554Mist. Page. What, haue scap'd Loue-letters in the

555holly-day-time of my beauty, and am I now a subiect

556for them? let me see?

568What a Herod of Iurie is this? O wicked, wicked world:

569One that is well-nye worne to peeces with age

570To show himselfe a yong Gallant? What an vnwaied

571Behauiour hath this Flemish drunkard pickt (with

572The Deuills name) out of my conuersation, that he dares

573In this manner assay me? why, hee hath not beene thrice

574In my Company: what should I say to him? I was then

575Frugall of my mirth: (heauen forgiue mee:) why Ile

576Exhibit a Bill in the Parliament for the putting downe

577of men: how shall I be reueng'd on him? for reueng'd I

578will be? as sure as his guts are made of puddings.

579Mis Ford. Mistris Page, trust me, I was going to your

580house.

581Mis Page. And trust me, I was comming to you: you

582looke very ill.

583Mis. Ford. Nay, Ile nere beleeee that; I haue to shew

584to the contrary.

585Mis. Page. 'Faith but you doe in my minde.

586Mis. Ford. Well: I doe then: yet I say, I could shew

587you to the contrary: O Mistris Page, giue mee some

588counsaile.

589Mis. Page. What's the matter, woman?

590Mi. Ford. O woman: if it were not for one trifling re-

591spect, I could come to such honour.

592Mi. Page. Hang the trifle (woman) take the honour:

593what is it? dispence with trifles: what is it?

594Mi. Ford. If I would but goe to hell, for an eternall

595moment, or so: I could be knighted.

596Mi. Page. What thou liest? Sir Alice Ford? these

597Knights will hacke, and so thou shouldst not alter the ar-

598ticle of thy Gentry.

599Mi. Ford. Wee burne day-light: heere, read, read:

600perceiue how I might bee knighted, I shall thinke the

601worse of fat men, as long as I haue an eye to make diffe-

602rence of mens liking: and yet hee would not sweare:

603praise womens modesty: and gaue such orderly and wel-

604behaued reproofe to al vncomelinesse, that I would haue

605sworne his disposition would haue gone to the truth of

606his words: but they doe no more adhere and keep place

607together, then the hundred Psalms to the tune of Green-

608sleeues: What tempest (I troa) threw this Whale, (with

609so many Tuns of oyle in his belly) a'shoare at Windsor?

610How shall I bee reuenged on him? I thinke the best way

611were, to entertaine him with hope, till the wicked fire

612of lust haue melted him in his owne greace: Did you e-

613uer heare the like?

614Mis. Page. Letter for letter; but that the name of

615Page and Ford differs: to thy great comfort in this my-

616stery of ill opinions, heere's the twyn-brother of thy Let-

617ter: but let thine inherit first, for I protest mine neuer

618shall: I warrant he hath a thousand of these Letters, writ

619with blancke-space for different names (sure more): and

620these are of the second edition: hee will print them out

621of doubt: for he cares not what hee puts into the presse,

622when he would put vs two: I had rather be a Giantesse,

623and lye vnder Mount Pelion: Well; I will find you twen-

624tie lasciuious Turtles ere one chaste man.

625Mis. Ford. Why this is the very same: the very hand:

626the very words: what doth he thinke of vs?

627Mis. Page. Nay I know not: it makes me almost rea-

628die to wrangle with mine owne honesty: Ile entertaine

629my selfe like one that I am not acquainted withall: for

630sure vnlesse hee know some straine in mee, that I know

631not my selfe, hee would neuer haue boorded me in this

632furie.

633Mi. Ford. Boording, call you it? Ile bee sure to keepe

634him aboue decke.

635Mi. Page. So will I: if hee come vnder my hatches,

636Ile neuer to Sea againe: Let's bee reueng'd on him: let's

637appoint him a meeting: giue him a show of comfort in

638his Suit, and lead him on with a fine baited delay, till hee

639hath pawn'd his horses to mine Host of the Garter.

640Mi. Ford. Nay, I wil consent to act any villany against

641him, that may not sully the charinesse of our honesty: oh

642that my husband saw this Letter: it would giue eternall

643food to his iealousie.

644Mis. Page. Why look where he comes; and my good

645man too: hee's as farre from iealousie, as I am from gi-

646uing him cause, and that (I hope) is an vnmeasurable di-

647stance.

648Mis. Ford. You are the happier woman.

649Mis. Page. Let's consult together against this greasie

650Knight: Come hither.

651Ford. Well: I hope, it be not so.

652Pist. Hope is a curtall-dog in some affaires:

653Sir Iohn affects thy wife.

654Ford. Why sir, my wife is not young.

655Pist. He wooes both high and low, both rich & poor,

656both yong and old, one with another (Ford) he loues the

657Gally-mawfry (Ford) perpend.

658Ford. Loue my wife?

659Pist. With liuer, burning hot: preuent:

660Or goe thou like Sir Acteon he, with

661Ring-wood at thy heeles: O, odious is the name.

662Ford. What name Sir?

663Pist. The horne I say: Farewell:

664Take heed, haue open eye, for theeues doe foot by night.

