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  • Title: Henry IV, Part 1 (Quarto 1, 1598)
  • Editor: Rosemary Gaby
  • ISBN: 978-1-55058-371-7

    Copyright Rosemary Gaby. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: William Shakespeare
    Editor: Rosemary Gaby
    Not Peer Reviewed

    Henry IV, Part 1 (Quarto 1, 1598)


    Enter Falstalffe and Bardol.
    Fal. Bardoll, am I not falne away vilely since this last action?
    2005do I not bate? do I not dwindle? Why, my skinne hangs about
    me like an old Ladies loose gowne. I am withered like an oulde
    apple Iohn. Well, ile repent and that suddainly, while I am in
    some liking, I shall be out of heart shortly, and then I shall haue
    no strength to repent. And I haue not forgotten what the inside
    of a Church is made of, I am a Pepper corne, a brewers Horse,
    the inside of a Church. Company, villainous company, hath been
    the spoile of me.
    Bar. Sir Iohn, you are so fretfull you cannot liue long.
    Fal. Why, there is it; come sing me a bawdie song, make me
    merry. I was as vertuously giuen as a gentleman need to be, ver-
    tuous enough, swore little, dic't not aboue seuen times a weeke,
    went to a baudy house not aboue once in a quarter of an houre,
    2020paid money that I borrowed three or foure times, liued wel, and
    in good compasse, and nowe I liue out of all order, out of all
    compasse.
    Bar. Why, you are so fat, sir Iohn, that you must needes be out
    2025of all compasse: out of all reasonable compasse, sir Iohn.
    Fal. Do thou amend thy face, and ile amend my life: thou art
    our Admiral, thou bearest the lanterne in the poope, but tis in the
    nose of thee: thou art the knight of the burning lampe.
    Bar. Why, sir Iohn, my face does you no harme.
    Fal. No ile be sworn, I make as good vse of it as many a man
    doth of a deaths head, or a memento mori. I neuer see thy face,
    but I thinke vpon hell fire, and Diues that liued in Purple: for
    2035there he is in his robes burning, burning. If thou wert any waie
    giuen to vertue, I would sweare by thy face: my oath should be
    by this fire that Gods Angell. But thou art altogether giuen o-
    uer: and wert indeede but for the light in thy face, the sonne of
    vtter darkenesse. When thou ranst vp Gadshill in the night to
    catch my horse, if I did not thinke thou hadst beene an ignis fa-
    or a ball of wildfire, theres no purchase in money. O thou
    art a perpetuall triumph, an euerlasting bonefire light, thou hast
    saued me a thousand Markes in Linkes, and Torches, walking
    2045with thee in the night betwixt tauerne and tauerne: but the sacke
    that thou hast drunke me, would haue bought me lights as good
    cheape, at the dearest Chandlers in Europe. I haue maintained
    that Sallamander of yours with fire any time this two and thirty
    2050yeares, God reward me for it.
    Bar. Zbloud, I would my face were in your belly.
    Fal. Godamercy, so should I be sure to be hartburnt.
    How now dame Partlet the hen, haue you enquird
    Enter host.
    2055yet who pickt my pocket?
    Hostesse. Why sir Iohn, what do you thinke sir Iohn, doe you
    thinke I keepe theeues in my house, I haue searcht, I haue en-
    quired, so has my husband, man by man, boy by boy, seruant by
    seruant, the tight of a haire, was neuer lost in my house before.
    Fal. Yee lie Hostesse, Bardoll was shau'd, and lost manie a
    haire, and ile be sworne my pocket was pickt: go to, you are a
    woman, go.
    Ho. Who I. No, I defie thee: Gods light I was neuer cald so in
    2065mine owne house before.
    Fal. Go to. I know you well inough.
    Ho. No, sir Iohn, you do not know me, sir Iohn, I knowe you
    sir Iohn, you owe me mony sir Iohn, and now you picke a quar-
    rell to beguile me of it, I bought you a douzen of shirts to your
    2070backe.
    Falst. Doulas, filthie Doulas. I haue giuen them away to Ba-
    kers wiues, they haue made boulters of them.
    Host. Now as I am a true woman, holland of viii s. an ell, you
    2075owe mony here, besides sir Iohn, for your diet, and bydrinkings,
    and money lent you xxiiii. pound.
    Falst. He had his part of it, let him pay.
    Host. He, alas he is poore, he hath nothing.
    Fal. How? poore? looke vpon his face. What call you rich? let
    them coyne his nose, let them coyne his cheekes, ile not pay a
    denyer: what will you make a yonker of mee? shall I not take
    mine ease in mine Inne, but I shall haue my pocket pickt? I haue
    2085lost a seale ring of my grandfathers worth fortie marke.
    Ho. O Iesu, I haue heard the Prince tell him I know not how
    oft, that that ring was copper.
    Falst. How? the prince is a iacke, a sneakeup, Zbloud and hee
    2090were here, I would cudgell him like a dog if he would say so.
    Enter the prince marching, and Falstalffe meetes him
    playing vpon his trunchion like a fife.
    2095Falst. How now lad, is the winde in that doore ifaith, must we
    all march?
    Bar. Yea, two, and two, Newgate fashion.
    Host. My Lord, I pray you heare me.
    Pr. What saist thou mistris quickly, how doth thy husband?
    2100I loue him well, he is an honest man.
    Host. Good my Lord heare me?
