20041846Fal. Bardoll, am I not falne away vilely since this last action?

20051847do I not bate? do I not dwindle? Why, my skinne hangs about

20061848me like an old Ladies loose gowne. I am withered like an oulde

20071849apple Iohn. Well, ile repent and that suddainly, while I am in

G2. some

20081850some liking, I shall be out of heart shortly, and then I shall haue

20091851no strength to repent. And I haue not forgotten what the inside

20111852of a Church is made of, I am a Pepper corne, a brewers Horse,

20121853the inside of a Church. Company, villainous company, hath been

20131854the spoile of me.

20141855Bar. Sir Iohn, you are so fretfull you cannot liue long.

20161856Fal. Why, there is it; come sing me a bawdie song, make me

20171857merry. I was as vertuously giuen as a gentleman need to be, ver-

20181858tuous enough, swore little, dic't not aboue seuen times a weeke,

20191859went to a baudy house not aboue once in a quarter of an houre,

20201860paid money that I borrowed three or foure times, liued wel, and

20211861in good compasse, and nowe I liue out of all order, out of all

20221862compasse.

20241863Bar. Why, you are so fat, sir Iohn, that you must needes be out

20251864of all compasse: out of all reasonable compasse, sir Iohn.

20271865Fal. Do thou amend thy face, and ile amend my life: thou art

20281866our Admiral, thou bearest the lanterne in the poope, but tis in the

20291867nose of thee: thou art the knight of the burning lampe.

20311868Bar. Why, sir Iohn, my face does you no harme.

20321869Fal. No ile be sworn, I make as good vse of it as many a man

20331870doth of a deaths head, or a memento mori. I neuer see thy face,

20341871but I thinke vpon hell fire, and Diues that liued in Purple: for

20351872there he is in his robes burning, burning. If thou wert any waie

20361873giuen to vertue, I would sweare by thy face: my oath should be

20371874by this fire that Gods Angell. But thou art altogether giuen o-

20381875uer: and wert indeede but for the light in thy face, the sonne of

20391876vtter darkenesse. When thou ranst vp Gadshill in the night to

20411877catch my horse, if I did not thinke thou hadst beene an ignis fa-

20421878tuus

or a ball of wildfire, theres no purchase in money. O thou

20431879art a perpetuall triumph, an euerlasting bonefire light, thou hast

20441880saued me a thousand Markes in Linkes, and Torches, walking

20451881with thee in the night betwixt tauerne and tauerne: but the sacke

20471882that thou hast drunke me, would haue bought me lights as good

20481883cheape, at the dearest Chandlers in Europe. I haue maintained

20491884that Sallamander of yours with fire any time this two and thirty

20501885yeares, God reward me for it.

20511886Bar. Zbloud, I would my face were in your belly.

20521887Fal. Godamercy, so should I be sure to be hartburnt.

20541888How now dame Partlet the hen, haue you enquird

20551889yet who pickt my pocket?

20561890Hostesse. Why sir Iohn, what do you thinke sir Iohn, doe you

20571891thinke I keepe theeues in my house, I haue searcht, I haue en-

20581892quired, so has my husband, man by man, boy by boy, seruant by

20591893seruant, the tight of a haire, was neuer lost in my house before.

20611894Fal. Yee lie Hostesse, Bardoll was shau'd, and lost manie a

20621895haire, and ile be sworne my pocket was pickt: go to, you are a

20631896woman, go.

20641897Ho. Who I. No, I defie thee: Gods light I was neuer cald so in

20651898mine owne house before.

20661899Fal. Go to. I know you well inough.

20671900Ho. No, sir Iohn, you do not know me, sir Iohn, I knowe you

20681901sir Iohn, you owe me mony sir Iohn, and now you picke a quar-

20691902rell to beguile me of it, I bought you a douzen of shirts to your

20701903backe.

20711904Falst. Doulas, filthie Doulas. I haue giuen them away to Ba-

20721905kers wiues, they haue made boulters of them.

20741906Host. Now as I am a true woman, holland of viii s. an ell, you

20751907owe mony here, besides sir Iohn, for your diet, and bydrinkings,

20761908and money lent you xxiiii. pound.

20781909Falst. He had his part of it, let him pay.

20791910Host. He, alas he is poore, he hath nothing.

20811911Fal. How? poore? looke vpon his face. What call you rich? let

20821912them coyne his nose, let them coyne his cheekes, ile not pay a

20831913denyer: what will you make a yonker of mee? shall I not take

20841914mine ease in mine Inne, but I shall haue my pocket pickt? I haue

20851915lost a seale ring of my grandfathers worth fortie marke.

20871916Ho. O Iesu, I haue heard the Prince tell him I know not how

20881917oft, that that ring was copper.

20891918Falst. How? the prince is a iacke, a sneakeup, Zbloud and hee

20901919were here, I would cudgell him like a dog if he would say so.

20951922Falst. How now lad, is the winde in that doore ifaith, must we

20961923all march?

20971924Bar. Yea, two, and two, Newgate fashion.

20981925Host. My Lord, I pray you heare me.

G.iii Prin.

20991926Pr. What saist thou mistris quickly, how doth thy husband?

21001927I loue him well, he is an honest man.

21021928Host. Good my Lord heare me?

21031929Falst. Preethe let her alone, and list to me.

21041930Prin. What saist thou iacke.

