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Editor: Helen Ostovich
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The Merry Wives of Windsor (Modern, Quarto)

770 [Scene 6]
Enter Sir John [Falstaff] and Pistol.
Falstaff
I'll not lend thee a penny.
772.1 Pistol
I will retort the sum in equipage.
775 Falstaff
Not a penny! I have been content you should lay my countenance to pawn. I have grated upon my good friends for three reprieves for you and your coach-fellow Nym, else you might 'a' looked through a grate like a gemini of baboons. I am damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen you're good soldiers and tall fellows. And when Mistress Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took't on my honor thou hadst it not.
Pistol
Didst thou not share? Hadst thou not fifteen pence?
Falstaff
Reason, you rogue, reason. Dost thou think I'll endanger my soul gratis? In brief, hang no more about me. I am no gibbet for you. A short knife and a throng to your manor of Pickt-hatch, go. You'll not bear a letter for me,790 you rogue you! You stand upon your honor! Why, thou unconfinable baseness thou, 'tis as much as I can do to keep the terms of my honor precise. I, I myself sometimes, leaving the fear of God on the left hand, am fain to shuffle, to filch, and to lurch.795 And yet you stand upon your honor, you rogue! You, you --
800 Pistol
I do recant. What wouldst thou more of man?
800.1 Falstaff
Well, go to, away! No more.
Enter Mistress Quickly.
Quickly
Good you god den, sir.
Falstaff
Good den, fair wife.
805 Quickly
Not so, an't like your worship.
Falstaff
Fair maid, then.
Quickly
That I am, I'll be sworn, as my mother was the first hour I was born.810 Sir, I would speak with you in private.
Falstaff
Say on, I prithee. Here's none but my own812.1 household.
Quickly
Are they so? Now God bless them, and make them his servants. Sir, I come from Mistress Ford.
Falstaff
So, from Mistress Ford. Go on.
817.1 Quickly
Ay, sir, she hath sent me to you to let you understand she hath received your letter,849.1 and, let me tell you, she is one stands upon her credit.
Falstaff
Well, come -- Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford?
Quickly
Ay, sir, and, as they say, she is not the first hath been led in a fool's paradise.
849.5 Falstaff
Nay, prithee, be brief, my good she-Mercury.
Quickly
Marry, sir, she'd have you meet her between eight and nine.
Falstaff
So, between eight and nine?
859.1 Quickly
Ay, forsooth, for then her husband goes a-birding.
Falstaff
Well, commend me to thy mistress. Tell her895 I will not fail her. --- Boy, give her my purse.
[The Boy offers money.]
Quickly
Nay, sir, I have another errand to do to you from Mistress Page.
862.1 Falstaff
From Mistress Page? I prithee, what of her?
Quickly
By my troth, I think you work by enchantments,869.1 else they could never love you as they do.
Falstaff
Not I, I assure thee. Setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I use no other enchantments.
872.1 Quickly
Well, sir, she loves you extremely. And let me tell you, she's one that fears God, and her husband gives her leave to do all,880 for he is not half so jealousy as Master Ford is.
Falstaff
But hark thee, hath Mistress Page and Mistress Ford875 acquainted each other how dearly they love me?
875.1 Quickly
O God, no, sir! There were a jest indeed.
Falstaff
Well, farewell, commend me to Mistress Ford.894.1 I will not fail her, say.
Quickly
God be with your worship.
Exit Mistress Quickly.
Enter Bardolph.
Bardolph
Sir, here's a gentleman, one Master Brook, would speak with you. He hath sent you a cup of sack.
Falstaff
Master Brook, he's welcome: Bid him come up, Such Brooks are always welcome to me.
[Exit Bardolph.]
911.1 Ah, Jack, will thy old body yet hold out? Wilt thou, after the expense of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee, and I'll make more of thee than I ha' done.911.5 Ha, ha, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, have I caught you o'the hip? Go to!
Enter Ford disguised like Brook.
Ford
God save you, sir.
915 Falstaff
And you too. Would you speak with me?
Ford
Marry, would I, sir. I am somewhat bold to trouble you. My name is Brook.
Falstaff
Good Master Brook, you're very welcome.
920 Ford
I'faith, sir, I am a gentleman and a traveler that have seen somewhat. And I have often heard that, if money goes before, all ways lie open.
930 Falstaff
Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.
Ford
I'faith, sir, and I have a bag here [Showing a money-bag] . Would you would help me to bear it.
Falstaff
O Lord, would I could tell how to deserve to be your porter.
That may you easily, Sir John. I have an earnest945 suit to you. But, good Sir John, when I have told you my grief, cast one eye of your own estate, since yourself knew what 'tis to be such an offender.
950 Falstaff
Very well, sir, proceed.
Ford
Sir, I am deeply in love with one Ford's wife951.1 of this town. Now, Sir John, you are a gentleman of good discoursing, well beloved among ladies, a man of such parts that might win twenty such as she.
Falstaff
Oh, good sir!
Nay, believe it, Sir John, for 'tis time. Now, my love is so grounded upon her that without her love I shall hardly live.
Falstaff
Have you importuned her by any means?
Ford
No, never, sir.
Falstaff
Of what quality is your love then?
975 Ford
I'faith, sir, like a fair house set upon another man's foundation.
Falstaff
And to what end have you unfolded this to me?
Ford
Oh, sir, when I have told you that, I told you all, for she, sir, stands so pure in the firm state of her honesty that she is too bright to be looked against. Now, could I come against her with some detection, I should sooner persuade her from her marriage vow, and a hundred such nice terms that she'll stand upon.
995 Falstaff
Why would it apply well to the fervency of your affection that another should possess what you would enjoy? Methinks you prescribe very preposterously to yourself.
No, sir, for by that means should I be certain of that which I now misdoubt.
Falstaff
Well, Master Brook, I'll first make bold with your money [Accepting the money-bag] . Next, give me your hand. [They shake hands.] . Lastly, you shall1010 and you will enjoy Ford's wife.
Oh, good sir!
Falstaff
Master Brook, I say you shall.
Want no money, Sir John, you shall want none.
Falstaff
Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook, you shall want none. Even as you came to me, her spokesmate, her go-between, parted from me. I may tell you, Master Brook, I am to meet her between eight and nine, for at that time the jealous cuckally knave, her husband, will be from home. Come to me soon at night. You shall know how1020 I speed, Master Brook.
Sir, do you know Ford?
Falstaff
Hang him, poor cuckally knave, I know him not, and yet I wrong him to call him poor. For they say the cuckally knave hath legions of angels, for the which his wife seems to me well favored, and I'll use her as the key of the cuckally knave's coffer, and there's my rendezvous.
Methinks, sir, it were very good that you knew1030 Ford, that you might shun him.
Falstaff
Hang him, cuckally knave, I'll stare him out of his wits. I'll keepe him in awe with this, my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the wittolly knave's head. Master Brook, thou shalt see I will predominate o'er the peasant,1035 and thou shalt lie with his wife. Master Brook, thou shalt know him for knave and cuckold! Come to me soon at night.
1038.1 Exit Falstaff.
What a damned epicurian is this?
My wife hath sent for him; the plot is laid.
Page is an ass, a fool. A secure ass!
I'll sooner trust an Irishman with my aqua-vitae bottle, Sir Hugh, our parson, with my cheese,1055 a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herself. Then she plots, then she ruminates, and what she thinks in her heart she may effect -- she'll break her heart but she will effect it. God be praised, God be praised for my jealousy!1060 Well, I'll go prevent him. The time draws on. Better an hour too soon than a minute too late. God's my life -- cuckold, cuckold!
Exit Ford.