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  • Title: Everyman In His Humor (Modern)
  • Editor: David Bevington

  • Copyright David Bevington. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: Ben Jonson
    Editor: David Bevington
    Not Peer Reviewed

    Everyman In His Humor (Modern)

    [5.2.
    2245[Enter Musco alone [wearing the gown and carrying the mace of a "varlet" or arresting officer].
    Musco
    Well, of all my disguises yet, now am I most like myself, being in this varlet's suit. A man of my present profession never counterfeits till he lay hold upon a debtor and says he 'rests him, for then he brings him to all manner of unrest. A kind of little kings we 2250are, bearing the diminutive of a mace made like a young artichoke that always carries pepper and salt in itself. Well, I know not what danger I undergo by this exploit. Pray God I come well off.
    [Enter Bobadilla and Matheo.
    Matheo
    See, I think yonder is the varlet.
    2255Bobadilla
    Let's go in quest of him.
    Matheo
    [To Musco] God save you, friend. Are not you here by the appointment of Doctor Clement's man?
    Musco
    Yes, an please you, sir. He told me two gentlemen had willed him to procure an arrest upon one Signor Giuliano by a warrant from his master, which I have about me.
    2260Matheo
    It is honestly done of you both. And see where he comes you must arrest. Upon him, for God's sake, before he be ware!
    [Enter Stephano [wearing Giuliano's cloak].
    Bobadilla
    Bear back, Matheo!
    Musco
    Signor Giuliano, I arrest you, sir, in the duke's name.
    2265Stephano
    Signor Giuliano? Am I Signor Giuliano? I am one Signor Stephano, I tell you, and you do not well, by God's lid, to arrest me, I tell you truly. I am not in your master's books, I would you should well know. Ay, and a plague of God on you for making me afraid thus!
    Musco
    Why, how are you deceived, gentlemen!
    2270Bobadilla
    He wears such a cloak, and that deceived us. But see, here 'a comes. Officer, this is he.
    [Enter Giuliano.
    Giuliano
    [To Stephano] Why, how now, Signor Gull, are you turned filcher of late? Come, deliver my cloak.
    Stephano
    Your cloak, sir? I bought it even now in the market.
    Musco
    Signor Giuliano, I must arrest you, sir.
    2275Giuliano
    Arrest me, sir? At whose suit?
    Musco
    At these two gentlemen's.
    Giuliano
    I obey thee, varlet; but for these villains --
    Musco
    Keep the peace, I charge you, sir, in the duke's name, sir.
    Giuliano
    What's the matter, varlet?
    2280Musco
    You must go before Master Doctor Clement, sir, to answer what these gentlemen will object against you. Hark you, sir, I will use you kindly.
    Matheo
    [To Giuliano] We'll be even with you, sir. -- Come, Signor Bobadilla, we'll go before and prepare the Doctor. -- Varlet, look to him.
    Bobadilla
    The varlet is a tall man, by Jesu.
    2285Giuliano
    Away, you rascals!
    Exeunt Bobadilla and Matheo.
    [To Stephano] Signor, I shall have my cloak.
    Stephano
    Your cloak? I say once again I bought it, and I'll keep it.
    Giuliano
    You will keep it?
    Stephano
    Ay, that I will.
    2290Giuliano
    [To Musco] Varlet, stay! Here's thy fee. Arrest him. [He gives Musco money.]
    Musco
    Signor Stephano, I arrest you.
    Stephano
    Arrest me? There, take your cloak; I'll none of it.
    Giuliano
    Nay, that shall not serve your turn. -- Varlet, bring him away. I'll go with thee now to the Doctor's. And carry him along.
    2295Stephano
    Why, is not here your cloak? What would you have?
    Giuliano
    I care not for that.
    Musco
    I pray you, sir.
    Giuliano
    Never talk of it. I will have him answer it.
    Musco
    Well, sir, then I'll leave you. I'll take this gentleman's word for his appearance, as I have done yours.
    2300Giuliano
    Tut, I'll have no words taken. Bring him along to answer it.
    Musco
    Good sir, I pity the gentleman's case. Here's your money again.
    Giuliano
    God's bread, tell not me of my money. Bring him away, I say.
    Musco
    I warrant you, he will go with you of himself.
    Giuliano
    Yet more ado?
    2305Musco
    [Aside] I have made a fair mash of it.
    Stephano
    Must I go?
    Exeunt.