Internet Shakespeare Editions

Author: William Shakespeare
Editors: David Carnegie, Mark Houlahan
Peer Reviewed

Twelfth Night (Folio 1, 1623)

1380Scoena Secunda.
Enter Sir Toby, Sir Andrew, and Fabian.
And. No faith, Ile not stay a iot longer:
To. Thy reason deere venom, giue thy reason.
Fab. You must needes yeelde your reason, Sir An-
And. Marry I saw your Neece do more fauours to the
Counts Seruing-man, then euer she bestow'd vpon mee:
I saw't i'th Orchard.
To. Did she see the while, old boy, tell me that.
1390And. As plaine as I see you now.
Fab. This was a great argument of loue in her toward
And. S'light; will you make an Asse o'me.
Fab. I will proue it legitimate sir, vpon the Oathes of
1395iudgement, and reason.
To. And they haue beene grand Iurie men, since before
Noah was a Saylor.
Fab. Shee did shew fauour to the youth in your sight,
onely to exasperate you, to awake your dormouse valour,
1400to put fire in your Heart, and brimstone in your Liuer:
you should then haue accosted her, and with some excel-
lent iests, fire-new from the mint, you should haue bangd
the youth into dumbenesse: this was look'd for at your
hand, and this was baulkt: the double gilt of this oppor-
1405tunitie you let time wash off, and you are now sayld into
the North of my Ladies opinion, where you will hang
like an ysickle on a Dutchmans beard, vnlesse you do re-
deeme it, by some laudable attempt, either of valour or
1410And. And't be any way, it must be with Valour, for
policie I hate: I had as liefe be a Brownist, as a Politi-
To. Why then build me thy fortunes vpon the basis of
valour. Challenge me the Counts youth to fight with him
1415hurt him in eleuen places, my Neece shall take note of it,
and assure thy selfe, there is no loue-Broker in the world,
can more preuaile in mans commendation with woman,
then report of valour.
Fab. There is no way but this sir Andrew.
1420An. Will either of you beare me a challenge to him?
To. Go, write it in a martial hand, be curst and briefe:
it is no matter how wittie, so it bee eloquent, and full of
inuention: taunt him with the license of Inke: if thou
thou'st him some thrice, it shall not be amisse, and as ma-
1425ny Lyes, as will lye in thy sheete of paper, although the
sheete were bigge enough for the bedde of Ware in Eng-
land, set 'em downe, go about it. Let there bee gaulle e-
nough in thy inke, though thou write with a Goose-pen,
no matter: about it.
1430And. Where shall I finde you?
To. Wee'l call thee at the Cubiculo: Go.
Exit Sir Andrew.
Fa. This is a deere Manakin to you Sir Toby.
To. I haue beene deere to him lad, some two thousand
1435strong, or so.
Fa. We shall haue a rare Letter from him; but you'le
not deliuer't.
To. Neuer trust me then: and by all meanes stirre on
the youth to an answer. I thinke Oxen and waine-ropes
1440cannot hale them together. For Andrew, if he were open'd
and you finde so much blood in his Liuer, as will clog the
foote of a flea, Ile eate the rest of th'anatomy.
Fab. And his opposit the youth beares in his visage no
great presage of cruelty.
1445Enter Maria.
To. Looke where the youngest Wren of mine comes.
Mar. If you desire the spleene, and will laughe your
selues into stitches, follow me; yond gull Maluolio is tur-
ned Heathen, a verie Renegatho; for there is no christian
1450that meanes to be saued by beleeuing rightly, can euer
beleeue such impossible passages of grossenesse. Hee's in
yellow stockings.
To. And crosse garter'd?
Mar. Most villanously: like a Pedant that keepes a
1455Schoole i'th Church: I haue dogg'd him like his murthe-
rer. He does obey euery point of the Letter that I dropt,
to betray him: He does smile his face into more lynes,
then is in the new Mappe, with the augmentation of the
Indies: you haue not seene such a thing as tis: I can hard-
1460ly forbeare hurling things at him, I know my Ladie will
strike him: if shee doe, hee'l smile, and take't for a great
To. Come bring vs, bring vs where he is.
Exeunt Omnes.