Ne'er talk to me! I'll make a Star74 Chamber matter of it.365 The council shall know it.

Nay, good Master Shallow, be persuaded by me.

Nay, surely my uncle shall not put it up so.

Will you not hear reasons, Master Slenders?36.49 You should hear reasons.

Though he be a knight, he shall not think to36.611 carry it so away.36.712 Master Page, I will not be wronged. For you,36.813 sir, I love you, and, for my cousin,36.914 he comes to look upon your daughter.

And here's my hand, and if my daughter36.1116 like him so well as I, we'll quickly have it a match.36.1217 In the meantime, let me entreat you to sojourn36.1318 here a while. And on my life I'll undertake36.1419 to make you friends.

1.8 I pray you, Master Shallows, let it be so.36.1621 The matter is pud to arbitarments.13022 The first man is Master Page, videlicet Master Page.23 The second is myself, videlicet myself.13124 And the third and last man is mine host of the Garter.131.125

10427 Here is Sir John himself now, look you.

Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me10629 to the council, I hear?

Sir John, Sir John, you have hurt my keeper,31 killed my dogs, stolen my deer.

But not kissed your keeper's daughter.

Well, this shall be answered.

I'll answer it straight. I have done all this.11235 This is now answered.

Well, the council shall know it.

'Twere better for you 'twere known in counsel.11538 You'll be laughed at.

Good 'ords, Sir John, good 'ords.

Good worts? Good cabbage! --41 Slender, I brake your head.11842 What matter have you against me?

I have matter in my head against you and12044 your cogging companions, Pistol and Nym. They120.145 carried me to the tavern and made me drunk,120.246 and afterward picked my pocket.

What say you to this, Pistol? Did you pick48 Master Slender's purse, Pistol?

Ay, by this handkercher, did he. Two fair14450 shovel-board shillings, besides seven groats in mill144.151 sixpences.

What say you to this, Pistol?

Sir John and master mine, I combat crave

1.2354 Of this same latten bilbo. [To Slender] I do retort the lie

55 Even in thy gorge, thy gorge, thy gorge!

By this light it was he then.

Sir, my honor is not for many words,15558 but if you run base humors of me,15459 I will say "marry, trap!" And there's the humor of it.

You hear these matters denied, gentlemen,17361 you hear it.

No more now.173.465 I think it be almost dinner-time,173.566 for my wife is come to meet us.

[To Mistress Page] Mistress Ford, I think your name is,173.768 if I mistake not.

Your mistake, sir, is nothing but in the173.1071 mistress. But my husband's name is Ford, sir.

I shall desire your more acquaintance. [Sir John kisses her.]173.1273 The like of you, good Mistress Page.

With all my heart, Sir John.173.1475 -- Come, husband, will you go?173.1576 Dinner stays for us.

With all my heart. Come along, gentlemen.

Now, forsooth, why do you stay me?173.2081 What would you with me?

Nay, for my own part, I would little or173.2283 nothing with you. I love you well, and my uncle can173.2384 tell you how my living stands. An if you can love173.2485 me, why so. If not, why then happy man be his173.2586 dole.

You say well, Master Slender.273.2788 But first you must give me leave to273.2889 be acquainted with your humor,273.2990 and afterward to love you if I can.

Why, by God, there's never a man in273.3192 Christendom can desire more.

What, have you bears26293 in your town, Mistress Anne, your dogs bark so?

I cannot tell, Master Slender, I think there be.

Ha, how say you? I warrant you're afeard of26696 a bear let loose, are you not?

Yes, trust me.

Now that's meat and drink to me!26999 I'll run you to a bear, and take her by the muzzle --269.1100 you never saw the like!269.2101 But indeed I cannot blame you,

1.41272102 for they are marvellous rough things.

Will you go in to dinner, Master Slender?272.2104 The meat stays for you.

No, faith, not I. I thank you,260106 I cannot abide the smell of hot meat,257107 ne'er since I broke my shin. I'll tell you how it came,259108 by my troth. A fencer and I played three venies109 for a dish of stewed prunes, and I with my ward259.1110 defending my head, he hot my shin. Yes, faith.

Come, come, Master Slender, dinner stays for113 you.

I can eat no meat, I thank you.

You shall not choose, I say.

I'll follow you, sir. Pray lead the way.279117 Nay, by God, Mistress Anne, you shall go first.281118 I have more manners than so, I hope.

Well, sir, I will not be troublesome.

Hark you, Simple, pray you bear this letter123 to Doctor Caius's house, the French doctor. He is288.1124 twell up along the street, and inquire of his house289125 for one Mistress Quickly, his woman, or his try-nurse,293126 and deliver this letter to her. It -- 'tis about Master293.1127 Slender. Look you, will you do it now?

I warrant you, sir.

Pray you do. I must not be absent at the296.1130 grace.297131 I will go make an end of my dinner,132 there is pippins and cheese behind.

Mine host of the Garter.

What says my bully rook?138 Speak scholarly and wisely.

Mine host, I must turn away some of my305140 followers.

Discard, bully Hercules, cashier.142 Let them wag, trot, trot.

I sit at ten pound a week.

Thou art an emperor: Caesar, vizier, and145 Kaiser, bully.310146 I'll entertain Bardolph. He shall tap, he shall draw.311147 Said I well, bully Hector?

Do, good mine host.

I have spoke. Let him follow. -- Bardolph,150 let me see thee froth and lime. I am at314151 a word. Follow, follow.

Do, Bardolph; a tapster is a good trade.316154 An old cloak will make a new jerkin,155 a withered servingman, a fresh tapster.317156 Follow him, Bardolph.

I will, sir. I'll warrant you I'll make a good158 shift to live. [Exit.]

O base gongarian wight, wilt thou the161 spigot wield?

His mind is not heroic. And there's the319.2163 humor of it.

Well my lads, I am almost out at the165 heels.

Why then let kibes ensue.

I thank thee for that humor.

Well, I am glad I am so rid of this tinder169 boy.170 His stealth was too open; his filching was like322171 an unskilful singer: he kept not time.

The good humor is to steal at a minute's173 rest.

'Tis so indeed, Nym, thou hast hit it right.

Well, afore God, I must cheat, I must coney-176catch. --331177 Which of you knows Ford of this town?

I ken the wight; he is of substance good.

Well, my honest lads, I'll tell you what180 I am about.

Two yards and more.

No gibes now, Pistol. Indeed I am two yards183 in the waist, but now I am about no waste.337184 Briefly, I am about thrift, you rogues you!185 I do intend to make love to Ford's wife.338186 I espy entertainment in her. She carves, she187 discourses, she gives the lure of invitation,339188 and every part to be construed rightly is "I am341189 Sir John Falstaff's."

He hath studied her well, out of honesty

3.25343191 Into English.

Now the report goes, she hath all the rule193 of her husband's purse. She hath legions of angels.

As many devils attend her,

3.28195 And "To her, boy!", say I.

[Holds up two letters.] Here's a letter to her. Here's another to350197 Mistress Page.198 who even now gave me good eyes too, examined356199 my exteriors with such a greedy intentiom, with the352200 beams of her beauty, that it seemed as she would358201 'a' scorched me up like a burning-glass. Here is361202 another letter to her: she bears the purse too. They203 shall be exchequers to me, and I'll be cheaters to204 them both. They shall be my East and West Indies362205 and I'll trade to them both. [Offering a letter to Pistol] Here, bear thou this363206 letter to Mistress Ford. [Offering another to Nym] And thou this to Mistress207 Page. We'll thrive, lads, we will thrive.

Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become?

3.31367209 And by my sword wear steel?

3.32210 Then Lucifer take all. [He rejects the letter.]

Here, take your humor letter again.369212 For my part, I will keep the 'havior213 of reputation. And there's the humor of it.

[To the Boy] Here, sirrah, bear me these letters tightly;

3.35371215 Sail like my pinnace to the golden shores.

3.36372216 [To Pistol and Nym] Hence, slaves, avaunt! Vanish like hailstones, go!

3.37374217 Falstaff will learn the humor of this age,

3.38375218 French thrift, [To Pistol] you rogue, myself and skirted page.

And art thou gone? Tester I'll have in pouch

3.40222 When thou shalt want, base Phrygian Turk!

I have operations in my head, which are381224 humors of revenge.

Wilt thou revenge?

By welkin and her fairies.

By wit, or sword?

