Not Peer Reviewed
- Edition: The Merry Wives of Windsor
The Merry Wives of Windsor (Modern, Folio)
- Texts of this edition
- Facsimiles
2218[4.5]
2221Host
What wouldst thou have? Boor, what? Thick2222skin, speak, breathe, discuss. Brief, short, quick, 2223snap.
2224Simple
Marry, sir, I come to speak with Sir John Fal2225staff from Master Slender.
2226Host
There's his chamber, his house, his castle, 2227his standing-bed, and truckle-bed. 'Tis painted about 2228with the story of the prodigal, fresh and new. Knock 2229and call. He'll speak like an Anthropophaginian unto 2230thee. Knock, I say.
2231Simple
There's an old woman, a fat woman, gone up 2232into his chamber. I'll be so bold as stay, sir, till she come 2233down. I come to speak with her, indeed.
2234Host
Ha? A fat woman? The \knight may be robbed! 2235I'll call. – Bully knight, Bully Sir John, speak from thy 2236lungs military! Art thou there? It is thine host, thine 2237Ephesian calls.
2238Falstaff
[Within] How now, mine host?
2239Host
Here's a Bohemian Tartar tarries the coming 2240down of thy fat woman. Let her descend, bully, let 2241her descend. My chambers are honourable. Fie, priva2242cy? Fie!
Enter Falstaff.
2243Falstaff
There was, mine host, an old fat woman even 2244now with me, but she's gone.
2245Simple
Pray you, sir, was't not the wise woman of 2246Brainford?
2247Falstaff
\Ay, marry, was it, mussel shell. What would you 2248with her?
2249Simple
My master, sir, my Master Slender, sent to her, 2250seeing her go thorough the streets, to know, sir, whe2251ther one Nym, sir, that beguiled him of a chain, had the 2252chain, or no.
2253Falstaff
I spake with the old woman about it.
2254Simple
And what says she, I pray, sir?
2255Falstaff
Marry, she says that the very same man that 2256beguiled Master Slender of his chain cozened him of it.
2257Simple
I would I could have spoken with the woman 2258herself. I had other things to have spoken with her 2259too from him.
2260Falstaff
What are they? Let us know.
2261Host
Ay. Come, quick.
2262Simple
I may not conceal them, sir.
2263Host
Conceal them, or thou diest!
2264Simple
Why, sir, they were nothing but about Mistress 2265Anne Page, to know if it were my master's fortune to 2266have her, or no.
2267Falstaff
'Tis, 'tis his fortune.
2268Simple
What, sir?
2269Falstaff
To have her, or no. Go. Say the woman told 2270me so.
2271Simple
May I be bold to say so, sir?
2272Falstaff
Ay, sir, like who more bold.
2273Simple
I thank your worship. I shall make my master 2274glad with these tidings. [Exit.]
2275Host
Thou are clerkly. Thou art clerkly, Sir John. 2276Was there a wise woman with thee?
2277Falstaff
Ay, that there was, mine host, one that hath taught 2278me more wit than ever I learned before in my life. And 2279I paid nothing for it neither, but was paid for my lear2280ning.
Enter Bardolph [wet and splattered with mud].
2281Bardolph
To the Host] Out alas, sir, cozonage! Mere cozonage!
2282Host
Where be my horses? Speak well of them, var 2283letto.
2284Bardolph
Run away with the cozeners, for so soon as 2285I came beyond Eton, they threw me off, from behind 2286one of them, in a slough of mire; and set spurs, and 2287away, like three German devils, three Doctor Fau2288stuses.
2289Host
They are gone but to meet the duke, villain. 2290Do not say they be fled. Germans are honest men.
Enter Evans.
2291Evans
\Where is mine host?
2292Host
What is the matter, sir?
2293Evans
Have a care of your entertainments. There is a 2294friend of mine come to town, tells me there is three 2295cozen-Germans that has cozened all the hosts of Readings, 2296of Maidenhead, of Colnbrook, of horses and money. I 2297tell you for good will, look you. You are wise, and full 2298of gibes, and vlouting-stocks and 'tis not convenient 2299you should be cozened. Fare you well.[Exit.]
Enter Caius.
2300Caius
Ver' is mine host de Jarteer?
2301Host
Here, master doctor, in perplexity and doubt2302ful dilemma.
2303Caius
I cannot tell vat is dat, but it is tell-a-me dat 2304you make grand preparation for a duke de Jarmany. By 2305my trot', der is no duke that the court is know to 2306come. I tell you for good will. Adieu.[Exit.]
2307Host
[To Bardolph] Hue and cry, villain, go! – Assist me, knight, I 2308am undone. – [To Bardolph] Fly, run: hue and cry, villain! I am un2309done!
2310Falstaff
I would all the world might be cozend, for I 2311have been cozened and beaten too. If it should come 2312to the ear of the court how I have been transformed 2313and how my transformation hath been washed and 2314cudgeled, they would melt me out of my fat drop by 2315drop, and liquor fishermen's boots with me. I warrant 2316they would whip me with their fine wits, till I were as 2317crest-fallen as a dried pear. I never prospered since I 2318forswore myself at primero. Well, if my wind were 2319but long enough, I would repent. Enter Quickly.
-- Now? Whence come 2320you?
2321Quickly
From the two parties, forsooth.
2322Falstaff
The devil take one party, and his dam the 2323other, and so they shall be both bestowed! I have suf2324ferred more for their sakes, more than the villanous in2325constancy of man'[s disposition is able to bear.
2326Quickly
And have not they suffered? Yes, I warrant, spe2327ciously one of them, Mistress Ford, good heart, is beaten 2328black and blue, that you cannot see a white spot about 2329her.
2330Falstaff
What tell'st thou me of black and blue? I 2331was beaten myself into all the colors of the rain2332bow: and I was like to be apprehended for the witch 2333of Brainford, but that my admirable dexterity of wit, 2334my counterfeiting the action of an old woman, delivered 2335me, the knaue constable had set me i'th' stocks, i'th' com2336mon stocks, for a witch!
2337Quickly
Sir, let me speak with you in your chamber. 2338You shall hear how things go, and, I warrant, to your 2339content. Here is a letter will say somewhat. Good 2340hearts, what ado here is to bring you together! Sure, 2341one of you does not serve heaven well, that you are so 2342crossed.
2343Falstaff
Come up into my chamber. Exeunt.