
 2004To. The knaue counterfets well: a good knaue.
 2005Maluolio within.
 2006Mal. Who cals there?
 2007Clo. Sir Topas the Curate, who comes to visit Maluo-
 2008lio the Lunaticke.
 2009Mal. Sir Topas, sir Topas, good sir Topas goe to my
 2010Ladie.
 2011Clo. Out hyperbolicall fiend, how vexest thou this
 2012man? Talkest thou nothing but of Ladies?
 2013Tob. Well said M. Parson.
 2014Mal. Sir Topas, neuer was man thus wronged, good
 2015sir Topas do not thinke I am mad: they haue layde mee
 2016heere in hideous darknesse.
 2017Clo. Fye, thou dishonest sathan: I call thee by the
 2018most modest termes, for I am one of those gentle ones,
 2019that will vse the diuell himselfe with curtesie: sayst thou
 2020that house is darke?
 2021Mal. As hell sir Topas.
 2022Clo. Why it hath bay Windowes transparant as bari-
 2023cadoes, and the cleere stores toward the South north, are
 2024as lustrous as Ebony: and yet complainest thou of ob-
 2025struction?
 2026Mal. I am not mad sir Topas, I say to you this house is
 2027darke.
 2028Clo. Madman thou errest: I say there is no darknesse
 2029but ignorance, in which thou art more puzel'd then the
 2030AEgyptians in their fogge.
 2031Mal. I say this house is as darke as Ignorance, thogh
 2032Ignorance were as darke as hell; and I say there was ne-
 2033uer man thus abus'd, I am no more madde then you are,
 2034make the triall of it in any constant question.
 2035Clo. What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning
 2036Wilde-fowle?
 2037Mal. That the soule of our grandam, might happily
 2038inhabite a bird.
 2039Clo. What thinkst thou of his opinion?
 2040Mal. I thinke nobly of the soule, and no way aproue
 2041his opinion.
 2042Clo. Fare thee well: remaine thou still in darkenesse,
 2043thou shalt hold th'opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow
 2044of thy wits, and feare to kill a Woodcocke, lest thou dis-
 2045possesse the soule of thy grandam. Fare thee well.
 2046Mal. Sir Topas, sir Topas.
 2047Tob. My most exquisite sir Topas.
 2048Clo. Nay I am for all waters.
 2049Mar. Thou mightst haue done this without thy berd
 2050and gowne, he sees thee not.
 2051To. To him in thine owne voyce, and bring me word
 2052how thou findst him: I would we were well ridde of this
 2053knauery. If he may bee conueniently deliuer'd, I would
 2054he were, for I am now so farre in offence with my Niece,
 2055that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport the vppe-
 2056shot. Come by and by to my Chamber.  Exit
 2057Clo. Hey Robin, iolly Robin, tell me how thy Lady
 2058does.
 2059Mal. Foole.
 2060Clo. My Lady is vnkind, perdie.
 2061Mal. Foole.
 2062Clo. Alas why is she so?
 2063Mal. Foole, I say.
 2064Clo. She loues another. Who calles, ha?
 2065Mal. Good foole, as euer thou wilt deserue well at
 2066my hand, helpe me to a Candle, and pen, inke, and paper:
 2067as I am a Gentleman, I will liue to bee thankefull to thee
 2068for't.
 2069Clo. M. Maluolio?
 2070Mal. I good Foole.
 2071Clo. Alas sir, how fell you besides your fiue witts?
 2072Mall. Foole, there was neuer man so notoriouslie a-
 2073bus'd: I am as well in my wits (foole) as thou art.
 2074Clo. But as well: then you are mad indeede, if you be
 2075no better in your wits then a foole.
 2076Mal. They haue heere propertied me: keepe mee in
 2077darkenesse, send Ministers to me, Asses, and doe all they
 2078can to face me out of my wits.
 2079Clo. Aduise you what you say: the Minister is heere.
 2080 Maluolio, Maluolio, thy wittes the heauens restore: en-
 2081deauour thy selfe to sleepe, and leaue thy vaine bibble
 2082babble.
 2083Mal. Sir Topas.
 2084Clo. Maintaine no words with him good fellow.
 2085Who I sir, not I sir. God buy you good sir Topas: Mar-
 2086ry Amen. I will sir, I will.
 2087Mal. Foole, foole, foole I say.
 2088Clo. Alas sir be patient. What say you sir, I am shent
 2089for speaking to you.
 2090Mal. Good foole, helpe me to some light, and some
 2091paper, I tell thee I am as well in my wittes, as any man in
 2092Illyria.
 2093Clo. Well-a-day, that you were sir.
 2094Mal. By this hand I am: good foole, some inke, pa-
 2095per, and light: and conuey what I will set downe to my
 2096Lady: it shall aduantage thee more, then euer the bea-
 2097ring of Letter did.
 2098Clo. I will help you too't. But tel me true, are you not
 2099mad indeed, or do you but counterfeit.
 2100Mal. Beleeue me I am not, I tell thee true.
 2101Clo. Nay, Ile nere beleeue a madman till I see his brains
 2102I will fetch you light, and paper, and inke.
 2103Mal. Foole, Ile requite it in the highest degree:
 2104I prethee be goue.
 2105Clo. I am gone sir, and anon sir,
 2106Ile be with you againe:
 2107In a trice, like to the old vice,
 2108your neede to sustaine.
 2109Who with dagger of lath, in his rage and his wrath,
 2110cries ah ha, to the diuell:
 2111Like a mad lad, paire thy nayles dad,
 2112Adieu good man diuell.  Exit
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Twelfth Night (Folio 1, 1623)
