1681Fal. Bardolfe I say.

1682Bar. Heere Sir.

1683Fal. Go, fetch me a quart of Sacke, put a tost in't.

1684Haue I liu'd to be carried in a Basket like a barrow of

1685butchers Offall? and to be throwne in the Thames? Wel,

1686if I be seru'd such another tricke, Ile haue my braines

1687'tane out and butter'd, and giue them to a dogge for a

1688New-yeares gift. The rogues slighted me into the riuer

1689with as little remorse, as they would haue drown'de a

1690blinde bitches Puppies, fifteene i'th litter: and you may

1691know by my size, that I haue a kinde of alacrity in sink-

1692ing: if the bottome were as deepe as hell, I shold down.

1693I had beene drown'd, but that the shore was sheluy and

1694shallow: a death that I abhorre: for the water swelles a

1695man; and what a thing should I haue beene, when I

1696had beene swel'd? I should haue beene a Mountaine of

1697Mummie.

1698Bar. Here's M. Quickly Sir to speake with you.

1699Fal. Come, let me poure in some Sack to the Thames

1700water: for my bellies as cold as if I had swallow'd snow-

1701bals, for pilles to coole the reines. Call her in.

1702Bar. Come in woman.

1703Qui. By your leaue: I cry you mercy?

1704Giue your worship good morrow.

1705Fal. Take away these Challices:

1706Go, brew me a pottle of Sacke finely.

1707Bard. With Egges, Sir?

1708Fal. Simple of it selfe: Ile no Pullet-Spersme in my

1709brewage. How now?

1710Qui. Marry Sir, I come to your worship from M. Ford.

1711Fal. Mist. Ford? I haue had Ford enough: I was thrown

1712into the Ford; I haue my belly full of Ford.

1713Qui. Alas the day, (good-heart) that was not her

1714fault: she do's so take on with her men; they mistooke

1715their erection.

1716Fal. So did I mine, to build vpon a foolish Womans (promise.

1717Qui. Well, she laments Sir for it, that it would yern

1718your heart to see it: her husband goes this morning a

1719birding; she desires you once more to come to her, be-

1720tweene eight and nine: I must carry her word quickely,

1721she'll make you amends I warrant you.

1722Fal. Well, I will visit her, tell her so: and bidde her

1723thinke what a man is: Let her consider his frailety, and

1724then iudge of my merit.

1725Qui. I will tell her.

1726Fal. Do so. Betweene nine and ten saist thou?

1727Qui. Eight and nine Sir.

1728Fal. Well, be gone: I will not misse her.

1729Qui. Peace be with you Sir.

1730Fal. I meruaile I heare not of M^r Broome: he sent me

1731word to stay within: I like his money well.

1732Oh, heere be comes.

1733Ford. Blesse you Sir.

1734Fal. Now M. Broome, you come to know

1735What hath past betweene me, and Fords wife.

1736Ford. That indeed (Sir Iohn) is my businesse.

1737Fal. M. Broome I will not lye to you,

1738I was at her house the houre she appointed me.

1739Ford. And sped you Sir?

1740Fal. very ill-fauouredly M. Broome.

1741Ford. How so sir, did she change her determination?

1742Fal. No (M. Broome) but the peaking Curnuto her hus-

1743band (M. Broome) dwelling in a continual larum of ielou-

1744sie, coms me in the instant of our encounter, after we had

1745embrast, kist, protested, & (as it were) spoke the prologue

1746of our Comedy: and at his heeles, a rabble of his compa-

1747nions, thither prouoked and instigated by his distemper,

1748and (forsooth) to serch his house for his wiues Loue.

1749Ford. What? While you were there?

1750Fal. While I was there.

1751For. And did he search for you, & could not find you?

1752Fal. You shall heare. As good lucke would haue it,

1753comes in one Mist. Page, giues intelligence of Fords ap-

1754proch: and in her inuention, and Fords wiues distraction,

1755they conuey'd me into a bucke-basket.

1756Ford. A Buck-basket?

1757Fal. Yes: a Buck-basket: ram'd mee in with foule

1758Shirts and Smockes, Socks, foule Stockings, greasie

1759Napkins, that (Master Broome) there was the rankest

1760compound of villanous smell, that euer offended no-

1761strill.

1762Ford. And how long lay you there?

1763Fal. Nay, you shall heare (Master Broome) what I

1764haue sufferd, to bring this woman to euill, for your

1765good: Being thus cram'd in the Basket, a couple of

1766Fords knaues, his Hindes, were cald forth by their Mi-

1767stris, to carry mee in the name of foule Cloathes to

1768Datchet-lane: they tooke me on their shoulders: met

1769the iealous knaue their Master in the doore; who

1770ask'd them once or twice what they had in their Bas-

1771ket? I quak'd for feare least the Lunatique Knaue

1772would haue search'd it: but Fate (ordaining he should

1773be a Cuckold) held his hand: well, on went hee, for

1774a search, and away went I for foule Cloathes: But

1775marke the sequell (Master Broome) I suffered the pangs

1776of three seuerall deaths: First, an intollerable fright,

1777to be detected with a iealious rotten Bell-weather:

1778Next to be compass'd like a good Bilbo in the circum-

1779ference of a Pecke, hilt to point, heele to head. And

1780then to be stopt in like a strong distillation with stink-

1781ing Cloathes, that fretted in their owne grease:

1782thinke of that, a man of my Kidney; thinke of that,

1783that am as subiect to heate as butter; a man of conti-

1784nuall dissolution, and thaw: it was a miracle to scape

1785suffocation. And in the height of this Bath (when I

1786was more then halfe stew'd in grease (like a Dutch-

1787dish) to be throwne into the Thames, and

1788coold, glowing-hot, in that serge like a Horse-

1789shoo; thinke of that; hissing hot: thinke of that (Master

1790Broome.)

1791Ford. In good sadnesse Sir, I am sorry, that for my sake

1792you haue sufferd all this.

1793My suite then is desperate: You'll vndertake her no

1794more?

1795Fal. Master Broome: I will be throwne into Etna,

1796as I haue beene into Thames, ere I will leaue her thus;

1797her Husband is this morning gone a Birding: I

1798haue receiued from her another ambassie of mee-

1799ting: 'twixt eight and nine is the houre (Master

1800Broome.)

1801Ford. 'Tis past eight already Sir.

1802Fal. Is it? I will then addresse mee to my appoint-

1803ment: Come to mee at your conuenient leisure, and

1804you shall know how I speede: and the conclusion

1805shall be crowned with your enioying her: adiew: you

1806shall haue her (Master Broome) Master Broome, you shall

1807cuckold Ford.

1808Ford. Hum: ha? Is this a vision? Is this a dreame?

1809doe I sleepe? Master Ford awake, awake Master Ford:

1810ther's a hole made in your best coate (Master Ford:) this

1811'tis to be married; this 'tis to haue Lynnen, and Buck-

1812baskets: Well, I will proclaime my selfe what I am:

1813I will now take the Leacher: hee is at my house: hee

1814cannot scape me: 'tis impossible hee should: hee can-

1815not creepe into a halfe-penny purse, nor into a Pepper-

1816Boxe: But least the Diuell that guides him, should

1817aide him, I will search impossible places: though

1818what I am, I cannot auoide; yet to be what I would

1819not, shall not make me tame: If I haue hornes, to make

1820one mad, let the prouerbe goe with me, Ile be horne-

1821mad. Exeunt.