How now, Thersites? What, lost in the labyrinth of thy 1207fury? Shall the elephant Ajax carry it thus? He beats 1208me, and I rail at him. O worthy satisfaction. Would it 1209were otherwise, that I could beat him whilst he railed 1210at me. 'Sfoot, I'll learn to conjure and raise devils, but 1211I'll see some issue of my spiteful execrations. Then there's 1212Achilles, a rare engineer. If Troy be not taken till these two 1213undermine it, the walls will stand till they fall of 1214themselves. O thou great thunder-darter of Olympus, forget 1215that thou art Jove, the king of gods, and, Mercury, lose 1216all the serpentine craft of thy caduceus, if thou take not 1217that little-little-less-than-little wit from them that they 1218have, which short-armed ignorance itself knows is so 1219abundant scarce, it will not, in circumvention, deliver a 1220fly from a spider without drawing the massy irons and 1221cutting the web. After this, the vengeance on the whole 1222camp, or rather the bone-ache, for that me thinks is 1223the curse dependent on those that war for a placket. I have 1224said my prayers, and devil envy say, "Amen." -- What ho? 1225My lord Achilles?

Who's there? Thersites? Good Thersites, come 1228in and rail.

If I could have remembered a gilt counterfeit, 1230thou wouldst not have slipped out of my contemplation, 1231but it is no matter: thyself upon thyself. The common 1232curse of mankind, folly and ignorance, be thine in great 1233revenue; heaven bless thee from a tutor, and discipline 1234come not near thee. Let thy blood be thy direction till 1235thy death; then, if she that lays thee out says thou art a fair corpse, 1236I'll be sworn -- and sworn upon't -- she never 1237shrouded any but lazars. Amen. -- Where's Achilles?

What, art thou devout? Wast thou in a prayer?

Ay, the heavens hear me.

Who's there?

Thersites, my lord.

Where, where? -- [To Thersites] Art thou come? Why, my cheese, 1244my digestion, why hast thou not served thyself in to my 1245table so many meals? -- Come, what's Agamemnon?

Thy commander, Achilles; then tell me, 1247Patroclus, what's Achilles?

Thy lord, Thersites; then tell me, I pray thee,

1249what's thyself?

Thy knower, Patroclus; then tell me, Patroclus, 1251what art thou?

Thou mayst tell that knowest.

O tell, tell.

I'll decline the whole question: Agamemnon 1255commands Achilles; Achilles is my lord; I am Patroclus' 1256knower, and Patroclus is a fool.

You rascal.

Peace, fool, I have not done.

[To Patroclus] He is a privileged man. -- Proceed, Thersites.

Agamemnon is a fool; Achilles is a fool; 1261Thersites is a fool, and, as aforesaid, Patroclus is a fool.

Derive this. Come.

Agamemnon is a fool to offer to command 1264Achilles; Achilles is a fool to be commanded of Agamemnon; 1265Thersites is a fool to serve such a fool, and Patroclus is a 1266fool positive.

Why am I a fool?

Make that demand to the creator. It suffices me 1271thou art. Look you who comes here.

Patroclus, I'll speak with nobody; -- come in 1273with me, Thersites.

Here is such patchery, such juggling, and such 1275knavery. All the argument is a cuckold and a whore, a 1276good quarrel to draw emulations, factions, and bleed to 1277death upon. Now, the dry serpigo on the subject, and 1278war and lechery confound all..

[To Patroclus] Where is Achilles?

Within his tent, but ill disposed, my lord.

Let it be known to him that we are here.

2.3.281282He sent our messengers, and we lay by

2.3.291283Our appertainments, visiting of him.

2.3.301284Let him be told so, lest perchance he think

2.3.311285We dare not move the question of our place,

2.3.321286Or know not what we are.

Or know not what we are. I shall so say to him.

We saw him at the opening of his tent;

2.3.341289He is not sick.

Yes, lion-sick, sick of proud heart; you may 1291call it melancholy if will favor the man, but, by my 1292head, it is pride. But why? Why? Let him show us the cause. 1293--A word, my lord.

What moves Ajax thus to bay at him?

Achilles hath inveigled his fool from him.

Who? Thersites?

He.

Then will Ajax lack matter, if he have lost his 1299argument.

