772Fal. I will not lend thee a penny.

773Pist. Why then the world's mine Oyster, which I,

774with sword will open.

775Fal. Not a penny: I haue beene content (Sir,) you

776should lay my countenance to pawne: I haue grated vp-

777on my good friends for three Repreeues for you, and

778your Coach-fellow Nim; or else you had look'd through

779the grate, like a Geminy of Baboones: I am damn'd in

780hell, for swearing to Gentlemen my friends, you were

781good Souldiers, and tall-fellowes. And when Mistresse

782Briget lost the handle of her Fan, I took't vpon mine ho-

783nour thou hadst it not.

784Pist. Didst not thou share? hadst thou not fifteene

785pence?

786Fal. Reason, you roague, reason: thinkst thou Ile en-

787danger my soule, gratis? at a word, hang no more about

788mee, I am no gibbet for you: goe, a short knife, and a

789throng, to your Mannor of Pickt-hatch: goe, you'll not

790beare a Letter for mee you roague? you stand vpon your

791honor: why, (thou vnconfinable basenesse) it is as much

792as I can doe to keepe the termes of my honor precise:

793I, I, I my selfe sometimes, leauing the feare of heauen on

794the left hand, and hiding mine honor in my necessity, am

795faine to shufflle: to hedge, and to lurch, and yet, you

796Rogue, will en-sconce your raggs; your Cat-a-Moun-

797taine-lookes, your red-lattice phrases, and your bold-

798beating-oathes, vnder the shelter of your honor? you

799will not doe it? you?

800Pist. I doe relent: what would thou more of man?

801Robin. Sir, here's a woman would speake with you.

802Fal. Let her approach.

803Qui. Giue your worship good morrow.

804Fal. Good-morrow, good-wife.

805Qui. Not so and't please your worship.

806Fal. Good maid then.

807Qui. Ile be sworne,

808As my mother was the first houre I was borne.

809Fal. I doe beleeue the swearer; what with me?

810Qui. Shall I vouch-safe your worship a word, or

811two?

812Fal. Two thousand (faire woman) and ile vouchsafe

813thee the hearing.

814Qui. There is one Mistresse Ford, (Sir) I pray come a

815little neerer this waies: I my selfe dwell with M. Doctor

816Caius:

817Fal. Well, on; Mistresse Ford, you say.

818Qui. Your worship saies very true: I pray your wor-

819ship come a little neerer this waies.

820Fal. I warrant thee, no-bodie heares: mine owne

821people, mine owne people.

822Qui. Are they so? heauen-blesse them, and make

823them his Seruants.

824Fal. Well; Mistresse Ford, what of her?

825Qui. Why, Sir; shee's a good-creature; Lord, Lord,

826your Worship's a wanton: well: heauen forgiue you,

827and all of vs, I pray ---.

828Fal. Mistresse Ford: come, Mistresse Ford.

829Qui. Marry this is the short, and the long of it: you

830haue brought her into such a Canaries, as 'tis wonder-

831full: the best Courtier of them all (when the Court lay

832at Windsor) could neuer haue brought her to such a Ca-

833narie: yet there has beene Knights, and Lords, and Gen-

834tlemen, with their Coaches; I warrant you Coach after

835Coach, letter after letter, gift after gift, smelling so sweet-

836ly; all Muske, and so rushling, I warrant you, in silke

837and golde, and in such alligant termes, and in such wine

838and suger of the best, and the fairest, that would haue

839wonne any womans heart: and I warrant you, they could

840neuer get an eye-winke of her: I had my selfe twentie

841Angels giuen me this morning, but I defie all Angels (in

842any such sort, as they say) but in the way of honesty: and

843I warrant you, they could neuer get her so much as sippe

844on a cup with the prowdest of them all, and yet there has

845beene Earles: nay, (which is more) Pentioners, but I

846warrant you all is one with her.

847Fal. But what saies shee to mee? be briefe my good

848shee-Mercurie.

849Qui. Marry, she hath receiu'd your Letter: for the

850which she thankes you a thousand times; and she giues

851you to notifie, that her husband will be absence from his

852house, betweene ten and eleuen.

853Fal. Ten, and eleuen.

854Qui. I, forsooth: and then you may come and see the

855picture (she sayes) that you wot of: Master Ford her hus-

856band will be from home: alas, the sweet woman leades

857an ill life with him: hee's a very iealousie-man; she leads

858a very frampold life with him, (good hart.)

859Fal. Ten, and eleuen.

860Woman, commend me to her, I will not faile her.

861Qui. Why, you say well: But I haue another messen-

862ger to your worship: Mistresse Page hath her heartie

863commendations to you to: and let mee tell you in your

864eare, shee's as fartuous a ciuill modest wife, and one (I

865tell you) that will not misse you morning nor euening

866prayer, as any is in Windsor, who ere bee the other: and

867shee bade me tell your worship, that her husband is sel-

868dome from home, but she hopes there will come a time.

