Much Ado About Nothing (Folio 1, 1623)

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120 Much ado about Nothing

 2427Mar. Will you then write me a Sonnet in praise of
 2428my beautie?
 2429Bene. In so high a stile  Margaret, that no man liuing
 2430shall come ouer it, for in most comely truth thou deser-
 2431uest it.
 2432Mar. To haue no man come ouer me, why, shall I al-
 2433waies keepe below staires?
 2434Bene. Thy wit is as quicke as the grey-hounds mouth,
 2435it catches.
 2436Mar. And yours, as blunt as the Fencers foiles, which
 2437hit, but hurt not.
 2438Bene. A most manly wit  Margaret, it will not hurt a
 2439woman: and so I pray thee call Beatrice, I giue thee the
 2440bucklers.
 2441Mar. Giue vs the swords, wee haue bucklers of our
 2442owne.
 2443Bene. If you vse them  Margaret, you must put in the
 2444pikes with a vice, and they are dangerous weapons for
 2445Maides.
 2446Mar. Well, I will call  Beatrice to you, who I thinke
 2447hath legges.   Exit Margarite.
 2448Ben. And therefore will come. The God of loue that
 2449sits aboue, and knowes me, and knowes me, how pitti-
 2450full I deserue. I meane in singing, but in louing, Lean-
 2451der the good swimmer, Troilous the first imploier of
 2452pandars, and a whole booke full of these quondam car-
 2453pet-mongers, whose name yet runne smoothly in the e-
 2454uen rode of a blanke verse, why they were neuer so true-
 2455ly turned ouer and ouer as my poore selfe in loue: mar-
 2456rie I cannot shew it rime, I haue tried, I can finde out no
 2457rime to Ladie but babie, an innocent time: for scorne,
 2458horne, a hard time: for schoole foole, a babling time:
 2459verie ominous endings, no, I was not borne vnder a ri-
 2460ming Plannet, for I cannot wooe in festiuall tearmes:
 2461 Enter Beatrice.
 2462sweete Beatrice would'st thou come when I cal'd
 2463thee?
 2464Beat. Yea Signior, and depart when you bid me.
 2465Bene. O stay but till then.
 2466Beat. Then, is spoken: fare you well now, and yet ere
 2467I goe, let me goe with that I came, which is, with know-
 2468ing what hath past betweene you and Claudio.
 2469Bene. Onely foule words, and thereupon I will kisse
 2470thee.
 2471Beat. Foule words is but foule wind, and foule wind
 2472is but foule breath, and foule breath is noisome, there-
 2473fore I will depart vnkist.
 2474Bene. Thou hast frighted the word out of his right
 2475sence, so forcible is thy wit, but I must tell thee plainely,
 2476Claudio vndergoes my challenge, and either I must short-
 2477ly heare from him, or I will subscribe him a coward, and
 2478I pray thee now tell me, for which of my bad parts didst
 2479thou first fall in loue with me?
 2480Beat. For them all together, which maintain'd so
 2481politique a state of euill, that they will not admit any
 2482good part to intermingle with them: but for which of
 2483my good parts did you first suffer loue for me?
 2484Bene. Suffer loue! a good epithite, I do suffer loue in-
 2485deede, for I loue thee against my will.
 2486Beat. In spight of your heart I think, alas poore heart,
 2487if you spight it for my sake, I will spight it for yours, for
 2488I will neuer loue that which my friend hates.
 2489Bened. Thou and I are too wise to wooe peacea-
 2490blie.
 2491Bea. It appeares not in this confession, there's not one
 2492wise man among twentie that will praise himselfe.

 2493Bene. An old, an old instance  Beatrice, that liu'd in
 2494the time of good neighbours, if a man doe not erect in
 2495this age his owne tombe ere he dies, hee shall liue no
 2496longer in monuments, then the Bels ring, & the Widdow
 2497weepes.
 2498Beat. And how long is that thinke you?
 2499Ben. Question, why an hower in clamour and a quar-
 2500ter in rhewme, therfore is it most expedient for the wise,
 2501if Don worme (his conscience) finde no impediment to
 2502the contrarie, to be the trumpet of his owne vertues, as
 2503I am to my selfe so much for praising my selfe, who I my
 2504selfe will beare witnesse is praise worthie, and now tell
 2505me, how doth your cosin?
 2506Beat. Verie ill.
 2507Bene. And how doe you?
 2508Beat. Verie ill too.
 
 2509 Enter Vrsula.
 
 2510Bene. Serue God, loue me, and mend, there will I leaue
 2511you too, for here comes one in haste.
 2512Vrs. Madam, you must come to your Vncle, yon-
 2513ders old coile at home, it is prooued my Ladie He-
 2514ro hath bin falselie accusde, the  Prince and  Claudio
 2515mightilie abusde, and Don Iohn is the author of all, who
 2516is fled and gone: will you come presentlie?
 2517Beat. Will you go heare this newes Signior?
 2518Bene.I will liue in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be bu-
 2519ried in thy eies: and moreouer, I will goe with thee to
 2520thy Vncles.    Exeunt.
 
 2521 Enter Claudio, Prince, and three or foure with Tapers. 
 
 2522Clau. Is this the monument of  Leonato?
 2523Lord. It is my Lord.     Epitaph.
 2524
   Done to death by slanderous tongues,
 2525Was the Hero  that here lies:
 2526Death in guerdon of her wrongs,
 2527Giues her fame which neuer dies:
 2528So the life that dyed with shame,
 2529Liues in death with glorious fame.
 2530 Hang thou there vpon the tombe,
 2531Praising her when I am dombe.
 2532Clau. Now musick sound & sing your solemn hymne
 
 2533Song.
 2534 
  Pardon goddesse of the night,
 2535Those that slew thy virgin knight,
 2536For the which with songs of woe,
 2537Round about her tombe they goe:
 2538Midnight assist our mone, helpe vs to sigh and grone.
 2539Heauily, heauily.
 2540Graues yawne and yeelde your dead,
 2541Till death be vttered,
 2542Heauenly, heauenly.
 2543Lo. Now vnto thy bones good night, yeerely will I do (this right.
 2544Prin. Good morrow masters, put your Torches out,
 2545The wolues haue preied, and looke, the gentle day
 2546Before the wheeles of Phoebus, round about
 2547Dapples the drowsie East with spots of grey:
 2548Thanks to you all, and leaue vs, fare you well.
 2549Clau. Good morrow masters, each his seuerall way.
 2550Prin. Come let vs hence, and put on other weedes,
 2551And then to Leonatoes we will goe.
 2552Clau. And Hymen now with luckier issue speeds,
 Then

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Much Ado About Nothing (Folio 1, 1623)