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  • Title: The Merry Wives of Windsor (Modern, Quarto)
  • Editor: Helen Ostovich
  • Markup editor: Janelle Jenstad
  • Coordinating editor: Janelle Jenstad

  • Copyright Helen Ostovich. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Editor: Helen Ostovich
    Not Peer Reviewed

    The Merry Wives of Windsor (Modern, Quarto)

    770 [Scene 6]
    Enter Sir John [Falstaff] and Pistol.
    Falstaff
    I'll not lend thee a penny.
    772.1 Pistol
    I will retort the sum in equipage.
    775 Falstaff
    Not a penny! I have been content you should lay my countenance to pawn. I have grated upon my good friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow Nym, else you might 'a' looked through a grate like a gemini of baboons. I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen you're good soldiers and tall fellows. And when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took't on my honor thou hadst it not.
    Pistol
    Didst thou not share? Hadst thou not fifteen pence?
    Falstaff
    Reason, you rogue, reason. Dost thou think I'll endanger my soul gratis? In brief, hang no more about me. I am no gibbet for you. A short knife and a throng to your manor of Pickt-hatch, go. You'll not bear a letter for me,790 you rogue you! You stand upon your honor! Why, thou unconfinable baseness thou, 'tis as much as I can do to keep the terms of my honor precise. I, I myself sometimes, leaving the fear of God on the left hand, am fain to shuffle, to filch, and to lurch.795 And yet you stand upon your honor, you rogue! You, you --
    800 Pistol
    I do recant. What wouldst thou more of man?
    800.1 Falstaff
    Well, go to, away! No more.
    Enter Mistress Quickly.
    Quickly
    Good you god den, sir.
    Falstaff
    Good den, fair wife.
    805 Quickly
    Not so, an't like your worship.
    Falstaff
    Fair maid, then.
    Quickly
    That I am, I'll be sworn, as my mother was the first hour I was born.810 Sir, I would speak with you in private.
    Falstaff
    Say on, I prithee. Here's none but my own812.1 household.
    Quickly
    Are they so? Now God bless them, and make them his servants. Sir, I come from Mistress Ford.
    Falstaff
    So, from Mistress Ford. Go on.
    817.1 Quickly
    Ay, sir, she hath sent me to you to let you understand she hath received your letter,849.1 and, let me tell you, she is one stands upon her credit.
    Falstaff
    Well, come -- Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford?
    Quickly
    Ay, sir, and, as they say, she is not the first hath been led in a fool's paradise.
    849.5 Falstaff
    Nay, prithee, be brief, my good she-Mercury.
    Quickly
    Marry, sir, she'd have you meet her between eight and nine.
    Falstaff
    So, between eight and nine?
    859.1 Quickly
    Ay, forsooth, for then her husband goes a-birding.
    Falstaff
    Well, commend me to thy mistress. Tell her895 I will not fail her. --- Boy, give her my purse.
    [The Boy offers money.]
    Quickly
    Nay, sir, I have another errand to do to you from Mistress Page.
    862.1 Falstaff
    From Mistress Page? I prithee, what of her?
    Quickly
    By my troth, I think you work by enchantments,869.1 else they could never love you as they do.
    Falstaff
    Not I, I assure thee. Setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I use no other enchantments.
    872.1 Quickly
    Well, sir, she loves you extremely. And let me tell you, she's one that fears God, and her husband gives her leave to do all,880 for he is not half so jealousy as Master Ford is.
    Falstaff
    But hark thee, hath Mistress Page and Mistress Ford875 acquainted each other how dearly they love me?
    875.1 Quickly
    O God, no, sir! There were a jest indeed.
    Falstaff
    Well, farewell, commend me to Mistress Ford.894.1 I will not fail her, say.
    Quickly
    God be with your worship.
    Exit Mistress Quickly.
    Enter Bardolph.
    Bardolph
    Sir, here's a gentleman, one Master Brook, would speak with you. He hath sent you a cup of sack.
    Falstaff
    Master Brook, he's welcome: Bid him come up, Such Brooks are always welcome to me.
    [Exit Bardolph.]
    911.1 Ah, Jack, will thy old body yet hold out? Wilt thou, after the expense of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee, and I'll make more of thee than I ha' done.911.5 Ha, ha, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, have I caught you o'the hip? Go to!