With both the humors I will disclose this386229 love to Page. I'll possess him with yellows,386.1230 and there's the humor of it.

And I to Ford will likewise tell

3.47388232 How Falstaff, varlot vile,

3.48389233 Would have her love, his dove would prove,

3.49390234 And eke his bed defile.

Let us about it then.

I'll second thee, Sir Corporal Nym, troop on!

Master Slender is your master's name, say you?

Ay, indeed, that is his name.

How say you? I take it he is somewhat a416.2242 weakly man,417243 and he has, as it were, a whey-colored beard.

Indeed, my master's beard is cane-colored.

Cane-color, you say well.420.2246 And is this letter from sir yon about Mistress Anne,420.3247 is it not?

Ay, indeed, is it.

So. And your master would have me as420.6250 it were to speak to Mistress Anne concerning him.420.7251 I promise you my master hath a great-affectioned mind420.8252 to Mistress Anne himself. And if he should know420.9253 that I should, as they say, give my verdict for anyone420.10254 but himself, I should hear of it thoroughly. For429255 I tell you, friend, he puts all his privities in me.

Ay, by my faith, you are a good stay to him.

Am I? Ay, an you knew all, you'd say so!485258 Washing, brewing, baking, all goes through my hands,485.1259 or else it would be but a woe house.

Ay, beshrow me, one woman to do all this488.1261 is very painful.

Are you avised of that? Ay, I warrant you,402264 and he is such a honest man, an he should chance403265 To come home and find a man here, we should403.1266 have no "who?" with him. He is a parlous man.

Is he indeed?

"Is he," quoth you? God keep him abroad -- [Knocking at the door] 403.4269 Lord bless me, who knocks there?433270 For God's sake, step into the counting-house,433.1271 while I go see who's at door.

4.14273 What, John Rugby, John -- And she opens the door.433.3274 Are you come home, sir, already?

Ay, begar, I be forget my ointment. Where be John Rugby?

Here, sir, do you call?

Ay, you be John Rugby, and you be Jack Rugby!452281 Go run up vit your heels and bring away452.1282 de ointment in de vindow present.455283 Make haste, John Rugby. Oh, I am almost forget456284 my simples in a box in de counting-house -- [He opens the door to the counting-house.]459285 O Jeshu, vat be here, a devil-la, a devil-la?460286 My rapier, John Rugby. -- [To Simple] Vat be you, vat make458287 you in my counting-house?458.1288 I tink you be a tief.

Jesu bless me, we are all undone.

O Lord, sir, no! I am no thief.458.4291 I am a servingman.458.5292 My name is John Simple. I brought a letter, sir,474293 from my Master Slender about Mistress Anne Page,474.1294 sir. Indeed, that is my coming.

Ay, begar, is dat all? -- John Rugby, give-a moi pen478296 an' ink. -- [To Simple] Tarde un petit peu, tarde a little.

O God, what a furious man is this?

Nay, it is well he is no worse:480300 I am glad he is so quiet.

Here give dat same to Sir Hugh: it bear ze challenge.497302 Begar, tell him I will cut his nase, will you?

Ay, sir, I'll tell him so.

Dat be vell. -- My rapier, John Rugby. Follow moi .

Well, my friend, I cannot tarry. Tell your512.3307 master I'll do what I can for him,512.4308 and so farewell.

Marry, will I. -- [Aside] I am glad I am got hence.

562.5322 Now Jesu bless me, am I metamorphized?562.6323 I think I know not myself. Why, what i' God's562.7324 name doth this man see in me, that thus he shoots562.8325 at my honesty? Well, but that I know my own562.9326 heart, I should scarcely persuade myself I were562.10327 hand. Why, what an unreasonable woolsack is this?562.11328 He was never twice in my company, and if then I562.12329 thought I gave such assurance with my eyes, I'd pull562.13330 them out. They should never see more holy days.562.14331 Well, I shall trust fat men the worse while I live for577332 his sake. O God, that I knew how to be revenged of577.1333 him! But in good time, here's Mistress Ford.

How now, Mistress Page, are you reading577.4336 love letters? How do you, woman?

O woman, I am I know not what:577.6338 in love up to the hard ears. I was never in such a577.7339 case in my life.

In love? Now, in the name of God, with577.9341 whom?

With one that swears he loves me,577.11343 and I must not choose but do the like again.577.12344 I prithee look on that letter.

I'll match your letter just with the like,614.1346 line for line, word for word. Only the name347 of Mistress Page and Mistress Ford disagrees.614.2348 Do me the kindness to look upon this.

Why, this is right my letter.614.4350 Oh, most notorious villain!614.6351 Why, what a bladder of iniquity is this?636352 Let's be revenged whatsoe'er we do.

Revenged? If we live, we'll be revenged!641354 O Lord, if my husband should see this letter,642355 i'faith, this would even give edge to his jealousy.

[Aside to Mistress Page] See where our husbands are.645358 Mine's as far from jealousy359 as I am from wronging him.

Ford, the words I speak are forced:

5.11653361 Beware, take heed, for Falstaff loves thy wife.

5.12653.1362 When Pistol lies, do this!

Why, sir, my wife is not young.

He woos both young and old, both rich and poor.

5.15656365 None comes amiss. I say he loves thy wife.

5.16656.1366 Fair warning did I give. Take heed,

5.17665367 For summer comes, and cuckoo birds appear.-- [To Page]

5.18665.1368 Page, believe him what he says. -- [He salutes.] Away, sir Corporal Nym!

Sir, the humor of it is, he loves your wife.670371 I should ha' borne the humor letter to her.674372 I speak and I avouch 'tis true. My name is Nym.675373 Farewell. I love not the humor of bread and cheese,675.1374 and there's the humor of it.

"The humor of it," quoth you!376 Here's a fellow frights humor out of his wits.

How now, sweetheart, how dost thou?

[To Ford] How now, man? -- How do you, Mistress Ford?

Well, I thank you, good Master Page.381 -- How now, husband, how chance thou art so688382 melancholy?

Melancholy? I am not melancholy.690384 Go, get you in, go.

[Aside to Mistress Page, looking at Mistress Quickly] God save me, see who yonder is.386 We'll set her a-work in this business.

[Aside to Mistress Ford] Oh, she'll serve excellent. -- [To Mistress Quickly]697388 Now you come to see my daughter Anne, I am sure.

Ay, forsooth, that is my coming.

Come, go in with me. Come, Mistress Ford.

I follow you, Mistress Page.

Master Page, did you hear what these fellows said?

Yes, Master Ford, what of that, sir?

Do you think it is true that they told us?

No, by my troth, do I not.705.2397 I rather take them to be paltry lying knaves,705.3398 such as rather speaks of envy,705.4399 than of any certain they have705.5400 of anything. And for the knight, perhaps705.6401 he hath spoke merrily, as the fashion of fat men705.7402 are, but should he love my wife,705.8403 i'faith, I'd turn her loose to him,705.9404 and what he got more of her705.10405 than ill looks and shrewd words,705.11406 why, let me bear the penalty of it.

Nay, I do not mistrust my wife;408 yet I'd be loath to turn them together.719409 A man may be too confident.

Here comes my ramping host of the Garter.723412 There's either liquor in his head, or money in his purse,724413 that he looks so merrily. -- [Greeting him] Now, mine host?

God bless you, my bully rooks, God bless you.727415 -- [Calling to Shallow] Cavaliero Justice, I say.

At hand, mine host, at hand. -- Master Ford, god den to you.728.1417 -- God den an' twenty, good Master Page.730418 I tell you, sir, we have sport in hand.

Tell him, Cavaliero Justice, tell him, bully rook.

[Nodding the Host aside] Mine host o'the Garter.

What says my bully rook?

A word with you, sir.

[To Page] Hark you, sir, I'll tell you what the sport shall be:733425 Doctor Caius and Sir Hugh are to fight.737426 My merry host hath had the measuring738427 of their weapons, and hath428 appointed them contrary places. Hark in your ear.

Hast thou no suit against my knight,430 my guest, my cavaliero?

None, I protest. But tell him my name746432 is Brook, only for a jest.

My hand, bully. [They shake hands.] Thou shalt434 have egress and regress, and thy748435 name shall be Brook. Said I well, bully Hector?

I tell you what, Master Page, I believe740437 the doctor is no jester. He'll lay it on,740.1438 for though we be justices, and doctors,740.2439 and churchmen, yet we are740.3440 the sons of women, Master Page.