No, you see, he is his argument that has his 1301argument -- Achilles.

All the better; their fraction is more our wish 1303than their faction; but it was a strong council that a 1304fool could disunite.

The amity that wisdom knits not, folly may 1306easily untie.

2.3.441307Here comes Patroclus.

Here comes Patroclus. No Achilles with him?

The elephant hath joints, but none for courtesy;

2.3.461310His legs are legs for necessity, not for flight.

[To Agamemnon] Achilles bids me say he is much sorry

2.3.481312If anything more than your sport and pleasure

2.3.491313Did move your greatness and this noble state

2.3.501314To call upon him; he hopes it is no other

2.3.511315But for your health and your digestion sake,

2.3.521316An after dinner's breath.

An after dinner's breath. Hear you, Patroclus.

2.3.531318We are too well acquainted with these answers,

2.3.541319But his evasion, winged thus swift with scorn,

2.3.551320Cannot outfly our apprehensions.

2.3.561321Much attribute he hath, and much the reason

2.3.571322Why we ascribe it to him, yet all his virtues,

2.3.581323Not virtuously of his own part beheld,

2.3.591324Do in our eyes begin to lose their gloss,

2.3.601325Yea, and like fair fruit in an unwholesome dish,

2.3.611326Are like to rot untasted. Go and tell him:

2.3.621327We came to speak with him, and you shall not sin

2.3.631328If you do say we think him over-proud

2.3.641329And under-honest; in self-assumption greater

2.3.651330Than in the note of judgment; and worthier than himself

2.3.661331Here tend the savage strangeness he puts on,

2.3.671332Disguise the holy strength of their command,

2.3.681333And underwrite in an observing kind

2.3.691334His humorous predominance, yea, watch

2.3.701335His pettish lines, his ebbs, his flows, as if

2.3.711336The passage and whole carriage of this action

2.3.721337Rode on his tide. Go tell him this, and add

2.3.731338That if he overhold his price so much,

2.3.741339We'll none of him, but let him, like an engine

2.3.751340Not portable, lie under this report:

2.3.761341"Bring action hither; this cannot go to war."

2.3.771342A stirring dwarf we do allowance give

2.3.781343Before a sleeping giant. Tell him so.

I shall, and bring his answer presently.

In second voice we'll not be satisfied;

2.3.811346We come to speak with him. -- Ulysses, enter you.

What is he more than another?

No more than what he thinks he is.

Is he so much? Do you not think he thinks 1351himself a better man than I am?

No question.

Will you subscribe his thought and say he is?

No, noble Ajax; you are as strong, as valiant, as 1355wise, no less noble, much more gentle and altogether 1356more tractable.

Why should a man be proud? How doth pride 1358grow? I know not what it is.

Your mind is the clearer, Ajax, and your virtues 1360the fairer; he that is proud eats up himself; pride is his 1361own glass, his own trumpet, his own chronicle; and 1362whatever praises itself but in the deed, devours the 1363deed in the praise.

I do hate a proud man as I hate the engendering 1366of toads.

[Aside] Yet he loves himself. Is't not strange?

Achilles will not to the field tomorrow.

What's his excuse?

What's his excuse? He doth rely on none,

2.3.941371But carries on the stream of his dispose

2.3.951372Without observance or respect of any,

2.3.961373In will peculiar, and in self-admission.

Why will he not upon our fair request

2.3.981375Untent his person and share the air with us?

Things small as nothing, for request's sake only,

2.3.1001377He makes important; possessed he is with greatness,

2.3.1011378And speaks not to himself but with a pride

2.3.1021379That quarrels at self-breath. Imagined wroth

2.3.1031380Holds in his blood such swoll'n and hot discourse

2.3.1041381That 'twixt his mental and his active parts

2.3.1051382Kingdomed Achilles in commotion rages

2.3.1061383And batters 'gainst itself. What should I say?

2.3.1071384He is so plaguy proud that the death-tokens of it

2.3.1081385Cry, "No recovery."

Cry, "No recovery." Let Ajax go to him.

2.3.1091387 [To Ajax] Dear lord, go you and greet him in his tent.

2.3.1101388'Tis said he holds you well, and will be led

2.3.1111389At your request a little from himself.

