Internet Shakespeare Editions

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  • Title: Two Gentlemen of Verona (Modern)
  • Editor: Melissa Walter

  • Copyright Internet Shakespeare Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: William Shakespeare
    Editor: Melissa Walter
    Not Peer Reviewed

    Two Gentlemen of Verona (Modern)

    2.5.
    Enter Speed and Lance [with his dog, Crab].
    Speed
    Lance, by mine honesty, welcome to Padua.
    Lance
    Forswear not thy self, sweet youth, for I am 875not welcome. I reckon this always, that a man is never undone till he be hanged, nor never welcome to a place till some certain shot be paid, and the hostess say welcome.
    Speed
    Come on, you madcap. I'll to the alehouse 880with you presently, where, for one shot of five pence, thou shalt have five thousand welcomes. But sirrah, how did thy master part with Madam Julia?
    Lance
    Marry after they closed in earnest, they parted very fairly in jest.
    885Speed
    But shall she marry him?
    Lance
    No.
    Speed
    How then? Shall he marry her?
    Lance
    No, neither.
    Speed
    What, are they broken?
    890Lance
    No, they are both as whole as a fish.
    Speed
    Why then, how stands the matter with them?
    Lance
    Marry thus, when it stands well with him, it stands well with her.
    Speed
    What an ass art thou. I understand thee not.
    895Lance
    What a block art thou, that thou canst not! My staff understands me.
    Speed
    What thou sayst?
    Lance
    Ay, and what I do too. Look thee, I'll but lean, and my staff understands me.
    900Speed
    It stands under thee indeed.
    Lance
    Why, stand-under and under-stand is all one.
    Speed
    But tell me true, will't be a match?
    Lance
    Ask my dog, if he say Ay, it will; if he say no, it will; if he shake his tail, and say nothing, it 905will.
    Speed
    The conclusion is, then, that it will.
    Lance
    Thou shalt never get such a secret from me, but by a parable.
    Speed
    'Tis well that I get it so. But Lance, how sayst 910thou that my master is become a notable lover?
    Lance
    I never knew him otherwise.
    Speed
    Then how?
    Lance
    A notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be.
    915Speed
    Why, thou whoreson ass, thou mistak'st me,
    Lance
    Why fool, I meant not thee, I meant thy master.
    Speed
    I tell thee, my master is become a hot lover.
    Lance
    Why, I tell thee, I care not, though he burn 920himself in love. If thou wilt, go with me to the ale- house. If not, thou art a Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth the name of a Christian.
    Speed
    Why?
    Lance
    Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as 925to go to the ale with a Christian. Wilt thou go?
    Speed
    At thy service.
    Exeunt.