869I neuer knew a woman so doate vpon a man; surely I

870thinke you haue charmes, la: yes in truth.

871Fal. Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of my

872good parts aside, I haue no other charmes.

873Qui. Blessing on your heart for't.

874Fal. But I pray thee tell me this: has Fords wife, and

875Pages wife acquainted each other, how they loue me?

876Qui. That were a iest indeed: they haue not so little

877grace I hope, that were a tricke indeed: But Mistris Page

878would desire you to send her your little Page of al loues:

879her husband has a maruellous infectiō to the little Page:

880and truely Master Page is an honest man: neuer a wife in

881Windsor leades a better life then she do's: doe what shee

882will, say what she will, take all, pay all, goe to bed when

883she list, rise when she list, all is as she will: and truly she

884deserues it; for if there be a kinde woman in Windsor, she

885is one: you must send her your Page, no remedie.

886Fal. Why, I will.

887Qu. Nay, but doe so then, and looke you, hee may

888come and goe betweene you both: and in any case haue

889a nay-word, that you may know one anothers minde,

890and the Boy neuer neede to vnderstand any thing; for

891'tis not good that children should know any wickednes:

892olde folkes you know, haue discretion, as they say, and

893know the world.

894Fal. Farethee-well, commend mee to them both:

895there's my purse, I am yet thy debter: Boy, goe along

896with this woman, this newes distracts me.

897Pist. This Puncke is one of Cupids Carriers,

898Clap on more sailes, pursue: vp with your sights:

899Giue fire: she is my prize, or Ocean whelme them all.

900Fal. Saist thou so (old Iacke) go thy waies: Ile make

901more of thy olde body then I haue done: will they yet

902looke after thee? wilt thou after the expence of so much

903money, be now a gainer? good Body, I thanke thee: let

904them say 'tis grossely done, so it bee fairely done, no

905matter.

906Bar. Sir Iohn, there's one Master Broome below would

907faine speake with you, and be acquainted with you; and

908hath sent your worship a mornings draught of Sacke.

909Fal. Broome is his name?

910Bar. I Sir.

911Fal. Call him in: such Broomes are welcome to mee,

912that ore'flowes such liquor: ah ha, Mistresse Ford and Mi-

913stresse Page, haue I encompass'd you? goe to, via.

914Ford. 'Blesse you sir.

915Fal. And you sir: would you speake with me?

916Ford. I make bold, to presse, with so little prepara-

917tion vpon you.

918Fal. You'r welcome, what's your will? giue vs leaue

919Drawer.

920Ford. Sir, I am a Gentleman that haue spent much,

921my name is Broome.

922Fal. Good Master Broome, I desire more acquaintance

923of you.

924Ford. Good Sir Iohn, I sue for yours: not to charge

925you, for I must let you vnderstand, I thinke my selfe in

926better plight for a Lender, then you are: the which hath

927something emboldned me to this vnseason'd intrusion:

928for they say, if money goe before, all waies doe lye

929open.

930Fal. Money is a good Souldier (Sir) and will on.

931Ford. Troth, and I haue a bag of money heere trou-

932bles me: if you will helpe to beare it (Sir Iohn) take all,

933or halfe, for easing me of the carriage.

934Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserue to bee your

935Porter.

936Ford. I will tell you sir, if you will giue mee the hea-

937ring.

938Fal. Speake (good Master Broome) I shall be glad to

939be your Seruant.

940Ford. Sir, I heare you are a Scholler: (I will be briefe

941with you) and you haue been a man long knowne to me,

942though I had neuer so good means as desire, to make my

943selfe acquainted with you. I shall discouer a thing to

944you, wherein I must very much lay open mine owne im-

945perfection: but (good Sir Iohn) as you haue one eye vp-

946on my follies, as you heare them vnfolded, turne another

947into the Register of your owne, that I may passe with a

948reproofe the easier, sith you your selfe know how easie it

949is to be such an offender.

950Fal. Very well Sir, proceed.

951Ford. There is a Gentlewoman in this Towne, her

952husbands name is Ford.

953Fal. Well Sir.

954Ford. I haue long lou'd her, and I protest to you, be-

955stowed much on her: followed her with a doating ob-

956seruance: Ingross'd opportunities to meete her: fee'd e-

957uery slight occasion that could but nigardly giue mee

958sight of her: not only bought many presents to giue her,

959but haue giuen largely to many, to know what shee

960would haue giuen: briefly, I haue pursu'd her, as Loue

961hath pursued mee, which hath beene on the wing of all

962occasions: but whatsoeuer I haue merited, either in my

963minde, or in my meanes, meede I am sure I haue receiued

964none, vnlesse Experience be a Iewell, that I haue purcha-

965sed at an infinite rate, and that hath taught mee to say

966this,

969Fal. Haue you receiu'd no promise of satisfaction at

970her hands?

