Internet Shakespeare Editions

Author: William Shakespeare
Editor: Rosemary Gaby
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Henry IV, Part 2 (Folio 1 1623)

The second Part of King Henry the Fourth. 77
on any side but one, it is worse shame to begge, then to
be on the worst side, were it worse then the name of Re-
350bellion can tell how to make it.
Ser. You mistake me Sir.
Fal. Why sir? Did I say you were an honest man? Set-
ting my Knight-hood, and my Souldiership aside, I had
lyed in my throat, if I had said so.
355Ser. I pray you (Sir) then set your Knighthood and
your Souldier-ship aside, and giue mee leaue to tell you,
you lye in your throat, if you say I am any other then an
honest man.
Fal. I giue thee leaue to tell me so? I lay a-side that
360which growes to me? If thou get'st any leaue of me, hang
me: if thou tak'st leaue, thou wer't better be hang'd: you
Hunt-counter, hence: Auant.
Ser. Sir, my Lord would speake with you.
Iust. Sir Iohn Falstaffe, a word with you.
365Fal. My good Lord: giue your Lordship good time of
the day. I am glad to see your Lordship abroad: I heard
say your Lordship was sicke. I hope your Lordship goes
abroad by aduise. Your Lordship (though not clean past
your youth) hath yet some smack of age in you: some rel-
370lish of the saltnesse of Time, and I most humbly beseech
your Lordship, to haue a reuerend care of your health.
Iust. Sir Iohn, I sent you before your Expedition, to
Fal. If it please your Lordship, I heare his Maiestie is
375return'd with some discomfort from Wales.
Iust. I talke not of his Maiesty: you would not come
when I sent for you?
Fal. And I heare moreouer, his Highnesse is falne into
this same whorson Apoplexie.
380Iust. Well, heauen mend him. I pray let me speak with (you.
Fal. This Apoplexie is (as I take it) a kind of Lethar-
gie, a sleeping of the blood, a horson Tingling.
Iust. What tell you me of it? be it as it is.
Fal. It hath it originall from much greefe; from study
385and perturbation of the braine. I haue read the cause of
his effects in Galen. It is a kinde of deafenesse.
Iust. I thinke you are falne into the disease: For you
heare not what I say to you.
Fal. Very well (my Lord) very well: rather an't please
390you) it is the disease of not Listning, the malady of not
Marking, that I am troubled withall.
Iust. To punish you by the heeles, would amend the
attention of your eares, & I care not if I be your Physitian
Fal. I am as poore as Iob, my Lord; but not so Patient:
395your Lordship may minister the Potion of imprisonment
to me, in respect of Pouertie: but how I should bee your
Patient, to follow your prescriptions, the wise may make
some dram of a scruple, or indeede, a scruple it selfe.
Iust. I sent for you (when there were matters against
400you for your life) to come speake with me.
Fal. As I was then aduised by my learned Councel, in
the lawes of this Land-seruice, I did not come.
Iust. Wel, the truth is (sir Iohn) you liue in great infamy
Fal. He that buckles him in my belt, cānnot liue in lesse.
405Iust. Your Meanes is very slender, and your wast great.
Fal. I would it were otherwise: I would my Meanes
were greater, and my waste slenderer.
Iust. You haue misled the youthfull Prince.
Fal. The yong Prince hath misled mee. I am the Fel-
410low with the great belly, and he my Dogge.
Iust. Well, I am loth to gall a new-heal'd wound: your
daies seruice at Shrewsbury, hath a little gilded ouer
your Nights exploit on Gads-hill. You may thanke the

vnquiet time, for your quiet o're-posting that Action.
415Fal. My Lord?
Iust. But since all is wel, keep it so: wake not a sleeping (Wolfe.
Fal. To wake a Wolfe, is as bad as to smell a Fox.
Iu. What? you are as a candle, the better part burnt out
Fal. A Wassell-Candle, my Lord; all Tallow: if I did
420say of wax, my growth would approue the truth.
Iust. There is not a white haire on your face, but shold
haue his effect of grauity.
Fal. His effect of grauy, grauy, grauy.
Iust You follow the yong Prince vp and downe, like
425his euill Angell.
Fal. Not so (my Lord) your ill Angell is light: but I
hope, he that lookes vpon mee, will take mee without,
weighing: and yet, in some respects I grant, I cannot go:
I cannot tell. Vertue is of so little regard in these Costor-
430mongers, that true valor is turn'd Beare-heard. Pregnan-
cie is made a Tapster, and hath his quicke wit wasted in
giuing Recknings: all the other gifts appertinent to man
(as the malice of this Age shapes them) are not woorth a
Gooseberry. You that are old, consider not the capaci-
435ties of vs that are yong: you measure the heat of our Li-
uers, with the bitternes of your gals: & we that are in the
vaward of our youth, I must confesse, are wagges too.
Iust. Do you set downe your name in the scrowle of
youth, that are written downe old, with all the Charrac-
440ters of age? Haue you not a moist eye? a dry hand? a yel-
low cheeke? a white beard? a decreasing leg? an incresing
belly? Is not your voice broken? your winde short? your
wit single? and euery part about you blasted with Anti-
quity? and wil you cal your selfe yong? Fy, fy, fy, sir Iohn.
445Fal. My Lord, I was borne with a white head, & som-
thing a round belly. For my voice, I haue lost it with hal-
lowing and singing of Anthemes. To approue my youth
farther, I will not: the truth is, I am onely olde in iudge-
ment and vnderstanding: and he that will caper with mee
450for a thousand Markes, let him lend me the mony, & haue
at him. For the boxe of th'eare that the Prince gaue you,
he gaue it like a rude Prince, and you tooke it like a sensi-
ble Lord. I haue checkt him for it, and the yong Lion re-
pents: Marry not in ashes and sacke-cloath, but in new
455Silke, and old Sacke.
Iust. Wel, heauen send the Prince a better companion.
Fal. Heauen send the Companion a better Prince: I
cannot rid my hands of him.
Iust. Well, the King hath seuer'd you and Prince Har-
460ry, I heare you are going with Lord Iohn of Lancaster, a-
gainst the Archbishop, and the Earle of Northumberland
Fal. Yes, I thanke your pretty sweet wit for it: but
looke you pray, (all you that kisse my Ladie Peace, at
home) that our Armies ioyn not in a hot day: for if I take
465but two shirts out with me, and I meane not to sweat ex-
traordinarily: if it bee a hot day, if I brandish any thing
but my Bottle, would I might neuer spit white againe:
There is not a daungerous Action can peepe out his head,
but I am thrust vpon it. Well, I cannot last euer.
470Iust. Well, be honest, be honest, and heauen blesse your
Fal. Will your Lordship lend mee a thousand pound,
to furnish me forth?
Iust. Not a peny, not a peny: you are too impatient
475to beare crosses. Fare you well. Commend mee to my
Cosin Westmerland.
Fal. If I do, fillop me with a three-man-Beetle. A man
can no more separate Age and Couetousnesse, then he can
part yong limbes and letchery: but the Gowt galles the
g2 one,