Internet Shakespeare Editions

Author: William Shakespeare
Editor: David Bevington
Peer Reviewed

As You Like It (Modern)

2340Enter Touchstone and Audrey.
Touchstone
We shall find a time, Audrey. Patience, gentle Audrey.
Audrey
Faith, the priest was good enough, for all the old gentleman's saying.
2345Touchstone
A most wicked Sir Oliver, Audrey, a most vile Mar-text. But Audrey, there is a youth here in the forest lays claim to you.
Audrey
Ay, I know who 'tis. He hath no interest in me in the world. Here comes the man you mean.
2350Enter William.
Touchstone
It is meat and drink to me to see a clown. By my troth, we that have good wits have much to answer for. We shall be flouting; we cannot hold.
William
Good ev'n, Audrey.
2355Audrey
God ye good ev'n, William.
William
And good ev'n to you, sir.
[He removes his hat.]
Touchstone
Good ev'n, gentle friend. Cover thy head, cover thy head. Nay, prithee be covered. How old are you, friend?
2360William
Five-and-twenty, sir.
Touchstone
A ripe age. Is thy name William?
William
William, sir.
Touchstone
A fair name. Wast born i'th'forest here?
William
Ay, sir, I thank God.
2365Touchstone
"Thank God" -- a good answer. Art rich?
William
Faith, sir, so-so.
Touchstone
"So-so" is good, very good, very excellent good; and yet it is not; it is but so-so. 2370Art thou wise?
William
Ay, sir, I have a pretty wit.
Touchstone
Why, thou say'st well. I do now remember a saying: "The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool." The heathen philosopher, 2375when he had a desire to eat a grape, would open his lips when he put it into his mouth, meaning thereby that grapes were made to eat and lips to open. You do love this maid?
William
I do, sir.
2380Touchstone
Give me your hand. Art thou learned?
William
No, sir.
Touchstone
Then learn this of me: to have is to have. For it is a figure in rhetoric that drink, being poured out of a cup into a glass, by filling the one doth empty the 2385other; for all your writers do consent that ipse is he. Now, you are not ipse, for I am he.
William
Which he, sir?
Touchstone
He, sir, that must marry this woman. Therefore, you clown, abandon -- which is in the vulgar "leave" -- the 2390society -- which in the boorish is "company" -- of this female -- which in the common is "woman"; which together is: abandon the society of this female, or, clown, thou perishest; or, to thy better understanding, diest; or, to wit, I kill thee, make thee away, translate thy life into 2395death, thy liberty into bondage. I will deal in poison with thee, or in bastinado, or in steel; I will bandy with thee in faction, I will o'er-run thee with policy; I will kill thee a hundred and fifty ways. Therefore tremble and depart.
2400Audrey
Do, good William.
William
God rest you merry, sir.
Exit.
Enter Corin.
Our master and mistress seeks you. Come away, away!
2405Touchstone
Trip, Audrey, trip, Audrey! -- I attend, I attend.
Exeunt.