Bardolph, am I not fallen away vilely since this last action? 2005Do I not bate? Do I not dwindle? Why, my skin hangs about 2006me like an old lady's loose gown. I am withered like an old 2007apple-john. Well, I'll repent, and that suddenly, while I am in 2008some liking. I shall be out of heart shortly, and then I shall have 2009no strength to repent. An I have not forgotten what the inside 2011of a church is made of, I am a peppercorn, a brewer's horse. 2012The inside of a church! Company, villainous company, hath been 2013the spoil of me.

Sir John, you are so fretful you cannot live long.

Why, there is it. Come, sing me a bawdy song, make me 2017merry. I was as virtuously given as a gentleman need to be, 2018virtuous enough: swore little, diced not above seven times -- a week, 2019went to a bawdy-house not above once in a quarter -- of an hour, 2020paid money that I borrowed -- three or four times, lived well, and 2021in good compass. And now I live out of all order, out of all 2022compass.

Why, you are so fat, Sir John, that you must needs be out 2025of all compass, out of all reasonable compass, Sir John.

Do thou amend thy face, and I'll amend my life. Thou art 2028our admiral, thou bearest the lantern in the poop -- but 'tis in the 2029nose of thee. Thou art the Knight of the Burning Lamp.

Why, Sir John, my face does you no harm.

No, I'll be sworn; I make as good use of it as many a man 2033doth of a death's head, or a memento mori. I never see thy face 2034but I think upon hell-fire and Dives that lived in purple -- for 2035there he is in his robes, burning, burning. If thou wert any way 2036given to virtue, I would swear by thy face; my oath should be 2037"By this fire that's god's angel!" But thou art altogether given 2038over, and wert indeed, but for the light in thy face, the son of 2039utter darkness. When thou rannest up Gad's Hill in the night to 2041catch my horse, if I did not think thou hadst been 2042an ignis fatuus or a ball of wildfire, there's no purchase in money. Oh, thou 2043art a perpetual triumph, an everlasting bonfire-light! Thou hast 2044saved me a thousand marks in links and torches, walking 2045with thee in the night betwixt tavern and tavern -- but the sack 2047that thou hast drunk me would have bought me lights as good 2048cheap at the dearest chandler's in Europe. I have maintained 2049that salamander of yours with fire any time this two-and-thirty 2050years, god reward me for it.

'Sblood, I would my face were in your belly!

God-a-mercy! So should I be sure to be heartburnt.

3.3.102054How now, Dame Partlet the hen, have you enquired 2055yet who picked my pocket?

Why, Sir John, what do you think, Sir John? Do you 2057think I keep thieves in my house? I have searched, I have 2058enquired; so has my husband, man by man, boy by boy, servant by 2059servant. The tithe of a hair was never lost in my house before.

Ye lie, hostess: Bardolph was shaved and lost many a 2062hair, and I'll be sworn my pocket was picked. Go to, you are a 2063woman, go.

Who, I? No, I defy thee! God's light, I was never called so in 2065mine own house before.

Go to, I know you well enough.

No, Sir John, you do not know me, Sir John; I know you, 2068Sir John. You owe me money, Sir John, and now you pick a 2069quarrel to beguile me of it. I bought you a dozen of shirts to your 2070back.

Dowlas, filthy dowlas. I have given them away to 2072bakers' wives; they have made bolters of them.

Now as I am a true woman, holland of eight shillings an ell. You 2075owe money here besides, Sir John: for your diet, and by-drinkings, 2076and money lent you, four-and-twenty pound.

[Indicating Bardolph.] He had his part of it, let him pay.

He? Alas he is poor, he hath nothing.

How, poor? Look upon his face. What call you rich? Let 2082them coin his nose, let them coin his cheeks, I'll not pay a 2083denier. What, will you make a younker of me? Shall I not take 2084mine ease in mine inn, but I shall have my pocket picked? I have 2085lost a seal-ring of my grandfather's worth forty mark.

[To Bardolph] O Jesu, I have heard the prince tell him, I know not how 2088oft, that that ring was copper.

How? The prince is a Jack, a sneak-up. 'Sblood, an he 2090were here I would cudgel him like a dog if he would say so.

How now, lad, is the wind in that door, i'faith? Must we 2096all march?

Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion.

My lord, I pray you hear me.

What sayst thou, Mistress Quickly? How doth thy husband? 2100I love him well, he is an honest man.

Good my lord, hear me!

Prithee, let her alone, and list to me.

What sayst thou, Jack?

