395Ant. The gold I gaue to Dromio is laid vp

396Safe at the Centaur, and the heedfull slaue

397Is wandred forth in care to seeke me out

398By computation and mine hosts report.

399I could not speake with Dromio, since at first

400I sent him from the Mart? see here he comes.

402How now sir, is your merrie humor alter'd?

403As you loue stroakes, so iest with me againe:

404You know no Centaur? you receiu'd no gold?

405Your Mistresse sent to haue me home to dinner?

406My house was at the Phoenix? Wast thou mad,

407That thus so madlie thou did didst answere me?

408S.Dro. What answer sir? when spake I such a word?

409E.Ant. Euen now, euen here, not halfe an howre since.

410S.Dro. I did not see you since you sent me hence

411Home to the Centaur with the gold you gaue me.

412Ant. Villaine, thou didst denie the golds receit,

413And toldst me of a Mistresse, and a dinner,

414For which I hope thou feltst I was displeas'd.

415S.Dro. I am glad to see you in this merrie vaine,

416What meanes this iest, I pray you Master tell me?

417Ant. Yea, dost thou ieere & flowt me in the teeth?

418Thinkst y^u I iest? hold, take thou that, & that. Beats Dro.

419S.Dr. Hold sir, for Gods sake, now your iest is earnest,

420Vpon what bargaine do you giue it me?

421Antiph. Because that I familiarlie sometimes

422Doe vse you for my foole, and chat with you,

423Your sawcinesse will iest vpon my loue,

424And make a Common of my serious howres,

425When the sunne shines, let foolish gnats make sport,

426But creepe in crannies, when he hides his beames:

427If you will iest with me, know my aspect,

428And fashion your demeanor to my lookes,

429Or I will beat this method in your sconce.

430S.Dro. Sconce call you it? so you would leaue batte-

431ring, I had rather haue it a head, and you vse these blows

432long, I must get a sconce for my head, and Insconce it

433to, or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders, but I pray

434sir, why am I beaten?

435Ant. Dost thou not know?

436S.Dro. Nothing sir, but that I am beaten.

437Ant. Shall I tell you why?

438S.Dro. I sir, and wherefore; for they say, euery why

439hath a wherefore.

440Ant. Why first for flowting me, and then wherefore,

441for vrging it the second time to me.

442S.Dro. Was there euer anie man thus beaten out of

443season, when in the why and the wherefore, is neither

444rime nor reason. Well sir, I thanke you.

445Ant. Thanke me sir, for what?

446S.Dro. Marry sir, for this something that you gaue me

447for nothing.

448Ant. Ile make you amends next, to giue you nothing

449for something. But say sir, is it dinner time?

450S.Dro. No sir, I thinke the meat wants that I haue.

451Ant. In good time sir: what's that?

452S.Dro. Basting.

453Ant. Well sir, then 'twill be drie.

454S.Dro. If it be sir, I pray you eat none of it.

455Ant. Your reason?

456S.Dro. Lest it make you chollericke, and purchase me

457another drie basting.

458Ant. Well sir, learne to iest in good time, there's a

459time for all things.

460S.Dro. I durst haue denied that before you were so

461chollericke.

462Anti. By what rule sir?

463S.Dro. Marry sir, by a rule as plaine as the plaine bald

464pate of Father time himselfe.

465Ant. Let's heare it.

466S.Dro. There's no time for a man to recouer his haire

467that growes bald by nature.

468Ant. May he not doe it by fine and recouerie?

469S.Dro. Yes, to pay a fine for a perewig, and recouer

470the lost haire of another man.

471Ant. Why, is Time such a niggard of haire, being (as

472it is) so plentifull an excrement?

473S.Dro. Because it is a blessing that hee bestowes on

474beasts, and what he hath scanted them in haire, hee hath

475giuen them in wit.

476Ant. Why, but theres manie a man hath more haire

477then wit.

478S.Dro. Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lose

479his haire.

480Ant. Why thou didst conclude hairy men plain dea-

481lers without wit.

482S.Dro. The plainer dealer, the sooner lost; yet he loo-

483seth it in a kinde of iollitie.

484An. For what reason.

485S.Dro. For two, and sound ones to.

486An. Nay not sound I pray you.

487S.Dro. Sure ones then.

488An. Nay, not sure in a thing falsing.

489S.Dro. Certaine ones then.

490An. Name them.

491S.Dro. The one to saue the money that he spends in

492trying: the other, that at dinner they should not drop in

493his porrage.

494An. You would all this time haue prou'd, there is no

495time for all things.

496S.Dro. Marry and did sir: namely, in no time to re-

497couer haire lost by Nature.

498An. But your reason was not substantiall, why there

499is no time to recouer.

500S.Dro. Thus I mend it: Time himselfe is bald, and

501therefore to the worlds end, will haue bald followers.

502An. I knew 'twould be a bald conclusion: but soft,

503who wafts vs yonder.

505Adri. I, I, Antipholus, looke strange and frowne,

506Some other Mistresse hath thy sweet aspects:

507I am not Adriana, nor thy wife.

