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  • Title: The Merry Wives of Windsor (Folio 1, 1623)

  • Copyright Internet Shakespeare Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-proift purposes; for all other uses contact the Coordinating Editor.
    Author: William Shakespeare
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    The Merry Wives of Windsor (Folio 1, 1623)


    Scena Tertia.
    Enter M. Ford, M. Page, Seruants, Robin, Falstaffe,
    Ford, Page, Caius, Euans.
    Mist. Ford. What Iohn, what Robert.
    1355M. Page. Quickly, quickly: Is the Buck-basket ---
    Mis. Ford. I warrant. What Robin I say.
    Mis. Page. Come, come, come.
    Mist. Ford. Heere, set it downe.
    M. Pag. Giue your men the charge, we must be briefe.
    1360M. Ford. Marrie, as I told you before (Iohn & Robert)
    be ready here hard-by in the Brew-house, & when I so-
    dainly call you, come forth, and (without any pause, or
    staggering) take this basket on your shoulders: yt done,
    trudge with it in all hast, and carry it among the Whit-
    1365sters in Dotchet Mead, and there empty it in the muddie
    ditch, close by the Thames side.
    M. Page. You will do it?
    M. Ford. I ha told them ouer and ouer, they lacke no
    Be gone, and come when you are call'd.
    1370M. Page. Here comes little Robin.
    Mist. Ford. How now my Eyas-Musket, what newes
    Rob. My M. Sir Iohn is come in at your backe doore
    (Mist. Ford, and requests your company.
    M. Page. You litle Iack-a-lent, haue you bin true to vs
    1375Rob. I, Ile be sworne: my Master knowes not of your
    being heere: and hath threatned to put me into euerla-
    sting liberty, if I tell you of it: for he sweares he'll turne
    me away.
    Mist. Pag. Thou'rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine
    1380shall be a Tailor to thee, and shal make thee a new dou-
    blet and hose. Ile go hide me.
    Mi. Ford. Do so: go tell thy Master, I am alone: Mi-
    stris Page, remember you your Qu.
    Mist. Pag. I warrant thee, if I do not act it, hisse me.
    1385Mist. Ford. Go-too then: we'l vse this vnwholsome
    humidity, this grosse-watry Pumpion; we'll teach him
    to know Turtles from Iayes.
    Fal. Haue I caught thee, my heauenly Iewell? Why
    now let me die, for I haue liu'd long enough: This is the
    1390period of my ambition: O this blessed houre.
    Mist. Ford. O sweet Sir Iohn.
    Fal. Mistris Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate (Mist.
    Ford) now shall I sin in my wish; I would thy Husband
    were dead, Ile speake it before the best Lord, I would
    1395make thee my Lady.
    Mist. Ford. I your Lady Sir Iohn? Alas, I should bee a
    pittifull Lady.
    Fal. Let the Court of France shew me such another:
    I see how thine eye would emulate the Diamond: Thou
    1400hast the right arched-beauty of the brow, that becomes
    the Ship-tyre, the Tyre-valiant, or any Tire of Venetian
    admittance.
    Mist. Ford. A plaine Kerchiefe, Sir Iohn:
    My browes become nothing else, nor that well neither.
    1405Fal. Thou art a tyrant to say so: thou wouldst make
    an absolute Courtier, and the firme fixture of thy foote,
    would giue an excellent motion to thy gate, in a semi-
    circled Farthingale. I see what thou wert if Fortune thy
    foe, were not Nature thy friend: Come, thou canst not
    1410hide it.
    Mist. Ford. Beleeue me, ther's no such thing in me.
    Fal. What made me loue thee? Let that perswade
    thee. Ther's something extraordinary in thee: Come, I
    cannot cog, and say thou art this and that, like a-manie
    1415of these lisping-hauthorne buds, that come like women
    in mens apparrell, and smell like Bucklers-berry in sim-
    ple time: I cannot, but I loue thee, none but thee; and
    thou deseru'st it.
    M. Ford. Do not betray me sir, I fear you loue M. Page.
    1420Fal. Thou mightst as well say, I loue to walke by the
    Counter-gate, which is as hatefull to me, as the reeke of
    a Lime-kill.
    Mis Ford. Well, heauen knowes how I loue you,
    And you shall one day finde it.
    1425Fal. Keepe in that minde, Ile deserue it.
    Mist. Ford. Nay, I must tell you, so you doe;
    Or else I could not be in that minde.
    Rob. Mistris Ford, Mistris Ford: heere's Mistris Page at
    the doore, sweating, and blowing, and looking wildely,
    1430and would needs speake with you presently.
    Fal. She shall not see me, I will ensconce mee behinde
    the Arras.
    M. Ford. Pray you do so, she's a very tatling woman.
    Whats the matter? How now?
    1435Mist. Page. O mistris Ford what haue you done?
    You'r sham'd, y'are ouerthrowne, y'are vndone for euer.
    M. Ford. What's the matter, good mistris Page?
    M. Page. O weladay, mist. Ford, hauing an honest man
    to your husband, to giue him such cause of suspition.
    1440M. Ford. What cause of suspition?
    M. Page. What cause of suspition? Out vpon you:
    How am I mistooke in you?
    M. Ford. Why (alas) what's the matter?
    M. Page. Your husband's comming hether (Woman)
    1445with all the Officers in Windsor, to search for a Gentle-
    man, that he sayes is heere now in the house; by your
    consent to take an ill aduantage of his absence: you are
    vndone.
    M. Ford. 'Tis not so, I hope.
    1450M. Page. Pray heauen it be not so, that you haue such
    a man heere: but 'tis most certaine your husband's com-
    ming, with halfe Windsor at his heeles, to serch for such
    a one, I come before to tell you: If you know your selfe
    cleere, why I am glad of it: but if you haue a friend here,
    1455conuey, conuey him out. Be not amaz'd, call all your
    senses to you, defend your reputation, or bid farwell to
    your good life for euer.