971Ford. Neuer.

972Fal. Haue you importun'd her to such a purpose?

973Ford. Neuer.

974Fal. Of what qualitie was your loue then?

975Ford. Like a fair house, built on another mans ground,

976so that I haue lost my edifice, by mistaking the place,

977where I erected it.

978Fal. To what purpose haue you vnfolded this to me?

979For. When I haue told you that, I haue told you all:

980Some say, that though she appeare honest to mee, yet in

981other places shee enlargeth her mirth so farre, that there

982is shrewd construction made of her. Now (Sir Iohn) here

983is the heart of my purpose: you are a gentleman of ex-

984cellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admit-

985tance, authenticke in your place and person, generally

986allow'd for your many war-like, court-like, and learned

987preparations.

988Fal. O Sir.

989Ford. Beleeue it, for you know it: there is money,

990spend it, spend it, spend more; spend all I haue, onely

991giue me so much of your time in enchange of it, as to lay

992an amiable siege to the honesty of this Fords wife: vse

993your Art of wooing; win her to consent to you: if any

994man may, you may as soone as any.

995Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your

996affection that I should win what you would enioy? Me-

997thinkes you prescribe to your selfe very preposterously.

998Ford. O, vnderstand my drift: she dwells so securely

999on the excellency of her honor, that the folly of my soule

1000dares not present it selfe: shee is too bright to be look'd

1001against. Now, could I come to her with any detection

1002in my hand; my desires had instance and argument to

1003commend themselues, I could driue her then from the

1004ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow,

1005and a thousand other her defences, which now are too-

1006too strongly embattaild against me: what say you too't,

1007Sir Iohn?

1008Fal. Master Broome, I will first make bold with your

1009money: next, giue mee your hand: and last, as I am a

1010gentleman, you shall, if you will, enioy Fords wife.

1011Ford. O good Sir.

1012Fal. I say you shall.

1013Ford. Want no money (Sir Iohn) you shall want none.

1014Fal. Want no Mistresse Ford (Master Broome) you shall

1015want none: I shall be with her (I may tell you) by her

1016owne appointment, euen as you came in to me, her assi-

1017stant, or goe-betweene, parted from me: I say I shall be

1018with her betweene ten and eleuen: for at that time the

1019iealious-rascally-knaue her husband will be forth: come

1020you to me at night, you shall know how I speed.

1021Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance: do you know

1022Ford Sir?

1023Fal. Hang him (poore Cuckoldly knaue) I know

1024him not: yet I wrong him to call him poore: They say

1025the iealous wittolly-knaue hath masses of money, for

1026the which his wife seemes to me well-fauourd: I will vse

1027her as the key of the Cuckoldly-rogues Coffer, & ther's

1028my haruest-home.

1029Ford. I would you knew Ford, sir, that you might a-

1030uoid him, if you saw him.

1031Fal. Hang him, mechanicall-salt-butter rogue; I wil

1032stare him out of his wits: I will awe-him with my cud-

1033gell: it shall hang like a Meteor ore the Cuckolds horns:

1034Master Broome, thou shalt know, I will predominate o-

1035uer the pezant, and thou shalt lye with his wife. Come

1036to me soone at night: Ford's a knaue, and I will aggra-

1037uate his stile: thou (Master Broome) shalt know him for

1038knaue, and Cuckold. Come to me soone at night.

1039Ford. What a damn'd Epicurian-Rascall is this? my

1040heart is ready to cracke with impatience: who saies this

1041is improuident iealousie? my wife hath sent to him, the

1042howre is fixt, the match is made: would any man haue

1043thought this? see the hell of hauing a false woman: my

1044bed shall be abus'd, my Coffers ransack'd, my reputati-

1045on gnawne at, and I shall not onely receiue this villanous

1046wrong, but stand vnder the adoption of abhominable

1047termes, and by him that does mee this wrong: Termes,

1048names: Amaimon sounds well: Lucifer, well: Barbason,

1049well: yet they are Diuels additions, the names of fiends:

1050But Cuckold, Wittoll, Cuckold? the Diuell himselfe

1051hath not such a name. Page is an Asse, a secure Asse; hee

1052will trust his wife, hee will not be iealous: I will rather

1053trust a Fleming with my butter, Parson Hugh the Welsh-

1054man with my Cheese, an Irish-man with my Aqua-vitae-

1055bottle, or a Theefe to walke my ambling gelding, then

1056my wife with her selfe. Then she plots, then shee rumi-

1057nates, then shee deuises: and what they thinke in their

1058hearts they may effect; they will breake their hearts but

1059they will effect. Heauen bee prais'd for my iealousie:

1060eleuen o'clocke the howre, I will preuent this, detect

1061my wife, bee reueng'd on Falstaffe, and laugh at Page. I

1062will about it, better three houres too soone, then a my-

1063nute too late: fie, fie, fie: Cuckold, Cuckold, Cuckold.