508The time was once, when thou vn-vrg'd wouldst vow,

509That neuer words were musicke to thine eare,

510That neuer obiect pleasing in thine eye,

511That neuer touch well welcome to thy hand,

512That neuer meat sweet-sauour'd in thy taste,

513Vnlesse I spake, or look'd, or touch'd, or caru'd to thee.

514How comes it now, my Husband, oh how comes it,

515That thou art then estranged from thy selfe?

516Thy selfe I call it, being strange to me:

517That vndiuidable Incorporate

518Am better then thy deere selfes better part.

519Ah doe not teare away thy selfe from me;

520For know my loue: as easie maist thou fall

521A drop of water in the breaking gulfe,

522And take vnmingled thence that drop againe

523Without addition or diminishing,

524As take from me thy selfe, and not me too.

525How deerely would it touch thee to the quicke,

526Shouldst thou but heare I were licencious?

527And that this body consecrate to thee,

528By Ruffian Lust should be contaminate?

529Wouldst thou not spit at me, and spurne at me,

530And hurle the name of husband in my face,

531And teare the stain'd skin of my Harlot brow,

532And from my false hand cut the wedding ring,

533And breake it with a deepe-diuorcing vow?

534I know thou canst, and therefore see thou doe it.

535I am possest with an adulterate blot,

536My bloud is mingled with the crime of lust:

537For if we two be one, and thou play false,

538I doe digest the poison of thy flesh,

539Being strumpeted by thy contagion:

540Keepe then faire league and truce with thy true bed,

541I liue distain'd, thou vndishonoured.

542Antip. Plead you to me faire dame? I know you not:

543In Ephesus I am but two houres old,

544As strange vnto your towne, as to your talke,

545Who euery word by all my wit being scan'd,

546Wants wit in all, one word to vnderstand.

547Luci. Fie brother, how the world is chang'd with you:

548When were you wont to vse my sister thus?

549She sent for you by Dromio home to dinner.

550Ant. By Dromio? Drom. By me.

551Adr. By thee, and this thou didst returne from him.

552That he did buffet thee, and in his bl

owes,

553Denied my house for his, me for his wife.

554Ant. Did you conuerse sir with this gentlewoman:

555What is the course and drift of your compact?

556S.Dro. I sir? I neuer saw her till this time.

557Ant. Villaine thou liest, for euen her verie words,

558Didst thou deliuer to me on the Mart.

559S.Dro. I neuer spake with her in all my life.

560Ant. How can she thus then call vs by our names?

561Vnlesse it be by inspiration.

562Adri. How ill agrees it with your grauitie,

563To counterfeit thus grosely with your slaue,

564Abetting him to thwart me in my moode;

565Be it my wrong, you are from me exempt,

566But wrong not that wrong with a more contempt.

567Come I will fasten on this sleeue of thine:

568Thou art an Elme my husband, I a Vine:

569Whose weaknesse married to thy stranger state,

570Makes me with thy strength to communicate:

571If ought possesse thee from me, it is drosse,

572Vsurping Iuie, Brier, or idle Mosse,

573Who all for want of pruning, with intrusion,

574Infect thy sap, and liue on thy confusion.

575Ant. To mee shee speakes, shee moues mee for her

576 theame;

577What, was I married to her in my dreame?

578Or sleepe I now, and thinke I heare all this?

579What error driues our eies and eares amisse?

580Vntill I know this sure vncertaintie,

581Ile entertaine the free'd fallacie.

582Luc. Dromio, goe bid the seruants spred for dinner.

583S.Dro. Oh for my beads, I crosse me for a sinner.

584This is the Fairie land, oh spight of spights,

585We talke with Goblins, Owles and Sprights;

586If we obay them not, this will insue:

587They'll sucke our breath, or pinch vs blacke and blew.

588Luc. Why prat'st thou to thy selfe, and answer'st not?

589Dromio, thou Dromio, thou snaile, thou slug, thou sot.

590S.Dro. I am transformed Master, am I not?

591Ant. I thinke thou art in minde, and so am I.

592S.Dro. Nay Master, both in minde, and in my shape.

593Ant. Thou hast thine owne forme.

594S.Dro. No, I am an Ape.

595Luc. If thou art chang'd to ought, 'tis to an Asse.

596S.Dro. 'Tis true she rides me, and I long for grasse.

597'Tis so, I am an Asse, else it could neuer be,

598But I should know her as well as she knowes me.

599Adr. Come, come, no longer will I be a foole,

600To put the finger in the eie and weepe;

601Whil'st man and Master laughes my woes to scorne:

602Come sir to dinner, Dromio keepe the gate:

603Husband Ile dine aboue with you to day,

604And shriue you of a thousand idle prankes:

605Sirra, if any aske you for your Master,

606Say he dines forth, and let no creature enter:

607Come sister, Dromio play the Porter well.

608Ant. Am I in earth, in heauen, or in hell?

609Sleeping or waking, mad or well aduisde:

610Knowne vnto these, and to my selfe disguisde:

611Ile say as they say, and perseuer so:

612And in this mist at all aduentures go.

613S.Dro. Master, shall I be Porter at the gate?

614Adr. I, and let none enter, least I breake your pate.

615Luc. Come, come, Antipholus, we dine to late.

H 3 Actus