    Enter Ford disguised like Brook.
    Ford
    God save you, sir.
    915 Falstaff
    And you too. Would you speak with me?
    Ford
    Marry, would I, sir. I am somewhat bold to trouble you. My name is Brook.
    Falstaff
    Good Master Brook, you're very welcome.
    920 Ford
    I'faith, sir, I am a gentleman and a traveler that have seen somewhat. And I have often heard that, if money goes before, all ways lie open.
    930 Falstaff
    Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.
    Ford
    I'faith, sir, and I have a bag here [Showing a money-bag] . Would you would help me to bear it.
    Falstaff
    O Lord, would I could tell how to deserve to be your porter.
    That may you easily, Sir John. I have an earnest945 suit to you. But, good Sir John, when I have told you my grief, cast one eye of your own estate, since yourself knew what 'tis to be such an offender.
    950 Falstaff
    Very well, sir, proceed.
    Ford
    Sir, I am deeply in love with one Ford's wife951.1 of this town. Now, Sir John, you are a gentleman of good discoursing, well beloved among ladies, a man of such parts that might win twenty such as she.
    Falstaff
    Oh, good sir!
    Nay, believe it, Sir John, for 'tis time. Now, my love is so grounded upon her that without her love I shall hardly live.
    Falstaff
    Have you importuned her by any means?
    Ford
    No, never, sir.
    Falstaff
    Of what quality is your love then?
    975 Ford
    I'faith, sir, like a fair house set upon another man's foundation.
    Falstaff
    And to what end have you unfolded this to me?
    Ford
    Oh, sir, when I have told you that, I told you all, for she, sir, stands so pure in the firm state of her honesty that she is too bright to be looked against. Now, could I come against her with some detection, I should sooner persuade her from her marriage vow, and a hundred such nice terms that she'll stand upon.
    995 Falstaff
    Why would it apply well to the fervency of your affection that another should possess what you would enjoy? Methinks you prescribe very preposterously to yourself.
    No, sir, for by that means should I be certain of that which I now misdoubt.
    Falstaff
    Well, Master Brook, I'll first make bold with your money [Accepting the money-bag] . Next, give me your hand. [They shake hands.] . Lastly, you shall1010 and you will enjoy Ford's wife.
    Oh, good sir!
    Falstaff
    Master Brook, I say you shall.
    Want no money, Sir John, you shall want none.
    Falstaff
    Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook, you shall want none. Even as you came to me, her spokesmate, her go-between, parted from me. I may tell you, Master Brook, I am to meet her between eight and nine, for at that time the jealous cuckally knave, her husband, will be from home. Come to me soon at night. You shall know how1020 I speed, Master Brook.
    Sir, do you know Ford?
    Falstaff
    Hang him, poor cuckally knave, I know him not, and yet I wrong him to call him poor. For they say the cuckally knave hath legions of angels, for the which his wife seems to me well favored, and I'll use her as the key of the cuckally knave's coffer, and there's my rendezvous.
    Methinks, sir, it were very good that you knew1030 Ford, that you might shun him.
    Falstaff
    Hang him, cuckally knave, I'll stare him out of his wits. I'll keepe him in awe with this, my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the wittolly knave's head. Master Brook, thou shalt see I will predominate o'er the peasant,1035 and thou shalt lie with his wife. Master Brook, thou shalt know him for knave and cuckold! Come to me soon at night.
    1038.1 Exit Falstaff.
    What a damned epicurian is this?
    My wife hath sent for him; the plot is laid.
    Page is an ass, a fool. A secure ass!
    I'll sooner trust an Irishman with my aqua-vitae bottle, Sir Hugh, our parson, with my cheese,1055 a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself. Then she plots, then she ruminates, and what she thinks in her heart she may effect -- she'll break her heart but she will effect it. God be praised, God be praised for my jealousy!1060 Well, I'll go prevent him. The time draws on. Better an hour too soon than a minute too late. God's my life -- cuckold, cuckold!
    Exit Ford.