277234Iohn Sirra, you giant, what saies the doctor to my water?

278235Page He said sir, the water it self was a good healthy water,

279236but for the party that owed it, he might haue moe diseases then

280237he knew for.

B Iohn

281238Iohn Men of al sorts take a pride to gird at me: the braine

239of this foolish compoũded clay-man is not able to inuent any

283240thing that intends to laughter, more then I inuent, or is inuẽted

284241on me, I am not only witty in my selfe, but the cause that wit is

285242in other men. I do here walk before thee, like a sow that hath

286243ouerwhelmd al her litter but one, if the prince put thee into my

287244seruice for any other reason then to sett me off, why then I

289245haue no iudgement thou horeson mandrake, thou art fitter to

290246be worne in my cap, then to wait at my heels I was neuer man-

291247ned with an agot till now, but I wil in-set you, neither in golde

292248nor siluer, but in vile apparell, and send you backe againe to

293249your master for a iewell, the iuuenall the prince your master,

294250whose chin is not yet fledge, I will sooner haue a beard grow

295251in the palme of my hand, then he shal get one off his cheek, &

296252yet he will not sticke to say his face is a face royal, God may fi-

298253nish it when he will, tis not a haire amisse yet, he may keepe it

299254still at a face royall, for a barber shall neuer earne sixpence out

300255of it, and yet heele be crowing as if he had writte man euer

301256since his father was a batcheler, he may keepe his owne grace,

302257but hees almost out of mine I can assure him: what said master

303258Dommelton about the sattin for my short cloake and my

304259sloppes?

305260Boy He saide sir, you should procure him better assurance

306261then Bardolfe, he would not take his band and yours, he liked

307262not the securitie.

308263sir Iohn Let him be damn'd like the glutton, pray God his

309264tongue be hotter, a horeson Achitophel! a rascall: yea forsooth

310265knaue, to beare a gentle man in hand, and then stand vpon se-

311266curity, the horson smoothy-pates doe now weare nothing but

312267hie shooes and bunches of keyes at their girdles, and if a man is

313268through with them in honest taking vp, then they must stand

314269vppon security, I had as liue they would put ratsbane in my

315270mouth as offer to stop it with security, I lookt a should haue

317271sent me two and twenty yards of sattin (as I am a true knight,)

318272and he sends me security: well he may sleepe in security, for he

319273hath the horne of aboundance, and the lightnesse of his wife

320274shines through it: wheres Bardolf, & yet can not he see though

321275he haue his owne lanthorne to light him.

323276Boy Hees gone in Smithfield to buy your worship a horse.

325277sir Iohn I bought him in Paules, and heele buy me a horse

326278in Smithfield, and I could get me but a wife in the stewes, I

327279were man'd, horsde, and wiu'd.

329281Boy Sir, here comes the noble man that committed the prince

330282for striking him about Bardolfe.

331283sir Iohn Wait close, I will not see him.

332284Iustice Whats hee that goes there?

333285seru. Falstaffe, and't please your lordship.

334286Iust. He that was in question for the rob'ry?

335287seru. He my Lord, but he hath since done good seruice at

336288Shrewsbury, & (as I heare,) is now going with some charge to

337289the lord Iohn of Lancaster.

338290Iust. What to Yorke? call him backe againe.

339291seru. Sir Iohn Falstaffe.

340292Iohn Boy, tell him I am deafe.

341293Boy You must speake lowder, my master is deafe.

342294Iust. I am sure he is to the hearing of any thing good, goe

343295plucke him by the elbow, I must speake with him.

344296seru. Sir Iohn?

345297Falst. What? a yong knaue and begging? is there not wars?

346298is there not employment? doth not the King lacke subiects? do

347299not the rebels need souldiers, though it be a shame to be on any

348300side but one, it is worse shame to beg then to be on the worst

349301side, were it worse then the name of Rebellion can tell how to

350302make it.

351303seru. You mistake me sir.

352304Iohn Why sir, did I say you were an honest man, setting my

353305knighthood and my souldiership aside, I had lied in my throat

354306if I had said so.

