1031897Francis What the diuel hast thou brought there apple

898Iohns? thou knowest sir Iohn cannot indure an apple Iohn.

1034899Draw. Mas thou saist true, the prince once set a dish of ap-

1035900ple Iohns before him, and tolde him there were fiue more sir

1036901Iohns, and putting off his hat, said, I will now take my leaue of

1037902these six drie, round, old, withered Knights, it angred him to

1038903the heart, but he hath forgot that.

1040904Fran. Why then couer and set them downe, and see if

1041905thou canst find out Sneakes Noise, mistris Tere-sheet would

1042906faine heare some musique.

1042.1907Dra. Dispatch, the roome where they supt is too hot, theile

1042.2908come in straight.

1043909Francis Sirra, here wil be the prince and master Poynes a-

1044910non, and they will put on two of our ierkins and aprons, and sir

1045911Iohn must not know of it, Bardolfe hath brought word.

1047913Dra. By the mas here will be old vtis, it wil be an excellent

1048914stratagem.

1049915Francis Ile see if I can find out Sneake. exit

1051917Quickly Yfaith sweet heart, me thinkes now you are in an

1052918excellent good temperalitie. Your pulsidge beates as extraor-

1053919dinarily as heart would desire, and your colour I warrant you

1054920is as red as any rose, in good truth law: but yfaith you haue

1055921drunke too much cannaries, and thats a maruelous searching

1056922wine, and it perfumes the bloud ere one can say, whats this,

1057923how do you now?

1058924Tere. Better then I was: hem.

1059925Qui. Why thats well said, a good heart's worth gold: loe

1060926here comes sir Iohn.

empty the iourdan

: how now mistris Doll?

1064930host. Sicke of a calme, yea good faith.

1065931Falst. So is all her sect, and they be once in a calme they are

1066932sicke.

1067933Tere. A pox damne you, you muddie rascall, is that all the

934comfort you giue me?

1069935Falst. You make fat rascals mistris Dol.

1070936Tere. I make them? gluttonie, and diseases make, I make

1071937them not.

1072938Falst. If the cooke help to make the gluttonie, you helpe to

1073939make the diseases Doll, we catch of you Doll, we catch of you

1074940graunt that my poore vertue, grant that.

1075941Doll Yea ioy, our chaines and our iewels.

1076942Fa. Your brooches, pearles, & ouches for to serue brauely,

1077943is to come halting off, you know to come off the breach, with

1078944his pike bent brauely, and to surgerie brauely, to venture vpon

1079945the chargde chambers brauely.

1079.1946Doll Hang your selfe, you muddie Cunger, hang your

1079.2947self.

1081948host By my troth this is the old fashion, you two neuer meet

1082949but you fall to some discord, you are both ygood truth as rew

1083950matique as two dry tosts, you cannot one beare with anothers

1084951cõfirmities, what the goodyere one must beare, & that must be

1086952you, you are the weaker vessell, as they say, the emptier vessel.

D3 Doll.

1088953Dorothy Can a weake empty vessell beare such a huge full

1089954hogshead? theres a whole marchãts venture of Burdeux stuffe

1090955in him, you haue not seene a hulke better stuft in the hold.

1091956Come, ile be friends with thee iacke, thou art going to the

1092957wars, and whether I shall euer see thee againe or no there is no

1093958body cares.

1096960Dra. Sir, Antient pistol's belowe, and would speake with

1097961you.

1098962Dol Hang him swaggering rascal, let him not come hither

1099963it is the foule-mouthd'st rogue in England.

1101964host. If he swagger, let him not come here, no by my faith I

965must liue among my neighbours, Ile no swaggerers, I am in

1103966good name, and fame with the very best: shut the doore, there

1104967comes no swaggerers here, I haue not liu'd al this while to haue

1105968swaggering now, shut the doore I pray you.

1107969Fal. Dost thou heare hostesse?

1108970Host. Pray ye pacifie your selfe sir Iohn, there comes no

1109971swaggerers here.