    M. Ford. What shall I do? There is a Gentleman my
    deere friend: and I feare not mine owne shame so much,
    1460as his perill. I had rather then a thousand pound he were
    out of the house.
    M. Page. For shame, neuer stand (you had rather, and
    you had rather:) your husband's heere at hand, bethinke
    you of some conueyance: in the house you cannot hide
    1465him. Oh, how haue you deceiu'd me? Looke, heere is a
    basket, if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creepe
    in heere, and throw fowle linnen vpon him, as if it were
    going to bucking: Or it is whiting time, send him by
    your two men to Datchet-Meade.
    1470M. Ford. He's too big to go in there: what shall I do?
    Fal. Let me see't, let me see't, O let me see't:
    Ile in, Ile in: Follow your friends counsell, Ile in.
    M. Page. What Sir Iohn Falstaffe? Are these your Let-
    ters, Knight?
    1475Fal. I loue thee, helpe mee away: let me creepe in
    heere: ile neuer ---
    M. Page. Helpe to couer your master (Boy:) Call
    your men (Mist. Ford.) You dissembling Knight.
    M. Ford. What Iohn, Robert, Iohn; Go, take vp these
    1480cloathes heere, quickly: Wher's the Cowle-staffe? Look
    how you drumble? Carry them to the Landresse in Dat-
    chet mead: quickly, come.
    Ford. 'Pray you come nere: if I suspect without cause,
    Why then make sport at me, then let me be your iest,
    1485I deserue it: How now? Whether beare you this?
    Ser. To the Landresse forsooth?
    M. Ford. Why, what haue you to doe whether they
    beare it? You were best meddle with buck-washing.
    Ford. Buck? I would I could wash my selfe of ye Buck:
    1490Bucke, bucke, bucke, I bucke: I warrant you Bucke,
    And of the season too; it shall appeare.
    Gentlemen, I haue dream'd to night, Ile tell you my
    dreame: heere, heere, heere bee my keyes, ascend my
    Chambers, search, seeke, finde out: Ile warrant wee'le
    1495vnkennell the Fox. Let me stop this way first: so, now
    vncape.
    Page. Good master Ford, be contented:
    You wrong your selfe too much.
    Ford. True (master Page) vp Gentlemen,
    1500You shall see sport anon:
    Follow me Gentlemen.
    Euans. This is fery fantasticall humors and iealousies.
    Caius. By gar, 'tis no-the fashion of France:
    It is not iealous in France.
    1505Page. Nay follow him (Gentlemen) see the yssue of
    his search.
    Mist Page. Is there not a double excellency in this?
    Mist. Ford. I know not which pleases me better,
    That my husband is deceiued, or Sir Iohn.
    1510Mist. Page. What a taking was hee in, when your
    husband askt who was in the basket?
    Mist. Ford. I am halfe affraid he will haue neede of
    washing: so throwing him into the water, will doe him
    a benefit.
    1515Mist. Page. Hang him dishonest rascall: I would all
    of the same straine, were in the same distresse.
    Mist. Ford. I thinke my husband hath some speciall
    suspition of Falstaffs being heere: for I neuer saw him so
    grosse in his iealousie till now.
    1520Mist. Page. I will lay a plot to try that, and wee will
    yet haue more trickes with Falstaffe: his dissolute disease
    will scarse obey this medicine.
    Mis. Ford. Shall we send that foolishion Carion, Mist.
    Quickly to him, and excuse his throwing into the water,
    1525and giue him another hope, to betray him to another
    punishment?
    Mist. Page. We will do it: let him be sent for to mor-
    row eight a clocke to haue amends.
    Ford. I cannot finde him: may be the knaue bragg'd
    1530of that he could not compasse.
    Mis. Page. Heard you that?
    Mis. Ford. You vse me well, M. Ford? Do you?
    Ford. I, I do so.
    M. Ford. Heauen make you better then your thoghts
    1535Ford. Amen.
    Mi. Page. You do your selfe mighty wrong (M. Ford)
    Ford. I, I: I must beare it.
    Eu. If there be any pody in the house, & in the cham-
    bers, and in the coffers, and in the presses: heauen for-
    1540giue my sins at the day of iudgement.
    Caius. Be gar, nor I too: there is no-bodies.
    Page. Fy, fy, M. Ford, are you not asham'd? What spi-
    rit, what diuell suggests this imagination? I wold not ha
    your distemper in this kind, for ye welth of Windsor castle.
    1545Ford. 'Tis my fault (M. Page) I suffer for it.
    Euans. You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is
    as honest a o'mans, as I will desires among fiue thou-
    sand, and fiue hundred too.
    Cai. By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman.
    1550Ford. Well, I promisd you a dinner: come, come, walk
    in the Parke, I pray you pardon me: I wil hereafter make
    knowne to you why I haue done this. Come wife, come
    Mi. Page, I pray you pardon me. Pray hartly pardon me.
    Page. Let's go in Gentlemen, but (trust me) we'l mock
    1555him: I doe inuite you to morrow morning to my house
    to breakfast: after we'll a Birding together, I haue a fine
    Hawke for the bush. Shall it be so:
    Ford. Any thing.
    Eu. If there is one, I shall make two in the Companie
    1560Ca. If there be one, or two, I shall make-a-theturd.
    Ford. Pray you go, M. Page.
    Eua. I pray you now remembrance to morrow on the
    lowsie knaue, mine Host.
    Cai. Dat is good by gar, withall my heart.
    1565Eua. A lowsie knaue, to haue his gibes, and his moc-
    keries.
    Exeunt.