True, Master Shallow.

It will be found so, Master Page.

Master Shallow, you yourself740.7444 have been a great fighter,740.8445 though now a man of peace.

Master Page, I have seen the day that young757447 tall fellows with their stroke and their passado757.1448 I have made them trudge, Master Page.755449 Ah, 'tis the heart, the heart doth all! I450 have seen the day, with my two-hand sword,451 I would 'a' made you four tall fencers452 skipped like rats.

Here, boys, shall we wag, shall we wag?

Ha' with you, mine host.

Come, Master Ford, shall we to dinner?760.3457 I know these fellows sticks in your mind.

No, in good sadness. not in mine.765459 [Aside] Yet for all this, I'll try it further.765.1460 I will not leave it so.765.2461 [To Page] Come, Master Page, shall we to dinner?

With all my heart, sir. I'll follow you.

I'll not lend thee a penny.

I will retort the sum in equipage.

Not a penny! I have been content you776468 should lay my countenance to pawn. I have grated777469 upon my good friends for three reprieves for you and778470 your coach-fellow Nym, else you might 'a' looked471 through a grate like a gemini of baboons. I am779472 damned in hell for swearing to gentlemen you're good781473 soldiers and tall fellows. And when Mistress782474 Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took't on my honor783475 thou hadst it not.

Didst thou not share? Hadst thou not477 fifteen pence?

Reason, you rogue, reason.479 Dost thou think I'll endanger my soul gratis?787480 In brief, hang no more about me. I am no gibbet 788481 for you. A short knife and a throng to your manor 789482 of Pickt-hatch, go. You'll not bear a letter for me,790483 you rogue you! You stand upon your honor! Why,791484 thou unconfinable baseness thou, 'tis as much as I792485 can do to keep the terms of my honor precise. I, I793486 myself sometimes, leaving the fear of God on794487 the left hand, am fain to shuffle, to filch, and to lurch.795488 And yet you stand upon your honor, you rogue!489 You, you --

I do recant. What wouldst thou more of man?

Well, go to, away! No more.

Good you god den, sir.

Good den, fair wife.

Not so, an't like your worship.

Fair maid, then.

That I am, I'll be sworn, as my mother was808498 the first hour I was born.810499 Sir, I would speak with you in private.

Say on, I prithee. Here's none but my own812.1501 household.

Are they so? Now God bless them, and812.3503 make them his servants.812.4504 Sir, I come from Mistress Ford.

So, from Mistress Ford. Go on.

Ay, sir, she hath sent me to you to let you849507 understand she hath received your letter,849.1508 and, let me tell you, she is one stands upon her credit.

Well, come -- Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford?

Ay, sir, and, as they say, she is not the first849.4511 hath been led in a fool's paradise.

Nay, prithee, be brief, my good she-Mercury.

Marry, sir, she'd have you meet her between852514 eight and nine.

So, between eight and nine?

Ay, forsooth, for then her husband goes a-birding.

Well, commend me to thy mistress. Tell her895518 I will not fail her. --- Boy, give her my purse.

Nay, sir, I have another errand to do to you862520 from Mistress Page.

From Mistress Page? I prithee, what of her?

By my troth, I think you work by enchantments,869.1523 else they could never love you as they do.

Not I, I assure thee. Setting the attraction of my872525 good parts aside, I use no other enchantments.

Well, sir, she loves you extremely.872.2527 And let me tell you, she's one that fears God,881528 and her husband gives her leave to do all,880529 for he is not half so jealousy as Master Ford is.

But hark thee, hath Mistress Page and Mistress Ford875531 acquainted each other how dearly they love me?

O God, no, sir! There were a jest indeed.

Well, farewell, commend me to Mistress Ford.894.1534 I will not fail her, say.

God be with your worship.

Sir, here's a gentleman,539 one Master Brook, would speak with you.908540 He hath sent you a cup of sack.

Master Brook, he's welcome: Bid him come up,542 Such Brooks are always welcome to me.

911.1543 Ah, Jack, will thy old body yet hold out?911.2544 Wilt thou, after the expense of so much money,911.3545 be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee,911.4546 and I'll make more of thee than I ha' done.911.5547 Ha, ha, Mistress Ford and Mistress Page, have911.6548 I caught you o'the hip? Go to!

God save you, sir.

And you too. Would you speak with me?

Marry, would I, sir. I am somewhat bold to trouble you.921553 My name is Brook.

Good Master Brook, you're very welcome.

I'faith, sir, I am a gentleman and a traveler928556 that have seen somewhat. And I have often heard557 that, if money goes before, all ways lie open.

Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.

I'faith, sir, and I have a bag here [Showing a money-bag] .932560 Would you would help me to bear it.

O Lord, would I could tell how to deserve562 to be your porter.

That may you easily, Sir John. I have an earnest945564 suit to you. But, good Sir John, when I have946565 told you my grief, cast one eye of your own948566 estate, since yourself knew what 'tis to be949567 such an offender.

Very well, sir, proceed.

Sir, I am deeply in love with one Ford's wife951.1570 of this town. Now, Sir John, you are a gentleman951.2571 of good discoursing, well beloved among ladies,951.3572 a man of such parts that might win twenty such as she.

Oh, good sir!

Nay, believe it, Sir John, for 'tis time. Now, my love953.2575 is so grounded upon her that without her love953.3576 I shall hardly live.

Have you importuned her by any means?

No, never, sir.

Of what quality is your love then?

I'faith, sir, like a fair house set upon581 another man's foundation.

And to what end have you unfolded this to me?

Oh, sir, when I have told you that, I told you all,998584 for she, sir, stands so pure in the firm state999585 of her honesty that she is too bright to be looked1001586 against. Now, could I come against her587 with some detection, I should sooner persuade her1004588 from her marriage vow, and a hundred such nice589 terms that she'll stand upon.

Why would it apply well to the fervency996591 of your affection592 that another should possess what you would enjoy?593 Methinks you prescribe very preposterously997594 to yourself.

No, sir, for by that means should I be997.2596 certain of that which I now misdoubt.

Well, Master Brook, I'll first make bold with your money [Accepting the money-bag] .1009598 Next, give me your hand. [They shake hands.] . Lastly, you shall1010599 and you will enjoy Ford's wife.

Oh, good sir!

Master Brook, I say you shall.

Want no money, Sir John, you shall want none.

Want no Mistress Ford, Master Brook,604 you shall want none. Even as you came to me,1016605 her spokesmate, her go-between, parted from me.1017606 I may tell you, Master Brook, I am to meet her1018607 between eight and nine, for at that time the jealous1019608 cuckally knave, her husband, will be from home.609 Come to me soon at night. You shall know how1020610 I speed, Master Brook.

Sir, do you know Ford?

Hang him, poor cuckally knave, I know him not,1024613 and yet I wrong him to call him poor. For they614 say the cuckally knave hath legions of angels,1026615 for the which his wife seems to me well favored,616 and I'll use her as the key of the cuckally knave's1027617 coffer, and there's my rendezvous.

Methinks, sir, it were very good that you knew1030619 Ford, that you might shun him.

Hang him, cuckally knave, I'll stare him1032621 out of his wits. I'll keepe him in awe622 with this, my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteor1033623 o'er the wittolly knave's head. Master Brook, thou shalt1034624 see I will predominate o'er the peasant,1035625 and thou shalt lie with his wife. Master Brook,1037626 thou shalt know him for knave and cuckold!1038627 Come to me soon at night.

What a damned epicurian is this?

6.671041630 My wife hath sent for him; the plot is laid.

6.681051631 Page is an ass, a fool. A secure ass!

6.691054632 I'll sooner trust an Irishman with my633 aqua-vitae bottle, Sir Hugh, our parson, with my cheese,1055634 a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife1056635 with herself. Then she plots, then she ruminates,1057636 and what she thinks in her heart she may effect --1058637 she'll break her heart but she will effect it.1059638 God be praised, God be praised for my jealousy!1060639 Well, I'll go prevent him. The time draws on.1062640 Better an hour too soon than a minute too late.1063641 God's my life -- cuckold, cuckold!

John Rugby, go look vit your eyes o'er de stall,1067.1645 and spy an you can see de parson.

Sir, I cannot tell whether he be there or no,1067.3647 but I see a great many coming.

