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  • Title: The Merry Wives of Windsor (Folio 1, 1623)

  • Copyright Internet Shakespeare Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-proift purposes; for all other uses contact the Coordinating Editor.
    Author: William Shakespeare
    Not Peer Reviewed

    The Merry Wives of Windsor (Folio 1, 1623)

    The Merry Wiues of Windsor.
    (In him that was of late an Heretike)
    As firme as faith.
    Page. 'Tis well, 'tis well, no more:
    2135Be not as extreme in submission, as in offence,
    But let our plot go forward: Let our wiues
    Yet once againe (to make vs publike sport)
    Appoint a meeting with this old fat-fellow,
    Where we may take him, and disgrace him for it.
    2140Ford. There is no better way then that they spoke of.
    Page. How? to send him word they'll meete him in
    the Parke at midnight? Fie, fie, he'll neuer come.
    Eu. You say he has bin throwne in the Riuers: and
    has bin greeuously peaten, as an old o'man: me-thinkes
    2145there should be terrors in him, that he should not come:
    Me-thinkes his flesh is punish'd, hee shall haue no de-
    Page. So thinke I too.
    M. Ford. Deuise but how you'l vse him whē he comes,
    2150And let vs two deuise to bring him thether.
    Mi[s]. Page. There is an old tale goes, that Herne the
    Hunter (sometime a keeper heere in Windsor Forrest)
    Doth all the winter time, at still midnight
    Walke round about an Oake, with great rag'd-hornes,
    2155And there he blasts the tree, and takes the cattle,
    And make milch-kine yeeld blood, and shakes a chaine
    In a most hideous and dreadfull manner.
    You haue heard of such a Spirit, and well you know
    The superstitious idle-headed-Eld
    2160Receiu'd, and did deliuer to our age
    This tale of Herne the Hunter, for a truth.
    Page. Why yet there want not many that do feare
    In deepe of night to walke by this Hernes Oake:
    But what of this?
    2165Mist. Ford. Marry this is our deuise,
    That Falstaffe at that Oake shall meete with vs.
    Page. Well, let it not be doubted but he'll come,
    And in this shape, when you haue brought him thether,
    What shall be done with him? What is your plot?
    2170Mist.Pa. That likewise haue we thoght vpon: & thus:
    Nan Page (my daughter) and my little sonne,
    And three or foure more of their growth, wee'l dresse
    Like Vrchins, Ouphes, and Fairies, greene and white,
    With rounds of waxen Tapers on their heads,
    2175And rattles in their hands; vpon a sodaine,
    As Falstaffe, she, and I, are newly met,
    Let them from forth a saw-pit rush at once
    With some diffused song: Vpon their sight
    We two, in great amazednesse will flye:
    2180Then let them all encircle him about,
    And Fairy-like to pinch the vncleane Knight;
    And aske him why that houre of Fairy Reuell,
    In their so sacred pathes, he dares to tread
    In shape prophane.
    2185Ford. And till he tell the truth,
    Let the supposed Fairies pinch him, sound,
    And burne him with their Tapers.
    Mist. Page. The truth being knowne,
    We'll all present our selues; dis-horne the spirit,
    2190And mocke him home to Windsor.
    Ford. The children must
    Be practis'd well to this, or they'll neu'r doo't.
    Eua. I will teach the children their behauiours: and I
    will be like a Iacke-an-Apes also, to burne the Knight
    2195with my Taber.
    Ford. That will be excellent,
    Ile go buy them vizards.
    Mist. Page. My Nan shall be the Queene of all the
    Fairies, finely attired in a robe of white.
    2200Page. That silke will I go buy, and in that time
    Shall M. Slender steale my Nan away,
    And marry her at Eaton: go, send to Falstaffe straight.
    Ford. Nay, Ile to him againe in name of Broome,
    Hee'l tell me all his purpose: sure hee'l come.
    2205Mist. Page. Feare not you that: Go get vs properties
    And tricking for our Fayries.
    Euans. Let vs about it,
    It is admirable pleasures, and ferry honest knaueries.
    Mis. Page. Go Mist. Ford,
    2210Send quickly to Sir Iohn, to know his minde:
    Ile to the Doctor, he hath my good will,
    And none but he to marry with Nan Page:
    That Slender (though well landed) is an Ideot:
    And he, my husband best of all affects:
    2215The Doctor is well monied, and his friends
    Potent at Court: he, none but he shall haue her,
    Though twenty thousand worthier come to craue her.

    Scena Quinta.

    Enter Host, Simple, Falstaffe, Bardolfe, Euans,
    2220Caius, Quickly.
    Host. What wouldst thou haue? (Boore) what? (thick
    skin) speake, breathe, discusse: breefe, short, quicke,
    Simp. Marry Sir, I come to speake with Sir Iohn Fal-
    2225staffe from M. Slender.
    Host. There's his Chamber, his House, his Castle,
    his standing-bed and truckle-bed: 'tis painted about
    with the story of the Prodigall, fresh and new: go, knock
    and call: hee'l speake like an Anthropophaginian vnto
    2230thee: Knocke I say.
    Simp. There's an olde woman, a fat woman gone vp
    into his chamber: Ile be so bold as stay Sir till she come
    downe: I come to speake with her indeed.
    Host. Ha? A fat woman? The Knight may be robb'd:
    2235Ile call. Bully-Knight, Bully Sir Iohn: speake from thy
    Lungs Military: Art thou there? It is thine Host, thine
    Ephesian cals.
    Fal. How now, mine Host?
    Host. Here's a Bohemian-Tartar taries the comming
    2240downe of thy fat-woman: Let her descend (Bully) let
    her descend: my Chambers are honourable: Fie, priua-
    cy? Fie.
    Fal. There was (mine Host) an old-fat-woman euen
    now with me, but she's gone.
    2245Simp. Pray you Sir, was't not the Wise-woman of
    Fal. I marry was it (Mussel-shell) what would you
    with her?
    Simp. My Master (Sir) my master Slender, sent to her
    2250seeing her go thorough the streets, to know (Sir) whe-
    ther one Nim (Sir) that beguil'd him of a chaine, had the
    chaine, or no.
    Fal. I spake with the old woman about it.
    Sim. And what sayes she, I pray Sir?
    2255Fal. Marry shee sayes, that the very same man that
    beguil'd Master Slender of his Chaine, cozon'd him of it.
    Simp. I would I could haue spoken with the Woman