21051931Falst. The other night I fel a sleepe here, behind the Arras, and

21061932had my pocket pickt, this house is turn'd baudy house, they pick

21071933pockets.

21081934Prin. What didst thou loose iacke?

21091935Fal. Wilt thou beleeue me Hall, three or foure bonds of forty

21101936pound a peece, and a seale ring of my grandfathers.

21121937Prin. A trifle, some eight penie matter.

21131938Host. So I told him my Lord, and I said I heard your grace say

21141939so: & my lord he speakes most vilely of you, like a foule mouthd

21151940man as he is, and said he would cudgel you.

21171941Prin. What he did not?

21181942Ho. Theres neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.

21201943Fal. Theres no more faith in thee then in a stued prune, nor

21211944no more truth in thee then in a drawn fox, and for womandood

21221945maid marion may be the deputies wife of the ward to thee. Go

21231946you thing, go.

21241947Host. Say what thing, what thing?

21251948Fal. What thing? why a thing to thanke God on.

21261949Ho. I am nothing to thanke God on, I would thou shouldst

21271950know it, I am an honest mans wife, and setting thy knighthood

21281951aside, thou art a knaue to call me so.

21291952Fal. Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say o-

21301953therwise.

21311954Host. Say, what beast, thou knaue thou?

21321955Falst. What beast? why an Otter.

21331956Prin. An Otter sir Iohn, why an Otter?

21341957Falst. Why? shees neither fish nor flesh, a man knowes not

21351958where to haue her.

21361959Host. Thou art an vniust man in saying so, thou or anie man

21371960knowes where to haue me, thou knaue thou.

21381961Prin. Thou saist true hostesse, and hee slaunders thee most

21391962grossely.

21401963Host. So hee doth you my Lord, and saide this other day you

21411964ought him a thousand pound.

21421965Prin. Sirrha, do I owe you a thousand pound?

21431966Falst. A thousand pound Hall? a million, thy loue is worth a

21441967million, thou owest me thy loue.

21451968Host. Nay my Lord, he cald you iacke, and saide hee woulde

21461969cudgel you.

21471970Falst. Did I Bardol?

21481971Bar. Indeed sir Iohn you said so.

21491972Fal. Yea, if he said my ring was copper.

21501973Prin. I say tis copper, darest thou be as good as thy word now?

21521974Falst. Why Hall? Thou knowest as thou art but man I dare,

21531975but as thou art prince, I feare thee as I feare the roaring of the

21541976Lyons whelpe.

21551977Prin. And why not as the Lyon?

21561978Fal. The king himselfe is to be feared as the Lion, doest thou

21571979thinke ile feare thee as I feare thy father? nay and I doo, I pray

21581980God my girdle breake.

21591981Prin. O, if it should, howe woulde thy guts fall about thy

21601982knees? but sirrha, theres no roome for faith, trueth, nor hone-

21611983stie, in this bosome of thine. It is all fild vp with guttes, and mid-

21621984riffe. Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket, why

21631985thou horeson impudent imbost rascall, if there were anie thing

21641986in thy pocket but tauerne reckonings, memorandums of baudie

21651987houses, and one poore peniworth of sugar-candie to make thee

21671988long winded, if thy pocket were inricht with any other iniuries

21681989but these; I am a villain, and yet you will stand to it, you will not

21691990pocket vp wrong, art thou not ashamed?

21711991Fal. Doest thou heare Hall, thou knowest in the state of inno-

21721992cencie Adam fell, & what should poore iacke Falstalfe do in the

21731993daies of villanie? thou seest I haue more flesh then another man,

21741994& therfore more frailty. You confesse then you pickt my pocket.

21761995Prin. It appeares so by the storie.

21771996Fal. Hostesse, I forgiue thee, go make ready breakfast, loue thy

21781997husband, looke to thy seruaunts, cherish thy ghesse, thou shalt

21801998find me tractable to any honest reason, thou seest I am pacified

21811999still, nay preethe be gone. Exit Hostesse

21842000Now Hal, to the newes at court for the robbery lad, how is that

21852001answered?

21862002Prin. O my sweet beoffe, I must still bee good angel to thee,

21882003the mony is paid backe againe.

21892004Fal. O I do not like that paying backe, tis a double labor.

21912005Prin. I am good friends with my father and may do any thing

21932006Fal. Rob me the exchequer the first thing thou doest, and doe

21942007it with vnwasht hands too.

21952008Bar. Do my Lord.

21962009Prin. I haue procured thee Iacke a charge of foot.

21972010Fal. I would it had been of horse. Where shall I finde one that

21982011can steale well. O for a fine thiefe of the age of xxii. or therea-

21992012bouts: I am hainously vnprouided. Well, God be thanked for

22002013these rebels, they offende none but the vertuous; I laude them, I

22012014praise them.

22022015Prin. Bardoll.

22042016Prin. Go beare this letter to Lord Iohn of Lancaster,

22052017To my brother Iohn, this to my lord of Westmerland.

22062018Go Peto to horse, to horse, for thou and I

22072019Haue thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner time,

22082020Iacke, meete me to morrow in the temple haule

22092021At two of clocke in the afternoone,

22102022There shalt thou know thy charge, and there receiue

22112023Money and order for their furniture,

22122024The land is burning, Percy stands on high,

22132025And either we or they must lower lie.

22142026Fal. Rare words, braue world hostesse, my breakfast come,

22162027Oh I could wish this tauerne were my drum.