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  • Title: The Famous Victories of Henry V (Modern)
  • Editor: Mathew Martin
  • Performance editor: Peter Cockett

  • Copyright Queen's Men Editions. This text may be freely used for educational, non-profit purposes; for all other uses contact the Editor.
    Author: Anonymous
    Editor: Mathew Martin
    Peer Reviewed

    The Famous Victories of Henry V (Modern)

    [Scene 20] [Video Sc.20]
    Enter Derrick, with his girdle full of shoes.
    Derrick
    How now? Zounds, it did me good to see how 1555I did triumph over the Frenchmen.
    Enter John Cobbler roving, with a pack full of apparel.
    Whoop, Derick! How dost thou?
    Derrick
    What, John! Comedevales! Alive yet?
    I promise thee, Derrick, I scaped hardly, for I was within half a mile when one was killed.
    Derrick
    Were you so?
    Ay, trust me, I had like been slain.
    Derrick
    But once killed, why, it is nothing! 1565I was four or five times slain.
    Four or five times slain! Why, how couldst thou have been alive now?
    Derrick
    Oh, John, never say so, for I was called the bloody soldier amongst them all.
    Why, what didst thou?
    Derrick
    Why, I will tell thee, John. Every day when I went into the field I would take a straw and thrust it into my nose and make my nose bleed, and then I would go into the field, 1575and when the captain saw me he would say, "Peace, a bloody soldier," and bid me stand aside, whereof I was glad. But mark the chance, John. I went and stood behind a tree -- but mark then, John. 1580I thought I had been safe, but on a sudden there steps to me a lusty tall Frenchman. Now he drew, and I drew. Now I lay here, and he lay there. Now I set this leg before, and turned this backward, 1585and skipped quite over a hedge, and he saw me no more there that day. And was not this well done, John?
    Mass, Derick, thou hast a witty head.
    Derrick
    Ay, John, thou mayst see, if thou hadst taken my counsel -- 1590but what hast thou there? I think thou hast been robbing the Frenchmen.
    Ay, faith, Derrick, I have gotten some reparel to carry home to my wife.
    Derrick
    And I have got some shoes, 1595for I'll tell thee what I did. When they were dead, I would go take off all their shoes.
    Ay, but Derrick, how shall we get home?
    Derrick
    Nay, zounds, an they take thee they will hang thee. 1600O John, never do so. If it be thy fortune to be hanged, be hanged in thy own language whatsoever thou dost.
    Why, Derrick, the wars is done. We may go home now.
    Derrick
    Ay, but you may not go before you ask the king leave. 1605But I know a way to go home and ask the king no leave.
    How is that, Derrick?
    Derrick
    Why, John, thou knowest the duke of York's funeral must be carried into England, dost thou not?
    Ay, that I do.
    1610Derrick
    Why, then, thou knowest we'll go with it.
    Ay, but Derrick, how shall we do for to meet them?
    Derrick
    Zounds, if I make not shift to meet them, hang me. Sirrah, thou know'st that in every town there will be ringing and there will be cakes and drink. 1615Now, I will go to the clerk and sexton and keep a-talking, and say, "Oh, this fellow rings well," and thou shalt go and take a piece of cake. Then I'll ring, and thou shalt say, "Oh, this fellow keeps a good stint," and then I will go drink to thee all the way. 1620But I marvel what my dame will say when we come home, because we have not a French word to cast at a dog by the way.
    Why, what shall we do, Derrick?
    Derrick
    Why, John, I'll go before and call my dame whore, 1625and thou shalt come after and set fire on the house. We may do it, John, for I'll prove it, because we be soldiers.
    The trumpets sound.
    Derrick, help me to carry my shoes and boots.
    [Exeunt Derrick and John.]