1110972Fal. Dost thou heare? it is mine Ancient.

1111973Ho. Tilly fally, sir Iohn, nere tel me: & your ancient swag-

1112974grer comes not in my doores: I was before maister Tisicke

1113975the debuty tother day, & (as he said to me) twas no longer ago

1114976than wedsday last, I good faith, neighbor Quickely, sayes he,

1115977maister Dumbe our minister was by then, neighbor Quickly

1116978(saies he) receiue those that are ciuil, for (saide he) you are in an

1117979ill name: now a saide so, I can tell whereupon. For (saies he)

1118980you are an honest woman, and well thought on, therefore take

1119981heede what ghests you receiue, receiue (saies he) no swagge-

1121982ring companions: there comes none here: you would blesse

1122983you to heare what he said: no, Ile no swaggrers.

1124984Falst. Hees no swaggrer hostesse, a tame cheter yfaith, you

1125985may stroke him as gently as a puppy grey-hound, heele not

1126986swagger with a Barbary hen, if her feathers turne backe in any

1127987shew of resistance, call him vp Drawer.

1129988Host. Cheter call you him? I will barre no honest man my

1130989house, nor no cheter, but I do not loue swagering by my troth,

1131990I am the worse when one saies swagger: feele maisters, how I

1132991shake, looke you, I warrant you.

1133992Teresh. So you do hostesse.

1134993Host. Doe I? yea in very trueth doe I, and twere an aspen

1135994leafe, I cannot abide swaggrers.

1137996Pistol God saue you sir Iohn.

1138997Fal. Welcome ancient Pistoll, heere Pistoll, I charge you

1139998with a cuppe of sacke, do you discharge vpon mine hostesse.

1141999Pist. I will discharge vpon her sir Iohn, with two bullets.

11431000Fal. shhe is pistoll proofe: sir, you shall not hardely offend

11441001her.

11451002Host. Come, Ile drink no proofes, nor no bullets, Ile drink

11461003no more than will do me good, for no mans pleasure, I.

11481004Pist. Then, to you mistris Dorothy, I will charge you.

11501005Doro. Charge me? I scorne you, scuruy companion: what

11511006you poore base rascally cheting lacke-linnen mate? away you

11521007mouldie rogue, away, I am meate for your maister.

11541008Pist. I know you mistris Dorothy.

11551009Doro. Away you cutpurse rascall, you filthy boung, away,

11561010by this wine Ile thrust my knife in your mouldie chappes, and

11571011you play the sawcie cuttle with me. Away you bottle ale ras-

11581012call, you basket hilt stale iuggler, you. Since when, I pray

11591013you sir: Gods light, with two points on your shoulder? much.

11611014Pist. God let me not liue, but I will murther your ruffe for

1015this.

1161.11016sir Iohn No more Pistol, I would not haue you go off here,

1161.21017discharge your selfe of our company, Pistoll.

11621018Host. No, good captaine Pistoll, not here, sweete captaine.

11641019Doro. Captain, thou abhominable damnd cheter, art thou

11651020not ashamed to be called Captaine? and Captaines were of my

11661021mind, they would trunchion you out, for taking their names

11671022vpon you, before you haue earnd them: you a captaine? you

11681023slaue, for what? for teareing a poore whoores ruffe in a bawdy

11691024house: hee a captaine! hang him rogue, he liues vpon mowldy

11701025stewd pruins, and dried cakes: a captaine? Gods light these vil-

11711026laines wil make the word as odious as the word occupy, which

1171.11027was an excellent good worde before it was il sorted, therefore

11721028captains had neede look too't.

11741029Bard. Pray thee go downe good Ancient.

11751030Falst. Hearke thee hither mistris Dol.

11761031Pist. Not I, I tell thee what corporall Bardolfe, I could

11771032teare her, Ile be reuengde of her.

11781033Boy Pray thee go downe.