Baille-moi ma rapière, John Rugaby; begar, de1077649 herring be not so dead as I shall make him.

God save you, Master Doctor Caius.

How do you, master doctor?

God bless thee, my bully doctor, God bless thee!

Vat be all you, van, two, tree, come for, ah?

Bully, to see thee fight, to see thee foin, to656 see thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there,1089657 to see thee pass the punto, the stock, the reverse,1090658 the distance, the montant. Is 'a dead, my Français?1091659 Is 'a dead, my Ethiopian? Hah? What says my galant?1092660 my Aesculapius? Is 'a dead, bully's tail, is 'a dead?

Begar, de priest be a coward jack-knave!1095662 He dare not show his face.

Thou art a Castalian king urinal,664 Hector of Greece, my boy!

He hath shown himself the wiser man,666 master doctor.667 Sir Hugh is a parson, and you a physician. You must1116668 go with me, master doctor.

Pardon, bully justice. -- A word, Monsieur Mockwater.

Mockwater, vat be dat?

That is, in our English tongue, valor, bully,672 valor!

Begar, den I have as much mockvater as de Inglish1123674 jack-dog knave.

He will clapperclaw thee tightly, bully.

Clapperclaw, vat be dat?

That is, he will make thee amends.

Begar, I do look he shall clapperclaw me den,1130679 and I'll provoke him to do it, or let him wag.1132680 And moreover, bully -- [Returning to the others] but Master Page and Master Shallow1133681 and eke Cavaliero Slender, go you all over the fields1134682 to Frogmore?

[Aside to Host and Shallow] Sir Hugh is there, is he?

[Aside to Page and Shallow] He is there. Go see what humor he is in.685 I'll bring the doctor about by the fields.1137686 Will it do well?

We will do it, my host. -- Farewell, Master Doctor.

Begar, I will kill de cowardly jack-priest.1141690 He is make a fool of moi.

Let him die, but first sheathe your impatience,692 throw cold water on your choler, come go with me1143693 through the fields to Frogmore, and I'll bring thee1144694 where Mistress Anne Page is a-feasting at a farm house,1145695 and thou shalt wear her. Cried game! Said I well, bully?

Begar, excellent vel, and if you speak pour1148697 moi, I shall procure you de guests of all de gentlemen1149698 mes patients. Ay, begar, I sall.

For the which I'll be thy adversary1151700 to Mistress Anne Page. Said I well?

Ay, begar, excellent.

Let us wag then.

Allons, allons, allons!

I pray you do so much as see if you can espy1161707 Doctor Caius coming, and give me intelligence,1161.1708 or bring me 'ord if you please now.

I will, sir. [Exit.]

8.4 Jeshu pless me, how my heart trobs and trobs:1174711

Now, so Kad 'udge me, my heart1176714 swells more and more. Methinks I can cry1176.1715 very well.

Sir, here is Master Page and Master Shallow719 coming hither as fast as they can.

Then it is very necessary I put up my sword.721 Pray give me my cown too, mark you.

God save you, Sir Hugh.

God save you, Master Parson.

God pless you all from his mercy's sake now.

What, the word and the sword, doth that1193.1727 agree well?

There is reasons and causes in all things,1197.1729 I warrant you now.

Well, Sir Hugh, we are come to crave731 your help and furtherance in a matter.

What is, I pray you?

I'faith, 'tis this, Sir Hugh. There is an ancient734 friend of ours, a man of very good sort, so at odds1203735 with his patience, that I am sure you would heartily736 grieve to see him. Now, Sir Hugh, you are a scholar1203.1737 well read and very persuasive; we would entreat1203.2738 you to see if you could entreat him to patience.

I pray you, who is it? Let us know that.

I am sure you know him: 'tis Doctor Caius.

I had as lief you should tell me of a mess of porridge.1215742 He is an arrant lousy beggarly knave,743 and he is a coward beside.

[To Shallow] Why, I'll lay my life 'tis the man745 that he should fight withal.

Keep them asunder, take away their weapons!

Disarm! Let them question.

Let them keep their limbs whole, and hack1225751 our English.

[Aside to Evans] Hark, van 'ord in your ear. You be un dog-a1229753 and de jack-coward priest!

[Aside to Caius] Hark you, let us not be laughingstocks755 to other men's humors. [Aloud to Caius] By Jeshu, I will knock your1233756 urinals about your knave's coxcombs for missing1233.1757 your meetings and appointments.

[Aloud to the others] Oh, Jesu, mine host of de garter, John Rogoby,1236759 have I not met him at de place he make appoint,1236.1760 have I not?

So Kad 'udge me, this is the pointment place,1239762 witness by my host of the Garter.

Peace, I say, Gaul and Gwalia, French and Welsh,1242764 soul-curer and body-curer!

This is very brave, excellent!

Peace, I say, hear mine host of the Garter!1245767 Am I wise? Am I politic? Am I Machiavel?1246768 Shall I lose my doctor? No, he gives me the motions1247769 and the potions. Shall I lose my parson, my Sir Hugh?1248770 No, he gives me the proverbs and the no-verbs:1249771 [To Caius] Give me thy hand terrestrial.1249.1772 So. [To Evans] Give me thy hand celestial.773 So. Boys of art, I have deceived you both:1250774 I have directed you to wrong places.1251775 Your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole.1252776 -- Bardolph, lay their swords to pawn. Follow me, lads1253777 of peace, follow me. Ha, ra, la! Follow!

Afore God, a mad host! Come, let us go.

Ay, begar, have you mock-a moi thus?1258780 I will be even vit you, my jack-Host.

Give me your hand, Doctor Caius.1261782 We be all friends,1261.1783 but for mine host's foolish knavery, let me alone.

Ay, dat be vell, begar! I be friends.

The time draws on, he should come to my house.

9.21268.2787 Well, wife, you had best work closely,

9.31268.3788 Or I am like to go beyond your cunning.

9.41268.4789 I now will seek my guests that comes to dinner,

9.51268.5790 And in good time see where they all are come.

9.61268.8793 By my faith, a knot well met: you're welcome all.

I thank you, good Master Ford.

Welcome, good Master Page,1268.11796 I would your daughter were here.

I thank you, sir, she is very well at home.

Father Page, I hope I have your consent799 for Mistress Anne?

You have, son Slender, but my wife here1324801 is altogether for Master Doctor.

Begar, I tank her heartily.

But what say you to young Master Fenton?804 He capers, he dances, he writes verses, he smells1329805 all April and May. He will carry it, he will carry't,1330806 'tis in his buttons, he will carry't!

My Host, not with my consent. The gentleman is808 wild; he knows too much. If he take her,1335809 let him take her simply, for my goods goes1336810 with my liking, and my liking goes not that way.

Well, I pray go home with me to dinner.1339812 Besides your cheer, I'll show you wonders, I'll1340813 Show you a monster. You shall go with me,1341814 Master Page, and so shall you, Sir Hugh, and you, Master815 Doctor.

If there be one in the company, I shall make two.

And dere be ven, two, I sall make de turd.

In your teeth, for shame!

Well, well, God be with you. [Aside to Slender] We shall have the fairer1341.5820 wooing at Master Page's.

I'll to my honest knight, Sir John Falstaff,1346823 and drink canary with him.

9.22 I may chance to make him drink in pipe wine.1349825 First, come, gentlemen.

Sirrah, if your master ask you whither1362.1829 you carry this basket, say "to the launderers."1362.2830 I hope you know how to bestow it?

I warrant you, mistress.

Go, get you in. -- Well Sir John, 1362.5833 I believe I shall serve you such a trick,1362.6834 You shall have little mind to come again.

Have I caught my heavenly jewel?837 Why, now let me die. I haue lived long enough.1388838 This is the happy hour I have desired to see!1392839 Now shall I sin in my wish?1393840 I would thy husband were dead.

Why, how then, Sir John?

By the Lord, I'd make thee my lady.

Alas, Sir John, I should be a very simple1396844 lady.

Go to, I see how thy eye doth emulate846 the diamond,1399847 and how the arched bent of thy brow848 would become the ship-tire, the tire velvet,1400849 or any Venetian attire, I see it.

A plain kercher, Sir John, would fit me better.

By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so!1411852 What made me love thee? Let that persuade thee1412853 there's somewhat extraordinary in thee. Go to,1412.1854 I love thee.1413855 Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, like one1414856 of these fellows that smells like Bucklersbury1415857 in simple time, but I love thee,1416858 and none but thee.

