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King John: A Burlesque
2SCENE I. -- The Palace
3Flourish of drums and trumpets -- King John seated on a throne -- Queen Elinor, Blanche, Chatillon, French and English discovered.
4K. John. Now speak Chatillon, what has France to say?
5Chatillon. (L.) After beginning in the usual way,
6With the old nonsense always used in greeting,
7Which I won't take your time up with repeating,
8He to your borrow'd Majesty declares --
9Elinor. (R. C.) His borrowed Majesty! I like his airs!
10I'll teach him how to say such things, I will.
11K. John. (C.) Good mother, let that tongue of yours b[e] still.
12Chatillon. Philip of France in young Prince Arthur's name
13To the whole kingdom lays a wholesale claim,
14The sceptre he'd advise you to lay down.
15K. John. What if I won't?
16Chatillon. Why then he'll crack your crown.
17K. John. He's a nice man, to say my crown he'll crack,
18Be good enough, to take this answer back.
19(Rising and coming forward R. C.
20Go, tell your King, in terms extremely civil,
21That he may go directly to the devil!
22Chat. It's odd, but that's the place, I do declare,
23To which, he bid me say, you might repair.
24SONG -- John.
25Air -- "My heart with love is beating."
26Unless you want a beating,
27 In spite sir of your size;
28You'd better be retreating
29 Before I black your eyes
30You'd best be on I tell you,
31 And vanish while you may
32For if I chance to fell you,
33 You cannot get away.
34(Exit Chatillon L.)
35Elin. (R.) You see my son, did I not always say,
36With Constance, there would be the deuce to pay?
37She'll get the kingdom, mark me, if she can.
38For her brat Arthur, mind you be a man.
39K. John. Possession is nine points, you know, and then
40Look at these fists, don't five and five, make ten?
41Enter A Herald.
42Herald. My liege -- here is the funniest to do --
43Two men dispute, and would be ruled by you.
44K. John. Let them approach!
45(Herald goes out and re-enters with Faulconbridge and Robert. L.)
47Faulconbridge. (L C.) We are two brothers, of the same mamma.
48But there are reasons for suspecting rather,
49By some mistake there was an extra father.
50Elin. (L.) Don't say such naughty things against your mother.
51Faul. It isn't I, my lady -- it's my brother!
52He says, I'm illegitimate, and so
53That I'm to lose the land, which is no go.
54Elin. Come, come, For all his land, you would not be,
55Sure, such a sorry-looking knave as he.
56Faul. Madam, you're right, his shape I would not wear,
57For all the land in Christendom, I swear;
58No written titles to estates he needs,
59His cheeks are like two shrivelled parchment deeds,
60Their strong mark'd lines and wrinkles show his fitness,
61By plainly saying these indentures witness.
62Elin. I like you sir. A soldier would you be,
63Dar'st thou to take thy chance and follow me?
64Faul. Madam, I'll follow you to death I swear.
65Elin. I think you'd better go before me there.
66K. John. I like you, sir -- your valour to requite,
67I'll make of you upon the spot a Knight.
68(Faulconbridge kneels, John knights him -- he rises.)
69(To Robert.) You sir, may go; to you the fortune comes,
70You'd better lay it out in sugar plums.
71(Exeunt Robert, Herald, Blanche and Lords L.)
72Come we've very little time to lose,
73For France!
74Faul. Then diligence we needs must use.
75TRIO. -- Air "Begone dull care"
76We'll soon get there,
77 If they have got places for three,
78About the fare
79 I will try with the guard to agree.
80Cigars we'll smoke,
81 And laugh and joke,
82And merrily pass the day,
83 And then going there
84Won't seem a very long way.
85(Exeunt, followed by Soldiers, L.