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  • Title: Two Gentlemen of Verona (Modern)
  • Editor: Melissa Walter

  • Copyright Internet Shakespeare Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: William Shakespeare
    Editor: Melissa Walter
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    Two Gentlemen of Verona (Modern)

    Enter Lance [with his dog Crab].
    1820Lance
    When a man's servant shall play the cur with him, look you, it goes hard - one that I brought up of a puppy; one that I saved from drowning when three or four of his blind brothers and sisters went to it. I have taught him, even as one would say precisely, "Thus I 1825would teach a dog." I was sent to deliver him as a present to Mistress Silvia from my master, and I came no sooner into the dining-chamber, but he steps me to her trencher and steals her capon's leg. Oh, 'tis a foul thing when a cur cannot keep himself in all compa1830nies. I would have, as one should say, one that takes upon him to be a dog indeed, to be, as it were, a dog at all things. If I had not had more wit then he, to take a fault upon me that he did, I think verily he had been hanged for't. Sure as I live, he had suffered for't. You shall judge: 1835he thrusts me himself into the company of three or four gentleman-like-dogs under the Duke's table. He had not been there, bless the mark, a pissing while, but all the chamber smelt him. "Out with the dog!" says one. "What cur is that?" says another. "Whip him out!" says the 1840third. "Hang him up!" says the Duke. I, having been acquainted with the smell before, knew it was Crab, and goes me to the fellow that whips the dogs. "Friend," quoth I, "You mean to whip the dog?" "Ay, marry do I," quoth he. "You do him the more wrong," quoth I. "'Twas 1845I did the thing you wot of." He makes me no more ado, but whips me out of the chamber. How many masters would do this for his servant? Nay, I'll be sworn I have sat in the stocks for puddings he hath stolen, otherwise he had been executed; I have stood on the pillory for 1850geese he hath killed, otherwise he had suffered for't. [To Crab.] Thou think'st not of this now. Nay, I remember the trick you served me when I took my leave of Madam Silvia. Did not I bid thee still mark me, and do as I do? When did'st thou see me heave up my leg and make water against a 1855gentlewoman's farthingale? Did'st thou ever see me do such a trick?
    [Enter Proteus, and Julia as Sebastian.]
    Proteus
    Sebastian is thy name? I like thee well
    And will employ thee in some service presently.
    Julia
    In what you please; I'll do what I can.
    1860Proteus
    I hope thou wilt.
    [To Lance.] How now, you whoreson peasant,
    Where have you been these two days loitering?
    Marry, sir, I carried Mistress Silvia the dog you bad me.
    1865Proteus
    And what says she to my little jewel?
    Marry, she says your dog was a cur, and tells you currish thanks is good enough for such a present.
    Proteus
    But she received my dog?
    No, indeed, did she not. 1870Here have I brought him back again.
    Proteus
    What, didst thou offer her this from me?
    Ay, Sir, the other squirrel was stolen from me by the hangman's boys in the market place, and then I offered her mine own, who is a dog 1875as big as ten of yours, and therefore the gift the greater.
    Proteus
    Go, get thee hence and find my dog again,
    Or ne'er return again into my sight.
    Away, I say! Stayest thou to vex me here?
    A Slave that still an end turns me to shame.
    [Exit Lance with Crab.]
    1880Sebastian, I have entertained thee
    Partly that I have need of such a youth
    That can with some discretion do my business,
    For 'tis no trusting to yond foolish lout,
    But chiefly for thy face and thy behavior,
    1885Which, if my augury deceive me not,
    Witness good bringing up, fortune, and truth.
    Therefore, know thou, for this I entertain thee.
    Go presently, and take this ring with thee.
    Deliver it to Madam Silvia.
    1890She loved me well delivered it to me.
    It seems you loved not her, to leave her token.
    She is dead, belike?
    Proteus
    Not so; I think she lives.
    Alas.
    1895Proteus
    Why dost thou cry "Alas"?
    I cannot choose but pity her.
    Proteus
    Wherefore shouldst thou pity her?
    Because methinks that she loved you as well
    As you do love your lady Silvia.
    1900She dreams on him that has forgot her love;
    You dote on her that cares not for your love.
    'Tis pity Love should be so contrary,
    And thinking on it makes me cry alas.
    Proteus
    Well, give her that ring, and therewithal
    1905This letter. That's her chamber. Tell my lady
    I claim the promise for her heavenly picture.
    Your message done, hie home unto my chamber,
    Where thou shalt find me sad and solitary.
    [Exit Proteus.]
    How many women would do such a message?
    1910Alas, poor Proteus, thou hast entertained
    A fox to be the shepherd of thy lambs.
    Alas, poor fool, why do I pity him
    That with his very heart despiseth me?
    Because he loves her, he despiseth me;
    1915Because I love him, I must pity him.