Sir John, I am afraid you love Mistress Page.

I? Thou mightest as well say861 I love to walk by the Counter gate,1420862 which is as hateful to me863 as the reek of a lime-kiln.

[Voice off-stage] Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford, where are you?

10.14.1 Oh,lord, step aside, good Sir John.1434.2867

10.151436868 How now, Mistress Page, what's the matter?

Why, your husband, woman, is coming,1451870 with half Windsor at his heels,1444871 to look for a gentleman that he says1445872 is hid in his house: his wife's sweetheart.

Speak louder! -- But I hope 'tis not true,1448.1874 Mistress Page.

'Tis too true, woman. Therefore, if you1446876 have any here, away with him, or you're undone for1446.1877ever.

Alas, Mistress Page, what shall I do?879 Here is a gentleman, my friend -- how shall I do?

God body, woman, do not stand "what1461.1881 shall I do?" and "what shall I do?" Better any shift, rather1461.2882 than you shamed. Look here, here's a buck-1464883basket. If he be a man of any reasonable size, he'll in1465884 here.

Alas, I fear he is too big.

> [Leaping out from behind the arras] Let me see, let me see, I'll in, I'll in.1471887 Follow your friend's counsel.

Aside [to Falstaff] Fie, Sir John, is this your love? Go to.

[Aside to Mistress Page] I love thee, and none but thee!1474.1890 Help me to convey me hence,1475891 I'll never come here more.

[Ushering in his neighbours] Come pray along, you shall see all.1484896 [To the menservants] How now, who goes here? Whither goes this?897 [To Mistress Ford] Whither goes it? [To menservants] Set it down.

[To Master Ford] Now let it go! You had best meddle with1487899 buck-washing.

Buck, good buck! -- [To the neighbors] Pray come along,1492901 Master Page, take my keys: help to search. Good1493902 Sir Hugh, pray come along, help a little, a little --1494903 I'll show you all.

By Jeshu, these are jealousies and distempers.

He is in a pitiful taking.

I wonder what he thought1510908 when my husband bade them set down the basket.

Hang him, dishonest slave, we cannot use

10.311515910 him bad enough. This is excellent for your

10.321515.1911 husband's jealousy.

Alas, poor soul, it grieves me at the heart,

10.341515.3913 But this will be a means to make him cease

10.351515.4914 His jealous fits, if Falstaff's love increase.

Nay, we will send to Falstaff once again.

10.371515.6916 'Tis great pity we should leave him.1515.7917 What,

10.38 Wives may be merry, and yet honest too!

Shall we be condemned because we laugh?

10.401515.9919 'Tis old, but true: still sows eat all the draff.

Here comes your husband. Stand aside. [They retire to one side.]

[To the other men.] I can find nobody within. It may be he lied.

[Aside to Mistress Ford.] Did you hear that?

[Aside to Mistress Page.] Ay, ay, peace.

Well, I'll not let it go so, yet I'll try further.

By Jeshu, if there be anybody in the kitchen1538927 or the cupboards, or the press, or the buttery,928 I am an arrant Jew. Now God pless me!

[To Master Ford.] You serve me well, do you not?

Fie, Master Ford, you are to blame.

I'faith, 'tis not well Master Ford to suspect1541.2932 her thus without cause.

No, by my trot, it be no vell.

Well, I pray, bear with me. -- Master Page, pardon me.1544935 I suffer for it, I suffer for it!

You suffer for a bad conscience, look you now.

Well, I pray, no more. Another time I'll tell1550.1938 you all.1549939 The mean time, go dine with me. [To Mistress Ford] Pardon me, wife,940 I am sorry. -- Master Page, pray go in to dinner.941 [To the rest] Another time I'll tell you all.

Well, let it be so, and tomorrow I invite you all1554943 to my house to dinner, and in the morning we'll1555944 a-birding. I have an excellent hawk for the bush.

Let it be so. Come, Master Page, come, wife:1552946 I pray you come in all. You're welcome. Pray come in.

[Aside] By so Kad 'udge me, Master Fords is1552.2948 not in his right wits.

Bardolph, brew me a pottle o' sack presently.

With eggs, sir?

Simply of itself. I'll none of these pullets' sperm954 in my drink. Go, make haste.

1683955 Have I lived to be carried in a basket1684956 and thrown into the Thames like a barrow of957 butcher's offal? Well, an I be served such another1685958 trick, I'll give them leave to take out my brains1686959 and butter them, and give them to a dog for a1687960 New Year's gift. 'Sblood, the rogues slided me in with as1688961 little remorse as if they had gone to drown a blind1689962 bitch's puppies in the litter: and they might know1690963 by my size I have a kind of alacrity in sinking. An1691964 the bottom had been as deep as hell I should down.1692965 I had been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy966 and somewhat shallow: a death that I abhor!1693967 For you know the water swells a man, and what a1694968 thing should I have been when I had been swelled?1694.1969 By the Lord, a mountain of mummy! --

Now, is the1694.2970 sack brewed?

Ay, sir. [Bardolph serves him.] There's a woman below would speak972 with you.

11.6 Bid her come up.

Let me put some sack974 among this cold water, for my belly is as cold as if I1699975 had swallowed snowballs for pills.1699.1976

1708977 Now, what's the news with you?

I come from Mistress Ford, forsooth.

Mistress Ford? I have had Ford enough!980 I have been thrown into the Ford, my belly is full1711981 of Ford -- she hath tickled me.

Oh, lord, sir, she is the sorrowfullest woman1713983 that her servants mistook that ever lived. And, sir,1718984 she would desire you of all loves you will meet her985 once again, tomorrow, sir, between ten and1720986 eleven, and she hopes to make amends for all.

Ten and eleven, sayest thou?

Ay, forsooth.

Well, tell her I'll meet her. Let her but think1727.1990 of man's frailty. Let her judge what man is,1727.2991 and then think of me. And so farewell.

You'll not fail, sir?

I will not fail. Commend me to her.

1729995 I wonder I hear not of Master Brook. I like his1730996 money well. By the mass, here he is!

God save you, sir.

Welcome, good Master Brook. You come to17341000 know how matters goes.

Thats my coming indeed, Sir John.

Master Brook, I will not lie to you, sir.17371003 I was there at my appointed time.

And how sped you, sir?

Very ill-favoredly, sir.

Why, sir, did she change her determination?

No, Master Brook, but you shall hear. After we17431008 had kissed and embraced, and, as it were, even amid17441009 the prologue of our encounter, who should come1010 but the jealous knave, her husband, and a rabble of17461011 his companions at his heels, thither provoked and1012 instigated by his distemper. And what to do, think17471013 you? To search for his wife's love. Even so, plainly1014 so.

While ye were there?

Whilst I was there.

And did he search and could not find you?

You shall hear, sir. As God would have it,17521019 a little before comes me one Page's wife,1020 gives her intelligence of her husband's1021 approach and, by her invention and Ford's wife's17531022 distraction, conveyed me into a buck-basket.

A buck-basket!

By the Lord, a buck-basket, rammed me in1025 with foul shirts, stockings, greasy napkins,17581026 that, Master Brook, there was a compound of the most17591027 villanous smell that ever offended nostril.17621028 I'll tell you, Master Brook, by the Lord, for your sake17741029 I suffered three egregious deaths: first, to be17771030 crammed like a good bilbo in the circomference17781031 of a pack, hilt to point, heel to head; and then to17801032 be stewed in my own grease like a Dutch dish --17811033 a man of my kidney! by the Lord, it was marvel I17831034 escaped suffocation -- and, in the heat of all this,17861035 to be thrown into Thames like a horseshoe. Hot,17881036 Master Brook! Think of that hissing heat, Master17891037 Brook!

Well, sir, then my suit is void?1039 You'll undertake it no more?

Master Brook, I'll be thrown into Etna17951041 as I have been in the Thames,1042 ere I thus leave her. I have received17971043 another appointment of meeting:17981044 between ten and eleven is the hour.

Why, sir, 'tis almost ten already.

11.33 Is it? Why, then will I address myself1047 for my appointment. Master Brook, come to me soon18021048 at night, and you shall know how I speed.18031049 And the end shall be, you shall enjoy her love.18041050 You shall cuckold Ford. Come to me soon1804.11051 at night.

