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  • Title: Two Gentlemen of Verona (Modern)
  • Editor: Melissa Walter

  • Copyright Internet Shakespeare Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: William Shakespeare
    Editor: Melissa Walter
    Not Peer Reviewed

    Two Gentlemen of Verona (Modern)

    3952.1.
    Enter Valentine [and] Speed.
    Speed
    Sir, your glove.
    Valentine
    Not mine. My gloves are on.
    Speed
    Why then, this may be yours, for this is but one.
    400Valentine
    Ha? Let me see. Ay, give it me, it's mine.
    Sweet ornament, that decks a thing divine.
    Ah, Silvia, Silvia!
    Speed
    Madam Silvia! Madam Silvia!
    Valentine
    How now, sirrah?
    405Speed
    She is not within hearing, sir.
    Valentine
    Why sir, who bad you call her?
    Speed
    Your worship, sir, or else I mistook.
    Valentine
    Well, you'll still be too forward.
    Speed
    And yet I was last chidden for being too slow.
    410Valentine
    Go to, sir. Tell me, do you know Madam Silvia?
    Speed
    She that your worship loves?
    Valentine
    Why, how know you that I am in love?
    Speed
    Marry, by these special marks: first, you have learned, like Sir Proteus, to wreath your arms like a 415malcontent; to relish a love-song, like a Robin redbreast; to walk alone like one that had the pestilence; to sigh, like a schoolboy that had lost his A.B.C.; to weep, like a young wench that had buried her grandam: to fast, like one that takes diet; to watch, like one that 420fears robbing; to speak puling, like a beggar at Hallowmas. You were wont, when you laughed, to crow like a cock; when you walked, to walk like one of the lions; when you fasted, it was presently after dinner; when you looked sadly, it was for want of money. And 425now you are metamorphosed with a mistress, that when I look on you, I can hardly think you my master.
    Valentine
    Are all these things perceived in me?
    Speed
    They are all perceived without ye.
    Valentine
    Without me? They cannot.
    430Speed
    Without you? Nay, that's certain, for without you were so simple, none else would. But you are so without these follies, that these follies are within you, and shine through you like the water in a urinal, that not an eye that sees you but is a physician to comment 435on your malady.
    Valentine
    But tell me, dost thou know my Lady Silvia?
    Speed
    She that you gaze on so as she sits at supper?
    Valentine
    Hast thou observed that? Even she I mean.
    Speed
    Why sir, I know her not.
    440Valentine
    Dost thou know her by my gazing on her, and yet knowst her not?
    Speed
    Is she not hard-favored, sir?
    Valentine
    Not so fair, boy, as well-favored.
    Speed
    Sir, I know that well enough.
    445Valentine
    What dost thou know?
    Speed
    That she is not so fair, as (of you) well-favored.
    ValentineI mean that her beauty is exquisite, but her favor infinite.
    450Speed
    That's because the one is painted and the other out of all count.
    Valentine
    How painted? And how out of count?
    Speed
    Marry sir, so painted to make her fair that no man counts of her beauty.
    455Valentine
    How esteemst thou me? I account of her beauty.
    Speed
    You never saw her since she was deformed.
    Valentine
    How long hath she been deformed?
    Speed
    Ever since you loved her.
    Valentine
    I have loved her ever since I saw her, 460and still I see her beautiful.
    Speed
    If you love her, you cannot see her.
    Valentine
    Why?
    Speed
    Because Love is blind. Oh, that you had mine eyes, or your own eyes had the lights they were wont 465to have, when you chid at Sir Proteus for going ungartered.
    Valentine
    What should I see then?
    Speed
    Your own present folly, and her passing deformity. For he, being in love, could not see to garter 470his hose, and you, being in love, cannot see to put on your hose.
    Valentine
    Belike, boy, then you are in love, for last morning you could not see to wipe my shoes.
    Speed
    True, sir, I was in love with my bed. I thank 475you, you swinged me for my love, which makes me the bolder to chide you for yours.
    Valentine
