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About this text

  • Title: Everyman In His Humor (Modern)
  • Editor: David Bevington

  • Copyright David Bevington. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: Ben Jonson
    Editor: David Bevington
    Not Peer Reviewed

    Everyman In His Humor (Modern)

    [Enter Cob.
    Cob [Knocking] What, Tib! Tib, I say!
    How now, what cuckold is that knocks so hard?
    To him, Tib.
    Oh, husband, is't you? What's the news?
    Cob Nay, you have stunned me, i'faith! You have given me a knock on the forehead will stick by me. Cuckold? 'Swounds, cuckold?
    Tib Away, you fool! Did I know it was you that knocked? Come, come, you may call me as bad when you list.
    Cob May I? 'Swounds, Tib, you are a whore.
    1705Tib 'Sheart, you lie in your throat.
    Cob How, the lie? And in my throat too? Do you long to be stabbed, ha?
    Tib Why, you are no soldier.
    Cob Mass, that's true. When was Bobadilla here? That rogue, that slave, that fencing Burgullian! I'll tickle him, i'faith.
    Tib Why, what's the matter?
    1710Cob Oh, he hath basted me rarely, sumptuously! But I have it here will sauce him. Oh, the doctor, the honestest old Trojan in all Italy! I do honor the very flea of his dog. A plague on him, he put me once in a villainous, filthy fear. Marry, it vanished away like the smoke of tobacco, but I was smoked soundly first, I thank the devil and 1715his good angel, my guest. Well, wife, or Tib, which you will, get you in and lock the door, I charge you, let no body in to you -- not Bobadilla himself, nor the devil in his likeness. You are a woman; you have flesh and blood enough in you; therefore, be not tempted; keep the door shut upon all comers.
    Tib I warrant you, there shall no body enter here without my consent.
    1720Cob Nor with your consent, sweet Tib; and so I leave you.
    Tib It's more than you know, whether you leave me so.
    Cob How?
    Tib Why, sweet.
    Cob Tut, sweet or sour, thou art a flower.
    1725Keep close thy door. I ask no more.