355307seru. I pray you sir then set your knighthood, and your sol-

356308diership aside, and giue me leaue to tell you, you lie in your

357309throate, if you say I am any other then an honest man.

B2 Iohn.

359310Iohn I giue thee leaue to tell me, so I lay aside that which

360311growes to me, if thou getst any leaue of me, hang me, if thou

361312takst leaue, thou wert better be hangd, you hunt coũter, hence,

362313auaunt.

363314seru. Sir, my Lord would speake with you.

364315Iust. Sir Iohn Falstaffe, a word with you.

365316Falst. My good Lord, God giue your lordship good time

366317of day, I am glad to see your lordship abroade, I heard say your

367318lordship was sicke, I hope your lordship goes abroade by ad-

368319uise, your lordship, though not clean past your youth, haue yet

369320some smack of an ague in you, some relish of the saltnes of time

321in you, and I most humbly beseech your lordship to haue a re-

371322uerend care of your health.

372323Iustice Sir Iohn, I sent for you before your expedition to

373324Shrewsbury.

374325sir Iohn Andt please your lorship, I heare his maiesty is re-

375326turnd with some discomfort from Wales.

376327Iust. I talke not of his maiesty, you would not come when I

377328sent for you.

378329Falst. And I heare moreouer, his highnes is falne into this

379330same horson apoplexi.

380331Iust. Well, God mend him, I pray you let me speake with

332you.

381333Falst. This appoplexi as I take it? is a kind of lethergie, and't

382334please your lordship, a kind of sleeping in the bloud, a horson

335tingling.

383336Iust. What tell you me of it, be it as it is.

384337Falst. It hath it originall from much griefe, from study, and

385338perturbation of the braine, I haue read the cause of his effects

386339in Galen, it is a kind of deafenes.

387340Iust. I think you are falne into the disease, for you heare not

388341what I say to you.

389342Old. Very wel my lord, very wel, rather and't please you it is

390343the disease of not listning, the maladie of not marking that I

391344am troubled withall.

392345Iust. To punish you by the heeles, would amend the atten-

393346tion of your eares, and I care not if I doe become your

347phisitian.

394348Falst. I am as poore as Iob my lord, but not so pacient,

395349your Lordship may minister the potion of imprisonment to

396350me, in respect of pouerty, but how I should be your pacient to

397351follow your prescriptions, the wise may make som dramme of

398352a scruple, or indeede a scruple it selfe.

399353Iust. I sent for you when there were matters against you for

400354your life to come speake with me.

401355Falst. As I was then aduisde by my learned counsail in the

402356lawes of this land seruice, I did not come.

403357Iust. Wel, the truth is sir Iohn, you liue in great infamy.

404358Falst. He that buckles himselfe in my belt cannot liue in

359lesse.

405360Iust. Your meanes are very slender, and your waste is great.

406361Falst. I would it were otherwise, I would my meanes were

407362greater and my waste slender.

408363Iust. You haue misled the youthfull prince.

409364Falst. The yong prince hath misled me, I am the felow with

410365the great belly, and he my dogge.

411366Iust. Wel, I am loth to gall a new heald wound, your daies

412367seruice at Shrewsbury, hath a little guilded ouer your nights

413368exploit on Gadshill, you may thanke th'vnquiet time, for your

414369quiet oreposting that action.

415370Falst. My lord.

416371Iust. But since all is well, keepe it so, wake not a sleeping

372wolfe.

417373Falst. To wake a wolfe, is as bad as smell a fox.

418374Iust. What you are as a candle, the better part, burnt out.

419375Falst. A wassel candle my lord, al tallow, if I did say of wax,

420376my growth would approue the truth.

421377Iust. There is not a white haire in your face, but should

422378haue his effect of grauity.

423379Falst. His effect of grauy, grauie, grauie.

424380Iust. You follow the yong prince vp and downe, like his

425381ill angell.

B3 Falst.