    This ring I gave him when he parted from me,
    To bind him to remember my good will,
    And now am I, unhappy messenger,
    To plead for that which I would not obtain;
    1920To carry that which I would have refused;
    To praise his faith, which I would have dispraised.
    I am my master's true confirmed love,
    But cannot be true servant to my master
    Unless I prove false traitor to my self.
    1925Yet will I woo for him, but yet so coldly
    As, heaven it knows, I would not have him speed.
    [Enter Silvia, with Ursula.]
    Gentlewoman, good day. I pray you, be my mean
    To bring me where to speak with Madam Silvia.
    Silvia
    What would you with her, if that I be she?
    If you be she, I do entreat your patience
    To hear me speak the message I am sent on.
    Silvia
    From whom?
    From my master, Sir Proteus, madam.
    Silvia
    Oh. He sends you for a picture?
    Ay, madam.
    Silvia
    Ursula, bring my picture there.
    [Ursula brings the picture.]
    Go, give your master this. Tell him from me
    One Julia, that his changing thoughts forget,
    Would better fit his chamber than this shadow.
    Madam, please you peruse this letter.
    [Gives a letter to Silvia.]
    Pardon me, madam. I haue unadvised
    Delivered you a paper that I should not;
    This is the letter to your ladyship.
    [Takes back the letter and gives another one to Silvia.]
    Silvia
    I pray thee let me look on that again.
    It may not be. Good madam, pardon me.
    Silvia
    There, hold. [Tries to return letter, which Julia refuses.]
    I will not look upon your master's lines.
    I know they are stuffed with protestations,
    And full of new-found oaths, which he will break
    1950As easily as I do tear his paper. [Tears letter.]
    Madam, he sends your ladyship this ring.
    Silvia
    The more shame for him that he sends it me,
    For I have heard him say a thousand times
    His Julia gave it him at his departure.
    1955Though his false finger have prophaned the ring,
    Mine shall not do his Julia so much wrong.
    She thanks you.
    What say'st thou?
    I thank you, madam, that you tender her.
    1960Poor gentlewoman, my master wrongs her much.
    Dost thou know her?
    Almost as well as I do know myself.
    To think upon her woes, I do protest
    That I have wept a hundred several times.
    Belike she thinks that Proteus hath forsook her?
    I think she doth, and that's her cause of sorrow.
    Is she not passing fair?
    She hath been fairer, madam, than she is.
    When she did think my master loved her well
    1970She, in my judgment, was as fair as you.
    But since, she did neglect her looking-glass,
    And threw her sun-expelling mask away.
    The air hath starved the roses in her cheeks,
    And pinched the lily tincture of her face,
    1975That now she is become as black as I.
    How tall was she?
    About my stature, for at Pentecost,
    When all our pageants of delight were played,
    Our youth got me to play the woman's part,
    1980And I was trimmed in Madam Julia's gown,
    Which served me as fit, by all mens judgments,
    As if the garment had been made for me.
    Therefore I know she is about my height,
    And at that time I made her weep agood,
    1985For I did play a lamentable part.
    Madam, 'twas Ariadne, passioning
    For Theseus's perjury and unjust flight,
    Which I so lively acted with my tears
    That my poor mistress, moved therewithal,
    1990Wept bitterly. And would I might be dead
    If I in thought felt not her very sorrow.
    She is beholden to thee, gentle youth.
    Alas, poor lady, desolate and left.
    I weep myself to think upon thy words.
    1995Here, youth. There is my purse. I give thee this
    For thy sweet mistress's sake, because thou lov'st her. Farewell.
    [Exit Silvia and attendants.]
    And she shall thank you for't, if e'er you know her.
    A virtuous gentlewoman, mild and beautiful.
    I hope my master's suit will be but cold
    2000Since she respects my mistress's love so much.
    Alas, how love can trifle with itself.
    Here is her picture. Let me see, I think
    If I had such a tire, this face of mine
    Were full as lovely as is this of hers,
    2005And yet the painter flattered her a little,
    Unless I flatter with myself too much.
    Her hair is auburn, mine is perfect yellow;
    If that be all the difference in his love,
    I'll get me such a colored periwig.
    2010Her eyes are grey as glass and so are mine;
    Ay, but her forehead's low and mine's as high.
    What should it be that he respects in her
    But I can make respective in myself,
    If this fond Love were not a blinded god?
    2015Come, shadow, come, and take this shadow up,
    For 'tis thy rival.
    [To picture.] O, thou senseless form,
    Thou shalt be worshipped, kissed, loved and adored;
    And were there sense in his idolatry,
    My substance should be statue in thy stead.
    2020I'll use thee kindly, for thy mistress's sake
    That used me so, or else, by Jove I vow,
    I should have scratched out your unseeing eyes
    To make my master out of love with thee.
    Exit.