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  • Title: Everyman In His Humor (Modern)
  • Editor: David Bevington

  • Copyright David Bevington. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: Ben Jonson
    Editor: David Bevington
    Not Peer Reviewed

    Everyman In His Humor (Modern)

    [Enter Matheo and Bobadilla.
    2080Matheo I wonder, signor, what they will say of my going away, ha?
    Bobadilla Why, what should they say, but as of a discreet gentleman, quick, wary, respectful of nature's fair lineaments, and that's all?
    Matheo Why, so, but what can they say of your beating?
    Bobadilla A rude part, a touch with soft wood, a kind of 2085gross battery used, laid on strongly, borne most patiently, and that's all.
    Matheo Ay, but would any man have offered it in Venice?
    Bobadilla Tut, I assure you, no. You shall have there your nobilis, your gentilezza, come in bravely upon your reverse, stand you close, stand you firm, stand you fair, save your retricato with his left leg, come to the assalto 2090with the right, thrust with brave steel, defy your base wood. But wherefore do I awake this remembrance? I was bewitched, by Jesu! But I will be revenged.
    Matheo Do you hear? Is't not best to get a warrant, and have him arrested and brought before Doctor Clement?
    Bobadilla It were not amiss. Would we had it!
    [Enter Musco [disguised as Peto, the Doctor's clerk].
    2095Matheo Why, here comes his man. Let's speak to him.
    Bobadilla Agreed. Do you speak.
    [To Musco]
    God save you, sir.
    Musco With all my heart, sir.
    Matheo Sir, there is one Giuliano hath abused this gentleman and me, 2100and we determine to make our amends by law. Now, if you would do us the favor to procure us a warrant for his arrest of your master, you shall be well considered, I assure, i'faith, sir.
    Musco Sir, you know my service is my living. Such favors as these gotten of my master is his only preferment, and therefore you must consider 2105me as I may make benefit of my place.
    Matheo How is that?
    Musco Faith, sir, the thing is extraordinary, and the gentleman may be of great account. Yet, be what he will, if you will lay me down five crowns in my hand, you shall have it; otherwise, not.
    [Matheo and Bobadilla talk privately.]
    Matheo How shall we do, signor? You have no money?
    Bobadilla Not a cross, by Jesu.
    Matheo Nor I, before God, but two pence, left of my two shillings in the morning for wine and cakes. Let's give him some pawn.
    2115Bobadilla Pawn? We have none to the value of his demand.
    Matheo Oh, Lord, man, I'll pawn this jewel in my ear, and you may pawn your silk stockings, and pull up your boots. They will ne'er be missed.
    Bobadilla Well, an there be no remedy, I'll step aside and put them off.
    [He removes his stockings. Matheo removes his earring.]
    Matheo [To Musco] Do you hear, sir? We have no store of money at this time, but you shall have good pawns -- look you, sir, this jewel and this gentleman's silk stockings -- because we would have it dispatched ere we went to our chambers.
    2125Musco I am content, sir. I will get you the warrant presently. What's his name, say you? Giuliano?
    Matheo Ay, ay, Giuliano.
    Musco What manner of man is he?
    Matheo A tall, big man, sir. He goes in a cloak most commonly of silk russet, laid about with russet lace.
    Musco 'Tis very good, sir.
    2130Matheo Here, sir, here's my jewel.
    Bobadilla And here are stockings.
    [They present their pawn.]
    Musco Well, gentlemen, I'll procure this warrant presently and appoint you a varlet of the city to serve it. If you'll be upon the Rialto anon, 2135the varlet shall meet you there.
    Matheo Very good, sir. I wish no better.
    Exeunt Bobadilla and Matheo.
    Musco This is rare! Now will I go pawn this cloak of the Doctor's man at the broker's for a varlet's suit, and be the varlet 2140myself, and get either more pawns or more money of Giuliano for my arrest.