11791034Pist. Ile see her damnd first, to Plutoes damnd lake by this

11801035hãd to th'infernal deep, with erebus & tortures vile also: holde

11811036hooke and line, say I: downe, downe dogges, downe faters haue

11821037we not Hiren here?

11831038Host. Good captaine Peesell be quiet, tis very late yfaith, I

11841039beseeke you now aggrauate your choller.

11851040Pist These be good humors indeede, shal pack-horses, and

11861041hollow pamperd iades of Asia which cannot goe but thirtie

11871042mile a day, compare with Caesars and with Canibals, and tro-

11881043iant Greekes? nay rather damne them with King Cerberus, and

11891044let the Welkin roare, shall we fall foule for toies?

11911045Host. By my troth captaine, these are very bitter words.

11931046Bard. Be gone good Ancient, this will grow to a brawle

11941047anon.

11951048Pist. Men like dogges giue crownes like pins, haue we not

11961049Hiren here?

11971050Host. A my word Captaine, theres none such here, what

11981051the goodyeare do you thinke I would denie her? for Gods sake

11991052be quiet.

12001053Pist. Then feed and be fat, my faire Calipolis, come giues

12011054some sacke, si fortune me tormente sperato me contento, feare we

12021055brode sides? no, let the fiend giue fire, giue me some sacke, and

12031056sweet hart, lie thou there, come we to ful points here? and are &

12041057caeteraes, no things?

12061058Falst. Pistol, I would be quiet.

12071059Pist. Sweet Knight, I kisse thy neaffe, what, we haue seene

12081060the seuen starres.

12091061Dol. For Gods sake thrust him down staires, I cannot indure

12101062such a fustian rascall.

12111063Pist Thrust him downe staires, know we not Galloway

12121064nagges?

12131065Falst. Quaite him downe Bardolfe like a shoue-groat shil-

12141066ling, nay, and a doe nothing but speake nothing, a shall be no-

12151067thing here.

12161068Bard. Come, get you downe staires.

12171069Pist. What shall we haue incision? shall we imbrew? then

12181070death rocke me a sleepe, abridge my dolefull daies: why then

12191071let grieuons gastly gaping wounds vntwinde the sisters three,

12201072come Atropose I say.

12211073Host. Heres goodly stuffe toward.

12221074Falst. Giue me my rapier, boy.

12231075Dol I pray thee Iacke, I pray thee do not drawe.

12241076Fal. Get you downe staires.

12251077Host. Heres a goodly tumult, ile forsweare keeping house a-

12261078fore ile be in these tirrits and frights, so, murder I warant now,

12271079alas, alas, put vp your naked weapons, put vp your naked wea-

12281080pons.

12291081Dol. I pray thee Iack be quiet, the rascal's gone, ah you hor-

12301082son little vliaunt villaine you.

12311083Host. Are you not hurte i'th groyne? me thought a made a

12321084shrewd thrust at your belly.

12331085Fal. Haue you turnd him out a doores?

12341086Bar. Yea sir, the rascal's drunke, you haue hurt him sir i'th

12351087shoulder.

12361088Fal. A rascall to braue me?

12371089Dol A you sweet little rogue you, alas poore ape how thou

12381090sweatst, come let me wipe thy face, come on you horsone

12391091chops: a rogue, yfaith I loue thee, thou art as valorous as He-

12401092ctor of Troy, woorth fiue of Agamemnon, & ten times better

12411093then the nine Worthies, a villaine!

12431094Fal. Ah rascally slaue! I will tosse the rogue in a blanket.

12451095Dol Do and thou darst for thy heart, and thou dost, ile can-

12461096uas thee betweene a payre of sheetes.

E Boy.

12481097Boy The musique is come sir. enter musicke.

12491098Fal. Let them play, play sirs, sit on my knee Doll, a rascall

12501099bragging slaue! the rogue fled from me like quicksiluer.

12521100Dol Yfaith and thou followdst him like a church, thou

12531101horson little tydee Bartholemew borepigge, when wilt thou

12541102leaue fighting a daies and foyning a nights, and begin to patch

12551103vp thine old body for heauen.