Is this a dream? Is it a vision?18081053 Master Ford, Master Ford, awake, Master Ford!18091054 There is a hole made in your best coat, Master Ford,1809.11055 and a man shall not only endure this wrong,1809.21056 but shall stand under the taunt of names.1809.31057 Lucifer is a good name; Barbason, good; good1809.41058 devils' names. But cuckold, wittol, catso?1809.51059 The devil himself hath not such a name!1809.61060 [He points to each side of his forehead.] And they may hang hats here, and napkins here1809.71061 upon my horns. Well, I'll home, I'll ferret him,18151062 and unless the devil himself should aid him,18161063 I'll search unpossible places! I'll about it,1816.11064 lest I repent too late.

Tell me, sweet Nan, how dost thou yet resolve?

12.21567.21069 Shall foolish Slender have thee to his wife?

12.31567.31070 Or one as wise as he, the learne}d doctor?

12.41567.41071 Shall such as they enjoy thy maiden heart?

12.51567.51072 Thou know'st that I have always loved thee dear,

12.61567.61073 And thou hast oft-times swore the like to me.

Good Master Fenton, you may assure yourself,

12.81567.81075 My heart is settled upon none but you.

12.91567.91076 'Tis as my father and my mother please.

12.101567.101077 Get their consent. You quickly shall have mine.

Thy father thinks I love thee for his wealth.

12.121567.121079 Though I must needs confess, at first that drew me;

12.131582.21080 But since, thy virtues wiped that trash away.

12.141582.31081 I love thee, Nan, and so dear is it set

12.151582.41082 That whilst I live I ne'er shall thee forget.

12.1616331083 [Aside] God's pity, here comes her father.

Master Fenton, I pray what make you here?

12.1816401086 You know my answer, sir, she's not for you.

12.1916441087 Knowing my vow, to blame to use me thus!

But hear me speak, sir.

Pray, sir, get you gone.

-- Come hither, daughter.16431090 -- Son Slender, let me speak with you.

[Aside to Fenton] Speak to Mistress Page.

[To Mistress Page] Pray, Mistress Page, let me have your consent.

I'faith, Master Fenton, 'tis as my husband please.1646.21094 For my part, I'll neither hinder you, nor further you.

[Aside to Fenton] How say you? This was my doings!1664.11096 I bid you speak to Mistress Page.

12.27 Here, nurse, there's a brace of angels to drink.1664.31098 Work what thou canst for me. Farewell.

By my troth, so I will, good heart.

Come, wife, you and I will in. We'll leave Master Slender1664.71101 and my daughter to talk together. Master Shallow,1664.81102 you may stay, sir, if you please.

Marry, I thank you for that.

16201105 [Aside to Slender] To her, cousin, to her!

[Aside to Shallow] I'faith, I know not what to say.

Now, Master Slender, what's your will?

Godso, there's a jest indeed. Why, Mistress Anne,16251109 I never made will yet. I thank God I am wise enough for that.

Fie, coz, fie, thou art not right!16051111 Oh, thou hadst a father--

I had a father, Mistress Anne -- good uncle,16071113 tell the jest how my father stole the goose out of16081114 the henloft. All this is naught, hark you, Mistress1608.11115 Anne.

[To Anne] He will make you jointure of three16121117 hundred pound a year. He shall make you a1118 gentlewoman.

Ay, by God, that I will, come cut and long1120 tail, as good as any is in Gloucestershire under the1610.11121 degree of a squire.

[Aside] Oh, God, how many gross faults are hid

16011123 And covered in three hundred pound a year?

1601.11124 Well Master Slender, within a day or two I'll tell you1601.21125 more.

I thank you, good Mistress Anne. -- Uncle, I1601.41127 shall have her.

Master Shallow, Master Page would pray you to1601.61129 come, you, and you, Master Slender, and you, Mistress Anne.

[Aside to Mistress Quickly] Well, nurse, if you'll speak for me,1601.81131 I'll give you more than I'll talk of.

[To Slender] Indeed I will, I'll speak what I can for you --

16751134 But specially for Master Fenton.1675.11135 But specially of all for my master.1136 And indeed I will do what I can for them, all three.

Do you hear? When your master comes,1899.21140 take up this basket as you did before, and if your master1899.31141 bid you set it down, obey him.

I will, forsooth. [Exeunt both Manservants.]

Sir John, welcome.

What, are you sure of your husband now?

13.6 He is gone a-birding, Sir John, and I hope1907.11147 will not come home yet.1907.21148

13.71907.31149 God's body, here is Mistress Page!19091150 Step behind the arras, good Sir John.

Mistress Ford, why, woman, your husband1153 is in his old vein again. He's coming to search19241154 for your sweetheart, but I am glad he is not here.

Oh, God, Mistress Page, the knight is here!1935.11156 What shall I do?

Why, then you're undone, woman, unless19371158 you make some means to shift him away.

Alas, I know no means, unless19401160 we put him in the basket again.

No, I'll come no more in the basket!19471162 I'll creep up into the chimney.

There they use to discharge their fowling pieces.

Why, then I'll go out of doors.

Then you're undone. You're but a dead man.

For God's sake, devise any extremity,19641167 rather than a mischief.

Alas, I know not what means to make.19601169 If there were any woman's apparel would fit him,19621170 he might put on a gown and a muffler,1171 and so escape.

That's well remembered! My maid's aunt,19651173 Gillian of Brentford, hath a gown above.

And she is altogether as fat as he.

Ay, that will serve him, of my word!

Come, go with me, Sir John. I'll help to1177 dress you.

Come, for God sake, anything!

Come along, I pray, you shall know the cause --

13.241972.61183 How now, whither go you? Hah? Whither go you?

13.2520041184 [To 1 Servant] Set down the basket, you slave,

13.2620061185 [To 2 Servant] You panderly rogue, set it down.

[To Ford] What is the reason that you use me thus?

[To the Servants] Come hither, set down the basket!--

13.2920161188 [To all] Mistress Ford, the modest woman,

13.301189 Mistress Ford, the virtuous woman,

13.3120171190 She that hath the jealous fool to her husband!

13.3220181191 [To Mistress Ford] I mistrust you without cause, do I not?

Ay, God's my record, do you, an if1193 you mistrust me in any ill sort!

Well said, brazen-face, hold it out! --

13.362021.11195 [He kicks the basket.] You youth in a basket, come out here!

13.3720281196 [To all] Pull out the clothes! Search!

Jeshu pless me, will you pull up your wife's clothes?

Fie, Master Ford, you are not to go abroad if you2026.21199 be in these fits.

By so Kad 'udge me, 'tis very necessary2026.41201 he were put in Pethlem.

Master Page, as I am an honest man, Master Page,1203 there was one conveyed out of my house here ye20311204sterday, out of this basket. Why may he not be here20321205 now?

[Calling up] Come, Mistress Page, bring the old woman down.

Old woman? What old woman?

Why, my maiden's aunt, Gillian of Brainford.

13.5020551209 A witch? Have I not forewarned her my house?20571210 Alas, we are simple, we, we know not what20581211 is brought to pass under the color of fortune-1212telling. -- [Calling up] Come down, you witch, come down!

13.5420671216 Away, you witch, get you gone!

By Jeshu, I verily think she is a witch indeed.20761218 I espied under her muffler a great beard.

[To his guests] Pray, come help me to search, pray now!

[To the other guests] Come, we'll go for his mind's sake.

By my troth, he beat him most extremely.

I am glad of it. What, shall we proceed any20901224 further?

No, faith. Now, if you will, let us tell our2095.11226 husbands of it. For mine I am sure hath almost2095.21227 fretted himself to death.

13.62 Content. Come, we'll go tell them all,2095.41229 and as they agree, so will we proceed.

Sir, here be three gentlemen come from21101232 the duke, the stranger, sir, would have your horse.

The duke, what duke? Let me speak with21141234 the gentlemen. Do they speak English?

I'll call them to you, sir.

14.5 No, Bardolph, let them alone. I'll sauce them.21161237 They have had my house a week at command;21181238 I have turned away my other guests.1239 They shall have my horses, Bardolph?21191240 They must come off! I'll sauce them!

Well, wife, here take my hand. [He stretches out his hand; she accepts it.] Upon my2122.21244 soul I love thee dearer than I do my life, and joy I2122.31245 have so true and constant wife. My jealousy shall2122.41246 never more offend thee.

