I will not lend thee a penny.

Why then the world's mine oyster,

Which I 774with sword will open.

Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you 776should lay my countenance to pawn. I have grated up777on my good friends for three reprieves for you, and 778your coach-fellow Nym, or else you had looked through 779the grate, like a gemini of baboons. I am damned in 780hell, for swearing to gentlemen, my friends, you were 781good soldiers and tall fellows. And when Mistress 782Bridget lost the handle of her fan, I took't upon mine ho783nor thou hadst it not.

Didst not thou share? Hadst thou not fifteen

785pence?

Reason, you rogue, reason! Thinkst thou I'll en787danger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no more about 788me. I am no gibbet for you. Go, a short knife and a 789throng, to your manor of Pickt-hatch, go. You'll not 790bear a letter for me, you rogue? You stand upon your 791honor? Why, thou unconfinable baseness, it is as much 792as I can do to keep the terms of my honor precise. 793I, I, I myself sometimes, leaving the fear of heaven on 794the left hand, and hiding mine honor in my necessity, am 795fain to shuffle, to hedge, and to lurch, and yet you, 796rogue, will ensconce your rags, your cat-a-moun797tain looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold-798beating oathes under the shelter of your honor? You 799will not do it? You?

I do relent: what would thou more of man?

Sir, here's a woman would speak with you.

Let her approach.

Give your worship good morrow.

Good morrow, good wife.

Not so an't please your worship.

Good maid then.

I'll be sworn, 808as my mother was the first hour I was born.

I do believe the swearer. What with me?

Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word, or 811two?

Two thousand, fair woman, and I'll vouchsafe 813thee the hearing.

There is one Mistress Ford – sir, I pray come a 815little nearer this ways – I myself dwell with Master Doctor 816Caius:

Well, on. Mistress Ford, you say?

Your worship says very true. – I pray your wor819ship come a little nearer this ways.

I warrant thee, nobody hears – [Indicating Pistol and Robin] mine own 821people, mine own people.

Are they so? Heaven bless them, and make 823them his servants.

Well, Mistress Ford, what of her?

Why, sir, she's a good creature. Lord, lord, 826your worship's a wanton. Well, heaven forgive you, 827and all of us, I pray –

Mistress Ford – come, Mistress Ford – !

Marry, this is the short and the long of it: you 830have brought her into such a canaries as 'tis wonder831ful! The best courtier of them all, when the court lay 832at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a ca833nary. Yet there has been knights, and lords, and gen834tlemen, with their coaches; I warrant you, coach after 835coach, letter after letter, gift after gift, smelling so sweet836ly, all musk, and so rushling, I warrant you, in silk 837and gold, and in such alligant terms, and in such wine 838and sugar of the best and the fairest that would have 839won any woman's heart. And, I warrant you, they could 840never get an eye-wink of her! I had myself twenty 841angels given me this morning, but I defy all angels in 842any such sort, as they say, but in the way of honesty. And, 843I warrant you, they could never get her so much as sip 844on a cup with the proudest of them all, and yet there has 845been earls – nay, which is more, pensioners! – but I 846warrant you all is one with her.

But what says she to me? Be brief, my good 848she-Mercury.

Marry, she hath received your letter, for the 850which she thanks you a thousand times, and she gives 851you to notify that her husband will be absence from his 852house between ten and eleven.

Ten, and eleven.

Ay, forsooth, and then you may come and see the 855picture, she says, that you wot of. Master Ford, her hus856band will be from home. Alas, the sweet woman leads 857an ill life with him. He's a very jealousy man. She leads 858a very frampold life with him, good heart.

Ten and eleven. 860Woman, commend me to her. I will not fail her.

Why, you say well. But I have another messen862ger to your worship. Mistress Page hath her hearty 863commendations to you too, and let me tell you in your 864ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest wife – and one, I 865tell you, that will not miss you morning nor evening 866prayer – as any is in Windsor, whoe'er be the other. And 867she bade me tell your worship that her husband is sel868dom from home, but she hopes there will come a time. 869I never knew a woman so dote upon a man! Surely I 870think you have charms, la, yes, in truth.