O Agamemnon, let it not be so.

2.3.1131391We'll consecrate the steps that Ajax makes

2.3.1141392When they go from Achilles. Shall the proud lord

2.3.1151393That bastes his arrogance with his own seam,

2.3.1161394And never suffers matter of the world

2.3.1171395Enter his thoughts, save such as do revolve

2.3.1181396And ruminate himself, shall he be worshipped

2.3.1191397Of that we hold an idol more than he?

2.3.1201398No, this thrice-worthy and right valiant lord

2.3.1211399Must not so stale his palm, nobly acquired,

2.3.1221400Nor by my will assubjugate his merit,

2.3.1231401As amply titled as Achilles' is, by going to Achilles.

2.3.1241402That were to enlard his fat-already pride,

2.3.1251403And add more coals to Cancer when he burns

2.3.1261404With entertaining great Hyperion.

2.3.1271405This lord go to him? Jupiter forbid,

2.3.1281406And say in thunder, "Achilles, go to him."

[Aside] Oh, this is well; he rubs the vein of him.

[Aside] And how his silence drinks up this applause.

If I go to him, with my armèd fist,

I'll pash him 1410o'er the face.

O no, you shall not go.

An a be proud with me, I'll feeze his pride.

Let 1413me go to him.

Not for the worth that hangs upon our quarrel.

A paltry, insolent fellow.

[Aside] How he describes himself.

Can he not be sociable?

[Aside] The raven chides blackness.

I'll let his humors blood.

[Aside] He will be the physician that should be the 1421patient.

An all men were o'my mind --

[Aside] Wit would be out of fashion.

-- a should not bear it so; a should eat swords 1425first. Shall pride carry it?

[Aside] An 'twould, you'd carry half.

[Aside] A would have ten shares.

I will knead him; I'll make him supple; he's not 1429yet through warm.

[Aside] Force him with praises; pour in, pour in; his 1431ambition is dry.

[To Agamemnon] My lord, you feed too much on this dislike.

Our noble general, do not do so.

[To Agamemnon] You must prepare to fight without Achilles.

Why, 'tis this naming of him doth him harm.

2.3.1521436Here is a man -- but 'tis before his face;

2.3.1531437I will be silent.

I will be silent. Wherefore should you so?

2.3.1541439He is not emulous, as Achilles is.

Know the whole world, he is as valiant.

A whoreson dog, that shall palter thus with us. Would 1442he were a Trojan.

What a vice were it in Ajax now --

If he were proud --

Or covetous of praise --

Ay, or surly borne --

Or strange, or self-affected.

[To Ajax]Thank the heavens, lord, thou art of sweet composure.

2.3.1631449Praise him that got thee, she that gave thee suck;

2.3.1641450Fame be thy tutor, and thy parts of nature

2.3.1651451Thrice famed beyond, beyond all erudition;

2.3.1661452But he that disciplined thy arms to fight,

2.3.1671453Let Mars divide eternity in twain

2.3.1681454And give him half, and, for thy vigor,

2.3.1691455Bull-bearing Milo his addition yield

2.3.1701456To sinewy Ajax. I will not praise thy wisdom,

2.3.1711457Which, like a bourn, a pale, a shore, confines

2.3.1721458Thy spacious and dilated parts. Here's Nestor

2.3.1731459Instructed by the antiquary times;

2.3.1741460He must, he is, he cannot but be wise.

2.3.1751461But pardon, father Nestor, were your days

2.3.1761462As green as Ajax' and your brain so tempered,

2.3.1771463You should not have the eminence of him,

2.3.1781464But be as Ajax.

But be as Ajax. Shall I call you father?

Ay, my good son.

Ay, my good son. Be ruled by him, lord Ajax.

There is no tarrying here; the hart Achilles

2.3.1811469Keeps thicket. Please it our general

2.3.1821470To call together all his state of war;

2.3.1831471Fresh kings are come to Troy; tomorrow

2.3.1841472We must with all our main of power stand fast,

2.3.1851473And here's a lord, come knights from east to west

2.3.1861474And cull their flow'r, Ajax shall cope the best.

Go we to council; let Achilles sleep.

2.3.1881476Light boats may sail swift, though greater bulks draw 1477deep.