[Calling] What, John! What, Robert!

Quickly, quickly! Is the buck-basket ---

I warrant. – What, Robin, I say!

Come, come, come!

Here, set it down.

Give your men the charge, we must be briefe.

Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, 1361be ready here hard-by in the brew-house, and when I sud1362denly call you, come forth, and without any pause – or 1363staggering – take this basket on your shoulders. That done, 1364trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whit1365sters in Datchet Mead, and there empty it in the muddy 1366ditch, close by the Thames side.

[To the Servants] You will do it?

I ha' told them over and over. They lack no direction. 1369 -- Be gone, and come when you are called.

Here comes little Robin.

How now, my eyas-musket, what news with you?

My master, Sir John, is come in at your back door, 1373Mistress Ford, and requests your company.

You litle Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us?

Ay, I'll be sworn. My master knows not of your 1376being here, and hath threatened to put me into everla1377sting liberty, if I tell you of it, for he swears he'll turn 1378me away.

Thou'rt a good boy. This secrecy of thine 1380shall be a tailor to thee, and shal make thee a new dou1381blet and hose. I'll go hide me.

Do so. – [To Robin.] Go tell thy master I am alone. [Exit Robin.] -- Mi1383stress Page, remember you your cue.

I warrant thee, if I do not act it, hiss me.

Go to, then.

We'll use this unwholesome 1386humidity, this gross watery pumpkin; we'll teach him 1387to know turtles from jays.

Have I caught thee, my heavenly jewel? Why, 1389now let me die, for I have lived long enough. This is the 1390period of my ambition. Oh, this blessed hour!

Oh, sweet Sir John!

Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, Mistress 1393Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would thy husband 1394were dead. I'll speak it before the best lord, I would 1395make thee my lady.

I, your lady, Sir John? Alas, I should be a 1397pitiful lady.

Let the court of France show me such another. 1399I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond. Thou 1400hast the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes 1401the ship-tyre, the tire-valiant, or any tire of Venetian 1402admittance.

A plain kerchief, Sir John. 1404My brows become nothing else, nor that well neither.

Thou art a tyrant to say so. Thou wouldst make 1406an absolute courtier, and the firm fixture of thy foot 1407would give an excellent motion to thy gait in a semi1408circled farthingale. I see what thou wert if Fortune thy 1409foe were not Nature thy friend. Come, thou canst not 1410hide it.

Believe me, there's no such thing in me.

What made me love thee? Let that persuade 1413thee. There's something extraordinary in thee. Come, I 1414cannot cog, and say thou art this and that, like a-many 1415of these lisping hawthorn-buds that come like women 1416in men's apparrel and smell like Bucklersbury in sim 1417ple time. I cannot, but I love thee, none but thee, and 1418thou deserv'st it.

Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love Mistress Page.

Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the 1421Counter gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek of 1422a lime-kiln.

Well, heaven knows how I love you, 1424And you shall one day find it.

Keep in that mind. I'll deserve it.

Nay, I must tell you, so you do, 1427Or else I could not be in that mind.

Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! Here's Mistress Page at 1429the door, sweating, and blowing, and looking wildly, 1430and would needs speak with you presently.

She shall not see me. I will ensconce me behind 1432the arras.

Pray you, do so. She's a very tattling woman.

1434What's the matter? How now?

Oh, Mistress Ford, what have you done? 1436You're shamed, you're overthrown, you're undone forever!

What's the matter, good Mistress Page?

Oh, well-a-day, Mistress Ford, having an honest man 1439to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion!

What cause of suspicion?

What cause of suspicion? Out upon you! 1442How am I mistook in you!

Why, alas, what's the matter?

Your husband's coming hither, woman, 1445with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentle1446man that he says is here now in the house; by your 1447consent to take an ill advantage of his absence. You are 1448undone!

'Tis not so, I hope.

Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such 1451a man here. But 'tis most certain your husband's com1452ing with half Windsor at his heels to search for such 1453a one. I come before to tell you. If you know yourself 1454clear, why I am glad of it. But if you have a friend here, 1455convey, convey him out. Be not amazed, call all your 1456senses to you, defend your reputation, or bid farewell to 1457your good life forever.

What shall I do? There is a gentleman, my 1459dear friend, and I fear not mine own shame so much 1460as his peril. I had rather than a thousand pound he were 1461out of the house!