426382Falst. Not so my lord, your ill angell is light, but I hope he

427383that lookes vpon me will take me without weighing, and yet

428384in some respects I grant I cannot go. I cannot tell, vertue is of

429385so little regard in these costar-mongers times, that true valour

430386is turnd Berod, Pregnancie is made a Tapster, & his quick wit

431387wasted in giuing reckonings, all the other giftes appertinent

432388to man, as the malice of his age shapes the one not worth a

433389goosbery, you that are old consider not the capacities of vs that

435390are yong, you doe measure the heate of our liuers with the bit-

436391ternesse of your galles, and we that are in the vaward of our

437392youth, I must confesse are wagges too.

438393Lo. Do you set downe your name in the scroule of youth,

439394that are written downe, old with all the characters of age? haue

440395you not a moist eie, a dry hand, a yelow cheeke, a white beard,

441396a decreasing leg, an increasing belly? is not your voice broken,

442397your winde short, your chinne double, your wit single, and e-

443398uery part about you blasted with antiquitie, and will you yet

444399call your selfe yong? fie, fie, fie, sir Iohn.

445400Iohn My Lorde, I was borne about three of the clocke in

401the afternoone, with a white head, and something a round bel-

446402lie, for my voyce, I haue lost it with hallowing, and singing of

447403Anthems: to approoue my youth further, I will not: the truth

448404is, I am onely olde in iudgement and vnderstanding: and hee

449405that wil caper with me for a thousand markes, let him lend me

450406the money, and haue at him for the boxe of the yeere that the

451407Prince gaue you, he gaue it like a rude Prince, and you tooke

452408it like a sensible Lord: I haue checkt him for it, and the yong

453409lion repents, mary not in ashes and sackcloth, but in new silke,

455410and olde sacke.

456411Lord Well, God send the prince a better companion.

457412Iohn God send the companion a better prince, I cannot

458413ridde my hands of him.

459414Lord Well, the King hath seuerd you: I heare you are go-

460415ing with lord Iohn of Lancaster, against the Archbishop and

461416the Earle of Northumberland.

462417Iohn Yea, I thanke your prety sweet witte for it: but looke

463418you pray, all you that kisse my lady Peace at home, that our

464419armies ioyne not in a hote day, for, by the Lord, I take but two

465420shirts out with me, and I meane not to sweate extraordinarily:

466421if it be a hot day, & I brandish any thing but a bottle. I would

467422I might neuer spit white again: there is not a dangerous action

468423can peepe out his head, but I am thrust vpon it. Wel, I cannot

469424last euer, but it was alway yet the tricke of our English nation,

469.1425if they haue a good thing, to make it too common. If yee will

469.2426needs say I am an olde man, you should giue me rest: I would

469.3427to God my name were not so terrible to the enemy as it is, I

469.4428were better to be eaten to death with a rust, than to be scoured

469.5429to nothing with perpetuall motion.

470430Lord Well, be honest, be honest, and God blesse your ex-

471431pedition.

472432Iohn Will your lordship lend me a thousand pound to fur-

473433nish me forth?

474434Lord Not a penny, not a penny, you are too impatient to

475435beare crosses: fare you well: commend mee to my coosine

476436Westmerland.

477437Iohn If I do, fillip me with a three man beetle: A man can

478438no more separate age and couetousnesse, than a can part yong

479439limbs and lechery, but the gowt galles the one, and the pox

480440pinches the other, and so both the degrees preuent my curses,(boy.

482441Boy Sir.

483442Iohn What money is in my purse?

484443Boy Seuen groates and two pence.

485444Iohn I can get no remedy against this consumption of the

486445purse, borrowing onely lingers and lingers it out, but the dis-

487446ease is incurable: Go beare this letter to my lord of Lancaster,

488447this to the Prince, this to the Earle of Westmerland, and this to

489448olde mistris Vrsula, whome I haue weekely sworne to marry

490449since I perceiud the first white haire of my chin: about it, you

491450know where to finde me: a pox of this gowt, or a gowt of this

492451pox, for the one or the other playes the rogue with my great

494452toe. Tis no matter if I doe hault, I haue the warres for my

495453color, and my pension shal seeme the more reasonable: a good

496454wit will make vse of any thing; I will turne diseases to commo-

497455ditie.