Not I, I assure thee. Setting the attraction of my 872good parts aside, I have no other charms.

Blessing on your heart for't.

But I pray thee tell me this: has Ford's wife, and 875Page's wife acquainted each other how they love me?

That were a jest indeed. They have not so little 877grace, I hope -- that were a trick indeed! But Mistriess Page 878would desire you to send her your little page, of all loves. 879Her husband has a marvelous infection to the little page, 880and truly Master Page is an honest man. Never a wife in 881Windsor leads a better life than she does: do what she 882will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when 883she list, rise when she list}, all is as she will; and truly she 884deserves it, for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she 885is one. You must send her your page, no remedy.

Why, I will.

Nay, but do so then and, look you, he may 888come and go between you both. And in any case have 889a nay-word, that you may know one another's mind, 890and the boy never need to understand anything, for 891'tis not good that children should know any wickedness. 892Old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and 893know the world.

Fare thee well, commend me to them both. 895There's my purse. I am yet thy debtor. -- Boy, go along 896with this woman.

[Aside] This news distracts me.

[Aside] This punk is one of Cupid's carriers.

898Clap on more sails, pursue! Up with your sights. --

899Give fire! She is my prize, or ocean whelm them all.

Sayst thou so, old Jack, go thy ways: I'[ll make 901more of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet 902look after thee? Wilt thou, after the expense of so much 903money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee: Let 904them say 'tis grossly done; so it be fairly done, no 905matter.

Sir John, there's one Master Broom below would 907fain speak with you, and be acquainted with you, and 908hath sent your worship a morning's draught of sack.

Broom is his name?

Ay, sir.

Call him in.

Such Brooms are welcome to me, 912that o'erflows such liquor. [He drinks.] Ah ha, Mistress Ford and Mi913stress Page, have I encompassed you? Go to, via!

'Bless you, sir.

And you, sir. Would you speak with me?

I make bold to press with so little prepara917tion upon you.

You're welcome. What's your will? -- Give us leave, 919drawer.

Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much. 921My name is Broom.

Good Master Broom, I desire more acquaintance 923of you.

Good Sir John, I sue for yours -- not to charge 925you, for I must let you understand, I think myself in 926better plight for a lender than you are, the which hath 927something emboldened me to this unseasoned intrusion, 928for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie 929open.

Money is a good soldier, sir, and will on.

Troth, and I have a bag of money here trou932bles me. If you will help to bear it, Sir John, take all, 933or half, for easing me of the carriage.

Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be your 935porter.

I will tell you, sir, if you will give me the hea937ring.

Speak, good Master Broom. I shall be glad to 939be your servant.

Sir, I hear you are a scholar – I will be brief 941with you – and you have been a man long known to me, 942though I had never so good means as desire to make my943self acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to 944you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own im945perfection. But, good Sir John, as you have one eye up946on my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another 947into the register of your own, that I may pass with a 948reproof the easier, sith you yourself know how easy it 949is to be such an offender.

Very well, sir. Proceed.

There is a gentlewoman in this town – her 952husband's name is Ford.

Well, sir.

I have long loved her, and I protest to you, be955stowed much on her; followed her with a doting ob956servance; engrossed opportunities to meet her; fee'd e957very slight occasion that could but nigardly give me 958sight of her; not only bought many presents to give her, 959but have given largely to many to know what she 960would have given. Briefly, I have pursued her as love 961hath pursued me, which hath been on the wing of all 962occasions. But whatsoever I have merited, either in my 963mind, or in my means, meed I am sure I have received 964none, unless experience be a jewel that I have purcha965sed at an infinite rate, and that hath taught me to say 966this:

Have you received no promise of satisfaction at 970her hands?

Never.

Have you importuned her to such a purpose?

Never.

Of what quality was your love then?

