Not Peer Reviewed
- Edition: King John
A Burlesque
- Introduction
- Texts of this edition
- Contextual materials
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- Chronicon Anglicanum
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- Introduction to Holinshed on King John
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- Chronicles of England, Scotland, and Ireland 1587
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- Actors' Interpretations of King John
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- King John: A Burlesque
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- The Book of Martyrs, Selection (Old Spelling)
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- The Book of Martyrs, Modern
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- An Homily Against Disobedience and Willful Rebellion (1571)
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- Kynge Johann
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- Regnans in Excelsis: The Bull of Pope Pius V against Elizabeth
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- Facsimiles
267SCENE IV. -- The Field of Battle -- France.
268A retreat sounded.
Enter King John, Arthur, Elinor, and Hubert, L.
269K. John. (R.) You shall stay here in safety, Arthur lad,
270Why what's the matter? pray don't look so sad.
271Good mother, can't you just amuse the boy,
272I thought I gave him sixpence for a toy?
273(Elinor takes Arthur aside, L.
274Come hither Hubert -- Hubert step this way,
275Hubert, you're looking deuced well to-day.
276Hubert, I think I owe you something -- stay,
277That paltry debt -- I'll square another day.
278But, Hubert, I'm ashamed to fiddle-faddle,
279And say how I respect -- Hubert, your daddle.
281And ever am prepar'd to serve with zeal,
282I'm truly grateful, and the little debt --
283K. John. Hubert, my friend, I've not half paid it yet;
284But you shall have it all -- (Feels in his pocket.) Some other day,
285Hubert, my friend, I had a thing to say.
286But let it pass -- the sun is shining bright,
287To suit my purpose, it had needs be night,
288If where we stand could be a railroad tunnel,
289As if we looked at Tartarus through a funnel;
290If you could only scent what I propose,
291Yet let it not smell rankly in your nose,
292If you could, or if I -- Hubert my lad
293Who made that coat? -- indeed, the cut's not bad.
294Hub. Great king, you know I always lov'd you well,
295Then why not in a word your wishes tell? --
296Why roll your troubled eye about its socket?
297My lord, your heart is in your breeches pocket.
298Though it would cost my life, what is't you need?
299I'll do your bidding --
301But Hubert, Hubert, Hubert, throw your eye
302On that young lad, that now is standing by;
303I'll tell you what, my friend, that boy I feel,
304Is, in my path, a piece of orange peel,
305And wheresoe'er I tread he'll throw me down,
306And if I fall, you know. I crack my crown, (Taking out his snuff -- box.)
307You are his keeper -- are you up to snuff?
308Hub. I am. I'll keep the urchin safe enough.
309K. John. Remove him --
310Hub. He shall die!
311K. John. Egad, I feel
312So merry, Hubert, I could dance a reel.
313What shall I give thee?
315K. John. Then let it --
316Stand over, gentle Hubert, till you get it.
317Madam, farewell, which means you'd better go.
318(Exit Elinor, L.
319Arthur, this gentleman, I think, you know?
320He shall remain, and wait on you -- good day,
321(Exit Arthur, L.
322As you perform the job, so I will pay.
323SONG -- John.
324Air -- "I've no money."
325I've no money, but you see,
326You can always trust to me,
327Hundreds I can borrow;
328Oh, should I be king, and he
329Be kept under lock and key,
330What great reward 'twould be for thee,
331I'll pay you all -- to-morrow.
332(Exit King John, R. Hubert, L.
333Herald. I would not stand sir in your royal shoes,
335I should have heard the tidings from my mother.
336Herald. My lord, your mother's dead.
338Have you come here your Monarch to be frightening,
339Who brought these troops from France?
341K. John. I'm giddy -- You may order me a coffin.
342Enter Faulconbridge L.
343Now what's the news?
345That you have lock'd for ever Arthur's jaw.
346K. John. Bring them before me. I've a plan in train,
347To gammon all the barons back again.
350A ready messenger, 'twixt him and me. (Exit Herald L.
351Enter Hubert, R.
352Hub. To night, my lord, they say twelve moons were seen,
353Three pink, three orange, half-a-dozen green,
354And in addition to this crowd of moons,
355There have been five and twenty fire-balloons.
356K. John. Oons! -- moons! -- balloons!
358Shake their heads frightfully, whene'er they meet;
359And he that speaks, doth grip the hearer's button,
360While what he says the other chap doth glut on.
361I saw a boy, standing beside a wall,
362Buying some oysters, natives, at a stall;
363And as he swallowed all the news, a lad
364Snapp'd up the open oyster that he had,
365The while a pickpocket, joined with the rest,
366Seizing his coat-skirts with an anxious zest,
367And with the news that Arthur died to-day,
368Cut off his tail, and with it cut away.
369K. John. Why do you bother me about the youth?
370It was thy hand that did pluck out his tooth.
372K. John. You were too quick to do as you were bid,
373I did but hint and nod.
375They say a nod is equal to a wink;
376And as the question it is no use blinking,
377I read your nod, and did your will like winking.
378K. John. Had'st thou but shook your head and made a fuss,
379Or, to your nose, put up your finger thus;
380I should have been abashed, but, oh, for shame,
381You did the deed, we neither dared to name.
382Hub. Great king, you've slander'd nature much in me,
383For though a rough and blunt old file I be,
384I'm like one of those gentlemen on town,
385Who strut in bear skin jackets up and down,
386Who tho' wrapped in formidable skin,
387Are precious soft and harmless chaps within.
388Young Arthur lives!
390Well, now I look you're not so ugly faced.
391Rage blinded me -- good Hubert, let's be cronies,
392Why, damme you're a regular Adonis! Exit Hubert, L.
393I'm sad, my gloom even my robe betrays,
394But 'tis an old one, one of other days.
395SONG -- King John.
396Air -- "The light of other days."
397The robe of other days has faded,
398 Its gloss has from it past
399For dust with little specks has shaded,
400 The stuff too fine to last.
401The robe of velvet made of cotton,
402 For wear much better pays;
403But, alas, how shabby this I've got on,
404 The robe of other days.
405The coat that is not worth a stiver,
406 An old and worn-out thing;
407When touch'd with black and blue reviver,
408 Like a new one up will spring.
409You may dye the coat of one that's needy,
410 Of stuff as coarse as baize;
411But the robe is done for when 'tis seedy,
412 The robe of other days.
413Exit L.