The other night I fell asleep here behind the arras, and 2106had my pocket picked. This house is turned bawdy-house: they pick 2107pockets.

What didst thou lose, Jack?

Wilt thou believe me, Hal, three or four bonds of forty 2110pound apiece, and a seal-ring of my grandfather's.

A trifle, some eightpenny matter.

So I told him, my lord; and I said I heard your grace say 2114so; and, my lord, he speaks most vilely of you, like a foul-mouthed 2115man as he is, and said he would cudgel you.

What? He did not!

There's neither faith, truth, nor womanhood in me else.

There's no more faith in thee than in a stewed prune, nor 2121no more truth in thee than in a drawn fox; and, for womanhood, 2122Maid Marian may be the deputy's wife of the ward to thee. Go, 2123you thing, go!

Say, what thing, what thing?

What thing? Why, a thing to thank god on.

I am no thing to thank god on. I would thou shouldst 2127know it, I am an honest man's wife; and setting thy knighthood 2128aside, thou art a knave to call me so.

Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a beast to say 2130otherwise.

Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?

What beast? Why an otter.

An otter, Sir John? Why an otter?

Why? She's neither fish nor flesh, a man knows not 2135where to have her.

Thou art an unjust man in saying so. Thou or any man 2137knows where to have me, thou knave, thou.

Thou sayst true, hostess, and he slanders thee most 2139grossly.

So he doth you my lord, and said this other day you 2141owed him a thousand pound.

Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?

A thousand pound, Hal? A million! Thy love is worth a 2144million; thou owest me thy love.

Nay, my lord, he called you Jack, and said he would 2146cudgel you.

Did I, Bardolph?

Indeed, Sir John, you said so.

Yea, if he said my ring was copper.

I say 'tis copper, darest thou be as good as thy word now?

Why, Hal, thou knowest as thou art but man I dare, 2153but as thou art prince, I fear thee as I fear the roaring of the 2154lion's whelp.

And why not as the lion?

The king himself is to be feared as the lion. Dost thou 2157think I'll fear thee as I fear thy father? Nay, an I do, I pray 2158god my girdle break.

Oh, if it should, how would thy guts fall about thy 2160knees! But sirrah, there's no room for faith, truth, nor 2161honesty in this bosom of thine; it is all filled up with guts and 2162midriff. Charge an honest woman with picking thy pocket? Why, 2163thou whoreson, impudent, embossed rascal, if there were anything 2164in thy pocket but tavern reckonings, memorandums of 2165bawdy-houses, and one poor pennyworth of sugar-candy to make thee long-winded 2167-- if thy pocket were enriched with any other injuries 2168but these, I am a villain. And yet you will stand to it, you will not 2169pocket up wrong. Art thou not ashamed?

Dost thou hear, Hal? Thou knowest in the state of innocency 2172Adam fell, and what should poor Jack Falstaff do in the 2173days of villainy? Thou seest I have more flesh than another man, 2174and therefore more frailty. You confess, then, you picked my pocket?

It appears so by the story.

Hostess, I forgive thee. Go make ready breakfast. Love thy 2178husband, look to thy servants, cherish thy guests. Thou shalt 2180find me tractable to any honest reason; thou seest I am pacified 2181still. Nay, prithee, be gone.

3.3.632184Now, Hal, to the news at court. For the robbery, lad, how is that 2185answered?

Oh, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to thee. 2188The money is paid back again.

Oh, I do not like that paying back; 'tis a double labor.

I am good friends with my father and may do anything.

Rob me the exchequer the first thing thou dost, and do 2194it with unwashed hands too.

Do, my lord.

I have procured thee, Jack, a charge of foot.

I would it had been of horse! Where shall I find one that 2198can steal well? Oh, for a fine thief of the age of two-and-twenty or 2199thereabouts! I am heinously unprovided. Well, god be thanked for 2200these rebels: they offend none but the virtuous. I laud them, I 2201praise them.

Bardolph!

My lord?

[Giving letters] Go bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster,

3.3.742205To my brother John; this to my lord of Westmorland.

3.3.752206Go, Peto, to horse, to horse, for thou and I

3.3.762207Have thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner time.

3.3.772208Jack, meet me tomorrow in the Temple Hall

3.3.782209At two o'clock in the afternoon.

3.3.792210There shalt thou know thy charge, and there receive

3.3.802211Money and order for their furniture.

3.3.812212The land is burning, Percy stands on high,

3.3.822213And either we or they must lower lie.

Rare words! Brave world! Hostess, my breakfast, come!

3.3.842216Oh, I could wish this tavern were my drum!