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  • Title: Henry The Eighth (Modern)
  • Editor: Diane Jakacki

  • Copyright Diane Jakacki. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: William Shakespeare
    Editor: Diane Jakacki
    Not Peer Reviewed

    Henry The Eighth (Modern)

    570Enter Lord Chamberlain and Lord Sandys.
    Chamberlain
    Is't possible the spells of France should juggle
    Men into such strange mysteries?
    Sandys
    New customs,
    Though they be never so ridiculous,
    575(Nay let 'em be unmanly) yet are followed.
    Chamberlain
    As far as I see, all the good our English
    Have got by the late voyage is but merely
    A fit or two o'th'face, (but they are shrewd ones)
    For when they hold 'em you would swear directly
    580Their very noses had been counselors
    To Pepin or Clotharius, they keep state so.
    Sandys
    They have all new legs
    And lame ones; one would take it
    That never see 'em pace before, the spavine
    585Or stringhalt reigned among 'em.
    Chamberlain
    'Death my Lord,
    Their clothes are after such a pagan cut to't
    That sure th'have worn out Christendom. [to Lovell] How now?
    What news, Sir Thomas Lovell?
    590 Enter Sir Thomas Lovell.
    Lovell
    Faith my Lord,
    I hear of none but the new proclamation,
    That's clapped upon the court gate.
    Chamberlain
    What is't for?
    595Lovell
    The reformation of our travelled gallants,
    That fill the court with quarrels, talk, and tailors.
    Chamberlain
    I'm glad 'tis there;
    Now I would pray our monsieurs
    To think an English courtier may be wise
    600And never see the Louvre.
    Lovell
    They must either
    (For so run the conditions) leave those remnants
    Of fool and feather that they got in France,
    With all their honorable points of ignorance
    605Pertaining thereunto, as fights and fireworks,
    Abusing better men then they can be
    Out of a foreign wisdom, renouncing clean
    The faith they have in tennis and tall stockings,
    Short blistered breeches, and those types of travel,
    610And understand again like honest men,
    Or pack to their old playfellows. There, I take it,
    They may cum privilego, oui away
    The lag end of their lewdness and be laughed at.
    Sandys
    'Tis time to give 'em physic, their diseases
    615Are grown so catching.
    Chamberlain
    What a loss our ladies
    Will have of these trim vanities!
    Lovell
    Ay, marry,
    There will be woe indeed lords, the sly whoresons
    620Have got a speeding trick to lay down ladies.
    A French song and a fiddle has no fellow.
    Sandys
    The devil fiddle 'em!
    I am glad they are going
    For sure there's no converting of 'em. Now
    625An honest country lord as I am, beaten
    A long time out of play, may bring his plain song
    And have an hour of hearing, and by'r Lady
    Held current music, too.
    Chamberlain
    Well said, Lord Sandys.
    630Your colt's tooth is not cast yet?
    Sandys
    No my Lord,
    Nor shall not while I have a stump.
    Chamberlain
    Sir Thomas,
    Whither were you a'going?
    635Lovell
    To the cardinal's.
    Your lordship is a guest, too.
    Chamberlain
    O, 'tis true!
    This night he makes a supper, and a great one,
    To many lords and ladies. There will be
    640The beauty of this kingdom, I'll assure you.
    Lovell
    That churchman
    Bears a bounteous mind indeed,
    A hand as fruitful as the land that feeds us:
    His dews fall everywhere.
    645Chamberlain
    No doubt he's noble:
    He had a black mouth that said other of him.
    Sandys
    He may, my Lord;
    'has wherewithal. In him
    Sparing would show a worse sin than ill doctrine.
    650Men of his way should be most liberal:
    They are set here for examples.
    Chamberlain
    True, they are so,
    But few now give so great ones.
    My barge stays.
    655Your lordship shall along. Come, good Sir Thomas,
    We shall be late else, which I would not be,
    For I was spoke to, with Sir Henry Guilford
    This night to be comptrollers.
    Sandys
    I am your lordship's.
    Exeunt.