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  • Title: Henry IV, Part 2 (Modern)
  • Editor: Rosemary Gaby

  • Copyright Rosemary Gaby. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: William Shakespeare
    Editor: Rosemary Gaby
    Not Peer Reviewed

    Henry IV, Part 2 (Modern)

    Enter Sir John [Falstaff], Shallow, Silence, Davy, Bardolph, Page.
    Shallow Nay you shall see my orchard, where, in an arbour, we 3035will eat a last year's pippin of mine own grafting, with a dish of caraways and so forth -- come, cousin Silence -- and then to bed.
    Falstaff 'Fore god you have here a goodly dwelling, and a rich.
    Shallow Barren, barren, barren; beggars all, beggars all, Sir 3040John. Marry, good air. Spread Davy, spread Davy. [Davy lays the table.]
    Well said, Davy.
    Falstaff This Davy serves you for good uses: he is your serving-man and your husband.
    Shallow A good varlet, a good varlet, a very good varlet, Sir 3045John -- by the mass, I have drunk too much sack at supper -- a good varlet. Now sit down, now sit down. Come, cousin.
    Silence Ah, sirrah, quotha, we shall --
    [Singing] Do nothing but eat and make good cheer,
    And praise god for the merry year,
    3050When flesh is cheap and females dear,
    And lusty lads roam here and there
    So merrily,
    And ever among so merrily.
    Falstaff There's a merry heart. Good Master Silence, I'll give you a health for that anon.
    3055Shallow Give Master Bardolph some wine, Davy.
    Davy Sweet sir, sit. I'll be with you anon. Most sweet sir sit. Master Page, good Master Page, sit. Proface! What you want in meat, we'll have in drink; but you must bear; the heart's all.
    [Exit Davy.]
    3060Shallow Be merry, Master Bardolph, and my litle soldier there, be merry.
    [Singing] Be merry, be merry, my wife has all,
    For women are shrews both short and tall,
    'Tis merry in hall when beards wags all,
    And welcome merry shrovetide, be merry, be merry.
    Falstaff I did not think Master Silence had been a man of this mettle.
    Silence Who I? I have been merry twice and once ere now.
    Enter Davy.
    3070Davy There's a dish of leather-coats for you.
    Shallow Davy!
    Davy Your worship, I'll be with you straight. A cup of wine, sir?
    [Singing] A cup of wine that's brisk and fine, 3075And drink unto thee, leman mine,
    And a merry heart lives long-a!
    Falstaff Well said, Master Silence.
    Silence And we shall be merry. Now comes in the sweet o'th'night.
    Falstaff Health and long life to you, Master Silence.
    3080Silence Fill the cup and let it come. I'll pledge you a mile to th'bottom.
    Shallow Honest Bardolph, welcome. If thou want'st anything and wilt not call, beshrew thy heart! [To the Page] Welcome my little tiny thief, and welcome indeed too. I'll drink to Master Bardolph, 3085and to all the cavalieros about London.
    Davy I hope to see London once ere I die.
    Bardolph And I might see you there, Davy.
    Shallow By the mass, you'll crack a quart together! Ha, will you not, Master Bardolph?
    3090Bardolph Yea sir, in a pottle-pot.
    Shallow By god's liggens, I thank thee. The knave will stick by thee, I can assure thee that. 'A will not out; 'a 'tis true bred!
    Bardolph And I'll stick by him, sir.
    One knocks at door.
    Shallow Why there spoke a king. Lack nothing, be merry. 3095Look who's at door there, ho. Who knocks?
    [Exit Davy.]
    Falstaff Why, now you have done me right.
    [Singing] Do me right,
    And dub me knight,
    Is't not so?
    Falstaff 'Tis so.
    3100Silence Is't so? Why then, say an old man can do somewhat.
    [Enter Davy.]
    Davy An't please your worship, there's one Pistol come from the court with news.
    Enter Pistol.
    Falstaff From the court? Let him come in -- how now, Pistol?
    Pistol Sir John, god save you.
    Falstaff What wind blew you hither, Pistol?
    Pistol Not the ill wind which blows no man to good: sweet knight, thou art now one of the greatest men in this 3110realm.
    Silence By'r lady I think 'a be, but Goodman Puff of Barson.
    Pistol Puff?
    Puff i'thy teeth, most recreant coward, base!
    Sir John, I am thy Pistol and thy friend,
    3115And helter skelter, have I rode to thee,
    And tidings do I bring, and lucky joys,
    And golden times, and happy news of price.
    Falstaff I pray thee now deliver them like a man of this world.
    3120Pistol A foutre for the world and worldlings base!
    I speak of Africa and golden joys.
    Falstaff O base Assyrian knight, what is thy news?
    Let King Cophetua know the truth thereof.
    [Singing]And Robin Hood, Scarlet, and John --
    3125Pistol Shall dunghill curs confront the Helicons? And shall good news be baffled? Then, Pistol, lay thy head in Furies' lap.
    Shallow Honest gentleman, I know not your breeding.
    3130Pistol Why then, lament therefore.
    Shallow Give me pardon, sir, if, sir, you come with news from the court, I take it there's but two ways: either to utter them, or conceal them. I am, sir, under the king in some authority.
    3135Pistol Under which king, besonian? Speak, or die!
    Under King Harry.
    Harry the fourth, or fifth?
    Harry the fourth.
    A foutre for thine office!
    Sir John, thy tender lambkin now is king:
    Harry the fifth's the man! I speak the truth;
    When Pistol lies, do this, and fig me, like
    The bragging Spaniard.
    What, is the old king dead?
    Pistol As nail in door. The things I speak are just.
    Falstaff Away, Bardolph, saddle my horse! Master Robert Shallow, choose what office thou wilt in the land, 'tis thine. Pistol, I will 3150double charge thee with dignities.
    Bardolph O joyful day! I would not take a knight for my fortune.
    Pistol What, I do bring good news?
    3155Falstaff Carry Master Silence to bed. Master Shallow, my Lord Shallow, be what thou wilt: I am fortune's steward. Get on thy boots. We'll ride all night. O sweet Pistol! Away, Bardolph! Come Pistol, utter more to me, and withal devise something to do thyself good. Boot, boot, Master Shallow! I know the young 3160king is sick for me. Let us take any man's horses. The laws of England are at my commandment. Blessèd are they that have been my friends, and woe to my Lord Chief Justice!
    3165Pistol Let vultures vile seize on his lungs also!
    "Where is the life that late I led?" say they,
    Why here it is! Welcome these pleasant days!