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  • Title: All's Well That Ends Well (Folio 1, 1623)
  • Editors: Andrew Griffin, Helen Ostovich

    • ISBN: 978-1-55058-432-5

    Copyright Internet Shakespeare Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-proift purposes; for all other uses contact the Coordinating Editor.
    Author: William Shakespeare
    Editors: Andrew Griffin, Helen Ostovich
    Not Peer Reviewed

    All's Well That Ends Well (Folio 1, 1623)

    Enter Countesse and Clowne
    825Lady Come on sir, I shall now put you to the height
    of your breeding.
    Clown I will shew my selfe highly fed, and lowly
    taught, I know my businesse is but to the Court.
    Lady To the Court, why what place make you spe-
    830ciall, when you put off that with such contempt, but to
    the Court?
    Clo Truly Madam, if God haue lent a man any man-
    ners, hee may easilie put it off at Court: hee that cannot
    make a legge, put off's cap, kisse his hand, and say no-
    835thing, has neither legge, hands, lippe, nor cap; and in-
    deed such a fellow, to say precisely, were not for the
    Court, but for me, I haue an answere will serue all men.
    Lady Marry that's a bountifull answere that fits all
    questions.
    840Clo It is like a Barbers chaire that fits all buttockes,
    the pin buttocke, the quatch-buttocke, the brawn but-
    tocke, or any buttocke.
    Lady Will your answere serue fit to all questions?
    Clo As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an Attur-
    845ney, as your French Crowne for your taffety punke, as
    Tibsrush for Tomsfore-finger, as a pancake for Shroue-
    tuesday, a Morris for May-day, as the naile to his hole,
    the Cuckold to his horne, as a scolding queane to a
    wrangling knaue, as the Nuns lip to the Friers mouth,
    850nay as the pudding to his skin.
    Lady Haue you, I say, an answere of such fitnesse for
    all questions?
    Clo From below your Duke, to beneath your Con-
    stable, it will fit any question.
    855Lady It must be an answere of most monstrous size,
    that must fit all demands.
    Clo But a triflle neither in good faith, if the learned
    should speake truth of it: heere it is, and all that belongs
    to't. Aske mee if I am a Courtier, it shall doe you no
    860harme to learne.
    Lady To be young againe if we could: I will bee a
    foole in question, hoping to bee the wiser by your an-
    swer.
    Lady
    All's Well that Ends Well 237
    La I pray you sir, are you a Courtier?
    865Clo O Lord sir theres a simple putting off: more,
    more, a hundred of them.
    La Sir I am a poore freind of yours, that loues you.
    Clo O Lord sir, thicke, thicke, spare not me.
    La I thinke sir, you can eate none of this homely
    870meate.
    Clo O Lord sir; nay put me too't, I warrant you.
    La You were lately whipt sir as I thinke.
    Clo O Lord sir, spare not me.
    La Doe you crie O Lord sir at your whipping, and
    875spare not me? Indeed your O Lord sir, is very sequent
    to your whipping: you would answere very well to a
    whipping if you were but bound too't.
    Clo I nere had worse lucke in my life in my O Lord
    sir: I see things may serue long, but not serue euer.
    880La I play the noble huswife with the time, to enter-
    taine it so merrily with a foole.
    Clo O Lord sir, why there't serues well agen.
    La And end sir to your businesse: giue Hellenthis,
    And vrge her to a present answer backe,
    885Commend me to my kinsmen, and my sonne,
    This is not much.
    Clo Not much commendation to them.
    La Not much imployement for you, you vnder-
    stand me.
    890Clo Most fruitfully, I am there, before my legges.
    La Hast you agen. Exeunt
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