665Take heed, ere sommer comes, or Cuckoo-birds do sing.

666Away sir Corporall Nim:

667Beleeue it (Page) he speakes sence.

668Ford. I will be patient: I will find out this.

669Nim. And this is true: I like not the humor of lying:

670hee hath wronged mee in some humors: I should haue

671borne the humour'd Letter to her: but I haue a sword:

672and it shall bite vpon my necessitie: he loues your wife;

673There's the short and the long: My name is Corporall

674Nim: I speak, and I auouch; 'tis true: my name is Nim:

675and Falstaffe loues your wife: adieu, I loue not the hu-

676mour of bread and cheese: adieu.

677Page. The humour of it (quoth 'a?) heere's a fellow

678frights English out of his wits.

679Ford. I will seeke out Falstaffe.

680Page. I neuer heard such a drawling-affecting rogue.

681Ford. If I doe finde it: well.

682Page. I will not beleeue such a Cataian, though the

683Priest o'th'Towne commended him for a true man.

684Ford. 'Twas a good sensible fellow: well.

685Page. How now Meg?

686Mist. Page. Whether goe you (George?) harke you.

687Mis. Ford. How now (sweet Frank) why art thou me-

688lancholy?

689Ford. I melancholy? I am not melancholy:

690Get you home: goe.

691s. Ford. Faith, thou hast some crochets in thy head,

692Now: will you goe, Mistris Page?

693Mis. Page. Haue with you: you'll come to dinner

694George? Looke who comes yonder: shee shall bee our

695Messenger to this paltrie Knight.

696Mis. Ford. Trust me, I thought on her: shee'll fit it.

697Mis. Page. You are come to see my daughter Anne?

698Qui. I forsooth: and I pray how do's good Mistresse

699Anne?

700Mis Page. Go in with vs and see: we haue an houres

701talke with you.

702Page. How now Master Ford?

703For. You heard what this knaue told me, did you not?

704Page. Yes, and you heard what the other told me?

705Ford. Doe you thinke there is truth in them?

706Pag. Hang 'em slaues: I doe not thinke the Knight

707would offer it: But these that accuse him in his intent

708towards our wiues, are a yoake of his discarded men: ve-

709ry rogues, now they be out of seruice.

710Ford. Were they his men?

711Page. Marry were they.

712Ford. I like it neuer the beter for that,

713Do's he lye at the Garter?

714Page. I marry do's he: if hee should intend this voy-

715age toward my wife, I would turne her loose to him;

716and what hee gets more of her, then sharpe words, let it

717lye on my head.

718Ford. I doe not misdoubt my wife: but I would bee

719loath to turne them together: a man may be too confi-

720dent: I would haue nothing lye on my head: I cannot

721be thus satisfied.

722Page. Looke where my ranting-Host of the Garter

723comes: there is eyther liquor in his pate, or mony in his

724purse, when hee lookes so merrily: How now mine

725Host?

726Host. How now Bully-Rooke: thou'rt a Gentleman

727Caueleiro Iustice, I say.

728Shal. I follow, (mine Host) I follow: Good-euen,

729and twenty (good Master Page.) Master Page, wil you go

730with vs? we haue sport in hand.

731Host. Tell him Caueleiro-Iustice: tell him Bully-

732Rooke.

733Shall. Sir, there is a fray to be fought, betweene Sir

734Hugh the Welch Priest, and Caius the French Doctor.

735Ford. Good mine Host o'th' Garter: a word with you.

736Host. What saist thou, my Bully-Rooke?

737Shal. Will you goe with vs to behold it? My merry

738Host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and (I

739thinke) hath appointed them contrary places: for (be-

740leeue mee) I heare the Parson is no Iester: harke, I will

741tell you what our sport shall be.

742Host. Hast thou no suit against my Knight? my guest-

743Caualeire?

744Shal. None, I protest: but Ile giue you a pottle of

745burn'd sacke, to giue me recourse to him, and tell him

746my name is Broome: onely for a iest.

747Host. My hand, (Bully:) thou shalt haue egresse and

748regresse, (said I well?) and thy name shall be Broome. It

749is a merry Knight: will you goe An-heires?

750Shal. Haue with you mine Host.

751Page. I haue heard the French-man hath good skill

752in his Rapier.

753Shal. Tut sir: I could haue told you more: In these

754times you stand on distance: your Passes, Stoccado's, and

755I know not what: 'tis the heart (Master Page) 'tis heere,

756'tis heere: I haue seene the time, with my long-sword, I

757would haue made you fowre tall fellowes skippe like

758Rattes.

759Host. Heere boyes, heere, heere: shall we wag?

760Page. Haue with you: I had rather heare them scold,

761then fight.

762Ford. Though Page be a secure foole, and stands so

763firmely on his wiues frailty; yet, I cannot put-off my o-

764pinion so easily: she was in his company at Pages house:

765and what they made there, I know not. Well, I wil looke

766further into't, and I haue a disguise, to sound Falstaffe; if

767I finde her honest, I loose not my labor: if she be other-

768wise, 'tis labour well bestowed. Exeunt.