    In conclusion, I stand affected to her.
    Speed
    I would you were set, so your affection would cease.
    480Valentine
    Last night she enjoined me to write some lines to one she loves.
    Speed
    And have you?
    Valentine
    I have.
    Speed
    Are they not lamely writ?
    485Valentine
    No, boy, but as well as I can do them. Peace, here she comes.
    Speed
    [Aside.]
    O excellent motion! O exceeding puppet! Now will he interpret to her.
    [Enter Silvia.]
    Valentine
    Madam and mistress, a thousand good-morrows.
    490Speed
    [Aside.]
    Oh, give ye good e'en. Here's a million of manners.
    Silvia
    Sir Valentine, and servant, to you two thousand.
    Speed
    [Aside.]
    He should give her interest, and she gives it him.
    Valentine
    As you enjoined me, I have writ your letter
    495Unto the secret, nameless friend of yours,
    Which I was much unwilling to proceed in,
    But for my duty to your ladyship.
    [Gives her a letter.]
    Silvia
    I thank you, gentle servant. 'Tis very clerkly done.
    Valentine
    Now trust me, Madam, it came hardly off.
    500For being ignorant to whom it goes,
    I writ at random, very doubtfully.
    Silvia
    Perchance you think too much of so much pains?
    Valentine
    No, Madam, so it stead you, I will write,
    please you command, a thousand times as much.
    505And yet -
    Silvia
    A pretty period. Well, I guess the sequel;
    And yet I will not name it. And yet I care not.
    And yet, take this again. [Offers him the letter.] And yet I thank you,
    Meaning henceforth to trouble you no more.
    510Speed
    [Aside.]
    And yet you will, and yet another yet.
    Valentine
    What means your ladyship?
    Do you not like it?
    Silvia
    Yes, yes, the lines are very quaintly writ,
    But, since unwillingly, take them again.
    [Offers the letter again.]
    515Nay, take them.
    Valentine
    Madam, they are for you.
    Silvia
    Ay, ay, you writ them, sir, at my request,
    But I will none of them. They are for you.
    I would have had them writ more movingly.
    520Valentine
    Please you, I'll write your ladyship another.
    Silvia
    And when it's writ, for my sake read it over,
    And if it please you, so. If not, why, so.
    Valentine
    If it please me, madam? What then?
    Silvia
    Why if it please you, take it for your labor.
    525And so, good-morrow, servant.
    Exit [Silvia].
    Speed
    [Aside.]
    O jest unseen, inscrutable, invisible,
    As a nose on a man's face, or a weathercock on a steeple.
    My master sues to her, and she hath taught her suitor,
    He being her pupil, to become her tutor.
    530O excellent device, was there ever heard a better?
    That my master being scribe,
    To himself should write the letter?
    Valentine
    How now, sir? What, are you reasoning with your self?
    Nay, I was rhyming. 'Tis you that have the reason.
    Valentine
    To do what?
    To be a spokesman from Madam Silvia.
    Valentine
    To whom?
    To your self. Why, she woos you by a figure.
    540Valentine
    What figure?
    By a letter, I should say.
    Valentine
    Why, she hath not writ to me.
    What need she, when she hath made you write to your self? 545Why, do you not perceive the jest?
    Valentine
    No, believe me.
    No believing you indeed, sir. But did you perceive her earnest?
    Valentine
    She gave me none, except an angry word.
    Why, she hath given you a letter.
    Valentine
    That's the letter I writ to her friend.
    And that letter hath she delivered, and there an end.
    Valentine
    I would it were no worse.
    I'll warrant you, 'tis as well. 555For often have you writ to her, and she in modesty, or else for want of idle time, could not again reply. Or fearing else some messenger that might her mind discover, herself hath taught her love himself to write unto her lover. All this I speak in print, for in print I found it.
    560Why muse you sir, 'tis dinner time.
    Valentine
    I haue dined.
    Ay, but hearken, sir. Though the chameleon Love can feed on the air, I am one that am nourished by my victuals, and would fain have meat. Oh, be not like 565your mistress! Be moved! Be moved!
    Exeunt.