12571105Fal Peace good Doll, do not speake like a deathes head, do

12581106not bid me remember mine end.

12591107Dol Sirra, what humour's the prince of?

12601108Fal. A good shallow yong fellow, a would haue made a

12611109good pantler, a would a chipt bread wel.

12631110Dol They say Poines has a good wit.

12641111Fal. He a good wit? hang him baboon, his wit's as thicke

12651112as Tewksbury mustard, theres no more conceit in him then is

12661113in a mallet.

12671114Dol Why does the prince loue him so then?

12681115Fal. Because their legges are both of a bignesse, and a plaies

12691116at quoites well, and eates cunger and fennel, and drinkes off

12701117candles endes for flappe-dragons, and rides the wilde mare

12711118with the boyes, and iumpes vpon ioynd-stooles, and sweares

12721119with a good grace, and weares his bootes very smoothe like

12731120vnto the signe of the Legge, and breedes no bate with tel-

12741121ling of discreet stories, and such other gambole faculties a has

12751122that show a weake minde, and an able bodie for the which the

12761123prince admits him: for the prince himself is such another, the

12781124weight of a haire wil turne scales between their haber de poiz.

12801125Prince Would not this naue of a wheele haue his eares cut

12811126off?

12821127Poynes Lets beate him before his whore.

12831128Prince Looke where the witherd elder hath not his poule

12841129clawd like a parrot.

12851130Poynes Is it not strange that desire should so many yeeres

12861131out liue performance.

12871132Falst. Kisse me Doll.

12881133Prince Saturne and Venus this yeere in coniunction? what

12891134saies th'Almanacke to that?

12901135Poyns And look whether the fierie Trigon his man be not

12911136lisping to his master, old tables, his note booke, his counsel kee-

12921137per?

12931138Falst. Thou dost giue me flattering busses.

12941139Dol By my troth I kisse thee with a most constant heart.

12961140Falst. I am old, I am old.

12971141Dol. I loue thee better then I loue, ere a scuruy yong boy of

12981142them all.

12991143Fal. What stuffe wilt haue a kirtle of? I shall receiue mony

13001144a thursday, shalt haue a cap to morrow: a merry song, come it

13011145growes late, weele to bed, thou't forget me when I am gone.

13041146Dol By my troth thou't set me a weeping and thou saist so,

13051147proue that euer I dresse my selfe handsome til thy returne, wel

13061148hearken a'th end.

13071149Fal. Some sacke Francis.

13081150Prince, Poynes Anon anon sir.

13091151Falst. Ha? a bastard sonne of the Kings? and arte not thou

13101152Poynes his brother?

13111153Prince Why thou globe of sinfull continents, what a life

13121154dost thou leade?

13131155Falst. A better then thou, I am a gentleman, thou art a

13141156drawer.

13151157Prince Very true sir, and I come to drawe you out by the

13161158eares.

13171159Host. O the Lord preserue thy grace: by my troth welcom

13181160to London, now the Lord blesse that sweete face of thine, O

13191161Iesu, are you come from Wales?

13201162Falst. Thou horson madde compound of maiestie, by this

13211163light, flesh, and corrupt bloud, thou art welcome.

13221164Doll How? you fat foole I scorne you.

13231165Poynes My lorde, he will driue you out of your reuenge,

13241166and turne all to a meriment if you take not the heate.

13261167Prince You horson candlemine you, how vildly did you

13271168speake of me now, before this honest, vertuous, ciuill gentle-

13281169woman?

E2 Host.

13291170Host. Gods blessing of your good heart, and so she is by my

13301171troth.

13311172Falst. Didst thou heare me?

13321173Prince Yea and you knew me as you did, when you ranne

13331174away by Gadshil, you knew I was at your backe, and spoke it,

13341175on purpose to trie my patience.

13351176Falst. No, no, no, not so, I did not thinke thou wast within

13361177hearing.

13371178Prince I shall driue you then to confesse the wilfull abuse,

13381179and then I know how to handle you.

