Internet Shakespeare Editions

Author: William Shakespeare
Editor: Melissa Walter
Not Peer Reviewed

Two Gentlemen of Verona (Modern)

2.3.
Enter Lance [with his dog Crab].
Lance
Nay, 'twill be this hour ere I have done weeping. All the kind of the Lances have this very 595fault. I have received my proportion, like the prodigious son, and am going with Sir Proteus to the Imperial's court. I think Crab my dog be the sourest natured dog that lives. My mother weeping, my father wailing, my sister crying, our maid howling, our 600cat wringing her hands, and all our house in a great perplexity, yet did not this cruel-hearted cur shed one tear. He is a stone, a very pebble stone, and has no more pity in him than a dog. A Jew would have wept to have seen our parting. Why my Grandam, having 605no eyes, look you, wept her self blind at my parting. Nay, I'll shew you the manner of it. This shoe is my father. No, this left shoe is my father. No, no, this left shoe is my mother. Nay, that cannot be so neither. Yes, it is so, it is so: it hath the worser sole. This shoe 610with the hole in it is my mother, and this my father. A vengeance on't, there 'tis. Now, sir, this staff is my sister, for, look you, she is as white as a lily, and as small as a wand. This hat is Nan, our maid. I am the dog. No, the dog is himself, and I am the dog. 615Oh, the dog is me, and I am my self. Ay, so, so. Now come I to my father. "Father, your blessing." Now should not the shoe speak a word for weeping. Now should I kiss my father. Well, he weeps on. Now come I to my mother. Oh, that she could speak 620now, like a wood woman. Well, I kiss her. Why, there 'tis, here's my mother's breath up and down. Now come I to my sister. Mark the moan she makes. Now the dog all this while sheds not a tear, nor speaks a word. But see how I lay the dust with my 625tears.
[Enter Pantino.]
Pantino
Lance, away, away! Aboard! Thy master is shipped, and thou art to post after with oars. What's the matter? Why weep'st thou, man? Away, ass, you'll lose the tide if you tarry any longer.
630Lance
It is no matter if the tied were lost, for it is the unkindest tied that ever any man tied.
Pantino
What's the unkindest tide?
Lance
Why, he that's tied here, Crab, my dog.
Pantino
Tut, man. I mean thou'lt lose the flood, and 635in losing the flood, lose thy voyage, and in losing thy voyage, lose thy master, and in losing thy master, lose thy service, and in losing thy service-
[Lance covers Pantino's mouth.]
Why dost thou stop my mouth?
Lance
For fear thou shouldst lose thy tongue.
640Pantino
Where should I lose my tongue?
Lance
In thy tale.
Pantino
In thy tail.
Lance
Lose the tide, and the voyage, and the master, and the service, and the tide? Why, man, if the river 645were dry, I am able to fill it with my tears; if the wind were down, I could drive the boat with my sighs.
Pantino
Come, come away, man, I was sent to call thee.
Lance
Sir, call me what thou dar'st.
650Pantino
Wilt thou go?
Lance
Well, I will go.
Exeunt.