    Falst. Preethe let her alone, and list to me.
    Prin. What saist thou iacke.
    2105Falst. The other night I fel a sleepe here, behind the Arras, and
    had my pocket pickt, this house is turn'd baudy house, they pick
    pockets.
    Prin. What didst thou loose iacke?
    Fal. Wilt thou beleeue me Hall, three or foure bonds of forty
    2110pound a peece, and a seale ring of my grandfathers.
    Prin. A trifle, some eight penie matter.
    Host. So I told him my Lord, and I said I heard your grace say
    so: & my lord he speakes most vilely of you, like a foule mouthd
    2115man as he is, and said he would cudgel you.
    Prin. What he did not?
    Ho. Theres neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.
    2120Fal. Theres no more faith in thee then in a stued prune, nor
    no more truth in thee then in a drawn fox, and for womandood
    maid marion may be the deputies wife of the ward to thee. Go
    you thing, go.
    Host. Say what thing, what thing?
    2125Fal. What thing? why a thing to thanke God on.
    Ho. I am nothing to thanke God on, I would thou shouldst
    know it, I am an honest mans wife, and setting thy knighthood
    aside, thou art a knaue to call me so.
    Fal. Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say o-
    2130therwise.
    Host. Say, what beast, thou knaue thou?
    Falst. What beast? why an Otter.
    Prin. An Otter sir Iohn, why an Otter?
    Falst. Why? shees neither fish nor flesh, a man knowes not
    2135where to haue her.
    Host. Thou art an vniust man in saying so, thou or anie man
    knowes where to haue me, thou knaue thou.
    Prin. Thou saist true hostesse, and hee slaunders thee most
    grossely.
    2140Host. So hee doth you my Lord, and saide this other day you
    ought him a thousand pound.
    Prin. Sirrha, do I owe you a thousand pound?
    Falst. A thousand pound Hall? a million, thy loue is worth a
    million, thou owest me thy loue.
    2145Host. Nay my Lord, he cald you iacke, and saide hee woulde
    cudgel you.
    Falst. Did I Bardol?
    Bar. Indeed sir Iohn you said so.
    Fal. Yea, if he said my ring was copper.
    2150Prin. I say tis copper, darest thou be as good as thy word now?
    Falst. Why Hall? Thou knowest as thou art but man I dare,
    but as thou art prince, I feare thee as I feare the roaring of the
    Lyons whelpe.
    2155Prin. And why not as the Lyon?
    Fal. The king himselfe is to be feared as the Lion, doest thou
    thinke ile feare thee as I feare thy father? nay and I doo, I pray
    God my girdle breake.
    Prin. O, if it should, howe woulde thy guts fall about thy
    2160knees? but sirrha, theres no roome for faith, trueth, nor hone-
    stie, in this bosome of thine. It is all fild vp with guttes, and mid-
    riffe. Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket, why
    thou horeson impudent imbost rascall, if there were anie thing
    in thy pocket but tauerne reckonings, memorandums of baudie
    2165houses, and one poore peniworth of sugar-candie to make thee
    long winded, if thy pocket were inricht with any other iniuries
    but these; I am a villain, and yet you will stand to it, you will not
    pocket vp wrong, art thou not ashamed?
    Fal. Doest thou heare Hall, thou knowest in the state of inno-
    cencie Adam fell, & what should poore iacke Falstalfe do in the
    daies of villanie? thou seest I haue more flesh then another man,
    & therfore more frailty. You confesse then you pickt my pocket.
    Prin. It appeares so by the storie.
    Fal. Hostesse, I forgiue thee, go make ready breakfast, loue thy
    husband, looke to thy seruaunts, cherish thy ghesse, thou shalt
    2180find me tractable to any honest reason, thou seest I am pacified
    still, nay preethe be gone.
    Exit Hostesse
    Now Hal, to the newes at court for the robbery lad, how is that
    2185answered?
    Prin. O my sweet beoffe, I must still bee good angel to thee,
    the mony is paid backe againe.
    Fal. O I do not like that paying backe, tis a double labor.
    Prin. I am good friends with my father and may do any thing
    Fal. Rob me the exchequer the first thing thou doest, and doe
    it with vnwasht hands too.
    2195Bar. Do my Lord.
    Prin. I haue procured thee Iacke a charge of foot.
    Fal. I would it had been of horse. Where shall I finde one that
    can steale well. O for a fine thiefe of the age of xxii. or therea-
    bouts: I am hainously vnprouided. Well, God be thanked for
    2200these rebels, they offende none but the vertuous; I laude them, I
    praise them.
    Prin. Bardoll.
    Bar. My Lord.
    Prin. Go beare this letter to Lord Iohn of Lancaster,
    2205To my brother Iohn, this to my lord of Westmerland.
    Go Peto to horse, to horse, for thou and I
    Haue thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner time,
    Iacke, meete me to morrow in the temple haule
    At two of clocke in the afternoone,
    2210There shalt thou know thy charge, and there receiue
    Money and order for their furniture,
    The land is burning, Percy stands on high,
    And either we or they must lower lie.
    Fal. Rare words, braue world hostesse, my breakfast come,
    Oh I could wish this tauerne were my drum.