13391180Falst. No abuse Hall a mine honour, no abuse.

13401181Prince Not to dispraise me, and cal me pantler and bread-

13411182chipper, and I know not what?

13421183Fal. No abuse Hall.

13431184Poynes No abuse?

13441185Falst No abuse Ned i'th worlde, honest Ned, none, I dis-

13451186praisde him before the wicked, that the wicked might not fall

13461187in loue with thee: in which doing, I haue done the part of a

13471188carefull friend and a true subiect, and thy father is to giue me

13481189thankes for it, no abuse Hall, none Ned, none, no faith boyes

13491190none.

13501191Prince See now whether pure feare and intire cowardize,

13511192doth not make thee wrong this virtuous gentlewoman to close

13521193with vs: is she of the wicked, is thine hostesse here of the wic-

13531194ked, or is thy boy of the wicked, or honest Bardolfe whose zeal

13541195burnes in his nose of the wicked?

13561196Poynes Answer thou dead elme, answer.

13571197Falst. The fiend hath prickt down Bardolfe irrecouerable,

13581198and his face is Lucifers priuy kitchin, where he doth nothing

13591199but rost mault-worms, for the boy there is a good angel about

13601200him, but the diuel blinds him too.

13621201Prince For the weomen.

13631202Falst. For one of them shees in hell already, and burnes

13641203poore soules: for th'other I owe her mony, and whether she be

13651204damnd for that I know not.

13671205Host. No I warrant you.

13681206Falst. No I thinke thou art not, I thinke thou art quit for

13691207that, mary there is another inditement vpon thee, for suffering

13701208flesh to be eaten in thy house, contrary to the law, for the which

13711209I thinke thou wilt howle.

13721210Host. Al vitlars do so, whats a ioynt of mutton or two in a

13731211whole Lent?

13741212Prince You gentlewoman.

13751213Dol. What saies your grace?

13761214Fal. His grace saies that which his flesh rebels against.

13781216Host. Who knockes so lowd at doore? looke too'th doore

13791217there Francis.

13811218Prince Peyto, how now, what newes?

13821219Peyto The King your father is at Weminster,

13831220And there are twenty weake and wearied postes,

13841221Come from the North, and as I came along

13851222I met and ouertooke a dozen captaines,

13861223Bareheaded, sweating, knocking at the Tauernes,

13871224And asking euery one for sir Iohn Falstaffe.

13881225Prince By heauen Poines, I feele me much too blame,

13891226So idely to prophane the precious time,

13901227When tempest of commotion like the south,

13911228Borne with blacke vapour, doth begin to melt,

13921229And drop vpon our bare vnarmed heads,

13931230Giue me my sword and cloke: Falstaffe, good night.

13951232Fal. Now comes in the sweetest morsell of the night, & we

13961233must hence and leaue it vnpickt: more knocking at the doore?

13971234how now, whats the matter?

E3 Bar.

13991235Bar. You must away to court sir presently,

14001236A dozen captaines stay at doore for you.

14011237Fal. Pay the musitians sirra, farewel hostesse, farewel Dol,

14021238you see (my good wenches) how men of merit are sought af-

14031239ter, the vndeseruer may sleepe, when the man of action is calld

14041240on, farewell good wenches, if I bee not sent away poste, I will

14051241see you againe ere I goe.

14071242Dol. I cannot speake: if my heart be not ready to burst: wel

14081243sweete Iacke haue a care of thy selfe.

14101244Fal. Farewell, farewell. exit.

14111245Host. Well, fare thee well, I haue knowne thee these twenty

14121246nine yeares, come pease-cod time, but an honester, and truer

14131247hearted man: wel, fare thee wel.

14151248Bard. Mistris Tere-sheete.

14161249Host. Whats the matter?

14171250Bard. Bid mistris Tere-sheete come to my master.

14181251Host. O runne Doll, runne, runne good Doll, come, she

1418.11252comes blubberd, yea! will you come Doll?