Sir, I am glad, and that which I have done

15.32122.61248 Was nothing else but mirth and modesty.

Ay, Mistress Ford, Falstaff hath all the grief,

15.52122.81250 And in this knavery my wife was the chief.

No knavery, husband, it was honest mirth.

Indeed, it was good pastimes and merriments.

But, sweetheart, shall we leave old

15.92122.121254 Falstaff so?

Oh, by no means! Send to him again.

I do not think he'll come, being so much2122.151257 deceived.

Let me alone, I'll to him once again like2122.171259 Brook, and know his mind, whether he'll come2122.181260 or not.

There must be some plot laid, or he'll not come.

Let us alone for that. Hear my device.

15.1521501263 Oft have you heard, since Horn the hunter died,

2150.11264 That women, to affright their litle children,

15.162150.21265 Say that he walks in shape of a great stag.

15.172150.31266 Now for that Falstaff hath been so deceived

15.182150.41267 As that he dares not venture to the house,

15.192150.51268 We'll send him word to meet us in the field,

15.202150.61269 Disguised like Horn, with huge horns on his head.

15.212150.71270 The hour shall be just between twelve and one,

15.222150.81271 And at that time we will meet him both:

15.232150.91272 Then would I have you present there at hand

15.2421721273 With litle boys, disguised and dressed like fairies,

15.252172.11274 For to affright fat Falstaff in the woods,

15.262172.21275 And then, to make a period to the jest,

15.272172.31276 Tell Falstaff all. I think this will do best.

'Tis excellent, and my daughter Anne,

2170.11278 Shall like a litle fairy be disguised.

[Aside] And in that masque I'll make the doctor2170.31280 steal my daughter Anne, and, ere my husband knows2170.41281 it, to carry her to church, and marry her.

But who will buy the silks to tire the boys?

That will I do, [Aside] and in a robe of white

15.3222001284 I'll clothe my daughter, and advertise Slender

15.3322011285 To know her by that sign, and steal her thence,

15.342201.11286 And, unknown to my wife, shall marry her.

So Kad 'udge me, the devices is excellent.21921288 I will also be there, and be like a jackanapes,2192.11289 and pinch him most cruelly for his lecheries.

Why, then we are revenged sufficiently.

15.392192.31291 First, he was carried and thrown in the Thames;

15.402192.41292 Next beaten well, [To Ford] I am sure you'll witness that.

I'll lay my life this makes him nothing fat.

Well, let's about this stratagem. I long

15.432192.71295 To see deceit deceived, and wrong have wrong.

Well, send to Falstaff, and if he come thither,

15.452192.91297 'Twill make us smile and laugh one month toge

15.462192.101298 ther.

What would thou have, boor, what, thickskin?22211301 Speak, breathe, discuss -- short, quick, brief, snap!

Sir, I am sent from my master to Sir John Falstaff.

Sir John, there's his castle, his standing bed,22261304 his trundle bed. His chamber is painted about with22271305 the story of the prodigal, fresh and new. Go, knock.22281306 He'll speak like an Anthropophaginian to thee.22291307 Knock, I say.!

Sir, I should speak with an old woman that1309 went up into his chamber.

An old woman? The knight may be robbed.22341311 I'll call. -- Bully knight, bully Sir John! Speak from thy22351312 lungs military. It is thine host, thy Ephesian, calls.

[Voice from above] Now, mine host.

Here is a Bohemian Tartar, bully, tarries the1315 coming down of the fat woman. Let her descend,22401316 bully, let her descend! My chambers are honorable --1317 pah, privacy, fie!

[From above] Indeed, mine host, there was a fat woman with me,22431319 but she is gone.

Pray, sir, was it not the wise woman of22451322 Brentford?

Marry, was it, mussel shell? What would you?

Marry, sir, my Master Slender sent me to her,22491325 to know whether one Nym, that hath his chain,1326 cozened him of it or no.

I talked with the woman about it.

And I pray, sir, what says she?

Marry, she says the very same man that22551330 beguiled Master Slender of his chain1331 cozened him of it.

May I be bold to tell my master so, sir?

Ay, tyke, who more bold?

I thank you, sir. I shall make my master a22731335 glad man at these tidings. God be with you, sir. [Exit.]

Thou art clerkly, Sir John, thou art clerkly.22751337 Was there a wise woman with thee?

Marry, was there, mine host, one that taught22771339 me more wit than I learned this seven year,22781340 and I paid nothing for it,1341 but was paid for my learning.

Oh, lord, sir, cozenage, plain cozenage!

Why, man, where be my horses? Where be2281.11345 the Germans?

Rid away with your horses.22841347 After I came beyond Maidenhead,1348 they flung me in a slough of mire, and away they ran.

Where be my Host de Garteer?

Oh, here, sir, in perplexity.

16.26 I cannot tell vad be dad,1353 but, begar, I will tell you van ting:23031354 Dere be a Garmaine duke come to de court,2303.11355 has cozened all de host of Bren'ford2203.21356 and Reading! Begar, I tell you for good will!2303.31357 Ha, ha, mine host, am I even met you?

16.28 Where is mine Host of the Garter?22921360 Now, my Host, I would desire you, look you now,2292.11361 to have a care of your entertainments,22931362 for there is three sorts of cozen-garmombles22941363 is cozen all the host of Maidenhead and Readings.22951364 Now you are an honest man, and a scurvy2295.11365 beggarly lousy knave beside,2295.21366 and can point wrong places.2295.31367 I tell you for good will, and grate why, mine host.

16.30 I am cozened -- hue and cry, Bardolph! [Exit Bardolph.]1369 Sweet knight, assist me, I am cozened!

Would all the worl' were cozened for me,23101371 for I am cozened and beaten too.23161372 Well, I never prospered since I forswore23171373 myself at primero. An my wind1374 were but long enough to say my prayers,23181375 I'd repent.

Now, from whence come you?

From the two parties, forsooth.

The devil take the one party,1379 and his dam the other,23221380 and they'll be both bestowed.1381 I have endured more for their sakes23231382 than man is able to endure.

Oh, lord, sir, they are the sorrowful'st creatures23261384 that ever lived, specially Mistress Ford.1385 Her husband hath beaten her that she is all23271386 black and blue, poor soul.

What, tellest me of black and blue?1388 I have been beaten all the colors in the rainbow,23311389 and in my escape like to ha' been apprehended1390 for a witch of Brentford, and set in the stocks.

Well sir, she is a sorrowful woman,23371392 and I hope when you hear my errand,1393 you'll be persuaded to the contrary.

16.38 Come, go with me into my chamber. I'll1395 hear thee.

Speak not to me, sir. My mind is heavy.

17.223461398 I have had a great loss.

Yet hear me, and as I am a gentleman,

17.423481400 I'll give you a hundred pound toward your loss.

Well, sir, I'll hear you, and at least keep your23511402 counsel.

Then thus, my host. 'Tis not unknown to you

17.823531404 The fervent love I bear to young Anne Page

17.923541405 And mutually her love again to me,

17.1023671406 But her father, still against her choice,

17.1123681407 Doth seek to marry her to foolish Slender,

17.1223781408 And in a robe of green this night disguised,

17.1323601409 Wherein fat Falstaff had a mighty scare,

17.1423801410 Must Slender take her and carry her to Eton.

17.152380.21412 Now her mother, still against that match,

17.1623821413 And firm for Doctor Caius, in a robe of red

17.1723871414 By her device, the Doctor must steal her thence,

17.1823881415 And she hath given consent to go with him.

Now which means she to deceive, father or

17.201417 mother?

Both, my good host, to go along with me.

17.2223921419 Now here it rests, that you would procure a priest

17.2323931420 And tarry ready at the appointment place

17.2423951421 To give our hearts united matrimony.

But how will you come to steal her from among them?

That hath sweet Nan and I agreed upon,

17.272395.31424 And by a robe of white, the which she wears,

17.282395.41425 With ribbons pendant, flaring 'bout her head,

17.292395.51426 I shall be sure to know her, and convey her thence,

17.302395.61427 And bring her where the priest abides our coming,

17.312395.71428 And by thy furtherance there be married.

Well, husband your device. I'll to the vicar.

17.3323971430 Bring you the maid; you shall not lack a priest.

So shall I evermore be bound unto thee.

