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- Edition: All's Well That Ends Well
All's Well That Ends Well (Modern)
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1.1
1.1.0.12Enter young Bertram, Count Roussillon, his mother [the Countess], 3Helen, [and] Lord Lafeu, all in black.
And I in going, madam, weep o'er my 8father's death anew, but I must attend his 9majesty's command, to whom I am now in ward, evermore 10in subjection.
You shall find of the King a husband, madam; 12you, sir, a father. He, that so generally is at all times good, 13must of necessity hold his virtue to you, whose 14worthiness would stir it up where it wanted rather than lack 15it where there is such abundance.
What hope is there of his majesty's amendment?
He hath abandoned his physicians, madam, 18under whose practices he hath persecuted time with hope 19and finds no other advantage in the process, but only 20the losing of hope by time.
This young gentlewoman had a father -- oh, that 22 "had", how sad a passage 'tis! -- whose skill was almost as 23great as his honesty; had it stretched so far, would have 24made nature immortal and death should have play for 25lack of work. Would for the King's sake he were li26ving! I think it would be the death of the King's disease.
How called you the man you speak of, madam?
He was famous, sir, in his profession, and it was 29his great right to be so: Gérard de Narbonne.
He was excellent indeed, madam. The King very 31lately spoke of him admiringly, and mourningly. He 32was skilful enough to have lived still, if knowledge could 33be set up against mortality.
What is it, my good lord, the King languishes 35of?
A fistula, my lord.
I heard not of it before.
I would it were not notorious. -- Was this gen39tlewoman the daughter of
Gérard de Narbonne?
His sole child, my lord, and bequeathed to my 41overlooking. I have those hopes of her good that her 42education promises; her dispositions she inherits, which 43makes fair gifts fairer. For where an unclean mind 44carries virtuous qualities, there commendations go with 45pity: they are virtues and traitors too. In her, they are 46the better for their simpleness; she derives her honesty 47and achieves her goodness.
Your commendations, madam, get from her 49tears.
'Tis the best brine a maiden can season her praise 51in. The remembrance of her father never approaches her 52heart, but the tyranny of her sorrows takes all livelihood 53from her cheek. -- No more of this, Helen, go to, no 54more, lest it be rather thought you affect a sorrow than 55to have --
I do affect a sorrow indeed, but I have it too.
Moderate lamentation is the right of the dead; 58excessive grief, the enemy to the living.
If the living be enemy to the grief, the 60excess makes it soon mortal.
Madam, I desire your holy wishes.
[To the Countess (?)]How understand we that?
Be thou blessed, Bertram, and succeed thy father
75Lafeu
He cannot want the best
77Countess
Heaven bless him.
1.1.35-- Farewell, Bertram.
[Exit the Countess.]
[To Helen] The best wishes that can be forged in your thoughts 79be servants to you. Be comfortable to my mother, your 80mistress, and make much of her.
Farewell, pretty lady. You must hold the 82credit of your father.
[Exeunt Bertram and Lafeu.]
Oh, were that all! I think not on my father
Save you, fair queen.
And you, monarch.
No.
And no.
Are you meditating on virginity?
Ay. You have some stain of soldier in you. Let 117me ask you a question. Man is enemy to virginity. 118How may we barricado it against him?
Keep him out.
But he assails and our virginity, though 121valiant, in the defence yet is weak. Unfold to us some warlike 122resistance.
There is none. Man, setting down before you, 124will undermine you and blow you up.
Bless our poor virginity from underminers 126and blowers up! Is there no military policy how 127virgins might blow up men?
Virginity being blown down, man will 129quicklier be blown up. Marry, in blowing him down 130again, with the breach yourselves made, you lose your 131city. It is not politic in the commonwealth of 132nature to preserve virginity. Loss of virginity is 133rational increase, and there was never virgin got till 134virginity was first lost. That you were made of is 135metal to make virgins. Virginity, by being once lost, 136may be ten times found; by being ever kept, it is ever 137lost. 'Tis too cold a companion. Away with't!
I will stand for't a little, though therefore I die 139a virgin.
There's little can be said in't; 'tis against the 141rule of nature. To speak on the part of virginity is 142to accuse your mothers, which is most infallible 143disobedience. He that hangs himself is a virgin: 144virginity murders itself, and should be buried in highways, 145out of all sanctified limit as a desperate offendress 146against nature. Virginity breeds mites, much like a 147cheese, consumes itself to the very paring, and so 148dies with feeding his own stomach. Besides, 149virginity is peevish, proud, idle, made of self-love, which 150is the most inhibited sin in the canon. Keep it not, 151you cannot choose but lose by't. Out with't! Within 152ten year it will make itself two, which is a goodly 153increase, and the principal itself not much the 154worse. Away with't!
How might one do, sir, to lose it to her own 156liking?
Let me see. Marry, ill, to like him that ne'er 158it likes. 'Tis a commodity will lose the gloss with lying. 159The longer kept, the less worth. Off with't while 'tis 160vendible. Answer the time of request. Virginity, 161like an old courtier, wears her cap out of fashion, richly 162suited, but unsuitable, just like the brooch and the 163toothpick, which wear not now. Your date is better in your 164pie and your porridge than in your cheek, and your 165virginity, your old virginity, is like one of our French 166withered pears. It looks ill, it eats dryly -- marry, 'tis a 167withered pear. It was formerly better, marry, yet 'tis a 168withered pear! Will you anything with it?
Not my virginity yet.
What one, i'faith?
That I wish well. 'Tis pity.
What's pity?
That wishing well had not a body in't,
191Enter Page.
192Page
Monsieur Paroles, 193my lord calls for you.
1.1.101.1[Exit.]
Little Helen, farewell. If I can remember thee, I 195will think of thee at court.
Monsieur Paroles, you were born under a 197charitable star.
Under Mars, I.
I especially think under Mars.
Why 'under' Mars?
The wars hath so kept you under that you must needs be born under Mars.
When he was predominant.
When he was retrograde, I think rather.
Why think you so?
You go so much backward when you fight.
That's for advantage.
So is running away 209when fear proposes the safety. 210But the composition that your valor and fear makes 211in you is a virtue of a good wing, and I like the 212wear well.
I am so full of businesses, I cannot answer 214thee acutely. I will return perfect courtier, in the 215which my instruction shall serve to naturalize thee, so 216thou wilt be capable of a courtier's counsel and 217understand what advice shall thrust upon thee, else thou 218diest in thine unthankfulnes and thine ignorance makes 219thee away. Farewell. When thou hast leisure, say thy 220prayers: when thou hast none, remember thy friends. 221Get thee a good husband, and use him as he uses thee. 222So, farewell.
1.1.114.1[Exit.]
Our remedies oft in ourselves do lie,
1.1.128.1Exit.