For shame, never stand "you had rather," and 1463"you had rather." Your husband's here at hand. Bethink 1464you of some conveyance! In the house you cannot hide 1465him. – Oh, how have you deceived me! – Look, here is a 1466basket. If he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep 1467in here, and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were 1468going to bucking. Or it is whiting time: send him by 1469your two men to Datchet Mead.

He's too big to go in there. What shall I do?

Let me see't, let me see't, oh, let me see't! 1472I'll in, I'll in! [Aside to Mistress Ford] Follow your friend's counsel – I'll in!

What, Sir John Falstaff? [Aside to him] Are these your let1474ters, knight?

[Aside to Mistress Page] I love thee! Help me away Let me creep in 1476here. I'll never –

[To Robin] Help to cover your master, boy. – Call 1478your men, Mistress Ford. – [Aside to Fastaff] You dissembling knight!

What, John! Robert! John!

Go, take up these 1480clothes here, quickly. Where's the cowl-staff? [The servants attach the staff and try to lift the basket.] Look 1481 how you drumble! Carry them to the laundress in Dat1482chet Mead. Quickly, come!

'Pray you come near. If I suspect without cause, 1484Why, then make sport at me, then let me be your jest. 1485I deserve it. -- [To Servants] How now? Whither bear you this?

To the Landresse forsooth?

Why, what have you to do whither they 1488bear it? You were best meddle with buck-washing!

Buck? I would I could wash myself of the buck! 1490Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck! I warrant you, buck – 1491And of the season too, it shall appear. 1492Gentlemen, I have dreamed tonight. I'll tell you my 1493dream. Here, here, here be my keys! Ascend my 1494chambers, search, seek, find out! I'll warrant we'll 1495unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first. [Locking the door] So, now 1496uncape.

Good Master Ford, be contented. 1498You wrong yourself too much.

True, Master Page. – Up, gentlemen, 1500You shall see sport anon. 1501Follow me, gentlemen.

This is fery fantastical humors and jealousies.

By gar, 'tis no' the fashion of France. 1504It is not jealous in France.

Nay, follow him, gentlemen, see the issue of 1506his search.

Is there not a double excellency in this?

I know not which pleases me better: 1509that my husband is deceived, or Sir John.

What a taking was he in, when your 1511husband asked who was in the basket!

I am half afraid he will have need of 1513washing; so, throwing him into the water will do him 1514a benefit.

Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all 1516of the same strain were in the same distress.

I think my husband hath some special 1518suspicion of Falstaff's being here, for I never saw him so 1519gross in his jealousy till now.

I will lay a plot to try that, and we will 1521yet have more tricks with Falstaff. His dissolute disease 1522will scarce obey this medicine.

Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mistress 1524Quickly, to him and excuse his throwing into the water, 1525and give him another hope – to betray him to another 1526punishment?

We will do it. Let him be sent for tomor1528row eight o'clock to have amends.

I cannot find him. Maybe the knave bragged 1530of that he could not compass.

[Aside to Mistress Ford] Heard you that?

You use me well, Master Ford, do you?

Ay, I do so.

Heaven make you better than your thoughts.

Amen.

You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford.

Ay, ay. I must bear it.

If there be anypody in the house, and in the cham1539bers, and in the coffers, and in the presses, heaven for1540give my sins at the day of judgment.

Begar, nor I too. There is nobodies.

Fie, fie, Master Ford, are you not ashamed? What spi1543rit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would not ha' 1544your distemper in this kind for the wealth of Windsor Castle.

'Tis my fault, Master Page. I suffer for it.

You suffer for a pad conscience. Your wife is 1547as honest a 'omans as I will desires among five thou1548sand, and five hundred too.

Begar, I see 'tis an honest woman.

Well, I promised you a dinner. Come, come, walk 1551in the Park. [To Mistress Ford?] I pray you pardon me. [To Page, Caius, and Evans?] I will hereafter make 1552known to you why I have done this. [To Mistress Ford and Mistress Page] Come, wife, come, 1553Mistress Page, I pray you pardon me. Pray heartily pardon me.

[To Caius, and Evans] Let's go in, gentlemen, but, trust me, we'll mock 1555him. [Including Ford] I do invite you tomorrow morning to my house 1556to breakfast. After, we'll a-birding together. I have a fine 1557hawk for the bush. Shall it be so?

Anything.

If there is one, I shall make two in the company.

If there be one, or two, I shall make-a the turd.

Pray you go, Mistress Page –

I pray you now, remembrance tomorrow on the 1563lousy knave mine host

Dat is good, begar – with all my heart.

A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his moc1566keries!