Internet Shakespeare Editions

Author: William Shakespeare
Editor: Diane Jakacki
Not Peer Reviewed

Henry The Eighth (Modern)

570Enter Lord Chamberlain and Lord Sandys.
Chamberlain
Is't possible the spells of France should juggle
Men into such strange mysteries?
Sandys
New customs,
Though they be never so ridiculous,
575(Nay let 'em be unmanly) yet are followed.
Chamberlain
As far as I see, all the good our English
Have got by the late voyage is but merely
A fit or two o'th'face, (but they are shrewd ones)
For when they hold 'em you would swear directly
580Their very noses had been counselors
To Pepin or Clotharius, they keep state so.
Sandys
They have all new legs
And lame ones; one would take it
That never see 'em pace before, the spavine
585Or stringhalt reigned among 'em.
Chamberlain
'Death my Lord,
Their clothes are after such a pagan cut to't
That sure th'have worn out Christendom. [to Lovell] How now?
What news, Sir Thomas Lovell?
590 Enter Sir Thomas Lovell.
Lovell
Faith my Lord,
I hear of none but the new proclamation,
That's clapped upon the court gate.
Chamberlain
What is't for?
595Lovell
The reformation of our travelled gallants,
That fill the court with quarrels, talk, and tailors.
Chamberlain
I'm glad 'tis there;
Now I would pray our monsieurs
To think an English courtier may be wise
600And never see the Louvre.
Lovell
They must either
(For so run the conditions) leave those remnants
Of fool and feather that they got in France,
With all their honorable points of ignorance
605Pertaining thereunto, as fights and fireworks,
Abusing better men then they can be
Out of a foreign wisdom, renouncing clean
The faith they have in tennis and tall stockings,
Short blistered breeches, and those types of travel,
610And understand again like honest men,
Or pack to their old playfellows. There, I take it,
They may cum privilego, oui away
The lag end of their lewdness and be laughed at.
Sandys
'Tis time to give 'em physic, their diseases
615Are grown so catching.
Chamberlain
What a loss our ladies
Will have of these trim vanities!
Lovell
Ay, marry,
There will be woe indeed lords, the sly whoresons
620Have got a speeding trick to lay down ladies.
A French song and a fiddle has no fellow.
Sandys
The devil fiddle 'em!
I am glad they are going
For sure there's no converting of 'em. Now
625An honest country lord as I am, beaten
A long time out of play, may bring his plain song
And have an hour of hearing, and by'r Lady
Held current music, too.
Chamberlain
Well said, Lord Sandys.
630Your colt's tooth is not cast yet?
Sandys
No my Lord,
Nor shall not while I have a stump.
Chamberlain
Sir Thomas,
Whither were you a'going?
635Lovell
To the cardinal's.
Your lordship is a guest, too.
Chamberlain
O, 'tis true!
This night he makes a supper, and a great one,
To many lords and ladies. There will be
640The beauty of this kingdom, I'll assure you.
Lovell
That churchman
Bears a bounteous mind indeed,
A hand as fruitful as the land that feeds us:
His dews fall everywhere.
645Chamberlain
No doubt he's noble:
He had a black mouth that said other of him.
Sandys
He may, my Lord;
'has wherewithal. In him
Sparing would show a worse sin than ill doctrine.
650Men of his way should be most liberal:
They are set here for examples.
Chamberlain
True, they are so,
But few now give so great ones.
My barge stays.
655Your lordship shall along. Come, good Sir Thomas,
We shall be late else, which I would not be,
For I was spoke to, with Sir Henry Guilford
This night to be comptrollers.
Sandys
I am your lordship's.
Exeunt.