Like a fair house built on another man's ground, 976so that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the place 977where I erected it.

To what purpose have you unfolded this to me?

When I have told you that, I have told you all. 980Some say that, though she appear honest to me, yet in 981other places she enlargeth her mirth so farre that there 982is shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir John, here 983is the heart of my purpose. You are a gentleman of ex984cellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admit985tance, authentic in your place and person, generally 986allowed for your many war-like, court-like, and learned 987preparations.

Oh, sir.

Believe it, for you know it. There is money: Handing him a money-bag

990spend it, spend it, spend more, spend all I have, only 991give me so much of your time in exchange of it as to lay 992an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife. Use 993your art of wooing; win her to consent to you. If any 994man may, you may as soon as any.

Would it apply well to the vehemency of your 996affection that I should win what you would enjoy? Me997thinks you prescribe to yourself very preposterously.

Oh, understand my drift! She dwells so securely 999on the excellency of her honor, that the folly of my soul 1000dares not present itself. She is too bright to be looked 1001against. Now, could I come to her with any detection 1002in my hand, my desires had instance and argument to 1003commend themselves. I could drive her then from the 1004ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow, 1005and a thousand other her defences, which now are too 1006too strongly embattled against me. What say you too't, 1007Sir John?

Master Broom, I will first make bold with your 1009money.

Next, give me your hand, [They shake hands.]

and last, as I am a 1010gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife.

Oh, good sir.

I say you shall.

Want no money, Sir John, you shall want none!

Want no Mistress Ford, Master Broom, you shall 1015want none. I shall be with her, I may tell you, by her 1016own appointment: even as you came in to me, her assi1017stant, or go-between, parted from me. I say I shall be 1018with her between ten and eleven, for at that time the 1019jealous rascally knave her husband will be forth. Come 1020you to me at night -- you shall know how I speed.

I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know 1022Ford, sir?

Hang him, poor\ cuckoldly knave, I know 1024him not. Yet I wrong him to call him poor. They say 1025the jealous wittolly knave hath masses of money, for 1026the which his wife seems to me well-favored. I will use 1027her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer, and there's 1028my harvest-home.

I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might a1030void him, if you saw him.

Hang him, mechanical salt-butter rogue! I will 1032stare him out of his wits. I will awe him with my cud1033gel: it shall hang like a meteor o'er the cuckold's horns. 1034Master Broom, thou shalt know, I will predominate o1035ver the peasant, and thou shalt lie with his wife. Come 1036to me soon at night. Ford's a knave, and I will aggra1037vate his style. Thou, Master Broom, shalt know him for 1038knave and cuckold. Come to me soon at night.

What a damned epicurian rascal is this? my 1040heart is ready to crack with impatience. Who says this 1041is improvident jealousy? My wife hath sent to him, the 1042hour is fixed, the match is made: would any man have 1043thought this? See the hell of having a false woman. My 1044bed shall be abused, my coffers ransacked, my reputati1045on gnawn at, and I shall not only receive this villanous 1046wrong, but stand under the adoption of abominable 1047terms, and by him that does me this wrong! Terms, 1048names! Amaimon sounds well; Lucifer, well; Barbason, 1049well; yet they are devols' additions, the names of fiends. 1050But cuckold, wittol, cuckold? The Devil himself 1051hath not such a name. Page is an ass, a secure ass. He 1052will trust his wife, he will not be jealous. I will rather 1053trust a Fleming with my butter, Parson Hugh the Welsh1054man with my cheese, an Irishman with my aquavitae 1055bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than 1056my wife with herself. Then she plots, then she rumi1057nates, then she devises: and what they think in their 1058hearts they may effect. They will break their hearts but 1059they will effect! Heaven be praised for my jealousy. 1060Eleven o'clock the hour. I will prevent this, detect 1061my wife, be revenged on Falstaff, and laugh at Page. I 1062will about it. Better three hours too soon than a mi1063nute too late. Fie, fie, fie! Cuckold, cuckold, cuckold!