Not Peer Reviewed
King John: A Burlesque
414SCENE VII -- Part of the orchard of Swinstead Abbey
415Enter King John, R.
416K. John. I don't feel well, and I begin to think
417It was neat gin they gave to me to drink.
418Enter Faulconbridge, R.
419Faul. You enemies are gaining strength each minute.
420K. John. Are they? why then I think the devil's in it,
421Would not the lords return, when it was said,
422'Twas false about young Arthur being dead?
423Faul. They found him dead.
425Young Arthur lived. I'm fainting, catch me -- hold me!
426Faul. My lord, your tendency to drop is such,
427That I should say, you've had a drop too much.
428But rouse thee, give your enemies no quarter,
429Try coffee, seidlitz powders, soda water.
430K. John. In this affair do with me as you will,
431Something or other's made me very ill.
432SONG -- King John.
433Air -- " On the Margin of Zurick's Fair Water."
434If you'll get me some nice soda water,
435 With an I. O. U.
436If they'll take it, sir, that is to say,
437When I settle your wages for the quarter,
438 With an I. O. U.
439For that I'll be happy to pay.
440When I'm rich, none more liberal than me,
441But at present I'm cashless you see,
442Oh, get me the soda I pray,
443 With an I. O. U.
444When you've done so, I for it will pay
445 With an I. O. U.
446With an I. O. U. I for it will pay,
447(Exeunt R.
449Herald. His majesty, the king, is very queer,
450He thinks they gave him gin instead of beer;
451The glasses at our head he has been flinging,
452And when I left him, he was wildly singing.
453Enter King John, reeling, R.
454K. John. Ah, now I've elbow room, what is it hinders
455My active soul from jumping out of windows;
456My pulse against my breast is fiercely prancing,
457Like when a kettle boils the lid is dancing.
458Herald. (L.) How fares the king
459K. John. (Falling on the couch.) What of me dost make fun for,
460Can you not see I'm doubled up and, done for?
461Enter Faulconbridge, R. He kneels to the King.
462Faul. It was the gin did this, I know the odour,
463Why did you not take as I said, the soda?
464K. John. Oh cousin, here's a state in which you've found me,
465Every thing in the place is swimming round me.
466Enter all the Characters for the Finale, R. & L.
467Yes, here is Faulconbridge, gad there's another,
468So like him, I could swear it was his brother;
469The earth is moving under me, oddzooks,
470I feel that I am passing off the hooks,
471Fate comes, we needs must take it, and not pick it,
472Bring me the bucket, for I'm going to kick it.
473(Slow Music -- The King dies.
474Faul. He's gone, at death's particular desire,
475To give his bones to Davy Jones, Esquire.
476(Enter Hubert, he kneels to the body.
477Hub. (L.) Oh, is it true? I can't believe it yet,
478Death has arrested John for nature's debt?
479Death is a creditor that will not trust,
480His cry is always ''Come down with your dust."
481But here (To the audience) his largest debt of all is due,
482The Benefit of the Act he asks from you.
483FINALE -- King John
484Air -- "The Finale to La Somnambula."
485Oh don't fancy when I was lying
486Oh the ground there, while you were crying,
487I'd the slightest idea of dying,
488No, I am not done for quite!
489Then embrace me my gentle Hubert
490All my feelings you cannot view, but
491I've been in a precious stew, but
492 Let us hope now that all is right.
493 Chorus
494 Let us hope now that all is right.