17.3523991432 Besides I'll always be thy faithful friend.

This is the third time. Well, I'll venture.24031436 They say there is good luck in odd numbers.24841437 Jove transformed himself into a bull,24931438 and I am here a stag, and I think the fattest24941439 in all Windsor Forest. Well, I stand here2494.11440 for Horn the hunter, waiting my doe's coming.

Sir John, where are you?

[To Mistress Ford] Art thou come, my doe? -- [To Mistress Page] What, and thou too?2499.11444 Welcome, ladies.

Ay, ay, Sir John, I see you will not fail;2499.31446 therefore you deserve far better than our loves!2499.41447 But it grieves me for your late crosses.

This makes amends for all.25051449 Come, divide me between you, each a haunch.25071450 For my horns, I'll bequeath them to your husbands!25081451 Do I speak like Horn the hunter, hah?

God forgive me, what noise is this?

You fairies that do haunt these shady groves,

18.192519.11458 Look round about the wood if you can espy

18.202519.21459 A mortal that doth haunt our sacred round.

18.212519.31460 If such a one you can espy, give him his due,

18.222519.41461 And leave not till you pinch him black and blue.

18.232519.51462 Give them their charge, Puck, ere they part away.

[To 1 Fairy] Come hither, Pean. Go to the country

18.252519.71464 houses,

18.262519.81465 And when you find a slut that lies asleep,

18.272519.91466 And all her dishes foul and room unswept,

18.282519.101467 With your long nails pinch her till she cry

18.292519.111468 And swear to mend her sluttish housewifery.

I warrant you I will perform your will.

Where is Pead?

Go you and see where brokers sleep,

18.322531.11471 And fox-eyed sergeants with their mace.

18.332531.21472 Go lay the proctors in the street,

18.342531.31473 And pinch the lousy sergeants' face:

18.352531.41474 Spare none of these when they are abed,

18.362531.51475 But such whose nose looks plue and red.

Away, begone! His mind fulfil,

18.382531.71477 And look that none of you stand still.

18.392531.81478 Some do that thing, some do this,

18.402531.91479 All do something, none amiss.

I smell a man of middle earth.

[Aside] God bless me from that Welsh fairy!

Look, everyone, about this round,

18.442563.21483 And if that any here be found,

18.452563.31484 For his presumption in this place,

18.462563.41485 Spare neither leg, arm, head, nor face.

See I have spied one by good luck,

18.482563.61487 His body man, his head a buck.

[Aside] God send me good fortune now, and I care not.

Go straight and do as I command,

18.512563.91490 And take a taper in your hand,

18.5225671491 And set it to his fingers' ends,

18.532567.11492 And if you see it him offends,

18.5425681493 And that he starteth at the flame,

18.552568.11494 Then is he mortal. Know his name.

18.562568.21495 If with an F it doth begin,

18.5725701496 Why then be sure he is full of sin.

2570.11497 About it then, and know the truth

18.582570.21498 Of this same metamorphized youth.

Give me the tapers:

I will try

18.602570.41500 An if that he love venery.

It is right indeed -- he is full of lecheries

18.622574.11503 and iniquity.

A little distant from him stand,

18.642574.31505 And everyone take hand in hand,

18.652574.41506 And compass him within a ring.

18.662574.51507 First pinch him well, and after sing.

Horn the hunter, quoth you: am I a ghost?

18.692574.151517 'Sblood the fairies hath made a ghost of me!

18.702574.161518 What, hunting at this time at night?

18.712574.171519 I'll lay my life the mad Prince of Wales2574.181520 is stealing his father's deer. How now, who have2574.191521 we here? What, is all Windsor stirring? -- [To Shallow] Are you there?

God save you, Sir John Falstaff.

God pless you, Sir John, God pless you.

Why, how now, Sir John! What, a pair of horns2574.231525 in your hand?

Those horns he meant to place upon my head,

18.7725951527 And Master Brook and he should be the men!

18.782595.11528 Why, how now, Sir John? Why are you thus amazed?

18.792595.21529 We know the fairies' man that pinched you so,

18.802595.31530 Your throwing in the Thames, your beating well,

18.812595.41531 And what's to come, Sir John, that can we tell!

Sir John, 'tis thus. Your dishonest means

18.832595.61533 To call our credits into question,

18.842595.71534 Did make us undertake to our best

18.852595.81535 To turn your lewd lust to a merry jest.

Jest? 'Tis well. Have I lived to these years2595.101537 to be gulled now, now to be ridden?2595.111538 Why, then, these were not fairies?

No, Sir John, but boys.

By the lord, I was twice or thrice in the mind26071541 they were not, and yet the grossness26081542 Of the foppery persuaded me they were.2608.11543 Well, an the fine wits of the court hear this,2608.21544 they'll so whip me with their keen jests,2608.31545 that they'll melt me out like tallow,2608.41546 drop by drop, out of my grease. Boys!

Ay, trust me, boys, Sir John, and I was26141548 also a fairy that did help to pinch you.

Ay, 'tis well: I am your May-pole.2614.21550 You have the start of me.26221551 Am I ridden too with a Welsh goat?26231552 With a piece of toasted cheese?

Butter is better than cheese, Sir John.26261554 You are all butter, butter.

There is a further matter yet, Sir John:26511556 there's twenty pound you borrowed of Master Brook, Sir John,2651.11557 and it must be paid to Master Ford, Sir John.

Nay, husband, let that go to make amends.

18.1092651.31559 Forgive that sum, and so we'll all be friends.

[Offering to shake hands] Well, here is my hand. All's forgiven at last.

It hath cost me well.2651.61562 I have been well pinched and washed.

Now Master Doctor, son I hope you are.

Son, begar, you be de vile voman.2651.101566 Begar, I tink to marry Metress Anne, and, begar,2651.111567 'tis a whoreson garçon jack boy.

How, a boy?

Ay, begar, a boy.

Nay, be not angry, wife, I'll tell thee true,2651.151571 it was my plot to deceive thee so,2651.161572 and by this time your daughter's married2651.171573 to Master Slender, and see where he comes.

2651.191575 Now, son Slender,2651.201576 where's your bride?

Bride, by God's lid, I think there's never a2651.221578 man in the worl' hath that cross fortune that I2651.231579 have. By God I could cry for very anger.

Why, what's the matter, son Slender?

Son? Nay, by God, I am none of your son!

No, why so?

Why, so God save me, 'tis a boy that I have married.

How, a boy? Why, did you mistake the word?

No neither, for I came to her in red as you2651.301586 bade me, and I cried "mum" and he cried "budget" so2651.311587 well as ever you heard, and I have married him.

Jeshu, Master Slender, cannot you see but marry boys?

Oh, I am vexed at heart! What shall I do?

Here comes the man that hath deceived us all.

How now, daughter, where have you been?

At church,

Forsooth.

At church! What have you done there?

Married to me -- nay, sir, never storm.

18.1372651.401596 'Tis done, sir, now, and cannot be undone.

I'faith, Master Page, never chafe yourself.

18.1392651.421598 She hath made her choice whereas her heart was fixed;

18.1402651.431599 Then 'tis in vain for you to storm or fret.

I am glad yet that your arrow hath glanced

Come, Mistress Page, I'll be bold with you.

18.1432717.21602 'Tis pity to part love that is so true.

Although that I have missed in my intent,

18.1452717.41604 Yet I am glad my husband's match was crossed.

18.1462717.51605 Here, Master Fenton, take her, and God give thee joy.

Come, Master Page, you must needs agree.

I'faith, sir, come. You see your wife's well pleased

I cannot tell, and yet my heart's well eased,

18.1502717.91609 And yet it doth me good the Doctor missed.

18.1512717.101610 Come hither, Fenton, and come hither, daughter.

18.1522717.111611 Go to, you might have stayed for my good will,

18.1532717.121612 But since your choice is made of one you love,

18.1542717.131613 Here take her, Fenton, and both happy prove.

I will also dance and eat plums at your weddings.

All parties pleased, now let us in to feast,

18.1572717.161616 And laugh at Slender and the Doctor's jest.

18.1582717.171617 [Indicating Fenton] He hath got the maiden, [Indicating Caius and Slender] each of you a boy

18.1592717.181618 To wait upon you. So God give you joy.

18.16027281619 And, Sir John Falstaff, now shall you keep your word,

18.1611620 For Brook this night shall lie with Mistress Ford. [Exeunt omnes.]